


Out Comes the Truth

by vhsrights



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Girls' Night Out, Happy Ending, Miscommunication, Secrets, Truth Serum, Unrequited Love, alcohol for multiple purposes, and stupid, as a plot device, but its okay because it works out in the end, emily and jj both get hella jealous, emily and morgan are bros, emily sees some crazy shit while she's sleeping, garcia meddles cause why wouldn't she, gnc emily, kaboom, there's only one bed, they're gay really gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:00:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 104,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26254549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vhsrights/pseuds/vhsrights
Summary: JJ is visibly upset when Emily shows up with a lady on her arm. A case with a unique MO and truth serum hits the team hard, revealing more secrets than some of the BAU members would like. Post Doyle; Emily didn't go to London; No Will
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss, Juliet O'Hara/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 73
Kudos: 240





	1. Friday Drinks

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of these characters or the Criminal Minds show. All written as part of a fictional story with no connections to CBS. This is my first story so it's probably going to be kinda awkward but please R&R so I know how I'm doing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ is visibly upset when Emily shows up with a lady on her arm. A case with a unique MO and truth serum hits the team hard, revealing more secrets than some of the BAU members would like. Post Doyle; Emily didn't go to London; No Will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any of these characters or the Criminal Minds show. All written as part of a fictional story with no connections to CBS. This is my first story so it's probably going to be kinda awkward but please R&R so I know how I'm doing.

JJ was pissed.

She slumped back in her corner of the booth as her eyes wandered to the dance floor. They locked onto a long, muscular body that was accompanied by dark hair and strong features. Emily was swaying to the beat and getting lost in the moment. She knew how to do that better than most people when she was drunk, outside of her walls that typically guarded her every aspect. Her body was delicately pressed up against that of another blonde. The girl had an athletic yet short build, being around 4 inches shorter than Emily. Her dark blue eyes shined in the dim lighting of the dance area. They moved to the beat with increasing speed, effectively creating their own dance bubble. 

With the proper settings, JJ and this girl could be easily mistaken for each other. JJ forced herself to pry her eyes away and try to indulge herself in conversation with a few of her surrounding team members. Reid and Rossi had been conversing about one of the senior agent’s books and the psychopathology of a series of kills in London that had run rampant until their intervention. JJ wasn’t really interested in talking about work, especially since she had come out for drinks to escape it. She scooted out of the booth to go and find Garcia and Morgan, who had excused themselves to the bar a few minutes prior.

As she wove through the crowd, she spotted Morgan entering the dance floor under Garcia’s buzzed and protective gaze. JJ pulled out the chair next to Garcia and had to physically restrain herself from flopping down. Garcia turned to face her, but either ignored or didn’t see the irritation on JJ’s face.

“She could be a model,” Garcia sighed dreamily. “Prentiss pulled a good one; not that we didn’t know that she had game. Our resident ladykiller has picked quite a match for herself, and don’t tell my Chocolate Thunder I called her that.”

“Yeah.” JJ’s jaw clenched. Today’s drinks had been all about meeting Emily’s new girlfriend. JJ rolled her eyes. “I’m happy for her.”

Juliet O’Hara.

JJ had wanted to skip the drinks, but didn’t have a valid reason and she’d also wanted to see who finally got to the heart of Emily Prentiss. Her smile slipped but she quickly turned to the bartender and ordered 3 shots each for herself and Penelope. Her face changed from irritation to pure mischief as the shots were placed in front of them. If she had to witness Emily with another girl, she was definitely not going to be sober for it. Garcia looked at her with concern and confusion, but then they tossed back their first shot and the mood changed entirely. 

The surrounding bar and dance area began to sharpen. The low-hanging ceiling lights accented the dull, green walls of the establishment. Dark mahogany tables and furniture lined the area and the vinyl floor created a cozy environment. As JJ felt the alcohol move through her veins, her carefully placed filter fell and she couldn’t hide what was going on in her head.

“What’s so great about her anyway? I mean, like, why her?”

JJ startled Garcia and herself as the words fell out of her mouth. A flush crept up her neck as she realized what she said. She hastily threw back another shot.

“Are you okay, Jayje? You seem a bit off. Shots JJ does not grace my presence unless something is going on in that pretty little head of yours. As for Juliet, she’s bubbly, full of wonder, and a cop, so she has a lot of respect for what we do. Plus you can’t say that she looks anything less than hot right now, especially next to Prentiss.”

Garcia turned to fully survey her friend to determine what was getting to the typically chipper blonde. She had noticed the woman stiffen earlier when Emily had asked for a plus-one to their weekend drinks at the bar, but was unsure about why. The two agents had become especially close almost instantaneously which was not odd, but did raise her eyebrow especially with Elle’s quick departure. They’d had a drunken conversation at one Girls’ Night before Prentiss that had given Garcia an inkling that JJ was into women.. A switch flipped in Garcia’s head and she decided to jump the gun as they finished the 3rd shot.

“Are you jealous?” Garcia asked nonchalantly, inwardly laden with curiosity. A smile crept its way onto her face as she looked at the blonde for a response.

“What? No! Why? I’m just saying that Prentiss isn’t one to settle, so it's kinda shocking that she’s randomly shacked up with a California cop.” JJ was talking faster than normal, giving herself away. She had to withhold herself from saying that she wished it was her on the brunette’s arm.

“If you say so, babe, but don’t think I don’t notice you constantly checking out our brunette during work hours. I would say that there’s something there.” 

Garcia watched JJ closely, , knowing that the blonde’s reaction would confirm her suspicions. She felt a confession of some sort bubbling near the surface of the blonde’s drunken state, but before JJ could answer, Morgan reappeared by them at the bar. 

He seemed slightly more tired after vigorously dancing with several ladies, including Prentiss and her new girlfriend. He noticed the furrowed brows and defeated posture of the younger blonde. Morgan decided that he would try and figure out why she seemed low, considering they were out for drinks on the fine Friday night. JJ was fiddling with her mauve halter top that rested elegantly against her body, paired with dark jeans and fancy boots. Garcia made eye contact with Morgan and they silently decided that it was time to step in with the ailing blonde. Leaning steadily against the bar table, Morgan angled himself behind Garcia, so that he would have a full view of JJ’s face.

“Hey, Jayje, what’s going on?,” Morgan asked her. “I haven’t seen you this mopey since the Redskins lost their streak in the championship tournament.”

Morgan hoped that his joke would draw out JJ. Her face lifted for a second and she managed to tug the corners of her mouth into a smile. Instead of Morgan, her eyes found Juliet and Emily moving closer into a kiss mid-beat. The remnants of her smile were quickly replaced with a scowl as she turned to the bartender for another shot.

“Make it a double this time please,” JJ managed to say shakily. Garcia quickly reached over her arm to claim the newly placed alcohol and handed it to Derek. “Hey!” JJ pouted with a feeble attempt to reclaim it. A strict look from her friends pushed her back into her chair.

“Okay spill it, toots,” Garcia demanded. She fixed the blonde in a glare to show that JJ had a slim chance of escaping her.“Why have you been sulking around on this fine evening, throwing shots back like they’re water?”

The alcohol had taken her filter a while back and the minimal control she had over words evaporated in that moment. JJ fell over huffing into Garcia’s arm, fighting the urge to cry. She sensed Morgan move in protectively, trying to diffuse the situation.

“Why not me?” she uttered quietly, not sure if anyone had actually heard her. 

Garcia began to adjust her position so that they were face to face before asking the dreaded question. “Not you for what?”

Morgan had an inkling but didn’t want to encroach on JJ’s story in case he was wrong. “Jayje, you don’t look too hot right now. How about you have some water and come back to the table with us so we can talk?” He offered gently, so she didn’t feel cornered and shut down before they understood the reason for her turmoil.

“You know what?” JJ asked with sudden determination, “I’m done being scared, and she’s getting a piece of my mind tonight. Thanks guys, but I have to do something.” 

JJ steeled herself and maneuvered off of her chair and into the thick of the dance floor. Morgan and Garcia were struck at her sudden change in demeanor, heading after her only seconds later. The crowded dance floor was like a minefield that became tighter with the pumping music.

Finally, JJ spotted the woman that she had been aiming to find. Emily was moving gracefully against Juliet’s back with their hands intertwined, feeling the beat as it became more erratic. The words died in JJ’s mouth as she spotted the content in Emily’s face and felt her own knees go weak.

Four lucky hands managed to save her from sinking to ground, effectively maneuvering her back to the booth. She let them take her without complaint. Her eyes felt welded shut, missing the look of concern and tension in Emily’s eyes as she was pulled away by Garcia and Morgan.


	2. A Hot Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more insight on how Emily and Juliet met. This chapter also shows more about JJ's reactions and her internal conflict.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far and for a little bit longer this story is gonna have missed glances and angsty conversations. Who doesn't like a misplaced angst and miscommunication :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or Psych and any of their characters, all of them are owned by CBS. This all just fiction and all that.

Emily hadn’t really been looking to date, but something about Juliet had struck a chord with her. They met at a Kurt Vonnegut reading in Santa Barbara after a relatively harsh case for the BAU. The two wound up beside each other and passed insightful commentary throughout the event. Emily saw a flicker of something in Juliet’s eyes that she’d only seen in one other place, but she did her best to ignore the similarity. Her feelings for JJ had been crushing, especially because JJ seemed to show a deep interest in men. That’s why Juliet had seemed like a good way to get over her colleague. They looked similar and both had a strong passion for their hobbies like each other.

She had brazenly asked the woman out to a nearby cafe where they ate dinner and talked about random things. They sat on the outer porch, enveloped in a gentle breeze and warm air as the sun set. Emily was in a tight navy blouse that was paired with a more monotone black pair of jeans and combat boots. Across from her, Juliet sat in a flowy, satin-white top on top of bleached jeans with airy, white sandals. Emily learned about Juliet’s time on the Miami police force and the goofs of detectives that she worked with now. The light-hearted adventures of Psych and “Lassie” had Emily engaged for much longer than she would have expected. She doubled over in laughter more times than she could count, relating the shenanigans from Juliet’s stories to her own with Morgan, Garcia, and even Reid.

“...and then, out of nowhere, Shawn is just shaking and waving his arms across the stage of the performance, telling us what the hell happened with the crime. Or the ‘unsub’ as you sophisticated FBI agents would call him,” Juliet managed to giggle out. She was really enjoying herself and had managed to tell almost her entire life story to the intriguing brunette sitting across from her.

“Well, I would have profiled her to be an organized sociopath, but I don’t think I would have been able to wiggle out the fact that it was the guy’s sister in law.” Emily laughed heartily, sipping her red wine. She glanced down to see the time, jumping up as she realized it was 12:30 and the BAU take-off was at 6. She smiled apologetically at Juliet. “It has been amazing talking with you, Juliet, but I have to run otherwise I'll be late to the jet. My boss would not be a happy man about that.” Emily brandished one last charming smile, before turning to leave but stopped at Juliet’s call.

“Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you too. Why don’t I give you my number so that we can keep talking? I wanna hear more about your team and the illustrious Garcia.” 

Juliet let out a light chuckle before extending her hand for Emily’s phone. Emily hesitated, but then passed off her phone, receiving it moments later with a new contact. She turned and hurried back to the hotel, hoping that she would have time to shower, pack, and wedge in at least 3 hours of sleep.

Her “special driving” had managed to get her to the hotel in just under an hour. Everyone on the team was wary of Prentiss’ driving, especially in dire conditions. She hurried through the lobby and into the elevator quietly, preparing herself to shower quickly and knock out for a couple hours. The sharp ding of the elevator doors opening startled her off of the back wall of the elevator. She sauntered through the halls so as to not disturb others.

Her room was inconveniently located at the far end of the hallway in a group with the other rooms for her team. Her sleepy stupor and attempt to be quiet distracted her from her surroundings, so she didn’t notice a petite blonde exit the ice room. The blonde was wrapped up in an oversized tee that she may, or may not, have stolen from Emily on their last girls’ night and teal athletic shorts. 

JJ had heard the rustle and ding from the entrance hallway as she finished gathering ice chips and peeked from the door. Much to her surprise, a familiar and withdrawn brunette trudged down the classically decorated hallway. JJ frowned and felt a surprising distasteful sourness in the pit of her stomach. She decided against calling out to Emily in case Emily startled and disturbed others. JJ figured she’d confront Emily tomorrow on the plane.

—————————————————————

Emily was the last one to reach the lobby the next morning, donning large sunglasses and carrying a mug of coffee. She trudged out of the elevator toward a teeming breakfast area, greeted by a bubbly Penelope and teasing Morgan. A quick glance around the table showed Rossi and Hotch talking over the wrapped case, Reid taking in some much needed coffee, and a hunched JJ who looked on solemnly. Emily noticed the defeated attitude, but chose to chalk it up to little sleep and a rough case. She braced herself from the interrogation that she saw in Garcia and Morgan’s eyes as she pulled her chair to the table.

Derek jumped on her as soon as she sat. “Well, look who decided to finally join us this morning. Late night, Mama?” He jokingly nudged her just as her phone buzzed.

“Just a night on the town after the reading that I told you about. It was refreshing. Now, hold on a sec-“ 

Emily pulled out her phone and saw a text from Juliet about their dinner.

‘I had a lot of fun last night, but next time I want to talk about you and what goes on in that mind of yours.’ The corners of her mouth tugged upwards involuntarily and alerted Garcia. The blonde sprung into action, practically yelling at Emily.

“WHO IS THAT? SHE’S GOT YOU ALL SMILEY, PRINCESS.”

Emily sprung up from her position just as hands swept from both sides to grab her phone, narrowly avoiding the steal. Garcia and Morgan made the effort to try and grab it, startling their entire table and a few surrounding ones as well. She attempted to maneuver her phone out of reach, but accidentally bumped her elbow on the back of a chair which sent her phone flying neatly into Garcia’s lap. A knee-jerk attempt at regaining her mobile gave her only air as she finally accepted defeat. Emily knew she was not going to be living this down any time soon by looks on her friends’ faces.

During the loud and chaotic struggle, JJ shrunk further and further into her chair with scorn fighting its way up her face. JJ had simply assumed that Emily had been in the lobby bar or out for a walk and couldn’t help but notice the sharp jealous pangs building in her stomach. Emily had come out during a Girl’s Night Out and the fact that she was gay had never been a problem, so JJ couldn’t pinpoint why she felt this way.

“NO,” Emily yelped, face red. “Garcia give me my phone back.” 

Garcia smiled childishly and stuck her tongue out at Emily. “Hey I want to know who’s got you all happy, and if it happens this way, then so be it. Chocolate Thunder, come here and look at this with me.”

Morgan threw on a charming smile as Emily jokingly punched him in the arm on his way to Garcia’s chair. They read the text, faces lighting up. Together, they turned to scrutinize their friend’s reaction.

“Last night, huh? Sounds like you did more than just have a night on the town, princess,” Morgan teased only to be met with a sarcastic eye-roll from across the table. “Sounds like she was with this woman for a while. So that must’ve been why you forgot about drinks last night.” 

Garcia’s face curled into a playfully evil smirk. Emily could practically hear the wheels turning as she worked out how to find Juliet.

“Don’t even think about it, PG. I know what you want to do. Not to her. She’s nice, but I don’t want her online life story. As for your information, Morgan, we just went to a cafe and talked, so get your mind out of the gutter.” 

She managed to crack a smile before finally regaining her phone. Under the watchful gaze of her friends, she replied to the text, hearing an excited squeal escape Garcia as she hit send.

‘Well then, I’ll call you when I get home. Have your popcorn ready?’ Emily switched off her phone and turned her attention back to breakfast as her stomach growled dramatically. She went to the breakfast bar, filled up a plate, and headed back to the table. On her way back, she noticed JJ slumped against the back of her chair. Emily quietly walked over and placed a hand on JJ’s shoulder.

“Hey, Jayje, are you doing okay?”

She was met with a startled blonde who jumped and mumbled something about being fine. She turned her head away from Emily and nodded as extra confirmation. Her reaction hurt Emily a little bit and she wondered what had her so on edge. The case that they had wrapped was slightly harsher and Emily chalked up the blonde’s demeanor to that. The children that had been abducted were not found in time, but the unsub was caught with his newest victim. Cases with children always struck a special nerve with JJ, so it made sense. She retreated to her seat harboring a lingering disappointment at the brash encounter. After the team wrapped up breakfast, they made one last trip to their rooms to grab luggage and head to the jet.

JJ was trying to push down her feelings because this wasn’t supposed to be happening. She did not have feelings for her coworker, colleague, and best friend. That wasn’t fair to either of them. She had known she was bi since forever, which was part of the reason she’d needed to escape East Allegheny at 18. This, however, was inappropriate and, even if it wasn’t, Emily would never return her feelings. She was torturing herself because it would never happen. She told herself that over and over again. Maybe she’d believe it one day.

They settled in the jet around 20 minutes later. Normally, JJ sat across from Emily with Reid on her left, but today she had to be as far away as possible. JJ needed some space to think about her feelings and she wouldn’t be able to do that while looking into dark, mahogany eyes. Those eyes had the strength to draw her out of her mind and capture her, no matter how gone she was. As she plopped down into the chair, their eyes met until she hastily broke the contact. JJ missed the hurt and conflicting look in Em’s eyes by seconds.

Emily huffed as Morgan and Reid filled the seats next to her. She had wanted to talk to JJ, but the blonde seemed to want nothing to do with her. What made her turn so cold? Did Emily accidentally upset her? Had she overstepped her bounds? Em wanted answers, but she noticed that JJ had dozed off before she could make her way to that side of the plane. Emily decided that sleep was best for her, too, after the late night at the cafe with Juliet, and her erratic morning. Eventually, she would confront the blonde about the cold shoulder she’d been getting. She needed to know why JJ was shutting her out.


	3. Tense Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what happened the in the day before the scene in Chapter one. Its not a continuation of Chapter 2 but begins in that kind of place. We see Emily's side of the night at the club.

A soft white light tickled JJ’s face through the sheer, light-blue curtains. The sun had perched itself high in the sky at 9:30 and was slowly prodding her to consciousness. The lilac walls of her bedroom highly contrasted the dark, stained mahogany furniture around the room. Carefully selected paintings and posters stood out against the otherwise sparse walls. JJ had never had a room that felt like home so strongly and the warmth that emanated from her bed and the sunlight only added to that feeling.

She felt that warmth heavily on her lower abdomen and looked down to see its source. A pale skinned arm laid perfectly across her body, the hand finding purchase on her opposite hip. Seeing that hand gave JJ a sense of safety that she had only felt with a few people in her life. She slowly turned her body to face the source of her comfort to be met with raven hair across her face. Quickly wiping the hair away, she saw a strong face that she recognized in a heartbeat.

Emily’s face rested on the satin pillow with her eyes gingerly closed. The lines of worry that were usually on her face had been erased by a deep sleep. Her mouth hung open and a light groan brought JJ back to reality. She had gone agape at the sight of her best friend but quickly pulled herself together. As she tried to get up, Emily’s hands tightened around her waist to pull her flush with Emily’s front. JJ’s body froze from the contact, going noticeably rigid in the woman’s hold. The jerkiness coaxed a groan out of Emily as she whispered against JJ’s ear.

“No, babe, 5 more minutes please. We don’t even have a case today.”

Her hot breath tingled against the nape of JJ’s neck as she mulled over the words in astonishment. She decided to give in because of the giddiness in her body that had yet to subside. Deep down, she understood that this was exactly what she had been wanting for so long. The five extra minutes passed too quickly as she relaxed into Emily’s grip. Later, she felt the warmth surrounding her body leave as Emily got up to get ready. JJ missed that contact heavily, but dared to stay silent. 

They comfortably moved around JJ’s apartment, going through their morning routine just like they had when they’d shared a hotel room on countless cases before. JJ set out their coffee while Emily made eggs for the two. The sight of plain domesticity suited Emily Prentiss well behind the seemingly boundless walls she had erected over the years. JJ saw the real Emily Prentiss in those moments, rare and far between, but chose to savor them for the treasure that they were. The brunette set down two well-laden breakfast plates at the counter and moved behind JJ. Her arms once again wrapped around JJ’s waist, sending an electrifying pulse to her abdomen and head. JJ felt a light kiss being pressed against the back of her head before Emily moved to her own plate. The soft smile on her face answered ‘Just because’ to JJ’s mockingly questioning glance. They finished their breakfast in a comfortable silence, with one hand entwined the entire time.

Emily broke the silence once they’d finished cleaning and sat on the couch with their mugs of coffee. JJ looked into her eyes,knowing that she never wanted to leave this moment, and waited for the woman in front of her to speak. Emily’s hand glided to her shoulder

“Jayje, I love these mornings with you, but it’s time to wake up. Jayje, wake up. Wake up.”   
————————————————————  
Her body jolted awake on the jet with Emily’s hand on her shoulder. JJ’s heart raced with surprise and embarrassment at the dream world her mind had created. She tried to calm herself, but Emily’s touch on her shoulder was too familiar.

“Jay, we landed. Come on. PG and Morgan are gonna ride together for drinks. Wanna ride with me and Juliet?”

JJ remembered where she was and when she was. It had been about 6 months since Emily had met the woman from the reading. She wasn’t dating JJ and they didn’t live together. That was enough to snap JJ out of her haze and she nodded. Then, Emily’s words caught up to her and she tensed at the thought of meeting Emily’s belle.

“Actually, I have to do something first so I’ll meet you there?” She gave Emily a tight smile. 

“Don’t have too much fun without me.” Her words were laced with the slightest contempt that would’ve gone unnoticed with anyone besides her best friend.

Thankfully, Emily withheld her tongue as she saw the emotions race across JJ’s face. However, she understood that something huge was going on inside the blonde’s head. 

Emily wanted to hold her hand and comfort her through anything that could possibly cause her pain but had to stop herself. JULIET, THINK ABOUT JULIET. SHE’S YOUR GIRL, NOT JJ. She kept her hand on JJ’s shoulder until they stepped off the plane.

Emily all but ran to her car in the parking garage. She needed to clear her head before she picked up Juliet from the airport. Dazed, she haphazardly put on her seatbelt and pulled out of the building. Her death grip on the steering wheel of her dark Range Rover began to loosen as she thought about her time with the blonde since the reading. They had called consistently around work and cases. There was an ease in the air that Emily did not typically feel with people. Juliet’s ability to be passionate yet easy going provided a stark yet necessary opposite to Emily’s guarded persona. 

They had eventually graduated to Zoom dates every month with wine and Scottish, talking about anything and everything. Emily still found herself keeping some things back, but that was just because of her nature. There were walls that no one had made it past, except the one person who knew her best in the world. That vulnerability was not something she was ready to yet share with Juliet, but her meeting the team was huge in Emily’s book.

This was the couple’s third in-person meeting since their first date at the cafe. They had managed to meet twice when Emily was in the area on a case, but she’d kept it a secret from the team. Simple walks around town and light dinners solidified the “dating” aspect of their relationship and allowed both women to become more comfortable. 

Emily’s favorite spot was undoubtedly the pier, the water washing her mind over with a sense of tranquility. Pulling herself back to the present, she felt the stress slide down from her shoulders as she pulled into the parking lot of the airport and unbuckled her seatbelt. Juliet’s flight had landed about 30 minutes ago, and she was supposed to be waiting in the lobby. The thought of talking to the blonde put a little extra jump in her step as she walked across the sidewalks.

The receiving area of that terminal was large yet somewhat quaint. Prentiss’ years of undercover work never quite allowed her to be at ease in these buildings, but that was not worrisome in the slightest. Emily delved into the news, reading current affairs from all around the world to simply pass the time. She was interrupted when two slender arms wrapped around her waist. Emily’s breath caught in throat before letting out a slight chuckle to the airy words said in her ear.

“Always the reader. Whatcha got your eye on now, genius?” 

Juliet’s light tone broke the silence as she hugged her girlfriend from behind. Emily quickly spun around to complete the hug and smiled in the woman’s embrace. The scent of vanilla and lavender wafted to Emily from Juliet and enveloped them in a little bubble.

“Just the news. You know, making sure I know everything,” Emily replied as the corners of her mouth tugged up. 

She pulled Juliet in for a chaste kiss before shifting the hug into a tight handhold. They walked back to her car in a comfortable silence.The tension only managed to reach her as Emily pulled into the block of the bar. The worrying thoughts and concerns strongly resurfaced. Her hand tensed and Juliet felt the change in pressure. Her mind was racing at top speed and it was distracting from the tight spot she was attempting to park in. 

“Hey, Em, look it will be okay,” she said softly. “From what you’ve told me, I’m going to fit right in with these guys. They love you and so do I. So, you have nothing to worry about. I promise to be on my best behavior babe.” 

Juliet pulled Emily’s hand in closer and sandwiched it with her own. That subtle action allowed Emily to unclasp her jaw and lower her shoulders. She eventually parked the car and fell back into her seat. After several deep breaths, she turned and kissed Juliet’s hand before opening her door. They walked to the bar holding hands, stopping just shy of the door.

“Okay,” Emily sighed, “these people are my world, and so are you; that’s why I’m nervous out of my mind, but I know you’re gonna kill it.” Emily smirked mischievously. “We can always just hide on the dance floor if Garcia and Morgan grill you too hard.” Her laugh earned her a joking punch in the arm from her girlfriend.

A comfortable breeze washed over the pair as they stepped into the bar. Emily rerouted the two to get drinks before they walked to their friends’ booth. She needed another second alone with Juliet before the loving bombardments that were Garcia and Morgan.

They finally grabbed their drinks and wove through the light crowd to find the team. After a minute, they spotted the table. Garcia was the first to make eye contact with Emily, her face lit up as she jumped out of her seat and ran to hug her. Morgan was close behind, brandishing a smirk that covered a majority of his face. Reid and Rossi were sitting in the corner with contented smiles, raising their drinks in acknowledgment. Hotch sat next to JJ with an expression that fully said ‘I’m happy for you’. 

JJ. The woman was clad in a dark red halter top and jeans hugged her defined muscles and curves. Her hair fell across her shoulders, purposefully messy and wild. Her face had a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, leaving her face telling two stories at once. Emily broke her gaze to stop profiling her friend, but tucked JJ’s look away in her head to deal with later. In the moment, she and Juliet had been separated and thrown into bear hugs by Garcia and Morgan.

“Wow! Emily, I knew she was beautiful, but you really didn’t do her justice in your descriptions. Man, how did our own Prentiss land you, m’lady?” Garcia asked as she surveyed the couple. Morgan nodded his head in agreement, widening the smile on his face.

“The lovely miss Garcia, I presume?” Juliet asked, grinning. “Em has told me about you guys and she definitely didn’t do you guys justice either.” She turned to wag a finger at Emily. “Babe, you’ve really gotta fix that.” 

Garcia squealed at the joke, rambling about how they were going to be great friends and dragging Juliet further to the table. Morgan followed suit, with Emily not far behind. The pressure had been lifted off her chest and she finally felt excited for the night.

Juliet garnered much respect from the rest of the team, too, and stayed close to Emily’s side throughout the night. They were subtly touching constantly, reminding each other of their presence. Juliet held conversations with the elder teammates as well as Spencer, marveling at his intellect and engaging more than outsiders typically could.

“Y’know, Spencer, I bet Gus would have a field day with you. I mean, if he could get Shawn to stop asking you facts about things like Taco Pizzas or whatever else goes through his head.”   
It was clear that Juliet was genuinely interested in talking to each member. It made everyone like her more and Emily was glad that the night was working out so well.

“You know,” Spencer said, “statistically speaking, taco pizzas make up around .0235% of fusion fast-food, despite having a larger following in the southern half of the United States.” 

Spencer beamed with his answer and was given a hearty chuckle from Juliet and Emily alike. Juliet turned her attention to JJ. She definitely recognized that they looked similar. They hadn’t spoken much and Juliet decided to make more of an effort.

“JJ, Emily has told me a lot about you, including your distaste for classical reading. Since this one here is a nut for that kind of thing, I’m sure she bothers you a lot with it. I mean, I’ve seen her when she gets into Vonnegut, especially considering how we met, but what about you? Any fun stories?”

Juliet waited and watched JJ’s face while Emily sat back with a look of embarrassment, blushing at the irony of the situation. The two women that she liked and wanted were side by side talking about her. She pushed the thought from her head in time for JJ’s response.

“I mean, yeah,” JJ replied with a shrug, “she definitely has her dorky moments, some that I caught her in rather than found out. Honestly, it just gets funnier. I don’t like that stuff but for some reason it’s always good coming from her.”

JJ felt herself blush and she tried to calm herself down. She could feel the eyes of all 6 profilers boring into her. Retracting into her seat and remaking her walls, she glanced at Emily and Juliet’s intertwined hands. JJ glowered momentarily before taking 2 of the shots placed conveniently on the table to the slight chagrin of a nearby Garcia. 

Garcia whined for a short time before JJ’s scowl interrupted her. Juliet excused the couple as they made their way to the dance floor. Emily followed eagerly behind with the music echoing around them. JJ’s heavy gaze followed them to the floor until the crowd of people shielded the couple dancing intently.

The music started out slower and allowed Juliet to fully rope Emily in. Both had had a generous amount to drink and were eager to let it out on the floor. Juliet pulled Emily close as they began to sway along to the music. She occasionally pulled Emily in for a kiss but let go before things became too much for the moment.

It didn’t take long for the music to change and the floor went with it. Loud, intense beats pulsed in the air and the dancing began to get dirtier. Neither Emily nor Juliet were one to back down from a competition and picked up the pace with the atmosphere. Emily spun Juliet around and crossed her arms across the woman’s front. They got lower and lower, losing themselves to the craziness of the music. A passion ripped through the two as the night went on. This warranted several kisses across Juliet’s arm and neck, repaid by craned kisses to Emily’s face in surprise moments. They lost themselves in their own world, not noticing anything but each other.

Juliet finally turned to face Emily once again and smiled at the pure compassion and desire that looked back at her. She yanked Emily into a searing kiss that lasted longer than either could denote.

“Your friends are amazing and so are you. I love you, Em.” Juliet whispered breathily into Emily’s ear. The lack of volume was largely compensated for by the emotion behind the statement.

“Well, I knew you’d charm the pants off em, Jules. You’ve never had a problem with that. I love you, too.” Emily replied, her voice thick with adoration and desire. 

It was the first time that the brunette had professed her love, but, even with the pumping beat, it felt right. For the most part, the night had gone better than she could have imagined and she was beyond grateful. The two pulled each other in for another kiss that started soft and loving, but quickly evolved into a desire-filled connection of bodies. It helped to acknowledge and seemingly throw away anything else that sat on either one’s mind and connect the two.

Sudden movement in the corner of her eye caught Emily’s attention and she had little time to recoil from the kiss before the woman vanished. JJ had been right there to witness their kisses. Emily felt concerned for the way she’d crumbled, but she also felt exposed and vulnerable. Thankfully, Garcia and Morgan were able to stabilize and get JJ away, but seeing how JJ sank hurt Emily more than she wanted to admit. She shrugged it off and motioned to Juliet that she wanted to return to the table. It was time for them to go, not to avoid JJ but also to let the night progress after the tiresome dancing.

When they finally reached the table, JJ was huddled in the corner of the table surrounded by an ailing Garcia and determinately keeping her gaze from the couple. Emily gathered their things and gave the remaining 3 people a sloppy goodbye before basically pulling Juliet out of the establishment. She released a breath that she didn’t know she was holding as the cold, outside air assaulted her face. Emily Prentiss wanted her friend back, but now was not the time. Now was for her girlfriend and she happily turned the profiler in her brain off.

Inside the establishment only 4 words kept ringing heavily through JJ’s head. _I love you too._ She shrugged off Garcia persistently and finally managed to get a ride home. Exhaustion overtook her, but not before those words echoed in her head hundreds of times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to be updating every 2-3 days, this chapter just seemed to get away from me a bit. Yeah this one is really long but the chapters should even out pretty soon. Hope you enjoy and please leave suggestions/reviews in the comments. :)


	4. Early Morning Call Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ wakes up in an unfamiliar place, warranting spilling of highly secret information. A case sends the team to Nevada with high tension between the blonde-brunette pair.

JJ’s head was pounding. The harsh, fluorescent light that fell on her face wasn’t helping at all. She rustled around under the soft covers for a little while longer before opening her eyes. They took in a radiant room that was complemented by hot pink sheets and baby blue walls. It wasn’t her own bedroom, and a slight panic mixed with disorientation permeated her thoughts. All she remembered was drinking a lot of wine the afternoon before and watching several sappy rom coms. Hundreds of possible scenarios ran through her head. They were promptly interrupted when Garcia sashayed into the room with a bottle of water, a couple of Aspirin, and a beaming smile. 

“You’re my favorite,” JJ let out with a half-smile. 

The pills would need to kick before she would truly be able to do anything. However, the shit-eating grin on Garcia’s face meant that something big had happened in the last 12 hours. Coming up blank, JJ hesitated at the thought of her decidedly forgotten night. She threw on her inquisitive face to try and coax the other blonde into breaking the silence, only to be met with a wider grin and Garcia jogging out of the room. JJ was still groggy, but managed to pull off her covers and walk out of the room.

“Hey, Jayje, I got us breakfast since you were out cold for about 10 hours, and here’s your coffee and an Everything bagel.”

Garcia’s eyes perked up as JJ grabbed the breakfast, hoping to get something out of the groggy woman. JJ just barely missed the nonverbal question and quickly began to dig into her breakfast. A few tense seconds of silence passed before Penelope burst out words that shocked JJ into silence.

“So, what are you going to do about Prentiss? Ya know, since she’s with Jules now.” 

JJ froze mid-bite and nearly choked on her bagel. She quickly glanced at her best friend before shifting her gaze to the patterned countertop. For the life of her, she could not remember how Penelope knew or what she may have told her. She needed a minute to settle and decide how to proceed. What she felt for Emily was so confusing to her already. Piling on Juliet with that made things feel overwhelming. JJ finally finished her bite and slowly began the conversation.

“What do you mean, Pen? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She feigned innocence to find what her friend truly knew before giving up information on a misunderstanding. It was hard enough keeping her feelings away from Garcia. 

“Jayje, don’t play dumb. I’m talking about the fact that you’re in love with our resident stud muffin. I mean, I was kinda surprised when you told me last night before you blacked out. Honestly, it makes sense-“ Her tone was hopeful yet teased JJ in a way that the blonde allowed very few to do. Penelope had finished her breakfast and waited for the younger woman to answer. 

Love? Was that what had been in her heart all this time? The comfort and safety that she felt around the brunette was unmatched. The world would slip away and the two of them would be left together. There were things that she only shared with the brunette. Breaths that she refused to take while the agent was in danger or the hospital often left her strained. Genuine smiles that she reserved only for her were JJ’s move, all but communicating her feelings with her eyes. JJ felt the electricity shoot through her body whenever the woman moved to touch her or hold her at any time. Yes, it made sense. Emily held the key to JJ and everything that the blonde compartmentalized or hid about her real self. The realization sent shock waves through her, jolting her back to the conversation. Her mind was still going 1000 miles a minute, but she knew what she wanted now. 

“Yeah. I love her. God, Pen, when she’s around me I can’t breathe and I feel a giddiness that I didn’t even know existed. Everything about her is captivating. Her eyes shine with emotion that I can unlock. Her attitude is so intoxicating because she fills any room she’s in and I never want to leave her side. Her ability to be vulnerable, open up, and listen to others without judging is baffling. When she’s hurt, it's like my world stops and I can’t function at the thought of not having her. Her smile can rejuvenate me no matter the time, and anything she could want from me is hers. Her lips. Pen, I swear those are the first thing I see. I’ve wanted to kiss them so badly since I saw her in Hotch’s office. I hang on to every word that comes out of them. I’m a goner, I mean, one look from her, and I can’t even see anybody else.”

The technical analyst’s smile widened with each word. She finally finished piecing together what she had started all those years ago. JJ had it bad. She wanted to tell her friend that Emily shared her feelings, but how could she? The brunette was dating a knock-off JJ and had thrown everything up into the air. Garcia had been privy to the stolen glances, lingering eye-contact, subtle physical contact, and love that filled both agents’ hearts. The perky blonde had always been team Jemily since the brunette joined the team, but now it was her job to fix this mess. 

“Ma cherie, you are, as they call it, whipped. I will help you on this because I know you guys are it. Believe me, there’s a lot to unpack here.” 

A startling ringing filled the silence, alerting JJ to pick up her phone. 

“This is Jareau. Uh-Huh, yeah. Okay. Yes, I’ll tell the team. I’ll be there in 30 minutes. Goodbye, Hotch.” 

A knowing glance from Garcia, and a quick change of clothes later, had the two blondes carpooling to the office. JJ wasn’t driving because she needed this time to think. Garcia now knew what was going on in her head and she had to see Emily. Emily, the multi-talented woman with knowledge far beyond the average person. Her worldly personality gave even Reid a run for his money. The thought of her friend boundlessly relaxed her. Safety and easiness were always what JJ had felt with the brunette, but when Garcia had said the word ‘love’, everything fell into place. 

That relief became short-lived when JJ remembered the other time that she had recently heard that word. Echoes of Emily’s voice uttering her love to Juliet rang in her ears. Her body tensed involuntarily at the memory of Emily and Juliet dancing. The look of happiness on Emily’s face was one that was hard to reach, especially after Doyle. If Juliet could get Emily to feel that, then they must be in deep. JJ fought with herself for a little while longer before sinking into her car seat. She needed to mentally prepare herself to go in for the case.

Garcia threw periodic glances over to JJ as she was driving. The uncomfortable small talk that had plagued them at the beginning of the ride had quickly been shut down. She watched as JJ’s eyes glazed over, and bit the inside of her cheek, deep in thought. The vivacious blonde was conflicted on how to handle the situation because she had always wanted JJ and Em together, and that seemed impossible now. The bond between the two agents was deeper than anything she’d ever seen before, and it sparked curiosity for Em’s side of the story. Out of the corner of her eye, Garcia saw JJ tense in her seat. There were a few things that crossed her mind, but the instance that stuck out was the night at the bar 2 days ago. She never got to ask why JJ had fallen, but it became a moot point as they pulled into the FBI building. 

——————————————————

Derek and Spencer were already chatting about their weekends at the table when the two blondes walked in. Rossi was getting situated and Hotch was wrapping things up in his office before the briefing. Both women noted the absence of their brunette counterpart. Before either could ask about that, Morgan chimed in with an inquisitive look.

“Hey, where’s Prentiss? We’re almost ready to start.” The end of his question was clipped by a hurried Prentiss rushing into the room with Hotch on her heels. The team looked at the flushed agent to try and decipher the reason for her tardiness. Emily felt every pair of questioning eyes and quickly let out a half-assed response.

“Sorry, guys, I had a slow morning; didn’t really wanna get out of bed. Juliet’s car was out of gas, so we had to share. I know, I’m sorry, and it won’t happen again, Hotch.” 

She darted her eyes across the room across the team members meeting different expressions until she reached JJ. The woman’s eyes had so many emotions in them, and it almost threw her off her guard. The coldness contrasted with the genuine worry, and it confused her, although she could usually read the blonde like a book. Emily caught Garcia watching the pair and quickly pulled her eyes away. It took everything for her to not analyze JJ in the moment. The scrutiny from Garcia, and subsequent start of the briefing, drew her away. Emily hastily looked over at the board and shut all other parts of her brain off.

“Alright, guys, we have a case in Grenier, Nevada. 7 women have been killed in the last month.” JJ began slowly, watching as more women who looked like Emily came up on the screen. “These women are white, mid-30s to 40s and all married or recently divorced. The police station is stumped and not sure where to go, but the bodies are piling up. The lacerations on the body indicate that the feet were bound and airflow from the neck was cut off. Large gashes are placed along both shins and line each victim’s hands. However, the bodies have also gone through serious harm in the form of beatings.”

“This kind of overkill typically shows that the victims are a surrogate for someone. Maybe a boss or a mother figure?” Emily was the first to give her input.

“Yeah, each type of attack might add something else to this unsub’s motivation. A sadistic killer would stand to gain a lot of pleasure from this, but the unsub is definitely highly organized,” Derek chimed in right behind her.

“All right, the Grenier Police Department is all set up and waiting, but I think it would be better if we settle in our rooms before we head off. Wheels up in 30.” Hotch promptly walked out of the room as the team walked out and a devious plan hatched in Garcia’s head.

———————————————————

The jet ride was short, and the team was ready to delve deeper into the case. They hastily went up the hotel lobby to set up before leaving for the precinct. The hotel, however, had put them into 4 rooms rather than the 6 that they needed. It claimed to be full for a book convention in town. JJ’s heart leaped at the thought of sharing a room with Emily. The high of her realized feelings still buzzed strongly in her brain. It was likely as well, because the boys would not want to share, and the girls were indifferent. 

She lackadaisically walked in the direction of the elevators with their room key, hoping that Emily was close behind. They boarded the elevator and Emily’s arm shot past her to hold open the doors. The blond felt fire spread in her arm where it had collided with Emily’s. JJ tried to close off her thoughts until they reached the precinct, so that she could occupy herself with work.

Emily had been carefully watching the younger blonde since they had reached the hotel. She couldn’t help it out of worry, seeing an exaggeratedly loose air around the woman. She refused to profile the blonde, but needed to know what was going on. Her energy had changed that morning, especially in front of Garcia, which was alarming in the slightest. Second nature took over when the team reached the elevator, and Emily shot her arm out to keep the door open. The contact between her arm and JJ’s felt like electricity that sent goosebumps through her.

She quickly moved to the side and focused her mind on Juliet. Their morning had been laid back and filled with kisses. It made leaving become increasingly difficult, exiting Juliet’s inviting arms. Things had been more comfortable since Juliet had met the team, and they had spent every second together lazing around. The two had read each other passages from their favorite Vonneguts, cooked a few meals, and cuddled for hours on end. Emily was not ready to lose that because it felt so good to finally have. She pulled out her phone to send off a quick text to Juliet about the hotel.

Em :) (10:01 AM): Hey babe, just landed. Heading to the precinct soon, but the case isn’t the best. Love you!

The instantaneous reply plastered a silly grin on her face that she pushed to hide underneath a fake cough.

Jules (10:01 AM): Alrighty, profile the shit out of that unsub and get back home to me. I already miss you and our morning ;)

The elevator doors opened early to let out JJ and Emily because their room was 1 floor lower than the rest. A jealous heat had grown in JJ when she spotted Emily’s large grin pointed at her phone. She had no logical reason to be upset at the brunette, and what was likely her blonde counterpart, but her prominent feelings were not helping at all. The door to the room finally swung open and JJ froze in shock. Emily had not been paying attention and walked right into JJ. The brunette blinked and reoriented, confused at the blonde’s stop. 

She finally peered past her and saw the large bed that occupied the middle of the room. Her eyes widened, but then quickly returned to normal as she saw JJ enter the room. This felt odd with her real girlfriend back at her house. Whatever this was, was platonic, and there was nothing between her and her younger colleague. They were friends, and this was normal for friends. 

The pit in JJ’s stomach did not subside until both women were ready to go. 10 minutes later, they had refreshed and set aside what they needed for the night before leaving for the precinct. JJ made a beeline for the door as Emily was zipping up her boot. A surprise bout of courage flowed through her as she spoke in a smug tone.

“Now, Agent Prentiss, it isn’t good to keep a lady waiting so let’s go.” The words startled even JJ as they left her mouth, underestimating Emily’s sharp tongue.

“Ah yes, and where is this lady, may I ask?” Emily smiled widely and earned a playful punch from JJ in the arm. 

They hastily departed to meet with the team to leave for the precinct, the encounter still fresh in their minds. Emily wasn’t sure what had elicited that remark from the blonde, but it had tampered with feelings that she had buried deep. The quip was simply platonic, and JJ was not interested. They were constantly bantering back and forth, so this was not something new to comment on. Yet somehow, it felt different. 

The team walked into the station and was greeted by a lanky, yet well-built woman. Her hair was brunette and cropped short with shaved sides. She wore a blazer with a navy button-up and gray slacks. Her stance reflected her confidence and gratitude towards the team. She immediately turned to JJ for introductions. 

“Hello, I’m Detective Amelia Puckett, but you can call me Amy.” The detective began excitedly as she looked over each member. “I’m heading the station for this case but so far we have been hitting a wall. You must be Agent Jareau, I presume.”

JJ’s cheeks flushed and she nodded before quickly introducing the rest of the team. Emily noticed the subtleties of the interaction and a jealous pang accompanied it in her stomach. She didn’t want JJ anywhere near that woman. They moved towards the room set up for them while JJ went off with the detective to assess the media. Emily’s eyes followed the pair, taking stock of the Nevadan cop. This case was not going to be easy in any sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys im really sorry about not posting but life got in the way. I know now how i want the story to go so hopefully more chapters will be out soon. leave a comment/review/kudos if you like :)


	5. The Hash-Slinging Slasher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finally has a lead on the case, with only 3 guys left in their list. Amy is showing an interest in the media liaison/profiler much to the chagrin of another profiler. What awaits the pair as they head to one of the suspects' house?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> None of the characters or Criminal minds show belongs to me; all owned by CBS because we know if I owned it Jemily would have happened.
> 
> on another note: guess who's not dead and continuing this story because i have some control in my life now and know what i want for this story? me :) junior year is a bitch  
> just bear with all of the missed glances and shit bc things are going to kick into high gear soon and hope to publish/make up for lost time

JJ entered the room that the team had set up roughly 30 minutes later. The media was already in a frenzy and had named the killer the “Hash-slinging Slasher”. The added presence of the FBI was not helping the case. The detective had been super helpful and always right by her side throughout the media work. She had gotten some kind of vibes, but found herself partially attracted to her.

As she entered the room, she felt the weight of Emily’s gaze upon her. It was lined with concern and another emotion that JJ didn’t quite recognize. She had spent years learning the nuances of the brunette’s expression, breaking past walls to understand the woman behind the mask yet was stumped. However, now was not the time to engage so she turned to the team. 

“Okay, so the media is already running wild with the story because some cop decided to give them inside intel, and they’ve named the guy, too. I have to admit I didn’t expect ‘The Hash-slinging Slasher’, but the media is starting to rustle up quite a panic.”

“Thanks, JJ. Alright, Reid, what have you got in terms of the geographical profile of the victims?” Hotch directed the conversation towards the victims to begin breaking down the victimology.

“The first two victims lived in the eastern half of town that’s a lower class area with high gentrification rates. The next two were killed in the northernmost part of the town that is comfortably middle class. The next two victims were killed in the upper class gated neighborhoods. The last victim actually happened to die at the point of intersection between the first 6 victims. That was near a string of strip mall shops that are known for their high-end products. I’d say that this unsub isn’t motivated by class or structure, but rather opportunity mixed with their looks. They were all dropped in, or close to, high foot traffic areas, so this unsub is pretty bold.”

“So, we have someone who is from the area and can easily fit in. He probably doesn’t take them from their houses because of how different the neighborhoods are. I’ll get Garcia to look at the victims’ possible overlap.” Emily piped in before pulling out her phone. 

“Office of the sexiest hacker on the planet, how may I be of service?”

“Garcia, do the victims have any overlap in places that they’ve been? Look especially for places in highly visited areas.”

“Give me one second, I’ve already begun cross-referencing their credit card and bank statements with nothing yet, but I can check their locations based on their cell phone placements.”

“Right, thanks, Garcia. Can you also look into similar expenses that they made? Maybe one of the things that the victims were venturing to buy led them to the unsub. Thanks, mama,” Morgan quickly added.

“Righty ho, I will get right on that my sweet. Garcia out.”

Hotch turned the team and they began trying to connect any possible leads and the geographical profile to catch the unsub. The rest was reliant on Garcia’s handiwork, which everyone knew would not take too long to complete. They had been working for around a few hours straight and the focus of the group was definitely dwindling. Before Hotch could say anything, a light knock sounded at the door. Immediately after, the door opened softly and a graceful brunette leaned into the room. Her eyes flitted across the setup before landing on the media liaison that was situated at the edge of the table, with a slightly taller and protective brunette subconsciously hovering close. A polite smile crossed her face before she spoke up.

“I’m really sorry to bother you guys, but I need to grab JJ for a second. JJ, the reporters are back and in a frenzy. Someone said something about the case, but I’m not sure if it’s true and, honestly, I can’t deal with them alone. Please help?” 

The detective had ‘hopeful’ written across her face as she surveyed the blonde for a response. The woman next to her, Agent Prentiss as she had been told, stiffened at her mention of the blonde. She registered her reaction and made a partial mental note to ask JJ about it before continuing with her previously planned advances. 

“Yes, I can help. Hopefully, the reporters won’t get too far with the information. Keeping them in the dark about this case was a lot to hope for anyway. I’ll be right out.” 

JJ flashed her a smile before turning to gather up her papers. She threw a fleeting glance to her friend and was met with inquisitive eyes. Her tone hadn’t been overly emotional, so what had earned her that look? JJ made a quick nod to the team before hastily walking out of the room to escape Emily’s gaze. It had stirred an unknown feeling in her stomach, not knowing how to deal with the sharpness of the look that threw her off her guard. She was so lost in thought that she had almost run into the charming detective that she was to be working with. 

“Woah there, miss. Everything okay up there? I saw your girlfriend a bit tense and eyeing you to check in a lot.”

“Girlfriend? I don’t have a girlfriend.”

JJ’s eyebrows flew up out of pure shock. She had worked so hard to curb her behavior towards Emily and make everything seem platonic. She couldn’t risk her secret getting out, especially being surrounded by the sharpest profilers around. 

“Oh, I just thought because you guys seemed really close, and I mean the way you guys look at each other. Hopefully, there’s no bad blood? And, if you’re up for it, we could get a drink after we wrap today. I know a great restaurant-bar in the area that is pretty laid back.”

JJ had to actively stop herself from smirking at the detective’s first comment. She had always reserved a special look for Emily, shimmering her eyes to all but confess her feelings. The thought of it being returned made her giddy, but that was out of the question with Juliet in the picture. Emily would never cheat, and JJ could never let her, even if it was with her. The detective’s offer was very smooth and it sounded good. Maybe an outing with a strong, well-built brunette could finally begin to get her mind off of her best friend. She flipped her hair back before nonchalantly accepting the offer as they walked to the threshold of the media. 

“No, you’re totally good, and we’re just close friends plus she has a girlfriend. I would like to join you tonight. Meet me here when we wrap?”

A decisive nod from the brunette answered her question as they opened the doors. The reporters all but flooded close to her, aiming to get the best possible tidbit whether it was accidental or purposeful. JJ turned on her liaison face and mind before fully addressing them. She made quick work of understanding that the press was acting out over the fact of the victim demographic and how they should warn people. Her calm yet definite words quelled the fire in the crowd for the time being as she addressed the reporters and their specific stations to explain the least incriminating situation possible. They hadn’t planned on releasing details because of the frenzy that would subsequently build up. An hour and a half later, she reentered the building with Amy and sauntered over to the BAU’s room. 

Emily’s eyes darted to study her as she walked to the table. Emily had noticed the detective’s change in posture since she had come to get JJ. The woman was sporting a slightly larger smile and confident gait that complimented that which was on JJ. She had a suspicion, but actively toned it down. She didn’t like the detective’s connection with her best friend at all. 

The team was quickly caught up about the frantic media and the limited time until the next evening that she was miraculously able to buy. Emily lightly grimaced when the blonde mentioned the help of the other brunette, jealousy weaving through her. It wasn’t fair, but she could not help but hover close to JJ and be protective. Garcia’s information had narrowed the list down to florists in the center of the city because each one received flowers slightly before her death. Micheal Devareau, Jean Tanner, and Henry Pipliano were the three who were on the suspect list. 

All of the men were recently divorced, or were having issues with a wife. They owned flower shops and made citywide deliveries. That would allow them to have big trucks and access to the victims’ homes. Micheal had a past with aggravated assault against an ex, Jean spent a little amount of time in juvie for petty crime, and Henry was clean. The team split up to interview the families of the men to hopefully lock in the unsub. Reid and Morgan went to Devareau, Hotch and Rossi to Tanner, leaving Pipliano with Prentiss and JJ.

————————————————————

The car ride was tensely quiet. Both women had questions looming on their minds without the nerve to verbalize them. After a good 20 minutes, Emily steeled herself to break the silence. She shifted her hand to the gearshift and let it lie as she carefully rotated her body minimally, clarifying the image of JJ in her peripherals. 

“So, that detective, Amy, seemed pretty glued to you. Anything special there?” Emily tried to hide the defensiveness in her voice to no avail. She knew how easily JJ would see past it, but she couldn’t help her tone. She glanced over to see the agent stuck in a moment of surprise and confusion.

“I mean, yeah. She’s nice. She thought we were dating, but don’t worry, I quickly corrected her.” There was an intensity and apprehension in JJ’s voice that made the air thick with tension. 

Emily turned to humor to hopefully pull the pair out of the haze, following a light punch to the shoulder. “Being tied to me really that bad, Jareau? Didn’t know you would be crazed about it.” 

A large smirk splayed out across her face and that helped to mask the redness that was creeping up her neck. She would have to dial back the one-liners because they were starting to backfire. A couple of silent seconds later, she glanced over to the passenger seat. JJ’s mouth was cracked open and she looked like she was struggling to say anything. The shock and embarrassment permeated her face before she finally broke the silence. 

“No, course not, but I mean, I can’t let anything get to your head, and you have Juliet. Besides, right after that, she asked me out to drinks, so we’re gonna hit up a relaxed dive bar tonight. She seems like a lot of fun.” 

The comments made Emily stiffen in her seat. She had no reason to be flooded with these feelings again. Finally, she made a pact in her head to push them down because they were past that part of life. It was not going to happen, or so she would have to convince herself. It was her time to focus on the blonde that was in California, having left after they were called in for the case. Nothing, however, could hold back a certain coldness that planted itself on her face, fanning the flames of her inner turmoil. She swallowed thickly to respond to her colleague. 

“Wow, a bold one. Don’t go having too much fun.” Emily managed to force out a partial laugh. 

The rest of the car ride was ridden in silence, with JJ trying to hide the tension in her body by being overly surveillant of their surroundings. They hadn’t spoken much about the fact that the victims looked too much like Emily for her liking. She needed something to dwell on rather than the looming conversation that had just ended, so she let her mind wander. It wasn’t pleasant seeing the victims in her head again, but she couldn’t help it. Her eyes drifted closed as she settled back into her seat. 

She thought about each of the victims and mulled over their faces and final states. The facts of the case pervaded her mind. The flowers, the gashes, the victimology, the dubious man that was on the other end of this case all had something missing. Her mind tried to shut down the little voice in her head that screamed at Emily’s resemblance to some of the victims. Nothing would happen to them, they were going to be okay. They would catch the guy and JJ could go home, away from the single bed hotel room that she shared with Emily, and Emily would go home to Juliet. 

Her head snapped up as an older Victorian house came into view. Their guy, Pipliano, lived on the outskirts of town and seemed to be the most harmless of the 3 guys on the list. Tall, needly trees lined the horizon in the background, bleeding into the light baby blue sky that enveloped the area in a warming embrace. The sun worked its way lower across the sky, leaving streaks of pink all the way across. The car slowed as they pulled up to the house. JJ finally let some of the tension out of her body as the women got ready to leave the car and talk to Pipliano. Emily’s phone buzzed off the center console and fell by JJ’s feet. Both women lurched forward to grab it, nearly knocking heads in the process, as the phone buzzed again. 

JJ’s hand reached the phone first, barely grazing Emily’s on the way down. She suppressed the shudder that found its way down her spine as she brought up and turned the phone. It illuminated with the one name that JJ didn’t want to see at the moment. 2 texts from Juliet (Jules as the contact) asking about their case sat on the lock screen as she handed the phone over. An empty smile worked its way onto her face so that her friend wouldn’t be able to profile her. Her years as a media liaison came in handy. She was a profiler now but from time to time stepped in with the media, because no one could wrangle them like her. 

Emily took the phone with an apprehensive look that eased up slightly as she glanced at the notifications. Normally, she wasn’t so open about her work, but Juliet was a cop who had also been heavily immersed in military lifestyles, so she could understand. With a bubbly smile, she responded in a few quick texts before throwing a slight nod in JJ’s direction. She saw a hollowness in the blonde’s eyes that was unsettling, but they didn’t have time for that now. 

Both women got out of the car and began walking up the rough, gravelly path to the front door. The front garden consisted of a small variety of typical garden plants, but their health was not stellar and showed signs of little care. The house looked like it was a set built out of ‘Coraline’ the movie, but ‘to each, their own’ Emily thought. JJ glanced back at her partner before raising a tight fist to knock on the door. A long couple of minutes passed before rustling from beyond the threshold resulting in the swinging of the door. Before them stood a lanky, yet slim built man. His face and clothes were the definition of unkempt and his eyes sagged behind thin, round, and glass frames. His face showed little emotion, yet all of his attention went to Emily almost immediately. 

“Mr. Pipliano, we are with the FBI, and we would just like to ask some questions regarding some of the recent murders in the area. May we please enter?” JJ spoke first as she surveyed the man.

“Yes, of course, a couple of pretty ladies like you shouldn’t be left outside,” Pipliano answered without lifting his eyes from Emily. He stepped aside and JJ shifted to let Emily walk in first, keeping an intense eye on both her and Pipliano. Emily had picked up on all of this as well and maintained her firm stance while entering the house. The door closed behind them with a deep shudder, entering them into the world of Henry Pipliano.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the kudos and comments! feel free to review and comment bc i wanna know what i can do better :)


	6. Smell You Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ and Emily interview Henry. He enjoys the interview too much, with JJ and Emily put back into an all-to-familiar situation. How will they make it through?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The descriptions in this chapter can get a bit vivid so just be cautious if that triggers/upsets you. I also don't own any of these Characters or Criminal Minds they belong to CBS and I don't own Juliet from Psych. 
> 
> BUCKLE UP THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN. HATE ME OR NOT I LOVE THIS CHAPTER TOO MUCH. I EVIL LAUGHED LIKE HELL WRITING IT. enjoy :)

Emily had noted Pipliano’s disarray, seeing its sharp contrast to an intelligent, albeit creepy, persona. She stepped into the house with JJ on her heels and was hit by several aromas at once. A thick layer of cologne created a barrier between her and Pipliano a few feet away. A smorgasbord of cooked scents mixed with spoiled dishes slapped her in the face as she walked slowly, deeper into the living room. Henry had made little haste in planting himself on the stiff couch-chair that opposed a faded, sagging, leather loveseat. The living room floor was made up of softer oak wood with polish that had mostly worn off. Scuffs and other marks were common to floors and all other surfaces, showing just how “lived-in” the house was. Her mind had already kicked into high gear when she flashed back to the photos of the victims, all donning similar features to herself. She pushed the thoughts of worry to the back of her head so that she could focus on protecting JJ and questioning their suspect. 

Nearly a minute later, JJ guardedly lowered herself into the left side of the loveseat with it sagging under her weight. Everything in the room seemed to be on the brink of something like disaster much like the man sitting gingerly in front of them. A devious smile sat plastered on Henry’s face as he waited for the agents to initiate their conversation. Neither woman moved the slightest in her place, yet took in everything her senses could for the time being. JJ eventually turned to the man and began what they had ventured out to the property to do.

“Mr. Pipliano, are you aware of the brutal murders of 6 women in the area?” Her muscles constricted on instinct while her face relaxed to keep her apprehension from their suspect.

“I am not. Such a tragedy must be what garnered a presence like yourselves. However, if the wenches are dead they probably did something to put ‘em there. Never can trust them women; too many lies behind a pretty face.” 

His harsh accent clipped the words as they left his mouth, past his stained teeth and chapped lips. He forcefully dragged his gaze over each woman at a painfully slow rate. His accommodations would have typically predicted a well-rounded man, not the pathetic thing that rocked in the chair.

“Mr. Pipliano, please if you were to keep a more professional approach, we can conclude this interview faster. What kinds of deliveries do you typically make for your business? Is it more personal or is run out by your other employees?” 

Emily tightened her fist as Pipliano raked his eyes over JJ, shifting her weight to the edge of the couch. She hated every second that his dirty eyes looked anywhere near JJ, but this was necessary to help them catch the unsub. It also was not helping that Pipliano was a glorified shit-bag with an entitlement complex. 

Those words elicited a stark grimace from the man for a hint of a second before it was replaced with a sickening grin. He relaxed his arms and fell lightly into the backrest of his chair before answering the question. He was enjoying this interview too much, but there wasn’t anything to implicate him quite yet. 

“I personally deliver all of our packages, ‘specially the love bundles. We get ‘em from all over town from people that think their women deserve such things. If ya ask me, they should be content with what they get, but it provides business, so who am I to judge.” The agents’ postures were as rigid as a log with jaws clenched tighter than a predator around its prey. Henry spoke before either one could get a word in as his watch began to beep. “Well, if you pretty ladies will excuse me for a second, I have my medications to take. I will be back before you can say flora and fauna.”

Emily and JJ shared a look of apprehension as he briskly exited the living room. Both of their phones buzzed simultaneously before they could give chase to their host. Devareau had been in Cancun with a mistress during their time frame and a raging alcoholic at that. His level of inebriation had given him tremors that wouldn’t have worked in the precise cuts that lined the victims’ bodies. Reid and Morgan said he was in the clear. There was no reply yet from the other two agents, but the chances that their guy was the unsub just went up to 50%. Typing bubbles appear on JJ’s phone from Morgan when an unsavory scent hit their nose. 

An acrid burning filled their senses and the two women turned to each other. Alarm filled their eyes as they shot up from the sagging couch. Emily made haste to try and locate the offending scent’s origin while JJ tried to find Pipliano. A shallow bend in the wall revealed him reentering with a gas mask. Emily lost the sense in her limbs first, collapsing to the ground as JJ tried to fight the shutdown on the inside. Her eyes shut as everything in her body gave out, leaving only thoughts of Emily and their safety in her brain before passing out. 

————————————————————————————————————

Sharp, stale air was the first thing that JJ registered as she came through. Every inch and vein of her body burned like a bonfire, depleting all semblances of her energy. Her wrists chafed against the thick, rough metal binding her to a suspended rod. Each of her feet were tied to stakes that were planted deep into the ground. Her body swayed loosely as she began to feel and come to her senses properly. A drumming beat grew louder in her head as the seconds passed. Her heartbeat pulsed in her ears like the Jumanji game. Her first coherent thought was Emily. Every ounce of her energy poured into opening her eyes and looking around to find her friend. After a few seconds of effort, light flooded her eyesight as she saw her hideous surroundings. 

Grating, white light touched all sides of the cylindrical room with no corners to hide. Messy, red splotches littered every visible surface. Shards of a broken mirror covered the far side of the room with scuffs and scratches decorating the area by the door. Every instant that JJ couldn’t see Emily, the pit in her stomach twisted harder. Finally, her eyes fell on a shriveled being, huddled up against the wall. Dark hair fell over Emily’s face, hiding the disarray on her face, but she was next to a trail of blood. JJ nearly cried out at the sight in front of her, hating every ounce of hurt and discomfort that was dared to be put on her partner. 

A ragged cough broke the silence as Emily’s body began to lurch forward. Her shallow breathing turned into dry heaves as she strained to take in oxygen. After what felt like hours, but was truly a minute and a half, her body went limp and she passed out on the floor. Emily had taken a thrashing after JJ went down because she was able to feign consciousness for a little while longer. She had helplessly watched as JJ was dragged away before Pipliano reappeared to deal with her. His rough hands had yanked her up by the hair, dispelling hot, rank breaths into her face. They stayed like that as he dragged to the underground cellar. He had dropped her and began to punch every piece of her body that he could see. Thick knuckles collided with tense skin, leaving several welts in their wake. His jagged fingernails managed to scratch at her neck and arms, stealing her ability to breathe and think about fighting back. She watched as he tried to destroy every part of her, malice and excitement growing in his eyes. After one final uppercut, he swung the door open and flung her against the wall. She remembered nothing after that. 

Several minutes of trying passed before JJ was able to manage a squeak out of her scratchy and dry throat. It began with unintelligible sounds at whisper level before slowly reaching a full word pronounced every 10 seconds. 

“emily. Emily. EMILY.” 

Those callouts alone drained her ability to speak for a good minute. The pregnant silence filled her with guilt and remorse. All she thought of was how she should’ve protected Emily. She had known about the victimology similarity, but didn’t take it into account enough. She was trained to see behavior and aspects that would’ve prevented the events of the past 3 hours, or however long because all sense of time was lost on her. JJ couldn’t tell if Emily was actually alive, and that scared her more than anything she’d known before. 

The last time she’d felt like this, Emily had to “start a new life” in Paris while everyone thought she was dead. JJ couldn’t even fathom how she would survive without the woman that was splayed out on the ground. It felt like all of the life had been sucked out of her, leaving her gasping for air again. Her spine went cold at the thought of having to continue without Emily’s warm embrace, ability to soothe her out of anything, charming smile that warmed JJ’s soul instantaneously, and her chocolate eyes that spoke volumes beyond what any words could convey. 

In that moment, Emily’s body began to stir. Beginning with a soft groan and the slight tilt of her head, life began to breathe through her again. Emily felt the burn in her veins and fought to sit up. Her head lolled around before finally hoisting itself up. The sight of JJ bound and gagged brought unsavory tears to her eyes. The blonde’s eyes were closed with her head sunk into her shoulder. There were no signs of life in her body despite a mini tremor that shook her lower body and back and Emily would have missed it if she hadn’t been studying JJ. 

Her JJ, her Jeniffer, was stuck here and there was nothing she could do yet to get them out. Jennifer, the woman who had dropped her top-secret State Department assignment to save her. Jennifer, the woman who had sent her off to a covert life in Paris and talked her on sleepless nights through online scrabble. Jennifer, the woman whose smile was infectious as anything and eyes lit up with a fire unparalleled. Jennifer, the woman whose embrace after a tough case or night felt like the antidote to all of her problems. Jennifer the woman who would never be more than her best friend because she could never love someone like Emily. 

J, the letter itself had brought her so much love and pain. JJ and Juliet were two people that she loved more than anything. JTF-12 was the mission that turned her life inside out for over a decade and cost her many dear friends. Jerome, her father, who left when she was just a kid to the cold woman that was her mother. Jason Gideon was the man that led her first initiative with the BAU, who became her family when she had no meaning for the word. Emily was entering hysterics now, and that wasn’t going to do anyone any good, so she focused herself on regaining her strength and Juliet.

Juliet probably had no idea about where she was. The blonde had all but skipped into her life and provided a ray of sunshine that she wasn’t accustomed to feeling. Their nights spent wrestling and reading passages from Vonnegut books flowed back into her brain. It was childishness that felt comfortable and helped open up her heart. The woman’s smile was contagious unlike any other’s, and Emily had initially picked her without the best of intentions. However, Juliet O’Hara had shown through like her own star. The thought of her girlfriend put a hint of a smile on Emily’s face as she finally maneuvered into a sitting position. Now, all they could do was wait.

————————————————————————————————————

Hotch and Rossi had finished their interview and sweep with Jean Turner. They hadn’t found anything except remnants of shady drug dealing on the side from years ago. The man had quite literally turned his life around, without the deceit that would make him their unsub. They had fired off texts to the other four agents about their guy as they walked into the station. Derek and Spencer responded around 10 minutes later, walking into the station empty-handed as well. JJ and Emily had typing bubbles that disappeared after a few seconds. 

Morgan, Reid, Rossi, and Hotch turned to each other with inquisitive looks. The female team was one of the most efficient and the best at texting. Their thoughts were interrupted by a series of messages from JJ. 

‘Pipliano seems to be clean. Doesn’t strike any real flags with us. Is nice and highly compliant, so not with the profile. Probably will clear him in a bit. Did you guys find any other solid leads?’

The four men shook their heads in confusion. JJ typically sent multiple texts with paragraph structure. The two girls had been gone around two and a half hours at that point, so either they were held up in traffic on the way out, Pipliano had some kind of hiccup, Emily sent the text, or this was not them. Reid began rambling about the usage of grammar in relation to emotion and some studies about how certain texts can denote personas before Morgan silenced him with his finger.

“JJ doesn’t text like this, and it could be Princess, but I don’t like this feeling. Doesn’t their guy live far out of town? It might help in terms of the geo-profile.” His eyebrows perched high up his head. His protective instincts had been on high alert for the case already given the victimology, but this was proving to be too much. 

Reid stepped up,” Well, his house is in line with 3 of the houses and is on the edge of a major freeway that connects all of the neighborhoods. That could streamline his access to everyone and provide a faster and less traceable way to use his victims. Besides that —“

“Son of a bitch, we almost lost her once. God damn it, I will not lose her again!” Morgan stormed to the door, stopping at the sharp ring of their phone. He pivoted quickly, earning a stern yet understanding look from Hotch, before picking up the phone. “Garcia, please tell me you have something important because I am at my wit’s end.” The bitterness in his voice killed the peppy remark that Garcia had planned before she jumped into her professional mode. 

“Okay, baby, so I stumbled on records for Pipliano that were sealed, and I cannot believe that I missed them the first time. They are from a Californian court and I opened it, boy, it’s a doozy. So, apparently, Pipliano killed his social worker 3 months ago after she had lied to him to pull the plug on his mother. He didn’t have the money to pay her life support and didn’t have the heart to pull the plug. Get this, both women looked like the victims. Wait, aren’t JJ and Em supposed to be the ones over there? Have you guys heard from them?” Garcia was quick to the punch, but her last questions were met with a silence that sat for a second too long. “ARE THEY OKAY? Have you guys heard from them? Why aren’t you guys answering me?” 

The panic and raw emotion in those words voiced what each of the rest of the team members felt. None of them had the heart to say their suspicions before Hotch stepped in to ask Garcia a question. 

“Garcia, can you please track Emily and JJ’s cellphone locations? We received a text from JJ, but it doesn’t seem like she was the one that wrote it.” Hotch’s typical monotone face had evolved into a full-blown grimace with each passing second. 

“Oh okay, I’ll get right on that. Um, guys, we aren’t going to lose them, right? We’ll be able to save them?” 

Garcia knew that no one was going to agree to false promises, but almost losing Emily once had them rattled more than they would care to admit. Tears began to well up in her eyes but she pushed them down to continue the tap and trace. A dreadful silence filled the air as they waited for the information. One and a half long minutes later, the search was complete.

“Their last known location is at 4277 North Grenier Road, Henry Pipliano’s house, but both phones switched off about 5 minutes ago. Please hurry. Our girls need help.” 

Garcia had barely uttered the words before she was met with the dial tone. All of the men need a minute to strategize because they would be damned before they lost Emily and JJ. They all but sprinted to their SUVs to begin the 45-minute drive out to the property.

—————————————————————————————————

Emily’s resolve had begun to crack. It wasn’t easy to crack Emily Prentiss after what she’d been through, but the mere sight of JJ in such intense pain tore her heart to pieces. Silent sobs had racked her body because of their plight. She berated herself consistently for not seeing the signs or moving fast enough. All of the what-ifs ran through her head, depleting her ability to think straight. Time was lost on both women, but they knew that at least a few hours had passed. Pipliano had watched them through a sliding window compartment, waiting for them to wake up.

He threw the door open and briskly made his way to JJ first. Cold, hard knuckles connected with her cheek, then her chin. The scent of alcohol rolled off of him, suffocating JJ and her senses. Nothing more than a rasp was able to escape her lips, belabored breathing maintaining her life. When Henry had decided that he was done with her face, he moved lower to her abdomen and thighs. After a couple of gruesome minutes, his leg arose to knock the wind out of her. JJ nearly buckled but was forced up by her suspensions. Everything was cutting into her skin, and she could feel the blood rush to every part of her body with her heartbeat pounding in her ears. 

Emily watched helplessly as the menacing gratitude in their unsub’s eyes grew. The rage boiled right under her skin, but she knew that she didn’t have the energy to properly be of help. Her legs would probably be of help soon, but time was not on their side. Emily knew JJ’s strength, but she almost felt every blow to JJ’s body. She faked sleep so that she would be able to kick her legs underneath her eventually and possibly take the man. His inebriation was apparent. That, combined with his impulsivity and recklessness, made him much more dangerous than they had perceived. Her eyes raked over JJ’s body as it went limper, screaming with them for her to hold on. 

“AHAHAHAHA. YOU BITCH. YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST COME INTO MY HOUSE AND STOP ME FROM GIVING THOSE WENCHES WHAT THEY DESERVED. LIARS. ALL THEY DO IS LIE. BUT NOW I HAVE TWO OF YOU, SO I CAN HAVE MUCH MORE FUN.” 

The slurred and cutting words snapped both women’s heads up. Pipliano’s hand came down in that second and delivered one more set of jagged scratches to JJ’s neck, paired with a languid kick to her thigh. JJ bared her teeth at the man, and, if looks could kill, Pipliano would have been in a worse state than any of his victims. 

Those wretched words proved to be too much for Emily. She threw her body up from behind Henry and swung her leg with every drop of energy she could muster. Her foot connected with his shoulder and back, sending him flying into the wall behind JJ. It wasn’t enough. The shock wore off mere seconds later and, before Emily could react, Pipliano came barreling back at her. He rammed into her like a linebacker, forcing her across the room. JJ watched in pure mortification as the focus shifted from herself to her partner. She thrashed and thrashed, feeling her leg bindings loosen. Nothing turned the man around. 

A renewed look of malice overtook Henry at the sight of Emily. After all, she was the one that he wanted. Emily regained her balance with adrenaline coursing through her veins. Every possible ache plagued her body, but JJ was out of his focus and that was what mattered to her. She braced her body and scrambled into a makeshift fighting stance in front of the man. 

He jumped to attack her but missed with a slower reaction as Emily barely dodged him. She landed a punch to his ear with moderate success. He doubled back with a knee to her gut and a heavy shove against the wall. Emily’s body began to fold, but she had to fight otherwise neither of them would make it out. She had faith in her team, but Pipliano was crazed and out of all worlds of logic, with no way to predict his next moves. 

“YOU DID THIS, WENCH, AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA GET IT. YOU LIAR, YOU TOOK HER FROM ME. SHE WAS MY MOTHER. NOW YOU PAY YOU BITCH. YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD FIGHT ME.” Pipliano growled the words as his smile grew. The predatory gaze in his eyes invaded every part of Emily as he lost all control. Fury dripped from his stance and facial expression. 

In her lapse of movement, she missed the knife that was unsheathed from behind Henry. She felt the sharp rip in her skin as he dragged the blade quickly against her arms. 

“EMILY. NO.” JJ’s voice tore through the grunts and flooded Emily’s ears. She had finally regained control over some of her body with her legs nearly freed. She watched in horror as red recoated the walls of the room from Emily and Henry. 

Emily was on the brink of collapsing as she pushed back against Henry. He had managed a few smaller gashes to her abdomen, but was losing resolve and energy. Their fight was not equally matched, but years of combat training and takedowns had served Emily decently in her worsening state. 

She landed one final kick to his thigh before she felt it. The cold metal entered her side and stayed there as Pipliano ran out. Everything failed her in that second as she collapsed while ramming her eyes shut and drifting away.

JJ pushed out of her leg bindings and managed to slip out of her metal bindings because Pipliano had not tightened them enough in his haze. She fell and dashed over to Emily, frantically murmuring words and trying to find ways to help the bleeding. She couldn’t lose Emily like this, not again. 

“God damn it, Emily! I can’t lose you. Hang on, I’ve got you. Please stay with me. Stay with me, EM.” JJ pleaded as she felt Emily begin to drift. She wouldn’t let that happen.

“JJ, hey you. Leave me, get somewhere safe, and don’t let him come back. Stay safe.” Emily rasped out the words, stunted by heavy coughs. She wanted to stay with JJ, but it was taking too much energy. She finally let everything slip, letting the energy flow out of her. 

JJ sobbed violently as she felt what Morgan had described in the warehouse, feeling Emily’s body go into limbo. She said the only three words that she had ever wanted Emily to hear at that moment. 

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck that was fun to write. As always please comment and review so that I know what I can do better or what y'all like. :) Side Note: do y'all wanna know what happens in emily's head while she's in limbo? cuz i have some pretty interesting ideas for it


	7. Around the Corner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team makes it to the house, but what do they find? What is happening in Emily's head?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own the show or the characters and all that bc they belong to CBS and this is all for fun.
> 
> ps. I don't know why I write such long chapters but it has to be done. im sorry. this chapter is cute and angsty and all of it so please enjoy and another one will be out soon soooo :) lemme know what y'all think in the comments. thanks for reading!

Derek was already fastening his seatbelt on the driver’s side of the SUV as the other three men climbed in. He had taken the keys as soon as their quick strategy session wrapped three minutes later. His mind had kicked into high gear. This time, if they were too late, two lives were at stake. His erratic driving had been a typical hindrance in days past, yet a subtle blessing for their current situation. His foot was glued to the gas, weaving expertly and erratically through crowded metal messes. 

The heat in the car grew as the minutes passed by. Everyone was on edge and hoping that they made it. Derek spotted a growing traffic jam on the freeway ahead of them, making a swerving turn to avoid the added time restraint. The GPS broke the tense silence as it recalculated the route as everyone grappled to get reoriented into their seats. 

Reid was in a state of shock that hid behind a hardened and terrified face. When Emily left and “died” with Doyle, Reid was shattered differently. Time and again people he had loved and idolized had left him, with no warning at that. He had never expected Emily to do the same, with her being the big sister he never had. Emily had done it to protect them, but it made him hurt that much more as she didn’t think that they would be able to stop Doyle together. He thought back to Gideon and his father and how their absence changed his life. He wasn’t going to let that happen again with Emily or JJ for that matter. JJ was his confidante and best friend. They had the sibling chemistry that anyone would want, and despite his feelings in their early years together, they blossomed into a loving friendship. JJ’s departure to the State Department had felt like a kick to the gut, reminding him that they were all pawns to the higher-ups. He was ready to fight tooth and nail to get their ladies back.

Behind him, Rossi rustled uncomfortably. Both of the agents in peril had grown to become like daughters to him. Emily had especially grown on him given that they joined around the same time and struggled with some of the same issues. They shared a love for Italy and everything Italian, exchanging recipes and pricy alcohols. The banter back and forth was enough to remind both people that, even if they weren’t good at talking emotions, they would always be there to lend a hand or an ear. 

JJ was like the responsible child to the trouble child in Emily. Rossi had admired the strength, intelligence, and courage the blonde held. Though they weren’t as close, he had always made sure that she knew he was there for her. The thought of his children in the same house as their unsub turned in his stomach. Hope was what everyone needed, but it was dangerous to have too much.

Hotch sat back and watched the men in the car deal with their circumstances. He was the observer in most groups, silently seeing and understanding more than he let on in his stoic expressions. The loss of Emily and JJ shook him at his core. He had already lost a lot of family in his life. He was also the unit chief, so this would consequently fall on his head. There was so much riding on this one trip that it almost became too much to bear. Sure, he had been in tight situations like this, like Doyle and his decision to fake Emily’s death. This however was different, there was no confirmation that either woman was even alive at this point. 

A sharp jolt brought everyone’s focus back to the road. The gravel became looser and the cracks on the road more apparent. The sky was a deep orange-pink as if it was a signal for the danger that Emily and JJ were in. The jagged horizon line touched on trees that lined the distance. The incline of the drive began to increase as they reached the hill. Derek’s determination had not waned, razor shaped focus on their end goal. His foot pressured the accelerator as they got closer to the house. His heartbeat was drumming in his ears and his eyes focused on tunnel vision. 

The house entered their view in the distance and Morgan nearly jumped. Everyone zoned in and prepared themselves for the plentiful possibilities when they reached the house. Remnants of prayer escaped Rossi’s lips in a mumble. Hotch’s jaw and brows tightened as he readjusted his seat position. Reid increased the speed with which he calculated the odds, trying to find comfort in any of the numbers.

The SUV had been on the property for a half of a second before all its doors were thrown open. Morgan pulled the keys out and clutched his gun before breaking down the door. Reid rushed at his heels while the older agents moved to flank the house. They were attacked with a plethora of smells, disorienting their first few steps. Most were unrecognizable, but the distinct stench of spilled and fermented booze hung heavy in the air. Everything that showed from the outside of the house seemed to be a facade. Morgan kicked himself for even letting the two women near this place. 

Everything was too quiet for the first 2 minutes of their sweep. Then, a resounding crash resonated against the walls. 

Morgan turned with enough speed to give himself whiplash as he reoriented towards the kitchen. Reid exhaled heavily and clenched his jaw while keeping pace with Morgan. Hotch and Rossi had heard tiny echoes, but understood that something was going on inside the house. They closed in from the backyard, making sure to lock doors that could aid in the unsub’s escape. The BAU members would make Henry Pipliano pay for his heinous crimes and nerve in taking and hurting two of their own. 

As the two men turned the corner, a thin wooden hatch flew open from the floor. A lanky man scampered up the stairs without any rhythm or reason to his movements. It was easily decipherable that he was drunk out of his mind without a single control of his senses. His legs moved quickly, but he hadn’t properly estimated Morgan and Reid’s positions. Morgan threw all of his body weight onto the man and pushed his face further into the oak flooring. It took all of his strength not to bash the man’s skull in, but he knew they had other more important matters to attend to.

Hotch and Rossi had caught up to the other pair in the meantime, pulling out the handcuffs to lock up Pipliano. Rossi grabbed him and twisted Henry’s arm further into his back on the way out to the car. The other three brandished their flashlights before heading down the dank tunnel.

Moss coated the walls of the tunnel and reeked beyond any scent in the house. It was a dingy place, but the three men only had their attention focused on the stark fluorescent lights at the end of the tunnel. 

They ran to the door and every jaw dropped at the sight before them. The cylindrical room was bathed in the harsh light. No streak of blood was left hidden on any of the walls. JJ’s bindings hung loosely against the furthest surface, but the blonde agent wasn’t found in them. 

Reid had heard a murmur as they approached the room, but he hadn’t been able to decipher it. The only clear words he could make out were ‘love’ and ‘you’. The sight before them solidified one of his guesses at the phrase, but that was for later. 

To the side, JJ’s limp body rested against Emily’s as both were passed out. Her long blond hair was scraggly and splayed over the brunette’s chest, covering a majority of both faces. The blond had a death grip on her friend’s body and Derek’s heart broke. He remembered the warehouse and then his promise to himself from the station. 

He moved to JJ and began to pry her hands off of Emily’s body with no initial resistance. Hotch and Reid moved to the brunette’s side, easing her to the ground. They called for medical and the urgency in their voices punched through the silence. The abrupt break in silence triggered JJ awake and she thrashed in Morgan’s grip.

“NO. NO. EMILY. PLEASE. HENRY, I WON’T LET YOU HURT HER. I WON’T. NO. I LOVE HER STOP.” Her eyes were closed and images flooded back to the fight. She thought it was Henry and wouldn’t allow Morgan’s touch to fix it. 

Morgan had worked in relative silence, but the shrieks from JJ elicited his own yells. He was a little shocked at the blatant admission by his friend, but she was in a time of shock. His steady voice began to cut through JJ’s delusions and reorient her to reality again. 

“JJ. JJ. IT’S MORGAN. IT’S ME. HE’S GONE. STAY WITH ME, JJ. OPEN YOUR EYES.”

JJ accepted her exhaustion as she registered the voice. Teary, droopy, blue eyes fluttered open slowly to look at the muscular figure holding her. JJ breathed a sigh of relief before their situation hit her again. She turned frantically to search for Emily, only to be met with a lifeless body on the ground a few feet away. She held back screams, but scrambled to Emily’s side. Her arms cradled the brunette’s head and she ignored every bit of pain and anguish in her body as they waited for medics. 

Medical arrived a minute later and maneuvered JJ out of the way to assess Emily. She tried to struggle and stay close, but when the medical teams couldn’t move around her, she shrunk into the background. The stretcher carried Emily out and JJ hurried out behind her, forcing Morgan along in the process. She had taken support on him, but refused to be left behind with Emily being escorted out.

The ambulance doors closed and JJ finally crumpled against Morgan’s body. It was over for this case, but the road to recovery was going to be a long one. She didn’t even want to think about losing Emily. Her grip tightened onto Morgan’s shirt. She allowed herself to sob violently because her vulnerability was the furthest thing on her mind. 

Morgan clung to JJ and prayed more diligently than he had ever thought to in his life. Reid, Rossi, and Hotch had caught up to them and helped to move the pair to the SUV. Hotch took the wheel this time with Rossi in the passenger seat giving him instructions. Reid and Morgan held and tried to stabilize a shaking JJ as they made their way to the hospital for Emily.

Emily.

——————————————————————————

_ Bright sunlight and warmth wrapped itself around Emily’s body. She saw the sun sitting high in the eastern part of the sky amongst a clear, baby blue sky. The grass at her feet grew lusciously around sporadic plants and flowers. The scent of lavender and jasmine surrounded her, sharpening the world around her. The grassy path at her feet began to become clearer and she finally pulled her head up. She was in a field that was close to Rossi’s house and the forest lined the distance on her right. A mirror was somehow conveniently placed 2 feet to her right. She looked at the mirror and was stuck between shock and a bout of laughter.  _

_ Half of her thick, brunette hair fell slightly past her shoulders in medium curls with the rest in a neat bun on her head. Her edges and baby hairs were tamed and put down the sides of her head to complete the look. The makeup was light with the star being a dark maroon lip and slightly darker eyeshadow. That wasn’t Emily’s favorite part of the look. Her body was draped in a dark maroon, velvet suit over a shining, white dress shirt. The black borders and lining popped the colors and tied the outfit all together. Her feet were adorned with stark, black Gucci loafers that sunk slightly in the glistening grass.  _

_ Her hands shifted to adjust her cufflinks as she began moving for the first time in minutes. She didn’t know where to go, but her feet moved without hesitation as she walked the path.  _

_ A wooden archway began to appear in front of her, adorned with flowers of all sizes and colors. A sleek pastel curtain hung loosely against each side of the wooden posts. Just beyond the arch, she spotted David Rossi. He was wearing a sleek black tuxedo with a maroon bowtie, a huge grin plastered on his face. The guesses that were previously crawling through Emily’s mind came to a screeching halt. Her mouth nearly fell open, and it took all of her coordination to not trip in her walk.  _

_ “Wow, Bella, you look even more beautiful than I imagined. Now, I am honored that you picked me for this day and I will do my damnedest effort to make sure this day is perfect for you. Possa la tua vita essere piena di benedizioni, felicità e piacere.” The tears were evident in his eyes, but Emily saw his restraint. She was also on the brink of tears, but held strong for him and her evident future. _

_ “Thank you, Dave. You became my father figure, and I will never have enough words to thank you for it. But for right now, bring it in for my last hug as a bachelor.” Emily uttered the last words with a toothy grin as David yanked her into a locked hug. The two stayed like that for a few seconds before they pulled away and began the walk.  _

_ The aisle was adorned with a white, satin cloth and Emily internally laughed at the posh that was undoubtedly Rossi’s touch. The canopy above them splayed tapered patches of light in the area, creating a fully ethereal feeling. The simple, wooden white chairs for the audience were arranged in short rows on either side of the aisle. She saw her mother, friends, team, Shawn, Gus, Lassie, and who she believed to be Henry Spencer. The love in her heart grew as she looked further to the middle, her final destination, where the altar sat. Penelope and JJ stood on the left-hand side along with two of Juliet’s friends. Their smiles lit up the altar as they matched in their sunlight dresses.  _

_ She made eye contact with JJ and was hit with a feeling she couldn’t quite decipher. There was happiness in her eyes, but that was clearly shielding something else. Emily felt drawn to her, but stayed firm on her path. They could talk after her wedding. _

_ The giddiness in her stomach rose again with the thought of seeing Juliet in her wedding dress. That blonde had made her own place in Emily’s heart. The emotions grew until they pushed themselves down her face in the form of tears. She finally reached the altar and felt Derek’s firm hand on her shoulder.  _

_ “Princess, you’re here and I am so proud of you. Your bride is about to walk through that door and you will finally be off the market. I mean, you are my forever wingwoman, but you got yourself a good one.” The smile on Derek’s face radiated to Emily and it was reflected across everyone’s face who was up there.  _

_ Then, a voice that shocked her out of her wit’s end reached her ears. Her neck whipped around to see the minister for the ceremony and nearly dropped to her knees. _

_ “Emmy, look at you. Look at how far you’ve come with all of your bumps and your bruises. I always knew that you’d make it and you sure as hell proved me right. You’re about to become a married woman. I couldn’t possibly be more proud.” _

_ “Matty? You’re here? Oh god, there’s so much that I wanted to tell you and say I’m sorry and -“ Emily’s shock put her into a state of rambling, but Matthew’s hand gently stopped her.  _

_ “Emmy, it’s okay I was always there and watching. The fight that you put up was exactly the one that I saw in you when we met in Rome. Just make sure that you are always true to your heart.” _

_ With that, the music began to play and Emily turned towards the arch. Her gaze locked onto Juliet, who stood at the archway, dazzling in a satin white gown. The fabric hugged her body tightly with lace borders that shined in the light. Her hair was tied up in a braided bun and Emily nearly dropped at the sight. Adoration and happiness flowed through her as Juliet walked towards her on her father’s arm. A smile that would make her sore later plastered itself onto her face. It was matched back with equal vigor and intensity in Juliet’s eyes and face.  _

_ She reached the altar and tried to speak, but no words came out of her mouth. Emily pushed a small strand of hair from her forehead and caressed her face. _

_ “I am so happy we finally get to do this. You look more beautiful than ever.” The emotion flowed out hugging her words and was met with happy tears in Juliet’s eyes.  _

_ They turned to Matthew as the ceremony began. No eyes were left dry as Emily’s family watched her finally connect with her person.  _

_ Matthew delivered heartfelt words in the ceremony as he had customized it for Emily and her bride. Emily kept her eyes trained on Matthew because of the joy of their reunion and so that she wouldn’t cry. She felt the soft, nurturing hands in hers and grounded herself in them because she had given up hope about this. Growing up, she hadn’t dreamed of her prince charming or loved weddings. They symbolized the control and political powers that families relished and made her feel disgusted. She’d honestly given up the idea that she could be happily united with her person until she had found a family with the BAU.  _

_ The time for vows came and Emily turned. She closed her eyes and began to speak because at that moment all of the words that she had wanted to say flowed straight through her head. She knew that ideally, she had a refined speech written on a piece of paper that Derek had, but that didn’t feel right. _

_ “From the first time I saw you, I felt electrified. It was like I had been shot by Cupid’s arrow with its energy running through my body. You know how much I hate cliches and silly tropes, but with you, it all feels worth it. God, you were a surprise and yet you were better than anything I could have imagined. Every word that we share means so much to me from your hungover whining to sweet words after long days at work. Your arms are like the home I never saw coming, and it hit me like a freight train. I will spend my entire life caring for and loving you because you allowed me the chance. I know over eight languages and there are still not enough words to show you how much I love you. Every step that we take together I cherish, because it took me long enough to realize what we were meant to be, and I am indebted forever. Nothing is better than marrying your best friend. I say this again as I will ‘til my last breath, I love you and I am in love with you, Jennifer.” _

_ Before she could open her eyes or register anything, two soft lips crashed into her own. It felt like her life had come to a standstill and this one gesture was the key to her future. Warmth flowed through every part of her body as she relaxed into the kiss. The feeling in her gut settled for the first time that day and nothing else mattered. She was home.  _

_ After an eternity, and a joking slap on the arm from Derek, the pair pulled apart. Emily’s eyes fluttered open for the first time since before the vows. She locked her gaze with sterling blue eyes that she could seek out of a crowd. Her heart pounded and the tears finally came from her eyes.  _

_ Jennifer stood in front of her in the same gown that Juliet was wearing. Her hands were tightly clasped with Emily’s and her emotions displayed on her face. Emily noted that the expression from before was gone and now the purest happiness and love sat in the blonde’s eyes. Everything drifted off into the background as Emily lost herself in JJ and her vows. _

_ “Emily, the first day that I saw you in Hotch’s office, I knew something changed. Something about you clicked, and I knew that I needed you with me forever. You were so guarded and ready to prove yourself, but after one protocol meeting, it was obvious you were a perfect fit. You waltzed into my life and turned my definition of love upside down. The spark in your eyes and between our hands when we comforted each other, or something was happening, is forever etched in my brain. Your laugh and presence fill the room, and I can never keep my eyes off of you. Whether it’s your hungover munchies, absolute need to cuddle (yeah, I went there, ya big teddy bear), or your child-like tantrums, I’ll never get tired. Emily, you are my light and energy even through the cracks and bumps, especially when I don’t want anyone to know I’m hurting. It was always like that since you held my hand in the hospital, or hugged me tightly with late-night cases when I couldn’t sleep. I love you, your cliches, your perfect imperfections, and everything else that makes you my Emily.” _

_ She looked up from her paper and saw that Emily was clinging to every single one of her words. JJ passed the paper back to Garcia and tapped Emily’s hand three times to nonverbally confirm that they had made it.  _

_ Emily had yet to register what had changed since the beginning of the ceremony. However, when Matthew spoke and JJ’s lips once again took hers, it fell into place.  _

_ “I now pronounce you Agent and Mrs. Prentiss-Jareau. You may now kiss the bride.” _

_ The kiss was slower this time and overtook every sense in Emily’s body. The fire in her veins grew as the two held each other impossibly close, gliding their lips together. Emily was doomed by how deeply in love she was with JJ. _

_ In Love. Not love, but in love. That one word made worlds of difference and it finally clicked in her brain. That was the difference between Jennifer and Juliet. Love was for a long time, but being in love was forever. Emily was stuck, but at least she knew the truth.  _

_ Emily knew this wasn’t real life, but it was as close to heaven as she let herself believe. The happy couple made their way to the reception and both were ready to dance. Their first dance was to “Blackbird” by the Beatles. It was the word and the song that had connected their hearts on the flight to Paris, solidifying the bond that was built over years prior.  _

_ JJ brought her lips to hover delicately over Emily’s and neck. She pressed a soft kiss along the collar of the shirt and stood up on her tiptoes. The warmth made Emily even giddier and she pulled her wife closer.  _

_ She heard “I Love You” against her skin and her knees went weak. They spent the rest of the night tucked lovingly into each other’s embrace. The speeches from their families left them with tears of laughter and humongous smiles.  _

_ As they approached their hotel room that night, Emily’s grip on JJ only tightened. She didn’t want any of this to go away. However, the reassuring smiles and circles that JJ traced onto her stomach pushed any inkling of those thoughts away. She was focused on the moment and that was with her wife wrapped tightly around her waist, donning eyes glazed with love.  _

_ The two sauntered down the hallway and chuckled quietly at nothing. The comfort and ease between them had always been something that both women adored.  _

_ JJ deftly unlocked the room, but turned to Emily before walking in.  _

_ “You know, you left me speechless and you are my weakness. I love you, Mrs. Prentiss-Jareau, and you are never allowed to leave me.” A mischievous grin showed up on the blonde’s face as she grabbed the lapel of Emily’s jacket and dragged her into the room.  _

_ Two pairs of soft lips met, and the women tugged on each other’s clothes. There was no way to get closer than they were. Emily’s hands wandered to the back of JJ’s dress and searched for the zipper. JJ’s hands snaked under Emily’s suit jacket and untucked her button-up shirt. Emily shuddered against JJ’s shoulder and made quick haste in unzipping the dress. JJ let out a chuckle as she pushed Emily’s hand away, earning a child-like pout.  _

_ She brought her hands up to pull the dress away as she backed up to the bed. Emily closed her eyes and thanked any higher power that was listening as she heard JJ fall back onto the bed. She threw off her suit jacket and shoes. _

_ As she shuffled towards the bed she opened her eyes to take in her wife. Her heart stopped at the sight in front of her eyes. JJ was strewn across the bed in the condition that Henry had left her.  _

_ Henry Pipliano. _

_ No. _

_ “JAYJE. NO. NO. NO. JJ”. _

_ Bright white light hit her eyes and disoriented every one of her senses. Nothing in her body worked. All she wanted was JJ. _

—————————————————

JJ shot up from her chair with Juliet right behind her as Emily began to move. The pain on her face was evident and every movement writhed her body. Raspy gargles came from her throat that seemed to be words. She thrashed and the letters started to become clearer. 

“J-… J-…Ja-…” It was evident that Emily was fighting every sense that she had. JJ hurried to her side and dropped by the bed. She took Emily’s hand and grasped it tightly, willing the brunette out of her state. She wanted to press kisses into Emily’s forehead and soothingly run her fingers across her face. That all felt wrong with Juliet right there. 

Finally, Emily’s eyes shot open and a word pushed itself past her lips.

“Jennifer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so what did y'all think of the dream sequence. I loved writing it but there's a lot more to come before either lady is in that spot. but don't worry im a big sap that loves happy endings so they're gonna be just fine.


	8. Careful, Someone Might Hear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ rides to the hospital with the team and is met with a bunch of fun surprises

JJ hadn’t been able to sit still during the entire ride to the hospital. She shook from her hands to her feet between Reid and Morgan in the backseat. Reid had his arm placed placatingly around her shoulder, cradling her in his neck. Morgan rested his hand on her shoulder to give the reassurance of their presence. 

It felt like the world was collapsing in on JJ. She was racked with guilt, worry, desperation, and anger. She was angry that she didn’t tell Emily her feelings, and desperate to know that they would be okay. She needed the confirmation, but as of yet she had nothing but the team. 

“Do you think she’ll make it?” The words slipped out JJ’s mouth as she shrunk further into Reid. She had to ask, but didn’t want the answer. 

“JJ, she’ll pull through. Princess is a fighter, and she’ll be damned before she leaves us like that. I know that it hurts, but you have to believe, yet I don’t want to give you false hope. We are here for you and we are going to be strong with you, right at your side.” Morgan was the one to speak up and it was evident that he fully believed his words. He had been through this before with the warehouse, but it was different now.

JJ slowly nodded and leaned further into Reid. Her mind hadn’t stopped traveling since Morgan had pulled her off of Emily and the exhaustion from her situation was beginning to win. Images of Emily and their past hangouts flashed through her mind. Late night talks on her dark, pleather couch with Cheetos, pretzels and ice cream had become her thing to look forward to. The connection between her and her friend had grown so strong that it was magnetic, to the point where they always ended up close to each other on Girls Nights and inevitably cuddled up in their private’s hangouts. She was sure now of her feelings, but the thought that Emily didn’t feel the same haunted her inside and out. 

She couldn’t fathom life without the brunette but now, with Juliet in the picture, she had missed the moment. As the moments passed on, her need for Emily’s touch and presence grew with a rapidity she couldn’t possibly curb. JJ knew that both of their love languages were touch, piecing it together throughout the course of their friendship that resulted in a humorous, drunk conversation between the pair in recent months. They would reach the hospital soon, and Emily would be okay. She had to be.

She let her body go limp as everything began to shut down and push her into a deep, dreamless sleep. The intensity of her wounds had flown to the back of her head, a glowering, dull roar. Spencer braced her head with his arm and tilted his head, so that she could comfortably lie against his shoulder. He shot a worrisome look to Derek, seeing the toll that the blond was carrying. The glances, touches, and closeness between Emily and JJ had not been lost on any of the team. They had even made a full running betting pool, but Juliet’s appearance had definitely put a damper on their hopes. 

“They’ll get through it. they just need each other and us. Maybe this’ll finally show ‘em that they are ‘destined to be’, but then again they are pretty thick, especially Prentiss,” Morgan joked. 

The emotions from the day had been etched into his face, with lines and sagging eyes. He felt the adrenaline that was coursing through his veins, yet rather than boosting his energy it was pounding in his head and limbs. His eyes were met with a frailer looking Reid. His face’s color had drained and could have been described as ghostly by anyone. Reid brought his arm to rake through his disheveled hair, knowing that no one would be able to slow down until they knew that Prentiss would be okay. He shot a small smile to Derek before both men readjusted their bodies to get some rest. Taking on Pipliano and evacuating Emily was in the past now. 

Hotch and Rossi sat in the front, Rossi keeping a close eye on the blonde that looked like she could whither away in a moment’s notice. He had great respect for JJ and the strength that the woman carried. He turned to Hotch with hopes of easing their nerves on the way to the hospital. Rossi understood how deeply Hotch cared for his teammates, despite the lack of evidence on his face. 

“They will both be okay. The girls are fighters like no other, and they’ve got us. I can see your wheels turning, but we’ll get through it. Just brace yourself for Garcia in full mama-bear mode.” A smile had pushed its way onto their faces at the last sentence, remembering the protective nature of their favorite tech goddess. Garcia had been called by Rossi as soon as they had busted Pipliano and she was on the way, hoping to reach them in about 30 minutes. 

—————————————————————————

The rest of the ride had passed in relative silence as the younger members rested, with the other two agents navigating the long road to the hospital. When they arrived at the hospital, Rossi gently shook JJ’s knee in hopes to wake her up. The blonde jolted up, nearly hitting both Reid and Morgan with her flying arms. 

She took a second to understand her surroundings then silently exited the car. She was still slightly disoriented as she climbed over her lanky colleague, but managed to do so without falling. The two younger agents were quick to follow, but as the seconds passed JJ’s pace increased until she was tearing through the hospital. She felt every bit of pain running through her, but to her, it was fuel to get to Emily. 

“A federal agent came through here today with huge injuries, Emily Prentiss. I need to see her. Where is she?” JJ basically spat out the words, not wanting to wait a second longer. Reid and Morgan finally caught up to her as the nurse began to answer.

“Yes, she came through earlier. Are you her family or spouse?” The nurse looked up to find a slightly stunned JJ with a slight conflict in her face. 

“Um no, but I’m her colleague and her Power of Attorney. She was in dire need of medical attention, so tell me right now what happened, lady, or I swear -“ The anger beneath JJ’s skin was beginning to boil over as the delay grew. She was cut off by Morgan’s stiff hand on her shoulder and placating words to ease the increasing tension. 

“Sorry, she might need some medical attention for her injuries, but we do need to know what happened to Emily Prentiss, seeing as she is a federal officer.” Morgan’s charm was able to redirect the nurse and get the information on their brunette. However, she did have to avoid sharp, pointed looks from JJ, who’s heart rate was not anywhere close to slowing down. 

They were informed that she was taken immediately to surgery in the intensive care unit and more information would be given in future time. She was in room 707, and it took Morgan’s firm grasp on her shoulder and Reid’s pleading looks to stop her from barreling down the hallways. 

As they finished the rest of that interaction, JJ shot a half-assed smile to the nurse, hoping to show that her venomous attitude was not the nurse’s fault. She was steered by the two guys to a small room with an attending physician. She would have put up resistance, but she knew that it would only prolong the process and keep her from potentially seeing Emily. 

15 minutes later, a brightly colored woman walked into JJ’s room and enveloped her into an airtight hug. Penelope knew that the women had been put through the wringer, but her heart dropped at the sight of the blonde. 

“Oh, Jayje, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t able to get you enough on Pipliano to keep you guys safe. I’m so sorry and you’re here and alive with me. Please don’t leave us again.” 

Penelope had fully shifted into mama-bear mode as she examined JJ’s managed bruises and cuts. She had managed to put a small smile on JJ’s face, diverting their minds from Emily’s situation but the relief didn’t last long.

A frown pushed its way back onto JJ’s face and tears began to form in her eyes. She was sitting here helpless while Emily was in surgery, and they didn’t even know if she would be okay.

“Pen, I couldn’t help her. She’s in there fighting for her life, and I couldn’t do anything to help her. I can’t lose her. I mean, I love her, and we’ve been through so much. She’s my blackbird.” Her words had nearly dissolved into sobs and her body was shaking. 

She clung tightly to Penelope as everything began to collapse onto her. Penelope could see JJ falling apart but she knew and hoped that they would be fine. 

“Sweetie, I know. I know it hurts, but you two are some of the hardest fighters I’ve met. Emily will be okay, but for right now we just need to stay strong for her. Let’s get some food in you before we go back to the team.” 

Penelope pulled JJ into another tight hug as they finally walked out of the room. JJ slipped into her media liaison mode, so that she could keep up appearances. She wasn’t vulnerable around any one besides Emily and Garcia, but this was threatening her resolve. Her eyes were glued to the marked white and blue tiled floor that was illuminated under the harsh, fluorescent lighting. She all but dragged her feet next to Garcia’s scrambling pace, but her brain was nearly shut off. It hurt too much to think. 

After a couple minutes, the smells of different hospital “cuisines“ hit her senses. The sudden smells shocked her out of her ghostly manner as it took her to the back to the house and the interview. Her legs began to give out, and she put a death grip on Penelope’s shoulder. Her eyes unfocused and her stomach flipped. Emily’s face flashed through her memory and any water that she had had in the past hour threatened to rise in her throat. Penelope saw this and immediately swiveled the smaller blonde around to the corner. She braced JJ’s head and put one hand on her chest to calm the breathing.

“JJ, look at me. Listen to me. It’s me, Pen. You’re safe. Emily is safe. You two are out of the house, and Henry is gone. He can’t hurt you okay. I promise I’m right here.” Penelope raced to finish her statement, looking to JJ for more clues about her state. 

She didn’t feel like she was gonna vomit, and JJ’s stomach had settled. She managed to push her eyes up to meet Garcia’s and let her best friend in, showing the vulnerability and fear in her eyes. 

JJ slowly slid down to the floor with her knees tucked up and her body hunched over, Garcia following suit. She took in deep breaths and the sting from underneath her eyes finally began to subside. Penelope’s arm was still protectively latched around JJ’s shoulder, and the younger agent began to speak rapidly and incoherently. Her eyes shifted around and her hands clenched and unclenched. 

“Woah, woah, woah, JJ. It’s okay. I can’t understand you. You have to slow down. What are you saying?” Penelope covered JJ’s fist with her other hand and finally coaxed intelligible statements from her.

“It was smell. That’s how he got us. Got me. He left to get meds, and we were gonna tail him, but the boys texted in their reports. By the time we looked up, the scent had already filled the room. Em, she went to look for the source, and I went for Henry. God, I should’ve known that bastard was almost laughing at us.” JJ shook her head, trying to shake the sentiments and focusing on getting the rest of the story out to Garcia. “I saw him with a gas mask as I went down, and that horrid stench woke me up God knows how long later. It hurt my nose, all the alcohol and the blood. All I could see, though, was her. She was crumpled there on the floor, and she fought him for me because I was chained up. If I ever see that bastard again, I will kill him with my bare hands for touching her.”

Garcia saw the malice behind JJ’s eyes and understood the sincerity and the strength of the blonde’s feelings. It had been obvious that she loved the brunette, but this fire only showed that their bond was truly unlike any other. 

“Jayje, we got him and he’s not getting anywhere anytime soon. You and Em got out; that’s what matters-“ Penelope began to soothe her, but was roughly cut off.

“I told her. I mean, I don’t know if she heard me, but I said it. I was able to get out of my bindings and I held her. I told Emily I love her, but I don’t know if she was too far gone at that point. I might never even get to tell her, because I was dumb enough to wait for so long.” JJ had nearly no tears, but the hysteria was beginning to set in. A hopeless laugh escaped her lips, and Garcia turned JJ’s head, forcing eye contact between the two.

“Listen, JJ, she is going to be okay and so are you. I am proud of you saying something, but this is far from the end for the both of you. Stop tearing yourself apart and pull yourself together for our friend who is in there fighting.” The tough love was the strongest thing that was left in her arsenal and it worked, but only because of a click of heels that led up to them as she finished her sentence. 

The pair looked up to find a blonde that neither expected. Juliet stood in a state of disarray before the huddled pair, several emotions lining her face. She managed to crack a minuscule smile as the other two maneuvered into a standing position. Her pant suit was unkempt and her normally straight blonde hair was messily falling around her face. 

“Hey guys, JJ, I’m glad you’re safe. Em texted me before you guys went in and, as soon as I found out something was wrong, I drove over. Hotch kinda filled me in, but I have no idea how she is. Do you guys have any news?” The worry and tears in Juliet’s face showed just how much she cared for the brunette and JJ felt a pang of jealousy and guilt deep in her stomach. 

“Um, we don’t know yet, but she was in intensive care under surgery. We were gonna grab a bite and then head back before talking to the doctors.” JJ couldn’t make eye contact with Juliet, and almost shrank back next to Garcia. 

The detective had not missed the change in the blonde, and it was all adding up. She was more cunning than most people saw, easily hidden behind her innocent bravado. She nodded and motioned for the group to head towards the cafeteria. Typically, she would have been rambling out of worry, but the events of the last five minutes had left her in shock.

—————————————————————————

Emily’s bravery and selflessness had been part of the reason that the detective was so drawn to her. It felt like the woman understood and carried the same reasons for being in law enforcement, despite the vast difference of their circumstances. Juliet saw the compassion that emanated from her girlfriend and the family that she found in her team. It warmed her heart, seeing Emily’s guarded persona finally pulling back to allow her to enjoy herself. 

Juliet hadn’t meant to eavesdrop; she wasn’t that kind of person. She had heard the voices of the two blondes from around the corner and stopped in her tracks. The weakness in what she identified as JJ’s voice made her stomach drop and realize the full depth of what the pair had gone through. 

“Jayje, we got him, and he’s not getting anywhere anytime soon. You and Em got out; that’s what matters-“ Penelope’s usually chipper voice sounded deflated, but the hope was evident. 

“I told her. I mean, I don’t know if she heard me, but I said it. I was able to get out of my bindings and I held her. I told Emily I love her, but I don’t know if she was too far gone at that point. I might never even get to tell her, because I was dumb enough to wait for so long.” 

Oh. Juliet was not a stranger to the bond between Emily and JJ. She had suspected that maybe the two had dated or were once more than friends. She had never questioned Emily about it, because she trusted her, but it was obvious that something was there. Hearing JJ’s admission was scary because she had no idea how Emily felt. She shook her head and focused on Emily’s situation, because all of this was overwhelming. There would be time for this later. 

She had picked up her feet and finally made it around the corner to the pair. JJ looked feeble. Their short conversation held a heavy weight as the woman they cared about was on the table. Their venture in the cafeteria did not manage to ease things, and the group returned with a sandwich for JJ and a water for Juliet. 

As they approached the waiting area again, Juliet saw JJ’s head snap up to survey her teammates for any possible new news. Blank and sorrowful looks communicated that there had been no updates. Juliet walked over beside Morgan as Garcia led JJ to sit down close to the other teammates. 

Juliet didn’t want to assume or to jump to conclusions, but she couldn’t curb her curiosity. Her “suspicions” were falling into place in lieu of JJ’s confession and she needed clarity. She turned to Morgan, away from the group, and whispered what was on her mind.

“Derek, were JJ and Emily ever a thing? I know it’s not the most important thing right now, but the way that JJ looks at her, I have to know.” Juliet tried to hide the discomfort in her voice, but, knowing that he was a profiler, it was useless.

Morgan was taken aback, but was stuck on how to answer the question. Emily had become his closest friend, “a budding bromance” as Penelope had teased many a time. She had trusted him with her feelings for JJ slightly before Doyle had happened. He couldn’t betray that trust and jeopardize what she had with Juliet. Besides, Emily was happy with Juliet, right? Morgan decided on an answer that probably wouldn’t satisfy what Juliet was really asking, but he didn’t really have a choice. 

“No, the two are some of the closest friends I’ve seen, but that’s just how they are. Believe me, those two have been through the wringer together, so they are just really tight.” Morgan flashed a tight smile and withheld himself from cringing. 

Juliet noncommittally nodded her head and said a lame thank you. 

So, they have history, and they’re just really close. No, stop, Juliet, you know that isn’t plausible. Just because JJ caught feelings doesn’t mean you can’t trust Em. Stop it. You’re just in your head. You and Em are going to be fine. But, you’ve heard how she talks about JJ. It’s like something is there. No. This is stupid. Right now, you need to focus on Em and getting her healed. 

Garcia saw the conflict on Juliet’s face. She had heard a whisper of JJ’s name and her eyes widened in worry. The possibility of Juliet hearing their conversation ran through her head, but she had no time to process it.

A short, portly woman in a white coat approached the group with a beige clipboard in her hand. JJ shot up and nearly knocked Reid over as she hurried to the front of the group. The hopeful yet terrified look in her eyes was seen by everyone, but no one said a word.

“Emily Prentiss? So, she sustained deep tears in her stomach lining along with a broken rib, dislocated shoulder, a major concussion, cuts across her left leg, and a twisted radial bone. Our surgery was able to stop all internal bleeding, patch up her cuts, and realign her bones, but she’s gonna have a long recovery process. In short, she is gonna be okay and make a full recovery.” The doctor finished her statement with a slight smile on her face, looking up from her board. 

JJ released an audible breath of relief. She was gonna make a full recovery. Her knees felt like jello, but she managed to steady herself. She looked to Morgan and they shared a look of settlement. Both of their heart rates finally began to slow down and JJ turned to the doctor. 

“Thank you so much, doctor. Can we visit her?” JJ wanted to sprint into Emily’s room and hold her tight. She wanted to say everything that she had thought about for the past few hours. She wanted to yell at Emily for taking so many hits from the unsub, and almost losing her again. But mostly, she wanted to kiss her, run her hand through Emily’s black tresses, and confirm that the agent was still with her. 

“She’s gonna be out for maybe another hour, but, yes, you can go in now. However, I do suggest that you guys begin slowly and not let too many people in at once for when she wakes up.” JJ was already turning to the group, hoping, but also nonverbally telling them. that she would be the first one in the room. 

“Jayje and Juliet, how about you guys head in first. We’ll cycle in after.” Garcia spoke up, making determinate eye contact with JJ. The younger blonde turned and tore down the hall, not bothering to focus on anything but the increasing room numbers. 

She finally spotted 707 and nearly fell over as she turned to the room. She exhaled deeply before softly opening the door. Emily laid gingerly in the middle of the hospital bed with several lines and machines hooked up to her body. JJ’s stomach dropped, but she reminded herself that they were here and were gonna be okay. 

She walked over the bed and pulled up a chair, not being able to stand being far from the brunette. JJ exhaled heavily and slowly reached out for Emily’s hand. The warmth that she was met with brought tears to her eyes. She could feel Emily, and that was all that she needed. 

The door opened slowly and JJ flinched, throwing Emily’s hand back. Juliet walked in, holding her breath. She saw JJ on the side of the bed and immediately switched her expressions. 

“No, no, it’s okay, JJ. Sit down. You need each other right now.” Juliet put as much of a smile as she could muster on her face. She fell back into the chair that was on Emily’s other side. 

“I’m sorry. I was just so worried. What I saw happen... I felt like I was losing her and she’s my best friend. Thank you for treating her well. You make her really happy.” JJ glued her eyes to the ground and tightened her grip on Emily’s hand again. She eventually managed to look up at Juliet, giving and receiving a sympathetic smile. 

She shut her eyes and let herself loose into her memories of Emily. This left Juliet on her own with her unconscious girlfriend and her girlfriend’s best friend, who was in love with her. She thought back to when she met the BAU team for the first time. She only knew the basics about every teammate besides JJ. She knew more about JJ simply because of how much Emily talked about her. Getting to know the people that Emily was around daily was actually not difficult; they were a wild bunch, but all wildly protective of Emily in their own way.

Reid would ramble and blurt out facts to draw attention away from her, making sure to check in with her later. Hotch and Rossi would be in the vicinity, always casting a protective gaze over her, watching and profiling like a hawk to not miss something. Morgan would always be right by her side, being on standby to step in and beat up the culprit. Garcia was very verbal and always right behind Emily, ready to hack or go off on anyone that looked at her wrong. JJ was always there, right next to Emily, ready to defend her in any way. It was an unspoken loyalty throughout the team that went to the next level with her. Juliet chuckled lightly at how she had tangled with Emily outside the bar, stealing kisses all the way to Emily’s apartment where they spent the night. 

Juliet studied Emily’s seemingly fragile body in the bed. She knew about the scars that Emily had, but not what went on behind them. The stories for those scars made Emily lock up and shut her out. These scars would add to the pile, but Juliet hoped that she could unlock the secrets that Emily had one day. 

She pressed a light kiss right underneath a butterfly bandage on Emily’s head before lifting herself from the chair. Light tears strung her eyes and she knew that she should probably give the rest of the team some time. JJ was resting with her hand tightly grasping Emily’s and Juliet smiled. She understood that Emily had found a team that had become her family and that was priceless. 

The rest of the team cycled through the room. They stood by her, said encouraging words, and checked repeatedly that everything was, in fact, healing well. The worst of it was over. JJ had been in and out of sleep, lazily checking in as the other rotated. Her body was finally slowing down, and JJ was content with Emily so close. 

About two hours later, JJ sat back as Juliet reentered the room for the third time since their initial visit. She sat down in the chair that was behind JJ’s and the two smiled at each other.

“She should wake up any minute now, right?” Juliet hesitantly asked, breaking the silence and wanting answers. 

“Yeah, the nurses said that the painkillers she was on put her out for a bit longer, but they should be wearing off now.” JJ replied, ready to talk to Emily again. 

They sat in a cool silence for a couple minutes. The hospital bed began to shift slightly as Emily began to move. At first, it was a little quiver or a groan, but it soon progressed. She was clenching and unclenching her hands as they slightly glided across the sheets. The blondes could tell that she wasn’t awake, but also not as out of it as before. 

Faint hints of happiness showed on her face, but the next minute it all changed. Shock and sadness worked onto her face. Her body began to twitch as if she was going to run right out of the bed. Her hands began to hit the bed, wrenching out of JJ’s grasp. Unintelligible gurgles escaped her lips in the space where shouted words would likely be. 

Juliet jumped to call a nurse, and JJ sprung to try to soothe or restrain Emily. JJ fought every urge to kiss Emily’s forehead and tuck her tight into an embrace. Instead, she resorted to calming words, reminding Emily of her presence. Juliet rushed back to the bedside and struggled to figure out how to help. 

At this point, the gurgles were becoming quieter and the beginnings of a word were forming on Emily’s lips. As she pushed out JJ’s full name, the two blondes froze in shock. Juliet darted her eyes from the brunette to JJ and back. Emily thrashed slightly harder as her eyes struggled to open.

Seconds later, JJ finally began to move again and grasped Emily’s hand tightly. Her voice was hoarse, but she did her best to try and gain Emily’s attention as the attending staff entered the room. 

“EMILY. EMILY. I’m right here. You’re okay. We got out. Look, Em, I’m here.” JJ nearly pleaded as Emily began to calm.

The pain seared through her body and she couldn’t make sense of anything. She eventually recognized the blinding white to be the sheets and walls of a hospital room. She tightened her hold on JJ’s hand and finally looked up to the blonde. JJ had some bruises and bandages, but she was okay. Henry had lost. Emily released the tension in her limbs and felt the fire spread throughout her body. Her pain was blinding, but not even a minute later, everything began to subside. Her eyes felt hooded and cloudy and she gained little control over her senses. 

Emily finally turned her head to the other side of the bed and gasped. She looked at a tearful Juliet, standing by her side. 

“Jules, you’re here. When? What? How?” Everything was becoming foggier, but she smiled dopily at her girlfriend. Juliet leaned down over her side and put a soft kiss on her forehead. 

“I got here when I heard that you guys were in the hospital, my love. You’re safe now, baby. Get some rest because we’re not going anywhere.” JJ watched the two talk and released her hold on Emily’s hand as she backed away to the wall. 

_ My love. How much JJ wished that she could call Emily that. She couldn’t even quantify how much in words. But right now was for Emily’s recovery.  _

She flashed a sad smile at Emily as she watched her eyes flutter closed. Juliet stroked her hair and held her hand tightly. 

“Mmm, goodnight, babe,” Emily said with a slight slur. 

The drugs from medical were messing with her brain, and JJ knew that as soon as she was coherent, she would be complaining. A slight chuckle formed in her throat at the thought of Emily pouting with the doctors, but she had power of attorney so maybe she could do a little negotiating. 

JJ exited the room for the first time in a few hours to talk to the team. Her joints popped as she maneuvered out of the room, and she smiled at Juliet as she closed the door. The detective thankfully nodded and turned back to her girlfriend, likely glad for the alone time. 

She walked over to the team and updated them on what had just happened. They had stood at the entrance, but couldn’t come in because the nurses would’ve become too crowded. Garcia breathed a sigh of relief and pulled JJ into a tight hug. JJ laughed and exhaled at the events that they’d overcome in the past day. 

Hotch negotiated with JJ and managed to get her to go with Garcia to the hotel. She would change and eat before returning so that she could clear her head. Hotch knew how much JJ wanted to stay close to Emily, but he understood that it would be better for the blonde to get some space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe guess who's back, the king of inconsistency. i hope y'all like this chapter cause it took me a hot sec and i'm not too opposed. ANYWAYS, y'all my birthday is on sunday and i am absolutely pumped. soooooooooo y'all should comment and lemme know what y'all think :)


	9. Are You Okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> emotional chaos mixed with panic and suppression. enjoy :)

* * *

JJ felt the air whip past her ears and face. That was nearly the last thing on her mind as she raced out of the hospital. Penelope followed closely on her heels before reaching the exit doors and sighing out of exasperation. 

“JJ, slow down. It’s not like she’s gonna disappear if you leave for a couple hours.” Penelope looked over to her friend as JJ froze in her spot. She took the moment to catch up to JJ, trying to decipher all of the emotions plastered on her face.

“Pen, I don’t want to be gone longer than I need to. I don't miss anything, plus what if she needs me? Hotch said I needed to leave for a bit, but I don’t plan on stretching it any longer than that,” she huffed as the brighter woman finally matched her stride. 

JJ just wanted to retreat into her bubble where she could focus her thoughts on Emily’s healing and their relationship. Stepping away from the brunette knotted her stomach and teased at her mind as the minutes passed. It would have to wait, however, because of her “assigned” trip to refresh herself under the caring gaze of Garcia. Garcia’s words snapped her out of her thoughts as she mechanically maneuvered herself into the SUV. 

“Jayje, she’ll be okay because she has a bunch of doctors and nurses looking after her, whether she may like it or not. Plus the team and Juliet are right there next to her, so we won’t miss anything. Believe me, my gorgeous chocolate hunk has a hawk’s eye on our brown eyed beauty.” Garcia couldn’t help but smirk at her statement, yet noted the slight discomfort that challenged JJ’s face at the mention of Emily’s girlfriend. It hadn’t been voluntary, but considering the events of the past 24 hours and the intense connection between the two agents, it made sense. 

Garcia decided that now was the time to understand exactly where JJ stood on the brunette’s girlfriend. If she was going to help the two get to the end game she knew both of them wanted, Garcia needed to truly tap into the All-Knowing Goddess. Their initial interaction with the third blonde had also been looming in the back of her brain. The possibility of Juliet hearing JJ’s words made her shift in her seat.

“On that thought, wanna tell me what’s going through your head about her?” Garcia glanced over to see JJ’s hands tighten around the wheel.

“What? What do you mean?” JJ barely took her eyes off of the road to throw a quizzical look at Garcia. She didn’t know where this conversation was going and it scared her, considering how much Garcia already knew about her feelings. 

“Relax, Jayje, I’m not probing into your favoritism towards a certain agent. I mean, unless you want me to. Actually, I’m talking about your thoughts on the girlfriend. Also, don’t even try to say nothing because I may not be a profiler, but I have sharp eyes,” Garcia chuckled out as the car rolled to a stop. 

JJ threw her head back slightly and exhaled heavily. She slowly ran her hand through her semi-matted, blonde locks. 

“I mean, she’s nice. She’s good to Emily, liked by the team, and amazing overall. I just can’t shake a couple of things.” 

JJ lifted her head to meet Penelope’s eyes and the vulnerability shined through. It took a second of regrouping for JJ to continue. 

“I mean for one, if you didn’t know us, you could say that she and I are related. I just find it funny how uncannily alike we look.” An uneasy chuckle escaped JJ’s lips as she thought about it. 

“She’s got a lot of talents and I guess there’s a lot to her that I don’t have. I mean, it makes sense, she and Emily have so much in common. They’re both nerds and she loves her and they have a deep connection and I missed my chance and-“ JJ had lost sense of her surroundings as Garcia watched her descend into the chambers of her mind. The blonde’s breathing had become shallow and the thumping in her head had become louder. 

Garcia placed her cold hand on JJ’s arm to stop her from the spiral. She was rarely on the other side of these word meltdowns, but the insecurity and anxiety were heavily clinging to each of JJ’s words. 

“Hey, JJ, look at me, stop. Stop thinking and look at me. Yeah, it is kind of funny how similar you look, but if I’m being honest that’s good because it means that you are her type. If it already wasn’t any more painfully obvious, the chemistry between you two is something I’ve never seen before. Yes, Emily is dating Juliet, but the bond that you two have isn’t like that. Trust me, there is something there. As for Juliet, I don’t mean to alarm you, but I wanted to ask you a question.”

Garcia paused and waited for JJ to show that she was in the correct mindset to continue. This was important, and, if she approached it incorrectly, the younger blonde may completely shut everyone out.

“Garcia, what is it?” JJ cleared her throat and her emotions from her face to listen to Penelope. 

“Um, has Juliet ever asked you about Emily? Or like your feelings for her?” Garcia pushed out the question, but the apprehension in her voice was not missed by JJ. 

JJ had been stunned into silence, now completely rotated to the side in the driver’s seat to face Penelope. Her brain processes the information but the question still had her baffled. Her eyes had widened slightly as the question was asked and her heart had picked back up.

“No… Did she ask you or anyone on the team? Does she know? I haven’t said anything. I’ve tried to stay further away from Em so that neither of them knows.” JJ’s voice shook slightly as she uttered the words.

“No, no she didn’t ask me. But, um, she did ask Morgan. Don’t worry, he didn’t say anything and wouldn’t have said anything if he did know. He just told her the two of you have been through hell together, and as female agents that made you pretty close.”

The awful, twisty pangs in JJ’s stomach subsided for a few seconds before her brain kicked into high gear. Knowing that Juliet was smart and understanding that she could’ve connected the dots were two very different things. She intensively watched the patterns on the car dashboard before feeling her throat go dry. She needed air, and to get away from those thoughts. 

JJ flung open her car door, surprising Penelope, and hastily exited the vehicle. Penelope caught up with her after lightly fumbling her seatbelt and door. They had picked up the pace significantly as JJ almost ran into the hotel. 

Penelope was finally able to finish her thought as two entered the elevator. JJ had moved to the back of the carriage and leaned heavily against the metal railing. Her shoulders were hunched forward as one hand tightly gripped the bar, the other resting placating against her head. 

“I think she heard us near the hospital cafe.” The words grabbed JJ’s attention as the upper half of her body went visibly rigid. She slowly opened her eyes that had slammed shut from the statement.

“What do you mean, Penelope?” The dread was settling as she flashed back to her emotional words that were uttered in a state of weakness. At that moment, her only real tethers had been Penelope’s strong hold around her and the thought of seeing Emily again. 

The thought of Juliet hearing her turmoil for the older agent made her knees want to buckle and her head swirl. She flashed back to seeing the haggard detective’s face, focusing on the tinge of emotion that had eluded her previously. It had been shock mixed with understanding. Juliet had done well to hide the rest of her probable reaction, but to trained eyes, it was no match. 

“Jayje, we went for food. You had nearly stopped functioning and the words that you said were daunting. I mean, you weren’t making sense for a good two minutes, but when you started speaking, you didn’t stop, and it was all coming out. I was there and I saw her face, and it looked like she had been spooked. I don’t want to scare you, but I don’t know.”

The elevator beeped and the doors finally opened. JJ pushed off of the railing and burst forward towards her room with Garcia on her heels. They finally entered the hotel room that was bathed in the sunlight. JJ flopped down onto the bed face first and let out a series of annoyed grunts. Garcia watched from the side of the room at the exasperated blonde. 

After an hour and a half of silence, Garcia made some coffee and handed it to JJ, who was sitting against the headboard. Her eyes were still slightly glazed over from being lost in thought and exhaustion. She had drifted off slightly while she was face down, but didn’t let herself fully succumb to rest. 

“Thanks. Sorry for being all over the place. I’m just terrified because of everything that happened, and I want Emily to be okay, and now this with Juliet is a lot,” JJ broke the silence as she began to gulp the coffee down. She had been missing the caffeine, essentially restarting her system with that cup. 

“I saw something on her face too, and I think she heard. Her eyes betrayed the fact that she tried to hide it, but there is nothing I can do. I am not going to say anything because Emily is happy, and there is nothing that I would do to take that from her. She deserves love and she has that with Juliet.” Small tears had found their way into her eyes and her cheeks flushed. She fought hard to not start balling, but was losing that battle quickly. 

“Yes, she is happy, but you deserve happiness too. I can see the way that you two look at each other. Think about all that you have done for each other, everything that you’ve been through. She was always right there by your side and vice versa. I always have been Team Emily and JJ and I know I am not wrong. Babe, come on, you are perfect for each other, and honestly, if I’ve never seen two idiots more in love. Yes, I call you idiots because of this stupid game you’re playing.”

Garcia made out a fake scowl to elicit a reaction from JJ. The younger blonde looked up and maturely stuck her tongue out at the analyst. She was about to thank Garcia for everything when her phone began ringing like crazy.

——————————————————————————————

Emily could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. Her eyes were closed and there was little chance that they were going to open any time soon. She had been drifting in and out of consciousness ever since she had first woken up, and the medicine she was likely on was not helping. She didn’t want the meds, and was not fond of spending so much time in the hospital. Despite that, there was little doubt in her mind that Juliet, JJ, Garcia, or the rest of the team would allow that.

Juliet had been in a chair next to her girlfriend for the past couple of hours. Though her worrying had subsided significantly, her mind was not keeping the same trend. She had Emily’s left hand in her grasp, rubbing sure, gentle circles underneath her knuckles. The patterns that she had drawn while monitoring the brunette helped to relieve her stress about the events of the past 24 hours.

Juliet’s face was etched with concern and fatigue, but she never stopped mulling over every word that she had heard from her arrival in the hospital. She hadn’t been suspicious of JJ when she first met the team, but the electricity between her and Emily was apparent to anyone who saw the pair. It was obvious that something had been bothering JJ when she was around. Juliet was more analytical and observant than most perceived her to be, and she had spent a fair time watching Emily’s family. Garcia typically shifted into a more protective state around JJ and Emily in her presence, and Morgan had a watchful eye on the two. The coldness that shaded JJ’s expressions only softened when she was talking to Emily, immediately resurfacing when she was reminded of the other woman’s presence. JJ was too nice to try and steal Emily or backstab Juliet, but her words from the cafe would not stop ringing through Juliet’s ears. 

JJ telling Emily her feelings tapped into the insecurity that Juliet was good at keeping at bay. JJ had told Emily about her feelings, but no one knew how much the brunette heard. Hearing Emily yell JJ’s full name as she woke up only mounted on further because it was obvious that no one called JJ that. Juliet had too much information and didn’t know where to go with it. She needed answers, but now was not the time.

She felt a change in pressure from Emily, as the warmth left her hands. Juliet moved to lock her eyes on Emily’s pale body. Emily’s eyes were shifting underneath closed eyelids, and Juliet knew something was up. She placed a hand gently on Emily’s arm and began to run her fingers along with it in hopes of waking her girlfriend. The next few seconds shocked her right out of her seat.

Emily had been struggling to open her eyes and the fire had been spreading across her body when it suddenly stopped. The burn began again seconds later on her arm as someone’s touch ran along it. With a final push, her eyes snapped open and adrenaline kicked in. 

Emily turned her head sharply to where Juliet had been sitting. Instead, she saw the one face that she had never wanted to see again. Henry Pipliano. His rotten teeth peeked out of the disgusting smile that formed on his lips. His hair was matted on his head, out of the way of his eyes. His eyes pierced hers with malice and excitement that Emily had seen in few other places. Around her, the harsh white hospital lights faded back to the dim lights of the steel room. Her blood raced through every vein as she saw him rise beside her. His right hand brandished the knife from their fight again, but Emily began to move. 

She kicked and screamed bloody murder to get back at Pipliano, but nothing seemed to touch him. She tried everything, swinging her arms and legs with the hopes that something would connect. Fire shot her body with every movement, but that was at the back of her mind. Right now, she was convinced with winning this fight. He sheathed the knife and instead brought out his ragged fingernails. They hovered in front of her face as if taunting her with his abilities. She needed to win. She needed to get out. She needed to save JJ. 

Juliet watched as Emily awoke in a panic. Her jerkiness threw the blonde out of her spot when Emily began thrashing about. Her heart beat louder in her ears and her pupils dilated. She threw up her hands in a truce and tried to send disarming looks to the brunette. This seemed to set her off more. Emily’s eyes shined with absolute fear and determination, but Juliet spotted something lying slightly past that. 

Desperation.

The utter need for Emily to win or accomplish whatever she was trying to do was fueled by an emotion rooted scarily deep. Juliet yelled for Morgan as she had already signaled for doctors. She brought her face closer to Emily’s as her hands closed around her wrists. 

“EMILY. EMILY, CAN YOU HEAR ME? IT’S ME, JULIET. YOU’RE SAFE. IT'S OKAY.”

Her eyes mirrored the worry and emotion in Emily’s eyes, trying to break through what the brunette was seeing. It hurt her to not be able to help the pain that Emily felt. Morgan nearly crashed through the door as he ran to Juliet’s aid, the staff on his heels.

Emily’s eyes had almost glazed over as the fight became too much for her body. She felt Pipliano lean over her, mocking her with his every breath. She shifted her eye momentarily behind him to see the one thing she feared more than anything. JJ was limp against her bindings to the wall, her head sparsely coated in blood. The remnants of her abuse were unmistakable and wrenched Emily’s stomach around. The brunette blinked and the blonde had disappeared. Her eyes shot open once again as her cries echoed in the room. 

“JJ! NO. NOT AGAIN. YOU BASTARD, I WON’T LET YOU HURT HER. JENNIFER, WHERE ARE YOU?”

Juliet’s head snapped over to glare at Morgan, shock filling her eyes. Morgan looked back at the woman dumbly before attempting to get through to Prentiss. He mentally noted his partner’s state to go over later, no matter how unwilling she was because this couldn’t go on much longer. 

“PRENTISS. PRENTISS. STAY WITH ME. IT’S ME, MORGAN. I’M HERE. YOU’RE OKAY. PRENTISS, LISTEN TO ME, HE IS GONE AND YOU AND JJ ARE OKAY.”

Morgan’s voice slowly cut through to Emily and Henry began to disappear. The images of JJ were still burned into her eyes as the man began to fade. In his place stood blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and a face that she would know anywhere. Her girlfriend was there, standing over her. 

Emily’s flailing slowed down, but her heart and mind had different ideas. Her eyes shifted between her partner and her girlfriend, but neither yielded the face that she so desperately needed to see. She searched their eyes, but it was missing the shine that she was needing. 

“Jennifer?” The defeat dripped from her voice as her eyes dropped from her surroundings.

Juliet’s stomach dropped as she heard the tone of her girlfriend’s words. She attributed it to the fact that JJ was also taken by the unsub, but that couldn’t stop the jealousy that clouded her thoughts. She dropped Emily’s hands and cleared her throat. 

“Um, she’s not here right now, Em. She left for a little bit.” Juliet looked the brunette in the eyes. The fear that flashed through eyes was unnerving to both Morgan and Juliet.

“No… No… That’s not good. It’s not safe.” Emily muttered to herself, yet everyone was close enough to make her words out. “I need to talk to her NOW. Get her on the phone.” Emily’s face hardened as she made the demand. 

“Hey, Prentiss, she’s okay and Garcia is with her, plus the unsub is in custody.” Morgan broke her attention from Juliet, still bringing out his phone with his friend’s stubbornness in mind. 

“No… I need to talk to her, please. I’m not asking, and I’m not taking chances. Hand me the phone or I’ll make your life a living hell Morgan. Don’t test me.” The sudden coldness and harsh tone of Emily’s voice surprised them, but Morgan quickly obeyed. 

Morgan pulled his phone forward and speed-dialed the blonde. He placatingly held his hands up to keep Emily calm. The first time went to voicemail and sheer panic flooded every part of Emily. 

“What happened? Why isn’t she picking up? Jennifer always picks up-“ Her voice shook with each word. Her volume rose till she was nearly shouting. 

“Hold on, Em, please. Yup, it’s her. JJ? Yeah, it’s Morgan, Emily wants to talk to you. Okay.” Morgan was pleading with Emily, but seeing the haunting looks in her eyes hurt and confused him. Emily all but snatched the phone out of Morgan’s hand, regretting some of the harshness in her prior behavior. 

“Jayje? Where are you? Are you okay? He didn’t get to you, right? Please?”

“Emily, listen to me. I’m okay and the unsub is behind bars. I’ll be there soon, hang in there, Blackbird.” JJ’s sturdy, sweet voice grounded something in Emily that threatened to fly her away. Emily’s breathing slowed and the tension began to dissipate. Hearing their word, Blackbird, let her believe that everything was going to be okay. More than anyone else could convince her, JJ held that power in her words, touch, and breathing.

“Okay, Jen. See you later. Bye” 

She lowered the phone and handed it to Morgan, avoiding eye contact with everyone in her room. She hated the fact that Juliet had to see her like that. Her walls were growing and being this vulnerable in front of her girlfriend made her queasy. Emily had artfully avoided conversations that were too deep between herself and Juliet, but she doubted her girlfriend would continue that after now. 

She looked over to Juliet with the slightest of tears welling up in her eyes. 

“I’m sorry, Jules. I’m sorry I couldn’t help it. I saw him, and I felt like I was back there, and I was going to lose and I couldn’t let that happen. I swear I didn’t mean to, but please know I’m so thankful that you’re here.”

Juliet stood a foot from her bedside, still processing what just happened. She knew that Emily needed a support system more than she was willing to admit. Her eyes stung from harbored tears at the face surveying her. 

“It’s okay. I’m here. You don’t have to apologize, because we are gonna get through it together. Even if I have to talk in cliches and become cheesy.” The tears had slowly begun to run down her face as she lightly kissed her girlfriend’s forehead. 

Emily smiled and looked over to Morgan, thanking him profusely with her eyes. He acknowledged it and understood that when the time came she would possibly open up. Her guard had reestablished itself, and he knew that there was little in the moment that could touch it. 

He exited the room as the hospital staff checked her vitals again and administered medication. She drifted off to sleep without any other words, exhausted in every sense of the word. 

————————————————————————————— 

JJ wasn’t able to reach her phone in time for the call the first time, but quickly picked up the second time. Garcia looked over at her with concern, wondering what needed JJ’s urgent attention. She worried about complications with Emily and anxiously walked over to JJ. 

“Morgan? Is something wrong?” She maneuvered the phone to her other hand and put him on speaker for Garcia. The fear and anxiety that she had managed to suppress for the last hour slammed back into her as he began talking.

_”JJ? Yeah, it’s Morgan, Emily wants to talk to you.”_ JJ looked to the other blonde in surprise. She turned her attention quickly back to the phone and braced herself.

“Okay, Morgan, put her on please.” JJ waited for the sound of the brunette’s voice as her eyes shifted around the dimly lit room. 

_“Jayje? Where are you? Are you okay? He didn’t get to you, right? Please?”_ JJ recognized that tone from some of their late-night talks when Emily rarely chose to allow her past the deepest of her walls. Her heart ached at the fear and raw emotion that laced the brunette’s words, and she quickly spoke in hopes to quell Emily’s fear. She mulled over who “he” was for a moment. She realized that this was probably about their unsub, and they both needed the peace of mind rooted in each other’s safety. 

“Emily, listen to me. I’m okay and the unsub is behind bars. I’ll be there soon. Hang in there, Blackbird.” 

She hesitated a little before adding the last line, but ultimately decided for it. They had gone through something traumatic and both of them needed to know that things would be okay. A small smile worked its way onto her face and she sighed out of relief. Garcia watched the call with a huge smile plastered on her face, nearly evolving to a squeal as JJ finished her sentence. The flush on JJ’s neck had spread, and Garcia fully planned on using that to her advantage later.

_“Okay, Jen, see you later. Bye.”_ The change in Emily’s words was evident to both of her best friends as the call ended. 

JJ let out another large breath and pocketed the phone. She knew that Garcia would not let go of what just happened, but she was done with her “mandated alone” time. She looked over to the bubbly blonde to see her grinning largely while sitting on the messed up bed. 

“You are soft for her. Damn, Blue, I wish you would use some of that smoothness on me. Plus, Blackbird?” Garcia was beaming and JJ rolled her eyes to distract from the flush on her cheeks.

“I wasn’t being smooth; I was just talking to her. Blackbird is just something we have. Leave it, Garcia.”

“Oh, I’m sure you weren’t; just like that silky voice is just for everybody, my blue-eyed beauty. As for blackbird, it must be more than something because you too are connected to that word.”

JJ decided that she needed to get out before Garcia teased too much and rushed to take a shower. Once she had locked the door, she yelled out to Garcia that they would leave back for the hospital as soon as she was done. Garcia laughed and accepted, knowing that JJ was not going to be deterred. She and Emily alike were headstrong, and there was little that could ever get in their way. Now, she only had to hope that her meddling would be able to get the two to open their eyes and see the love.

“They’re such useless gays,” Garcia chuckled to herself as she plopped down on the bed with her phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here lies another chapter of this story and i hope you like it. tis fun to write but damn things may or not ramp up soon. and the emotional fuckery was hilarious to write. please comment, review, and leave kudos to let me know what y'all think. :)
> 
> ADDITIONAL THINGS: I AM WORKING ON CHAPTER 10 RN BUT IT WILL A COUPLE DAYS BUT IF YOU WANNA TALK TO ME HEAD ON OVER TO MY TUMBLR: vhsrights THAT I OPENED AFTER WAY TOO LONG :) k thanks bye


	10. Banter and Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dumb gays. that's it. oh and some sPiCy things so just keep that in mind when you're reading it gets iNtErEsTiNg. i'll come back and edit it later, i just wanted to get this out for y'all. enjoy :)

The vinyl flooring of the hospital squeaked under JJ’s rapid steps. She was closer to Emily’s room now and her mind was in two worlds. Her anxiety was nagging her with several scenarios where Emily wouldn’t be okay, while her optimism told her that the other side of the door held the key to her everything. Her hand slowly raised to the hospital door handle, turning it with care. She didn’t want to startle whoever was in there, especially if Emily was sleeping. 

She lightly pushed the door open and saw a pair of pink lips attached to the woman she wanted to see. Emily had pulled Juliet in for a kiss moments before JJ had reached the door. It was an effort to calm the storm that she saw behind the blue eyes after her hallucination. The warmth of her girlfriend spread slight comfort through Emily and her shoulders fell from their tensed position. Emily heard the hinges of the door give way and pulled back from Juliet, opening her eyes. Juliet blinked at her for a quick second before swiveling to see who had caught Emily’s eye. 

JJ stood in the opening of the door frame with a slight blush of embarrassment as if she had caught the two. She kept her eyes trained at the wall behind Emily. Eye contact was something she wanted so badly but couldn’t do at the moment. She opened her mouth to say something as Juliet lightly pushed away from her girlfriend. 

“Hey, JJ, I’ll give you two some alone time. I’m gonna go get something to eat and check-in with your team and my precinct.” The reservation in Juliet’s voice was barely detectable but no one chose to comment.

“Okay. Thank you.” JJ’s relief was somewhat obvious in her semi-whispered words. 

Juliet brought Emily’s hand up to place a light kiss on it before tucking a strand of raven hair behind her ear. She stood up and lightly walked out of the room, making difficult eye contact with the other blonde as a tight smile sat on her lips. It took 5 seconds after Juliet had quietly left the room for JJ to start moving and breathing again. The smile on her lips was genuine and grew with each step that she took towards Emily’s bedside. 

“Hey. How are you?” JJ sat down in the seat as Emily’s eyes tentatively followed her. 

“I’m doing amazing; just another normal Tuesday in the books. Room service can be a bit slow, but I can manage.”

“You’re such a dork. You know for a linguist that knows like 8 languages you suck at speaking.”

“What can I say? You’ve got me tongue-tied.”

JJ’s stomach fluttered but she covered that by jokingly nudging the brunette’s shoulder. Emily’s dopey smile made her want to grab the woman’s face and kiss it silly. 

“Yeah, yeah and I might just call in the nurse because you’re all doped up. I still wanted to thank you, though. You saved my life and put yourself directly into danger even after he had gone after you. It’s like you’re always right there to save me from anything. Thank you, Em. I really can’t ever repay you or thank you enough.”

Emily bit back the words that wanted to fly off of her tongue. JJ’s presence alone was intoxicating and freeing, allowing her to breathe and be happier than she could have ever dreamed. 

“It was nothing. I’m always here for you. Anyone would have done that; I just wish that I had figured it out sooner. I mean all of the signs were there and I just missed it, like it was right there in front of me- “

“Emily, stop it. You can’t just ignore what you did like that. Undermining that isn’t good and, honestly, you’ve always been right there to protect me. Besides, I missed it too. We both had our suspicions and he just got to us first, but what’s important is that we got out and he’s in custody.”

“Yeah, that bastard isn’t getting out, not if I have anything to say about it. I will beat the shit out of him, or if I get bored, I always have my .226 with me. I mean, you’ll cover for me, right?” Emily smirked as she finished her sentence and JJ giggled behind her hand. 

“Oh yeah, you don’t get to have all the fun. But you’re still stuck in bed and out of action for a few weeks. You know for sure that Garcia, me, and Juliet are not gonna let you run around until the doctors clear you. I mean, Garcia will definitely go mama bear on you, but I’m not gonna let you slide either.”

“Now I know why you were the communications liaison, Mrs. Way-With-Words. Damn, when did my charm stop working on you? Watch me get around your efforts to spoil my fun.” Emily paused for a second to watch the joy on JJ’s face. They were finally alone, and she dared to say the things that had been on the back burner for a while. 

“I’ve missed our banter a lot. It’s just so easy and honestly very calming. But can I ask you something?”

JJ’s heart nearly stopped as the possibilities ran through her head. The color drained from her face and her grip on the bed sheets tightened slightly. Emily saw this and immediately tried to backtrack and ease the blonde, hoping to get an answer that had been nagging her for months. 

“Jayje, it’s okay I just wanted to ask if I did anything.” Noting the confusion that had built onto JJ’s face, Emily hastily continued. “You just… You’ve been shutting me out. I feel like I did something that made you pull back, and I never want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable. I’ve been racking my brain and I can’t remember if I did something wrong.” 

Emily’s eyes had dropped to her hands that were fidgeting on the covers, tangling and untangling her fingers adamantly. She felt as if moving her gaze to look at the agent would cause her to dissipate, or even run away and never look back. Emily knew that could be counted as outrageous, but with her last spoken words ringing through her head, no reaction seemed impossible. Her heart was beating like a messed-up metronome, but luckily JJ didn’t comment on the heart monitor. In fact, JJ hadn’t said anything in the past minute. Emily finally steeled herself to speak again when the silence was broken by shaky words. 

“Shut you out? I didn’t think I was shutting you out. Okay, I did feel some tension, but it wasn’t on purpose. The last few months have just been a lot.”

Emily took a second to think before replying, gears turning in her head. The only major thing that had happened the past few months was the introduction of her girlfriend. However, Emily Prentiss was not one to make brash jumps to conclusions, especially not when it came to Jennifer.

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to overstep. Damn it, I shouldn’t have been so stupid. I was worrying about made-up things and you were struggling, and I should’ve been there for you and - “ 

“Em, look at me, please. You had other things to focus on, like Juliet, plus you were still there. You can’t keep blaming yourself for everything. Seriously, that’s gotta be tiring. Trust me, you do help me with so much more than you can imagine. Now, stop saying such bad things about my best friend or I’m going to have to scold you. You see, I don’t take well to anyone messing with her, even if it’s her own dumb self.” 

Emily let a chuckle slip past her lips and the pressure in her chest fizzled out again. She turned her head to where the blonde sat and let her lips curl up into a smile that nearly took over her face. The crystal eyes that looked back were a place that Emily wished to stay forever. 

“Alright then, Madame, I guess I’ll have to stop because you can get scary when you’re angry. So tell me then, Miss Pennsylvania Petite, what do you think of Juliet?”

JJ was pulled out of her little bubble as the brunette finished the question. Sitting so close to Emily as they talked so casually had her heart racing. She didn’t want to think about anybody other than the woman in front of her, much less her girlfriend. The blonde had made it six months artfully avoiding the question posed to her, and she let out a sigh of defeat. 

“She’s great for you. Juliet is cool, smart, and she gets along well with the team. She can even talk to and entertain Reid which is honestly pretty rare. Plus, she’s easy on the eyes. Why, are you looking to take some big steps, Madame?” 

Emily rolled her eyes at JJ’s comment and tried not to think too hard about the question. It reminded her of what she had seen while she was unconscious in the hospital. Her realization was sitting right there in front of her with the words dancing on her tongue. The brunette couldn’t do it. She had Juliet and JJ would never go for her; it was just another thing that she got to shove down deep for no one to ever uncover. 

“I don’t know about big steps, but she’s definitely something different. Jules is special, and I’ve never had anything like that before. I just wanted to make sure that the most important people in my life like her too, so that I don’t mess up. Sometimes it’s scary, though, because of what I am and have done, it feels like I’ll never be good enough.”

Emily couldn’t help but open the doors to her heart a little more. It was as if JJ held the key and nothing could stop her from breaking down the walls. Vulnerability clouded around her and it dropped JJ’s heart. How the injured woman saw so lowly of herself never made sense. To JJ, Emily was as near a goddess as one could get. 

“Emily, you can’t think like that. We all love her, and we love you, most importantly. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how you can think like that about yourself. When I look at you, I see a strong woman that can brave her way through anything but has the emotional depth beyond what anyone can fathom. I see a warrior guiding and protecting a little girl’s fragile hopes and dreams against the torrent of things she was put through in the past. So please, look at yourself through my eyes and see what an amazing catch you are. Because I’m sure that Juliet and everyone else sees it too.”

Any words or cognitive thought had left Emily’s brain. The world had melted away and all that was left was JJ and her. She chastised herself for getting so mesmerized, remembering every little detail that she had called for about the blonde. Emily couldn’t help it. Every word that the woman spoke Emily clung to. Emily and JJ’s eyes had met in the middle of JJ’s words and the world had stopped. Both women felt their heart beat faster as if it were trying to beat time. Neither one dared to move after the blonde had stopped speaking. The pair sat like that for more than a few minutes, lost in thought, and fixated on the other. 

The click of the door jamb sent both women scrambling out of their trance. JJ shot back into her chair, feeling as if cold water had been poured all over her. Emily jerked her head over to the door and dropped her hands rigidly to her side. The door opened to reveal Hotch, Reid, Penelope, and Juliet. The two let out their breaths but lost none of their edge. 

The group filed in and quickly moved to either side of Emily’s bed. Hotch informed them that visiting hours were nearly over. Juliet had migrated to the wall and picked up Emily’s hand. JJ couldn’t help but watch the other blonde draw small circles in the brunette’s palm. Jealousy began to flare in her mind, but she would never let it be visible. She noticed Garcia watching her with a sympathetic smile. JJ didn’t want sympathy. She finally tuned in again as Hotch asked her to step outside with Penelope and Reid. She looked back to Emily and smiled warmly before nodding and making her way out of the room. 

————————————————————

“Reid, Penelope, and I are heading back to the hotel now. The rest of the team left earlier. Do you want to stay, or will you head out with us?”

The question was mostly pointless because everyone knew that there was nearly nothing that would leave her to leave. 

“You guys head back; I’ll just crash here. I don’t want to leave her right now, for both of our sakes. Here’s the room key-card, Pen.”

The men left the two and began walking towards the exit with a promise to Garcia to wait up. She pulled the younger woman to the side and took the card.

“Hey, I saw the look on your face when we opened the door. Did something happen? You both looked super flustered, and I saw you eyeing Juliet when she was next to Em.”

“We started talking again, like really talking. God, Pen, I forgot how amazing it felt to talk to her like that. It was like there was nothing else in the world besides us. She asked me about Juliet, and I told her that she was great for her. I just wish things were different.”

“Aww, babe, that’s amazing because seeing you two ladies frosting each other was getting hard to watch. Don’t worry, blondie, things will change because you have me in your corner. Thank you for the room key and don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do. See you tomorrow, toodles!”

With that Penelope scurried away, leaving JJ to go back to the hospital room where the couple was. She entered quietly and told the two that she would be staying. It was met with quick acceptance from Emily and a terse nod with an inquisitive look from Jules. 

JJ settled in the chair closest to Emily’s bed on the opposite side of Juliet. They weren’t in the room long before a nurse came in to check Emily’s vitals and signal for lights out. 

————————————————————————

_The warmth of the night was not lost on JJ. She drank in the glimmer of every visible star from the hotel balcony with the city buzzing under her feet. She hadn’t been out here long, but the breeze was beginning to get to her. She felt another presence behind and didn’t have to turn to acknowledge it._

_“I always was a city girl, even if I was born in East Allegheny. Something about the constant movement is electrifying.”_

_“I can think of other things that are electrifying. You are definitely one of them,” the voice husked out from behind her as two strong arms wrapped around her waist._

_The scent of ocean and home overtook the blonde and she backed further into the embrace. She was in a soft navy-blue nightie with soft white slippers on her feet. Her back was flush against a deep, maroon robe that thinly veiled her lover’s otherwise bare body. The woman’s luscious curls fell to either side of JJ’s head, softly resting on her shoulders. JJ shifted her weight to center in the woman’s hold, placing her hands lightly on the other’s._

_Emily’s lips softly grazing her neck was the first thing she felt. JJ’s body responded instantaneously, nearly burning at each point of contact. Life and adrenaline sprinted through her veins. Light kisses and wandering lips quickly turned into sharply pressed areas that were sure to show marks later._

_A smirk had placed itself on JJ’s lips; two could play this game. Without giving Emily the chance at a second thought, she twirled around and placed her hands on the brunette’s shoulders. JJ pushed insistently and guided Emily back to the bed. She made sure that there was enough distance that the older woman couldn’t try anything._

_The ambiance of their bedroom fulfilled everything in JJ’s mind at the moment. Dark walls complemented the deep, stained wood furniture strategically arranged in the room. Curved lighting fixtures against the walls allowed the pair to move with certainty and not be bathed in the red lighting. Expensive carpeting allowed four now bare feet to glide swiftly to their destination. God, they were good at interior design._

_The soft sinking of the mattress under Emily’s weight shifted something inside JJ. It was now her time to shine. She tucked her silky, blonde hair behind her ear and all but cat-walked up to where Emily laid. Her fingers started at the bottom of the robe. She traced swirled patterns over the satin and artfully avoided the areas that she knew made Emily buzz. JJ reached the top of her thighs and inched her fingers agonizingly close, refusing to give in._

_Emily was not one to hand over control easily. Her past had made sure of that, but under the care and caress of her blonde counterpart, she couldn’t help but let go. Stifled whimpers betrayed Emily, showing JJ the effect of her touch. The blonde made little haste in moving up further to the collar of the robe. She teased her finger under the robe and Emily sharply gasped._

_JJ smiled wickedly as she saw the brunette’s eyes shut tightly. She lowered her head and began kissing Emily’s neck, alternating pressure to vary where the marks would show. She loved seeing marks on Emily’s skin as a reminder of their time together._

_After she was satisfied with Emily’s neck, JJ ran her nose down the woman’s chest. She lightly nudged the robe to the side, exposing new skin to the cool air. She ran her lips softly over the new skin, watching it rise to her stimulus._

_“Please, stop teasing,” Emily breathed out from under her._

_All of the agent’s senses had turned to fire, and JJ’s teasing was driving her crazy. She placed her hand in the blonde’s hair and tugged, hoping to redirect her to where the fire burned deeply._

_“You want it badly, don’t you? I can feel the need radiating off you. So, tell me what you want.”_

_JJ stopped herself from diving in. She wanted to do everything to bring Emily to her release, but the fun was also in the wait._

_“Your mouth, your fingers, anything please. I want you, Jayje.”_

_The want in Emily’s voice more than did it for JJ as she launched into her plans. Her mouth kissed down to a rosy nipple, switching between tongue and light kisses. The other was not forgotten, twitching, and reacting to gentle pinches and twists. She switched after some time repeating the motions to the opposite nipple. Emily writhed in pleasure underneath. The sounds coming out of her were something that JJ could spend eternity surrounded by._

_Eventually, she moved further down, helped by Emily’s hand that sat in her hair. JJ worked her way across the pale, olive-skinned stomach. Every kiss and bite brought Emily painfully closer to what she had been waiting so long for. JJ finally decided that it was time and settled between Emily’s legs. She kissed the outer lips, avoiding what Emily wanted because she was still not going to be easy._

_“JJ, come on, I need it. Just do it,” Emily hissed from above and JJ smiled heavily against her skin._

_“Fine, but just because you’re my good girl.” Emily made a note of the comment to get back to later._

_JJ’s tongue finally touched Emily’s clit and the world stopped for them both. Emily’s grip tightened in her hair to remind the blonde of the effect this was having on her. JJ felt as if she was home. This spot, between Emily’s legs, could be the last place she would ever be, and she would happily oblige. The pure taste of Emily alone destroyed all of her senses. It was salvation beyond anything she had known._

_She circled and tasted, taking in any last drop she could manage. Emily let out a growl, and her painting became more and more apparent. JJ was lost in the honeyed taste of Emily, switching between slow yet deliberate and rough and fast._

_“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Jayje, right there. Oh god, yes. I’m gonna come.” Emily’s breathing was ragged and the word babble continued in several other languages as well._

_“Come on, baby, let it out. Come for me, Em.”_

_Those words sent her flying over the edge, accompanied by several more spewed obscenities. JJ let her ride out her high and gave her thighs two kisses before moving up to lay beside the brunette. Her boldness with Emily and the reactions that she got had made her more than wet. She was teetering on the edge._

_After a few minutes, JJ felt a slightly rough hand slide up to the bare of her neck. The bed around her dipped as Emily shifted over her. She felt lightheaded and relished it as Emily began her attack on the blonde’s collar bone. She made some haste in removing the nightie and made her way down JJ’s body. She was slightly rougher, but that was just how the blonde liked it._

_JJ was relishing every second of Emily and she never wanted this to end. Her body was tingling beyond anything and Emily had the key to turning her on further. She twitched and turned under the brunette’s tongue, hoping that her release would come soon._

_“Emily, please, stop teasing. I’m so close, please let me come. Oh god.”_

_Emily laughed huskily and pulled herself back from the blonde’s body. She made eye contact, feeling and seeing the ecstasy in the ocean blue eyes that looked back at her._

_“Exactly, you’re mine. It’s cute how you think that you’re in control here. Maybe if you behave, I’ll let you come.”_

_Those words went straight to JJ’s head and she groaned harder. Emily had been circling her pussy for some time now. It was beginning to be too much, but she had to wait for Emily._

_“That’s right, good girl. You look so good all spread out for me like this.”_

_Emily finally stopped teasing and took to her task. She ate JJ out as if her life depended on it and both women were on the verge of reeling. JJ’s back was arching high off of the bed and she was squirming more than before._

_“Come for me baby, let go. I wanna see it.”_

_JJ came with a scream and Emily’s name on her tongue for several minutes. Her orgasm overtook her body with white-hot electricity. JJ’s body lifted high off the bed to the point where it would be painful. Sinful words poured out of her mouth because she was still not aware of her actions._

_After some time, Emily plopped down next to her, cradling the smaller woman in her arms. JJ moved to intertwine her legs with Emily and focused on the woman’s heartbeat._

_She fell into a deep sleep but heard one last thing from Emily that got her to turn up the corners of her mouth._

_“I told you, you’re electrifying.”_

————————————————————

JJ awoke roughly with a lanky figure hovering over her. Her shirt was sticking to her in the heat of the room and her vision was hazy. The figure was finally coming into focus. Reid stood in front of her with concern laced in his facial expressions. Her face contorted in confusion as she uncrossed her arms. The other two women were still sleeping, with Emily in her bed and Juliet slumped back in her chair that was pulled close to the side.

“Reid, is everything okay? Did something happen?”

“Um, I came in to check on you guys because I couldn’t sleep and you were out. You sounded strained and I thought I heard Emily’s name. Were you having nightmares?”

Reid’s eyes shifted to the sides as if he was unsure that asking her was okay. There was clearly something else that was on his mind. JJ had frozen with his question as the memories from her “dream” came rushing back. The room became suffocating around her and she abruptly got out of her chair, despite still being partially asleep. She swayed slightly against the armrest but motioned for him to follow her outside.

The harsh lighting of the hospital was definitely getting to her, but that wasn’t important.

“Kinda, it’s all hazy now, but it wasn’t good. I’m just glad I chose to stay in the hospital because knowing she’s close really helps.” JJ said all this with the memories of her “encounter” with Emily in her dreams fresh and reeling. It wasn’t hard to lie like this, but she wondered how much anyone else could have heard.

“I know she wanted you close, too, so I’m glad you guys could give each other peace, but I honestly think you could give her a lot more.”

JJ looked up with surprise, not quite understanding what the doctor was getting at.

“Spence, what? I’m not following?”

“You love her. It’s pretty obvious to anyone that would see you two. I also did hear you say it in Pipliano’s house when we entered the chamber. The lingering looks and touches, the way that she softens around you, the banter, how you always know exactly what the other is feeling, and the way that you always gravitate towards her all show it plain as day. I noticed a long time ago, but the most recent events have confirmed it.”

JJ wasn’t expecting this right now, especially not from Spencer, but she knew it was going to happen at some point. There was no avoiding it now.

“Yeah, I do love her. I’m in love with her and it’s been so long, but I missed the chance. Emily is with Juliet and I just have to accept that. Spence, please don’t bring this up to anyone, because I’m stuck as it is. Can we talk about it later, though?”

As Reid agreed to her request, the door to Emily’s room opened and Juliet stepped out. She groggily nodded to the pair before heading off in the direction of the restrooms.

There was a lot of recovery to do, things to think about, and decisions to make. JJ would get through it though; she had too. For Emily, if not for herself, she would figure everything out. Maybe things could work out in the end, she could only wait and see.

————————————————————

The tubes clinked against each other as the woman transported them from one case to the other. This batch was nearly complete. The odor had vanished and left the cerulean liquid to swish around in their containers, waiting for use.

“Yes, Yes. This batch should work. Then, no bastard can ever lie to me again. Filthy whore. Kailash, this is for you, baby. I'm doing it to avenge you.”

The muffled screams from the next room were dampened by soundproof walls. Leather restraints tightly bound skinny wrists to a wooden chair in the middle of an observation box. The one-sided glass allowed the woman to work in peace and watch her prey squirm in futility. The glass revealed a pale blonde with gashes across her hands and legs. However, the most painful of the cuts had been the word "LIAR" that was etched into her stomach. The wall behind her held pictures of those that had come before her. Her hair was matted and her appearance was ragged. Yet her captor had taken the time to draw heavy, winged eyeliner on her face. She had lost track of time, but was beginning to understand that she was not getting out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sleep deprived but please enjoy this long ass chapter. reid is sMaRt and JJ is gAy but make it fLuStErEd. please lemme know what y'all think because this is the end of the first case/first case related stuff and things are brewing for the main case... plus JJ needs to get that mind under control
> 
> HMU ON MY REOPENED TUMBLR @vhsrights TO TALK ABOUT THE STORY OR JEMILY OR SHIT IN GENERAL k thanks bye :)


	11. I spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily is finally back to the field and a girl's night ensues, Juliet has some choice words. ALSO THE UNSUB IS NOW A WOMAN I CHANGED THE ENDING OF THE LAST CHAPTER A BIT. introducing Riza Rena because i think it makes shit more interesting so lmk what you think in the comments. enjoy :)

5 months later…

The elevator opened and the team filed out, walking towards the bullpen, only to be met with quickly clacking heels sported by their favorite technical analyst. Penelope’s face was full of joy and pride as she turned towards Emily. She hadn’t seen the raven-haired woman before her first case back because they were called in at the “ass-crack of dawn” (those were Emily’s words, not hers). She moved quickly to envelop her in a tight squeeze with the team smiling and watching behind her. 

“Ohh, I missed you, Wonder Woman! How was your first case back? I mean, I know you kicked ass because I was constantly checking in, but still. You’re lucky that it was an easier case to get back on. Do any of your bruises or scars hurt? Did you get enough sleep? You look kinda pale.” The words rushed out of Garcia’s mouth faster than anyone really could process. 

Emily laughed heartily with echoed chuckles from the team before answering the question. She shifted her bag off of her shoulder and gestured to everyone to head inside as she began talking. 

“It was good, PG, thanks. Yeah, the case was a relatively okay wrap because of a tip-off from the girls that helped piece a lot of things together. It feels really good to be back because, honestly, I think I almost went crazy with being out of the field for so long. Plus, I did miss working with all of your pretty faces.” 

Garcia blushed with a large grin on her face, with JJ blushing right behind the pair.

“As for taking care of me, you don’t have to worry because Blondie was right on my ass making sure I was doing everything I needed to. I think she might be gunning for your spot as the team’s mama bear, PG,” Emily joked as she set her bag down, oblivious to what was going on behind her.

JJ was on the verge of passing out because she was smiling so hard and the flush of her skin had made it hard to breathe. Garcia turned back to watch the inner turmoil on the younger agent’s face. She was having an absolute ball. Covering her mouth to not laugh out loud, Garcia threw teasing looks at JJ. JJ had glued her eyes to anywhere but Emily and nudged Garcia when she caught the looks. 

“Oh E, we both know that Jayje wouldn’t dare take my spot as a mama bear. I knew she would be right on your ass though, and I expected nothing less. She tends to stick close to her favorite people, especially if they’re injury-prone.” Emily had turned around and Garcia’s words were not helping her ability to hide her emotions. 

The analyst watched both women as she spoke, noting shifty eyes with restless feet and blushing skin. Her plans for the two had just begun and she could already tell how far gone both women were. Morgan and Reid had migrated to their close desks as well so Garcia decided to end the teasing for now. She shifted to have the two women in front of her before speaking.

“Ladies, we totally have to celebrate E’s first case back! I’m thinking of a full-blown Girl’s Night Out, especially because Hotch gave us the day and tomorrow is Saturday. I fully intend on getting the two of you plastered. Before you try to refuse, I’m not taking “no” for an answer, so what about it, sweet cheeks? We on tonight?”

Both women considered it. They needed a nice wind down after the case. JJ was ready to get plastered because she had been missing their “girls’ time”. Emily hadn’t been out with them once since their case in Nevada, and Juliet had been close the entire time for her recovery. It’s not that JJ didn’t like Juliet, it just didn’t feel right being there with her around. Knowing what Juliet possibly knew about her feelings and the tense, forced cordiality, JJ had kept her distance. She had hung out increasingly with Penelope, which often ended in the two talking about the blonde’s intense feelings. 

“Yeah, that works for me. I really want to just cut loose and drink sounds great. Where do you want to go?” JJ sat back on Emily’s desk, monitoring her facial expressions. She was hoping that Emily would say yes, but there seemed to be something that was making this decision harder than usual. 

“Em? What do you say?” Penelope saw the thought in Emily’s eyes too. She wondered what was delaying the brunette’s agreement.

“Sorry, guys, Juliet is flying in tomorrow. We’re getting kinda close to the one year, and she had some leave, so she’s making the trip. I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it, especially because I’m picking her up tomorrow.” 

Emily shrugged her shoulders and felt bad about turning down the offer. She had missed her best friends a lot, and it felt like they had been slightly distant when Juliet had stepped in for her recovery. She understood that Juliet was her girlfriend, and was ultimately thankful for the attention. However, she felt JJ especially pulling back a little and it hurt. She and Juliet were coming upon their first anniversary, and she had tried to start the conversation of taking the next step. Emily loved her girlfriend, but taking that step didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like it was supposed to happen, and doubt and insecurity were having a field day on her thoughts. Along with that, the thought of moving forward with Juliet resurfaced memories from her time unconscious. She hadn’t had time to process the “wedding” that she saw, and she didn’t know if she wanted to process it. 

Having JJ in front of her felt right in indescribable ways. It was perfectly unattainable and messing with her head. Through all her years of compartmentalization, this was the hardest thing to surpass because JJ’s mere presence made her heart sing and head swoon. Emily knew it was wrong, but there was nothing she could do. It truly was putting her in between a rock and hard place, but she loved Juliet so that was the relationship she was going to maintain. 

“Hello, Earth to Em. Come on, please, you have to go out with us. It’s been so long and we miss you. I want to have a night out with my girls and not think about anything else. Besides, I already told you that I’m not taking no for an answer. I know the flight doesn’t land until 2 pm, so I’m sorry, but you have no valid excuse,” Pen chirped. She was headstrong in the best of ways. It was one of the things that Emily had always admired about her. 

“Okay, fine. I’ve missed you guys a hell of a lot too. Let’s do it, plastered and all. Now, where and when are we meeting?” Emily decided that this opportunity was not one to be given up and it was apparent that all of them needed it. 

“Oooooo, Yes! Okay, so we can meet at the bar on Wendell Street, and then, head back to my place afterward for games and spending the night. I just need to grab some things from my office and then we can head out. I will see you ladies in about 2 and a half hours. Dress sexy girls because tonight we are gonna go at it!” Penelope began walking away as she yelled out the last sentence. Emily and JJ looked at each other and started laughing at the analyst’s temperament. JJ got up and headed towards her office, with Emily turning towards her desk. Tonight was going to be a fun night, indeed. 

———————————————————————————

“Goodbye, Riza! have a good day! I’ll stop by at around 5, if that’s okay.” The cashier smiled at her warmly and handed her the receipt. The girl was shorter with a long, blonde mane that was braided past her chest. Her bright, almond eyes shone with enthusiasm and emotion. 

“Oh sure, no problem. I’ll have the tea ready and we can talk. I’m excited to catch up with you. Goodbye.” The woman received the receipt and made her way to the door with her cart. The smile on her face looked genuine, but there is always more to people than meets the eye. 

Riza walked out to her car and began the drive home. As her fingers twiddled the steering wheel, things began to form in her head. The cashier, Lyra, had met Riza at a mutual party and extended an offer to talk at her house. They shared interest in psychology and addictions, striking up a quick and lively conversation. The scalpel in the passenger seat of her car was at the forefront of her mind. Its new and shiny blade was all but calling to Riza, drawing images of what she wanted to do with it. Her hand itched at the thought of getting to work, planning and replanning her ideas. 

As her sleek black Dodge Charger pulled into the driveway, Riza nearly began bouncing with excitement. She shut off the car's engine and made a mad dash into her house, purchased items in hand. Riza threw her bag on the marble countertop and began throwing together an intricate chai for her arriving guest. The aromas of spices and chai filled the air and Riza sighed relief. The living room and other areas of her house drew her attention next. The woman made herself busy tidying up stray pillows and rearranging rooms to create a homey look. Finally, she went to her freezer and inspected her special containers, making sure that they would be adequate for her company. 

At 5:00, Lyra pulled into the house. She had enjoyed the other woman’s intellectual disposition and was excited to discuss the topics that they had connected on further. The house was a late Victorian model, yet held a quaint vibe even with its looming structure. Rust-colored bricks created a hanging archway that led to the front door, magnifying the size of the house further. Light shrubbery that was well tamed lined the front porch and a home-made mat sat at the doorstep. Lyra took in the surroundings as she knocked on the door. The sound echoed past the door, bringing a rush of steps on the other side.

Riza opened the door and quickly let Lyra in, directing her to the sitting room. The blonde relaxed into a mahogany armchair as she surveyed the room. Light oak tables complimented the white-lined windows and helped to bring warmth to the grand room. The walls were mostly bare, minus a couple of abstract paintings and photos of a young boy. Lyra wondered who he was, considering that Riza hadn’t mentioned anything about a child, and she hadn’t noticed the typical traces of a home with children. 

Her host re-entered the room with a tray that carried chai and assorted snacks. Riza had a beaming smile on her face as she sat down.

“So, Lyra, it’s nice to have another woman that is as interested in psychology and addiction in this area. This neighborhood may be filled with intellectuals and wealthy people, but I swear their egos are near twice the size of their houses.” The women chuckled as they thought of the nose up affluents that lived in the vicinity. 

“Oh, for sure, I was surprised when I met you at Zeke’s gathering, but the subjects do fasten me more than most people. Did you hear about the recent studies that were released on the effects of psychoactive drugs on adults with strict upbringings? They went in-depth with the analysis of the frontal lobe and amygdala responses. I was even shocked to see that the hormones that are released are at higher strength levels than any other experience! The production of CHS is almost completely shut off while the dopamine levels inversely skyrocket; the user wouldn’t even understand that kind of cloud nine!”

“Ah yes, I was reading one of those before bed last night.” Riza stopped for a moment to offer the plate of snacks along to Lyra, watching as she took them alongside her chai. “I was fascinated by those as well; the abstracts proved to be well-rounded and I couldn’t put it down. I was drawn to the area where they referenced the user’s restructured neural pathways that are connected with truth and the ability to misinform. I’ve had a long time fascination with people’s motivations to lie, having been a circuit judge for a couple of years after I left my psych practice. There can be several twisted reasons, and they all seem to have diverse impacts on one’s psyche.”

“Wow, Riza, I didn’t know you had a full-on psych practice. That’s really cool. I never really thought of the implications of lying like that. When I was younger, my sister and I used to lie all the time. I honestly don’t even remember why, but I think it may have been my sister’s influence. I don’t talk to her anymore because we had a falling out a long time ago, but I do miss her.”

This new piece of information piqued Riza’s interest. She had been waiting for something like this for so long. Her brain began zooming with possibilities and she turned in her seat, angling intently towards the other woman. Her leg bounced out of anxiety and excitement and her eyes tightened on Lyra as if she was stalking her prey. The blonde was finishing her tea and didn’t notice the change in her host’s temperament. Lyra set the tea down again, and the pair continued their conversation. They burned through the different aspects that they saw of each other's interests, drawing conclusions and enjoying the other’s company. Riza was waiting, but her impatience was beginning to get the best of her. The pair finally sat in a comfortable silence before Lyra’s eyes migrated to the photos of the young boy again. 

“Hey, who’s the cutie on the wall? Is that your son or nephew?” Lyra asked enthusiastically to Riza.

Riza’s body stiffened and her hands clenched at her side. Her eyes became hazy and unwanted memories poured through her. Echoed screams, delirious sobs, clattering objects, and shattering glass rang through Riza’s ears. Shallower breathing and dilated pupils clued in her guest that something was very wrong. The memories stopped flashing after a minute, and Riza looked around in bewilderment. It was like her senses had stopped, and she was thrust into the past, hazily seeing what she had buried so deep. This flipped the switch in her; she was ready. 

When Riza became self-aware again the look of concern and sadness in Lyra’s eyes was evident. Lyra’s helplessness and fear rolled off of her and Riza almost laughed at it. They fueled her to go faster, and she stood up with a grin on her face, her eyes showing that she was not fully there. Riza motioned for the blonde to stand up and grabbed her arm. She said something about wanting Lyra to see something that she had been researching concerning their conversation, maneuvering the woman through her hallway. Lyra was frightened for a short amount of time when Riza was out, but now she was intrigued yet confused at the women's change in behavior. 

Lyra had always been an adventurer, and so she whole-heartedly readied herself for the research that she was about to see. It hadn’t even crossed her mind that she would become the research. 

Riza opened the door to her library and easily found the bookcase she was looking for. Her hand migrated to a book called “The Neuropathy Of The Lie” and she pulled it tenderly. The book didn’t dislodge from the shelf, rather tilted forward with a click. Lyra’s eyebrows raised in surprise, but she winced as Riza’s grip on her arm tightened.

“Hey, you’re hurting my arm. Can you loosen your grip? Riza?” The blonde tried to get the older woman’s attention in vain, and she was dragged through the wall where the shelf had moved. 

The pair ventured into a hallway that was immaculately clean and unnervingly narrow. They finally reached a navy blue door after walking a short way, and Riza let Lyra’s arm go. In that moment, Lyra’s thoughts should have been analyzing how she got where she was, why she was in such an odd location, or maybe why she was so implicitly trusting the woman in front of her. However, for the life of her, she couldn’t focus on anything, but the possible contents of the room behind the door. 

“Sorry, I was lost in thought a bit, but we’re here now. You asked who the kid on the wall was. He was my son, Kailash, and the light of my life. We can talk more about that later, but let’s go in now. I wanted to show you this.”

She opened the door to reveal a room that was divided into two portions. One part was a makeshift lab with a gurney, a large assortment of surgical equipment, and a humongous freezer. The other half contained a desk filled with papers and other documents in front of a glass viewing window. Before Lyra could look too far into the glass, Riza staunchly directed her to a chair with the back to it. After seating the woman, she made her way to the freezer and grabbed a case with blue vials. The cerulean liquid was puzzling, and Lyra was honestly speechless, slightly out of curiosity and slighty out of fear. 

“This is the research that I have been conducting for the past few months. The file in front of you should have the information on my trials and the experiment. I want you to read it to see what you think. This could be one of the greatest crossovers that we were talking about before. Please read and ask any questions you have. I’ll be right here.”

With that, the older woman stood up and made her way around the room. Lyra’s eyes followed her for the first few seconds before grabbing the file and diving into the experiment. The paper was compelling, yet when she reached the area about the trials, Lyra’s eyebrows knit in confusion. She turned her head, hoping to catch a glimpse of Riza to ask a question, but couldn’t see her. 

“Hey, Riza, the methods and trial areas said that you used live women, but wouldn’t the procedure harm some of their neural processes?”

Lyra felt cold air chill her neck, then the warm hand of her host clasped her shoulder. The blonde jumped slightly out of her chair, but Riza’s grip was firm. 

“Oh don’t worry, I handled those women just fine. They were very valuable to my experiment. They were dirty, rotten, filthy liars but I treated them exactly how they should be treated. I just didn’t include pictures in the report because some may have called those sights, how to say, unsavory.”

At this point, Lyra was highly aware of Riza’s presence, and she was getting closer and closer to the edge of her seat. The need to get up and bolt was growing, but Riza’s grasp had other plans for her. Sweat had begun to form on her brows and upper mustache as the seconds ticked by. 

“Those women were forcefully administered with a compound while being held and tested like animals! Riza, that isn’t okay. What did you do to them?”

She was so focused on what she was saying she missed the cerulean syringe that had come to be level with her shoulder. 

“That is not something that you need to worry about, besides you’re just like them. You deserve the same treatment, so it's time to go night-night, Lyra.” 

Those were the last words that the blonde heard as Riza injected her with the syringe’s contents. As her petite body slumped over, Riza’s breathing slowed, and she stopped to look at Lyra. How she had gotten here was a long tale, one with more twists and turns than anything, but she felt good. She felt good, and, at the moment, that was all that mattered. Riza fell back into her chair opposite of the blonde, tucking her hair behind her ear. A soft exhale escaped her lips and she tilted her head back, gazing aimlessly at the ceiling. 

“Kailash, I’m doing this for you. I know you’re not here anymore, but I always have you in my heart. I won’t let lying women ruin people’s lives anymore. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you, but I am doing everything I possibly can to fix it for other people. This is all  _ her _ fault, but I made her pay, and I will keep making women like her pay for as long as I can. I love you, baby.”

———————————————————————————

‘Dress sexy’ was what Garcia had said. Dressing sexy was exactly what all three women had done. Garcia was donning one of her strapless dresses with a sheen that turned heads. The dress ended at her knees and gave way to strappy heels that complimented her glitter makeup look. Next to her stood JJ, and the woman looked truly like an angel- a cutthroat angel. A crimson body-con dress hugged her every curve with a low neck that amply showed her chest along with a largely exposed back. The strapless dress also had three-fourth length sleeves that attached at the top of the low cut front. A stylish, black leather jacket sat on her shoulders with shiny zippers to redirect wandering eyes. Her heels were matched to her dress with a 3-inch pencil stick to give her height that she usually lacked. Her dark red lip contrasted with the pillowy golden mane that laid against her shoulders. 

The pair stood outside at the corner of the bar, waiting for their brunette to arrive. Excitement and anxiety levels were high, but it was going to be a short night out followed by a long night in-house. JJ could feel her heart beating rampantly in her chest and, if the music hadn’t been pumping so loud from the bar, she was sure that Pen would have heard it, too. 

“Jayje, I can feel you freaking out from here. Chillax, she’s still your bestie, and, tonight, we’re just going out for a night on the town. Well, that is if she shows up-“ The words died in Penelope’s mouth as Emily turned the corner into their view. 

Brunette curls laid loosely on bare shoulders that framed her face, complimenting the somewhat dark eyeshadow and makeup on her. A deep, shaded indigo covered her lips to fully complete the look. The navy satin midi-dress left little to the imagination on her body, a low v-cut neck, and spaghetti straps decorating the front with a diagonal slit across one thigh. Emily hadn’t spotted her two friends yet, so she turned partially around to look for them. The back of her dress was a crossed string pattern that sat above a zippered portion. Minimalistic yet elegant stringy heels adorned her feet, exposing the navy blue nail polish on her toes. 

JJ had been fighting labored breathing at the first sight of Emily, but, as the seconds passed, she stopped even that. She was sure that Penelope had heard her sharp inhale mixed with a groan as the brunette had appeared. However, they had more pressing concerns. Penelope whistled and yelled at the brunette to guide her over to where they stood. Emily’s eyes finally laid on JJ and her heart nearly stopped. Every inch and detail of JJ made her want to take the woman away into the night. It was positively intoxicating, but she wouldn’t let herself get caught like that. However, Emily still couldn’t stop herself from gazing at the woman and taking her in, up and down, more than two times. 

Penelope honestly could have and would have laughed in her friends’ faces. Both were hopelessly lost in each other, trying not to get caught, but also wishing that they had the other. It was somewhat enraging for the woman because she had watched this dance go back and forth for years. Now was not the time for that dance though, because Penelope Garcia had deemed it to be enough. Tonight was time for action in many more forms than one. 

“Honey, Jayje, you’re going to catch flies in your mouth if you don’t close it soon. You look positively stunning, Em, like my god, if I wasn’t straight, I let you take me in a New York minute. Seriously, you clean up like that, and we barely get to see it? A crime I say, right, JJ?”

Emily blushed and winked at Garcia. JJ was still trying to regulate her heart and mind, and it seemed like all coherent thought had run out of her brain. She had tried to stare daggers at the other blonde for the comment about her mouth, but found herself unable to take her eyes off of Emily. 

“Um, uh, yeah, Em, you look absolutely insane. You really should dress up like this more often. I mean, god knows, Derek would have a field day teasing you. But, you look hot, so who gives a fuck.” JJ had stumbled her way through the beginning of the sentence and hadn’t really found it by the end. She was just glad that she had stopped speaking on the off chance that she would make a bigger fool of herself.

“Thanks, P, you know all you have to do is ask. Jay, I would kick Morgan’s ass if he said shit about me in this, but I do look hot. Thanks. Not to mention, you two also look like absolute smoke shows. P, I’m happy seeing you bust out the dress we bought a while ago, and JJ, you look, uh… breathtaking as always.” Emily’s cheeks flushed red at the end of her comment, but she would have time to berate herself and overanalyze her words later.

For now, it was time to drink. 

“Alrighty then, ladies. Follow me because the party is this way!” Penelope cheered in front of the women, guiding them into the bar that they chose.

She easily maneuvered them to a booth seat on the side. Most could argue that the venue was a nightclub with its neon teal lighting and eccentric lighting systems. Tubed wiring ran through the floor, wrapping its occupants in the light to envelop them in the mood as well. Music pumped through the air lightly, not yet booming with the swing of the night. The trio felt the electric vibe of the club and began to let loose and begin their night. The women set down their purses, leaving JJ at the table to go get drinks. 

“Em, I’m so glad you’re here! I’ve been waiting so long for us to hang out, and, tonight, we can have all the fun you’ve missed out on.” Penelope chirped as Emily ordered a martini for her and beers for herself and JJ. They had a long night mixed with alcohol ahead, so it was best to start slow. The younger blonde was hunched over in her seat on her phone when the pair returned to the booth.

“Jayje, came on and put the phone away. Unless there’s a case, which I swear to god there better not be, no phones for tonight. I missed you guys like hell and the drinks are calling our name.” Emily nudged JJ as she said it, getting the woman to put the phone away and grab her beer. The brunette watched her slyly, trying not to get caught staring, but failing miserably under Penelope’s watchful eye.

“So, Em, how are things with Jules? I know that you two are coming up on one year,” Penelope asked the question to Emily, but kept a close watch on the other blonde. 

Emily subconsciously tensed at the mention of her girlfriend, inching away from where JJ sat next to her. A taut smile perched itself onto her face because Juliet made her so happy, but what plagued her was the woman beside her. Emily berated herself again for even letting her thoughts wander. She took a deep swig of her beer and tried to answer the question without betraying some of her inner turmoil. However, to her two best friends the uneasiness was plain as day whether they chose to say anything or not. Both understood that trying to pry it out of Emily would likely result in her shutting them out.

“Things are great. She’s an amazing person, and it’s just so easy with her. Jules is a natural goof, and the way we mesh isn’t something that I typically see.” JJ felt her stomach drop, stealing several glances at the preoccupied brunette. Her mind had been swirling with the fantasies and possibilities between her and Emily, but it was just that- a fantasy. The night was young and she needed more drinks to stop herself from doing something stupid as Emily went on about her girlfriend. 

“Wow, that’s great. I’m so happy for you.” There was a flatness in JJ’s words that went ignored under the buzz that the alcohol had placed on her friend. “You know what we need more drinks, I’ll be right back.” JJ all but ran from the table, leaving Pen and Emily behind with their rounds of drinks. 

The pair of friends sat in comfortable silence, waiting for their drinks and letting their buzz work them over. JJ returned later, and the drinks began steadily flowing in. Somewhere after the girls’ fourth or fifth drink, JJ dragged Emily onto the dance floor with PG not far behind. The electronic beats flowed through the air, seemingly activating the girls’ hips. 

They swayed around and picked up energy as the songs progressed. The floor was packed with its regular nightly crowd, pressing the trio closer together, Emily to JJ more than anything. Their drinks had created a blissful haze, slightly lifting the barrier of inhibition. The music drummed on and the dancing got heavier. The heat in the air was thick but that was the last thing on anyone’s mind. JJ’s thoughts were filled with the breezy and intoxicating scent that rolled off of Emily’s body behind her. Her eyes were shut, but her other senses were nearly in overload. The blonde was hyper-aware of everything around her, relishing every tantalizing second. Their bodies were within centimeters of each other, reacting to the beat. Emily was not feeling much different. She registered nothing besides the heavy beats in the air, sweetly lavender-scented blonde hair, and a body that seemed as if it were made to fit with her own.

Neither woman had even noticed their friend step back and pull her phone out. Penelope was smiling like a demon as she watched her friends dancing harder than ever, losing themselves in each other. She snapped a few pictures without the flash, but then decided to take it to the next step. Switching to the video mode the blonde shot the pair having fun for a good minute. What her intentions were with that footage were unknown to everyone and even unclear to her. However, the pair pulled out of their bubble when the other blonde accidentally snapped a picture with the flash on. 

The pair split while still dazed and blushed madly at what they had been doing as if they had been caught like rebellious teenagers. Emily cleared her throat and made some half-assed comment about needing to sit down while JJ fled to darts. Both women were flooded with everything that stood in between them, starting with Juliet. Penelope had followed the brunette closely back to their booth. She understood that they were caught off guard, but she had almost repelled off of JJ. Her concerns for Emily were hastily brushed off with noncommittal assurances as they waited at the booth.

“Em, are you sure you’re okay? you, like, ran away from the dance floor. I didn’t mean to startle you two like that.” Penelope tried to grasp Emily’s attention again, but the woman seemed to be somewhere far away. 

“Yeah, Pen, I swear I’m good. I just kinda overheated on the dance floor and some of the beer went to my head,” Emily answered unconvincingly a few moments later. Truthfully, the flash had startled her into a hyper-aware state and having JJ so close sent her into a panic. Her stomach had lurched and she needed to sit down because her mind was going too fast for her to keep up. 

The far side of the bar held JJ with a young brunette man, absolutely creaming him in darts. Her breathing had partially slowed down and her adeptness at the game had provided an out from the events that occurred on the dance floor. Her bubble had positively burst. The flash had disoriented her and removed the warmth that she had enveloped herself in. JJ had deemed herself crazy for how close she’d allowed herself to get to Emily. She was setting herself up for more heartbreak. 

Penelope magically showed up at JJ’s side after two more games. Actually, she wasn’t paying attention to anything really and the rounds that the man had bought her from his loss were getting to her head. The smaller woman had become much sulkier, and the analyst had to drag her back to their booth. There she made the executive decision that it was time for the trio to crash back at her house. The original plan had been to continue drinking there, but she was now unsure if the other two would hold up. 

Maneuvering the two drunk and somewhat morose agents into an Uber was difficult, but a solid three-minute effort from the tipsy analyst accomplished the job. They stumbled into her apartment, and JJ flopped right onto her couch. This earned a cackling giggle from Emily and blonde humphed at the sound. 

Penelope had returned with tequila, water, juice to a hilarious sight. JJ was slumped over the dark leather couch groaning with Emily laughing and snickering at her side. JJ moved to playfully slap her shoulder, but her hand slipped. Time slowed as her hand artfully missed and slid across Emily’s chest and landed on her thigh. Fire ignited at every point of contact for the women. Penelope nearly dropped the bottles and gasped, but tried her best to stay silent. 

The women stared at each other, hazed and perplexed about how to proceed. Neither was in a spot to properly address the situation and the bolder side of each woman was beginning to show. JJ slowly pulled her hand back and readjusted her position with a straightened back. A smile dared to peek through on her face, and it was magnetic to Emily’s facial expression. The eye contact was addicting, but the level of drunkenness in them prompted laughter. 

The women nearly doubled over in chuckles, and Penelope finally unfroze from her spot behind the couch. Penelope hadn’t moved since the incident because she honestly didn’t know what to expect. It was unsure what the women would do with their current situation. Her thoughts on the way to the couch were once again interrupted by Emily’s hoarse voice. 

“Ya know, Jen, if you wanted to touch all you had to do is ask. My dress is super low cut, but it’s sexy like Pen said so I have no comment. Anyway, speaking of Pen, where is she with the shots?” Emily hadn’t yet looked around to see the spunky blonde behind her. However, the shocked looks on everyone’s faces were hilarious enough to her.

“Em, I’m right here, and it seems like you may have already had a lot to drink. But, I do have the promise of getting everyone plastered to uphold so let me pour the first round,” Penelope chimed in before JJ could comment and accidentally say something incriminating in her drunken stupor. Emily lazily nodded as her body began to come down from the five beers that she had already downed.

“OOOOOh, guys. Listen. Listen. Shhhhh! Listen to me. We should play a game. Oh, oh I know what game we should play. We should play I spy, or we could play truth or dare. I love both, but right now, I wanna play some spy,” JJ finally piped up for the first time since leaving the bar, fending off the effect of three beers and a cocktail. The words had slurred slightly, but it was enticing so they went for it. 

“Okay, Jen, that sounds good! You wanna go first? How about for everything we don’t get, we all take a shot?” Emily settled back on her side of the couch, leaning against the armrest and tangling one leg with JJ’s. 

“Oooh, yes! I’m so good at this game. Okay, that sounds good. Jayje, you’re up.” Garcia had plopped down into her chair and the trio began the game. 

They began with obvious things and slowly worked their way up. The rounds progressed and every so often, the girls would have to drink. However, the buzz that was building on JJ was making Emily look more and more beautiful and making it harder and harder to hide her infatuation. 

“Ummm, I spy the most beautiful woman in the world,” The words slipped out of JJ’s mouth like honey while her eyes were glued to Emily and her lips. 

The air in the room quieted until nothing but their breathing was audible. Penelope had managed to stay soberer than her friends by somewhat of a magnitude. This was where things got interesting. Emily just stayed in her position, not having processed the statement yet. Garcia decided to try and throw her a bone and speak up. 

“Hmm, I don’t know, sweet cheeks. Is it me?” Garcia chuckled at the flush on both women’s faces. Emily had finally registered what was happening and, suddenly, she didn’t have the willpower to look JJ in the eyes. The blush that was creeping up her neck was not helping either.

“Aww, P, you know I love you. But nooo. I’m looking at someone different right now. She’s really pretty, like show-stopping pretty.” JJ’s eyes had partially glazed over, but the dopey smile on her face revealed all. 

“Jen, thank you, but you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. I mean, you’ve got really nice hair, and your face is so nice to look at. You do always smell like strawberries, and it’s so nice.” Emily didn’t even think as she spoke and Penelope almost yelped out her laughter. 

JJ had a shocked yet thankful expression as she pulled the brunette into a tight hug. The touch sent both of their hearts racing, and they missed the series of pictures that Penelope took from her seat. When the two pulled back their faces were hot, and Emily decided to lean into the blonde’s shoulder, staying close. This time, the two made silly faces at Garcia’s phone camera, not realizing that they were immortalizing this moment in all of its embarrassing glory. 

“Guys, I’m bored of this game. I know, I know, we can play Truth or Dare. I’m so good at truthing and dares are my jams. Wooo! Ladies, come on! let’s do it! Oh, I think I’m super drunk. Shoot, I’m sorry, guys.” The trio had made a rule that anytime someone mentioned how drunk they were, they needed to throw back another shot. 

JJ had been swaying as she spoke, but the other blonde and brunette readily agreed to her muddled proposal. The group had migrated down from the seats and couch to the soft carpet to prevent falling accidents. Emily moved in closer next to JJ with Penelope huddled in opposite to her. 

“Alright, alright, alright. Em, you first. Truth or Dare?” JJ had an evil smirk that shined in her eyes as well. Her low inhibitions were going to have a field day today. 

“Dare, no question.” Emily simply gazed at her, taking in every detail and nuance. 

“Okay, I see you. I dare you to list every girl that you’ve crushed on, and if you can’t do it you have to take two shots.” Penelope cut in and threw a mischievous in JJ’s direction. 

“Aw, Pen, come on! What are we in middle school? I can’t take any more shots though, so I guess you two win this one. Let’s see Kylie, Kendra, Jaylin, Jessica, Mac, Bree, and, of course, Jules.” Emily avoided eye contact and drew tight circles on the carpet with her finger. She was lying, but there was no way that she would expose herself at this time. Her biggest crush had a hand inches away from her crossed legs. 

“Oh, really, are you sure that’s it, E? I mean, there’s gotta be someone you missed,” Penelope was prodding with almost blatant intent. 

“Yes, PG. I’m sure I got all of ‘em. I don’t crush easily.” She rolled her eyes and tried to divert the attention from herself. 

“Okay, fine, if you say so. Jayje, Truth or Dare?” The floor shifted to the younger woman and she deliberated her choices for a second. 

“Truth, I’m playing safe right now.” The glimmer in Penelope’s eyes didn’t dim for a second.

“Oh, babe, there’s no easy truth or dare with me. Blondes or Brunettes, and why?” The eyebrow raise from Garcia sent a knowing chill down her spine. 

“Brunettes, I guess. I mean, the hair is dark and mysterious which I kinda like. Plus, I’m a blonde, and everyone knows that blonde and brunette relationships are top tier.” Emily smiled to herself, but she felt herself getting drowsier. It had been a long day filled with drinks, fun, and stolen glances. Juliet was also arriving tomorrow, so she drifted off against Penelope’s shoulder. 

Her soft snores interrupted the conversation between her best friends. Both looked at her with adoration, and JJ watched closely as the brunette’s chest steadily rose and fell. Tears filled the azure eyes as they worked over the sight in front of her. The alcohol had begun settling, and her mind was racing. She honestly didn’t know what she would do without Emily by her side. It felt selfish because the woman had a girlfriend, yet Emily certainly was everything to JJ. There were no two ways about it, and the thought of Emily moving further with Juliet flipped her stomach. By this point, Penelope had watched the flutter of emotion across her best friend’s face and pulled her in. Soft pats across the head allowed JJ to drift off on Garcia’s other shoulder. 

There were more than two things that Penelope did that night before falling asleep. The first was taking a silent selfie with the agents perched against her shoulders. The second was texting said photo along with many others of her favorite “blonde-brunette” pair to Morgan and JJ with the caption, “friends don’t look at friends that way ;) ”.

“She was right. blonde and brunette relationships are top tier. Hopefully, I’ll be able to open our resident ladykiller’s eyes to that, so that they stop playing this deliciously dumb game.”

———————————————————————————

Emily thanked the gods that Juliet hadn’t picked a morning flight. Her head was still slightly off-kilter from her hangover, and there was no way she would have made it to the airport on time. She had woken up with a blanket tossed over her and JJ laying close by her side. The younger woman’s soft breathing tickled her neck. She gently turned around to see Penelope on the other side of JJ with her back to them, JJ’s face inches from her own. The shimmer of sunlight across her face made the woman look truly ethereal, and Emily would have stayed there forever if she could. If she could, but she couldn’t because this wasn’t her place; it was with Juliet right now. 

The brunette slowly maneuvered herself off of the floor and away from the group. She had stashed clothes here from previous girls’ nights for this occasion and quickly began getting ready. It was only 11:00, but she still had some errands to do before leaving to pick up her girlfriend. 

The soft rustle as Emily made her way across the apartment woke up Penelope, and she made her way to the kitchen. The blonde found the brunette trying to figure out the coffee maker with a disgruntled face and a mug in her hand. Emily looked up at the dazed blonde and silently greeted her. She struggled for a bit longer before Penelope stepped in to help, chuckling at the intelligent agent’s inability. 

“Damn, E, you’re supposed to be the smart one. Here, I got it.” Emily rolled her eyes and set the mug down. Penelope poured in the coffee once it was done, spotting the brunette glancing over to their sleeping friend. “You two got wasted last night, like, even I lost track of how many drinks and shots you guys had. I mean it was hilarious, and I'm pretty sure that you don’t remember any of it, but that makes it more fun for me.” 

Emily turned back to the blonde with a look of confusion in her eyes. What had she done? Hoping that it wasn’t too bad, she grabbed the coffee and began sipping at it. 

“Yikes, Pen, we really did go all wild then I’m guessing. Anything interesting happen?” Emily’s heart was racing at the possible answers, scared that she had crossed a line and Pen’s mischievous smile was not helping. 

“That’s for me to know, sweet cheeks, and you to wonder.” 

Emily grumbled but realized that if she had done anything that would make her unfaithful to Juliet, Penelope would have told her. The woman’s integrity was through the roof, and she would never allow such a thing even if it was by accident and rightfully so. 

Soon after, the brunette left the apartment to get on with the Saturday. She drove into the airport later that day, still feeling the effects of last night, even after multiple iced coffees. Juliet walked in some time later, running and jumping squarely into Emily’s arms. The warmth in Juliet’s hug took everything else off of Emily’s mind. They stood there attached for a minute before prying herself away and grabbing her luggage to take to the car. 

Juliet filled Emily in on what happened at the station on the last case with a “cursed” amusement park that two people tried to haunt as a kid who died in an accident. Emily saw the passion and excitement in her girlfriend’s eyes, and it put her in awe. They settled into their usual ease as the pair climbed into the car. Emily snaked her hand onto Juliet’s thigh with the other firmly grasping the steering wheel. They hadn’t had a full conversation in 2 days because of the busy cases on both ends, and reveled in the closeness that each other brought. 

“Hey, babe, I was just thinking about how our 1 year is coming up. I mean, isn’t it crazy that we made it here from that small Vonnegut reading. I still remember every detail of that day, because it was only one of the best of my life.” Juliet spoke with reverence and emotion, pulling Emily’s hand up to her lips for a soft kiss. It honestly did baffle Emily that Juliet hadn’t run in the other direction as they got deeper into the relationship, but she wouldn’t exchange it for the world. The comfort the woman brought was mostly unmatched and allowed Emily to slightly open her heart up again. 

“Yeah, it’s honestly crazy how I decided last minute to stop in on that reading and met one of the biggest nerds in my life. She does happen to be pretty hot, too, and I scored her number. Vonnegut really is making moves for me in life.” Emily grinned at her own words as Juliet teasingly slapped her shoulder. 

“Speaking of moves, what do you think about us taking the next step? I know it’s only been 11 months, but I think I’m ready. We’re in a strong position, and I’ve found some pretty great opportunities in the area.” 

Emily stiffened at the words, hand reflexively tightening around Juliet’s leg. “Um, I did, but I need some more time. I just don’t think I’m ready. Plus, you would be completely uprooting yourself, and what about Psych? We aren’t there yet, Jules.” Emily spat the words out with a tense tone as her stomach flipped. Now, wasn’t the time. She couldn’t do this right now. 

Flashes from her time unconscious came rushing back through her thoughts, momentarily throwing her off her guard. JJ’s beaming smile and elegant beauty at the altar, Juliet’s position, Matthew, and the vows were all there. The vows. They held the realization that Emily had hesitantly come to, threatening to throw her life on its head. It made her breath shaky and eyes hazy. She couldn’t, and wouldn’t, do this right now. Juliet was sitting beside her and grabbed the brunette’s hand to help her as she watched the agent become slightly untethered. 

“Jules, can we please not talk about this now. I can’t do it, and I just don’t want to think about it.” 

Juliet reluctantly agreed, shoving the thoughts back and making a note of Emily’s rapid change in temperament. 

After another hour, the pair finally reached Emily’s apartment and they collapsed together on the couch out of exhaustion. Juliet was down from the long flight and Emily from the long night before. Emily had told Juliet about the Girls’ Night to explain that she was likely to be hungover the next day, and Juliet had been completely fine with that. She understood that Emily needed her friends as much as they needed her, despite her reservations about the younger blonde. 

They spent the day lazing around together in a comfortable “ugliness” that both had come to enjoy with the other person. They had ordered some food with wine and Netflix playing. Neither remembered dozing off until Emily awoke a couple of hours later. Juliet was secured around Emily’s waist, having wrapped her arms around the woman. Her head laid squarely on the brunette’s chest and their legs were entangled below them. A large, fuzzy blanket was on top of them, completing the cocoon of warmth they had built out of body heat. Juliet woke a few minutes later with Emily’s fingers running lazily through her straightened hair. She smiled up at her girlfriend and pulled her in for a sweet kiss. 

Emily’s phone buzzed twice beside them, and she reached over the blonde to pick it up from the table. She casually announced that it was Garcia, expecting a meme, some gossip, or team information. She knew that the brunette was with Juliet and they had become decent friends with the time that Juliet had spent around them. Juliet smiled at the mention of the analyst and tilted her head up to look at the message as well. The couple had grown to trust each other enough to see messages like this, and it made Juliet happy knowing that the brunette had opened up to her that much. 

Emily opened the message to see a picture of her and JJ. They were wasted and JJ clung closely to Emily’s side. JJ’s eyes were lit up as she looked over at Emily, who’s radiant smile filled the picture. They had their arms wrapped around each other and the blonde was leaning into her side. Below that, Garcia had sent a caption that simply said, “gals being pals ;)”.

Juliet’s face fell and she huffed as she untangled herself from Emily and semi-stormed into the kitchen. Emily sat there stunned for a second because she didn’t remember the events of the night prior and this picture alone looked incriminating enough. Emily finally sauntered into the kitchen a minute later, spotting Juliet leaning against the counter. 

“Jules, what’s wrong? Did I do something because I’ve kind of noticed something off about you?” Emily genuinely questioned why Juliet had so quickly turned sour. The picture wasn’t bad considering that JJ and Emily were best friends, but she didn’t know about what Juliet had overheard. 

“I don’t know, maybe you should think and ask yourself if you did something.” Emily looked at her with pure confusion, not being able to get a word in before Juliet hastily continued. “Maybe you should think about this relationship. I mean, something off with me is a far bet considering how you act. It’s like you’re not even fully in this with me. I know that we have to work on trust and things, but it’s like I’m working towards something that you don’t even want. Maybe this isn’t as serious to you as it is to me, considering it took you so long to tell me you love me. I mean, I get it. You’re a hardass with trust issues, but sometimes, I think that it’s not even me that you want!” Juliet’s face had gone slightly pink as she pushed the words out, her breathing heavier with each passing sentence. 

Emily was taken aback. She truly was trying with Juliet. Sure, she had issues, but they were working to get past that. Emily would never cheat on Juliet and she thought that the blonde understood that. This relationship was one of her few comfort zones and it hurt to see Juliet doubt everything that she had put into it. However, it was the last sentence that shut her completely up. Her feelings for JJ were not something that she had discussed with Juliet, and she had actively been working to stay focused on her girlfriend. Was there something that Juliet wasn’t telling her? Had she figured out what Emily saw in her and her colleague?

Juliet thought back to the day she arrived in the hospital for Emily. Her blood had run cold at the thought of the grave danger the brunette put herself in. Her rush had brought her to the hospital cafeteria where she had overheard JJ’s confession. It was hard to push back in her brain, but the time of Emily’s recovery had done just that. She knew that Emily would never cheat, but the words had flowed out before she could stop them. Seeing her girlfriend again so close with the woman that was in love with her stroked the flames of pettiness and jealousy that Juliet typically did a good job of hiding. 

“You know, seeing that picture, anyone could think that the two of you are dating! It’s always JJ this and JJ that, and sometimes, I wonder why you’re always paying her more attention than me. Even in the hospital, every time you woke up it was Jennifer or JJ on your lips, but never my name! I mean, are you in love with her?” Juliet scoffed as she finished her sentence. The thought made her stomach churn, but she needed the answers.

“What? No! Jules, are you serious? She is on my team and my best friend, besides I spent all of my recovery with you. She was the one abducted with me! I was concerned for her safety, Jules. I watched him beat her and abuse her helplessly. You try doing that and not being scared for someone’s safety! How could you even insinuate something like that? I mean, do you really think that lowly of me?” Anger was beginning in Emily’s chest at the sheer disregard that Juliet had shown for her and her integrity. 

Maybe it was just the heat of the argument, but Emily couldn’t help but raise her voice. However, much deeper down, Emily felt happy at the comment about how the two could be dating. It was shut down with the urgency that it caused because that was wrong. She couldn’t think like that, ever. 

“You know what? I can’t even look at you right now. I’m going to my room. You do what you want.” A blanket of emptiness had placed itself on Emily’s face, effectively shutting the blonde out. 

Before the blonde could get a word in, Emily promptly turned around to walk back. She was interrupted by the ringing of her phone. It was Hotch, and they had a case. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for how long this chapter is. like i said I couldn't bring myself to chop it down because so much needed to happen for the big set up. please lmk what you think of the unsub arc bc i have a shit ton of development in stock for her and everybody else. i was so excited for this chapter and things are finally beginning to roll into where they need to be. also if you feel like yelling at or talking to me you can find me on tumblr @vhsrights. enjoy :)


	12. Aftershocks and Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily has so much weighing her down, and everyone has a breaking point even her. She deals with it the only way a compartmentalizer can after shoving things into one too many boxes, explode. On top of that Riza has done it again, Lyra wasn't so lucky. How would JJ even begin to deal with all this? read and see! enjoy :)

Hotch, Derek, and Reid were seated around the table, quietly conversing and twiddling their fingers as they waited for the rest of the team to arrive. They were in a decent mood albeit disappointed at their shortened weekend. Hotch had been spending time with Jack as they played soccer and virtually every other game possible. He had very quickly underestimated his son’s bursting energy and struggled to keep up with the boy’s quick pace. Derek had been engrossed in acquiring materials for his newest renovation project, likely marking hour 5 in his local hardware shop. He wasn’t exactly the happiest when he got the call to come while he was carrying a load of 2X4s, with his tool belt ready to go. Reid had been in the middle of his newest book series in Russian that he had managed to pick up from a bookstore that he visited with some extra time after their last case in Idaho. The book was safely tucked away into his bag, and he thought about when he could delve into that world once more. 

JJ and Garcia sauntered into the room a couple minutes later. JJ was still sporting remnants of her hangover from her endeavors the night before. She was donning sunglasses and walking slower, clinging closely to Penelope’s side to readjust to the BAU’s lighting and get in the headspace for work. 

——————————————————————— 

The blonde had awoken at 1:00 that afternoon, still highly disoriented. She quickly registered the loss of warmth that Emily’s absence had caused, attempting to get up. Her strength and coordination still hadn’t come all the way back, so she ended up floundering on the ground for a couple minutes. Penelope had been in the shower when JJ woke up, so she didn’t see the clumsiness that had ensued. 

After she finally managed to get off of the ground, a quick search revealed that Emily and Garcia were nowhere to be found. It was unnerving and a glance at the clock revealed her late wake-up. A slight panic rose through JJ as she thought about what she had missed, or where her friends had gone. That train of thought was interrupted by the delightful entrance of Garcia, who waltzed in after getting ready from her shower. Her damp blonde hair laid straight on her head, a pink tank top and shorts completing her outfit. 

“AH! You’re finally awake. I was waiting for you to get up, so I hopped into the shower really quickly. It’s past noon, so do you want to order lunch? I mean, I know that you’ve gotta have a massive hangover after last night.” Penelope walked into the kitchen and made her way to the cabinet, grabbing herself a glass of water. 

_Last night. What had happened last night? She couldn’t piece it together._ Memories of whispered words, stolen glances, and grazing touches flitted across her mind. Nothing was clear, but she remembered the gleam of wonder and excitement in Emily’s eyes that were typically locked away for the brunette. She remembered the oceanic scent that clouded around her, daring JJ to move closer. She remembered echoed laughs and flowing drinks. She didn’t remember anything else, and it was intoxicating. 

“JJ? Earth to JJ. I lost you there for a second, babe. Where’d you go? Anyway, you probably don’t remember much about yesterday, but, boy, did I get some good pictures. You and Emily really went at it with the shots, and it was hilarious to watch.” Garcia leaned against the counter as she motioned to the blonde and her phone. The color leaving JJ’s face made Garcia laugh, knowing that the younger woman didn’t have the memories of the previous night like herself. 

“Pictures? Shots? Pen, what did we do?” The confusion was apparent on her face as if she was working overtime in her head to figure it out. 

“See for yourself.” Penelope gestured to the photos that she had texted the night prior to her.

——————————————————————— 

“I don’t know what to say about the photos, Pen. You either edited them or managed to get a shot in a weird frame. There is nothing there. I’m in love with her, and she is just my best friend who also has a girlfriend. I don’t know how you got those pictures, but I wouldn’t do anything to make Emily cheat on Juliet, even if it's with me. We have a case right now, so shelf this please,” JJ ignorantly pleaded with the tech analyst. Truthfully, the pictures had twisted her gut because she and Emily looked so much like a couple that anyone would have believed it. The way that their eyes went over each other was amazing, yet she couldn’t have it, and it would never be hers. 

“JJ, I swear to god, you are the most oblivious person in the universe. I’m tabling this for now, but this isn’t the end of it. I also know how much you respect Emily’s relationship.” Penelope scoffed at her friend’s obtuseness as they entered the round table room. 

The profiler sank into her seat as Penelope made her way around the room distributing case files. Next to enter the room was David Rossi. He was adorned in a casual polo and darker beige dress pants, more laid back than his typical high caliber suits. He had been enjoying some of his newest imported whiskey with serenading vintage records playing in the background. This was not exactly where he wanted to be on a Saturday evening. He sat in his chair quietly and waited for the last member of their team to arrive. 

The last member of their team arrived in a huff that nobody was expecting. Emily stormed into the room with heavy footsteps and anger in her eyes. They were strained and bloodshot, clearly exposing her sadness and frustration. Her green button up shirt and dark wash jeans were off kilter. Everything about her showed that something bad had happened, and her icy demeanor was not helping.

The team looked to her, trying to non verbally confirm that things would be okay. Emily tried to unsuccessfully reaffirm them with fleeting glances, moving from team member to member. However, she refused to make eye contact with the one person that actually could comfort her with looks alone. JJ tried to gain the brunette’s attention in vain, as if she was actively avoiding it. The blonde wondered if she had done something to Emily or had crossed her limits at the night out. The thought of Emily hating her terrified JJ, but she had no way of knowing. 

Emily couldn’t look at JJ because despite how much she needed it, it felt wrong. It felt like betrayal to Juliet and herself. The fight had made her see red and her senses were all out of whack. She was baffled at what Juliet had said; how she truly felt. Everything was becoming too much on her; the realization, the fight, the feelings, and nothing was making it any easier. Emily felt trapped and she was about to explode. 

Hotch had given the go-ahead to Garcia to begin the briefing, deciding that the urgency of the case put it first as of now. Garcia nervously began presenting the case, but Emily wasn’t retaining anything. Derek was trying equally as hard to gather what was wrong with her, throwing confused looks at Garcia. It hurt him to see his partner like this. Garcia had no answer for him. 

——————————————————————— 

_Saturday Morning after the Girl’s Night_

Morgan (2:14 AM): Woah baby girl, where’d you get these pictures? Em and JJ look wasted out of their minds and drunk on love.

PG (2:15 AM): Hehehehe all part of my mastermind plan at our last girl’s night, king :). i told them to dress sexy and when we met up at the bar, they were nearly drooling over each other

Morgan (2:15 AM): damn mama they do look hot but they must’ve been so flustered. JJ probably had that look where she tries to hide the fact that she was staring which makes it 1000% more obvious.

PG (2:16 AM): oh for sure she did it was hilarious. i called her out on it and she almost panicked, i mean i felt bad but they’re the ones doing this to themselves. i kept stuttering and stealing glances too but my god the way that they were dancing on the floor; I thought clothes might fly right there!

PG (2:16 AM): here look at the vid! (1 video attached)

Morgan (2:18 AM): they were really going at it damn. i totally see what you’re saying too and this makes the betting pool that much better. i swear they are so blind to each other it’s stupid. anything else interesting happen tonight cuz i know there’s more pictures

PG (2:19 AM): oh you bet my big brown six pack. We got back to my place after they’d had like 5 beers each and Jayje flopped on the couch and Em started laughing at her. they spent a good five minutes laughing before JJ went to slap E’s shoulder and she MISSED AND ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED E’S CHEST BC HER DRESS WAS SUPER LOW CUT, I STG I ALMOST HAD A PANIC ATTACK

Morgan (2:20 AM): oh my god, no fucking way. WHAT IN THE GODDAMN HELL. continue

PG (2:21 AM): E made some snide comment about it and that’s when they hugged but somehow it felt like more than i hug, i don’t even fucking know. they’re faces were super close together and i was genuinely concerned for what would happen for a sec bc He's still with Juliet. but they pulled apart after that

Morgan (2:22 AM): Jesus fucking christ some one needs to slap some sense into them and i am totally okay with it being you or me

PG (2:24 AM): that’s not even the best part. The last i spy that JJ gave was “I spy the most beautiful woman in the world” while staring deadass at Em’s face and lips, and when i tried to throw her a bone she was like NOPE and E eventually awkwardly complimented her back. I didn't let either of them get off easy in truth or dare so I made Em list off her crushes and low and behold she didn’t name Jayje and when I pressured her she went beet red and denied the hell out of it. JJ picked the truth so I made her pick blonde or brunette and why. honestly some of the funniest fumbling i’ve ever heard, she basically ended up describing Em

Morgan (2:25 AM): …. no words these two need to get together as soon as possible, but what ab Juliet?

PG (2:25 AM): that i do not know yet chocolate thunder, that i do not know

——————————————————————— 

The case was not unusual, but the elaborate signature was hard to stomach. Seeing the word “LIAR” etched deeply into each body with teeth missing from the mangled jaws and horribly identical winged eyeliner made everyone wince. Penelope turned away from the screen, shutting her eyes tightly to try and erase the images temporarily. Emily sat in her chair with a blank look, not registering anything that happened in front of her. 

All of the victims were petite, blonde women, but they didn’t show many connections further than that. They came from middle class backgrounds with houses in a plethora of diverse neighborhoods. In total, there were 10 victims so far, but the unsub had clearly been doing this for upwards of a couple months. The intensive water damage to the bodies from their dumping spots in various lakes and ponds took away the chance at the fullest analyses, creating an even bigger deficit in their starting point. It was surprising that the city of La Crosse, Wisconsin had lost so many women without the slightest clue of where to begin. 

The briefing ended a few minutes later, but Emily’s head was swimming. She was about to implode with the stress and overwhelming thoughts that were fighting in her head. She managed to hear Hotch say, “Wheels up in 2 hours” and that was her cue. The brunette threw herself out her chair and blazed out of the room. The team watched her exit, stunned at the woman’s need to get away. Hotch looked to JJ, Penelope, and Morgan to go and see what was going on with Emily. He was worried, but he knew that only those three had a sliver of a chance to break through to her. The trio understood his unspoken request and exchanged glances to assess who would go after her. JJ slowly pushed her chair back to leave, but was interrupted by Morgan’s hand on her shoulder. 

“I got her, Jayje. Don’t worry, I’ll find her and get her to the jet in one piece.” He gave her a nod before swiftly walking out of the room to find their teammate. 

Everyone else slowly gathered their items and got up from their seats. They had a small amount of work before leaving and tried to focus on that before departing. Penelope pulled a slightly dazed JJ out of the round table room. The younger agent was confused at what could have possibly made Emily bolt, still slightly hurting from what she didn’t remember from the girl’s night. She didn’t have the energy to talk about this right now. Maybe she would ask Garcia later. However, the analyst’s elusive answers were not helping and only slightly irritating her further. 

——————————————————————— 

Morgan finally found Emily in one of the building’s secluded emergency staircases, pacing, not noticing anything around her. Emily was muttering profusely to herself and her strides showed no signs of slowing down. Her face was flushed and the plethora of emotions plaguing her mind were clearly plastered on her face. Morgan didn’t want to sneak up on the woman, but he knew that he needed to step in before Emily ran herself into the ground. He made his footsteps audible before gently setting his hand on the brunette’s shoulder. 

“Emily?” Derek hoped that his disarming tone could get through to the woman. 

Emily still tensed as her body involuntarily bounced back. Her eyes widened at the site of her partner, but she managed to slow down long enough to acknowledge him. 

“Morgan. Hey, did something happen? Are we leaving right now?” Emily tried to hide her tribulations, but it was in vain. Morgan had watched her for a good minute, wallowing in inner turmoil, and he wasn’t here for no reason. 

“What, are you serious? Princess, what is going on with you? You practically sprinted out of the briefing like a bat out of hell, and I can see that something is eating away at you. Oh, and don’t even try and wiggle your way out of it because I’m staying here until you spill it.” 

Morgan kept his hand firmly on her shoulder in efforts to ground himself and Emily. He really wanted to know what was weighing heavily on her because she was like his sister. Garcia had joked several times about their sibling camaraderie, or “bro love” as she called it, and it was something both of them took very proudly. 

“I just have too much going on in my head. It’s like I have one thought, but before I can even process it, it gets replaced with another. I’m trying so hard to hold it together, but I don’t know if I can do it. I want to be strong, but I’m starting to crack. I’m sorry. You didn’t ask for my pity fest. I’ll be okay.” Emily quickly reached up to dry the tears that were threatening to stream down her face. She wanted to break down, but she was absolutely terrified.

“Hey, hey, hey, Princess, it’s okay. I am right here for you, okay? I’m not going anywhere; I got you. Just tell me everything, and don’t worry. I’ll be right here.” Morgan widened his grip on her shoulder to pull Emily into a tight hug. They weren’t typically tactile, but this warranted a reminder that Morgan always had her back. 

“Thank you, Derek, I really am thankful. I just… Juliet and I got into a fight, and I don’t know what to think about it. She flew in today and everything was fine until we got up from our nap. She’s been talking about taking the next step, like moving in with me, and I don’t know what to do. I’m so happy with her, but I’m not ready. It just doesn’t feel right. But when we woke up, Pen texted me a picture from yesterday where Jayje and I were standing close together and we were obviously drunk. I swear I didn’t, and wouldn’t, do anything to cheat, but Juliet got mad and walked away.” 

Emily’s body began to shake harder, and the tears were falling at full force down her face. She tried desperately to get her breathing under control, but it was in vain. Morgan’s heart sank as he watched her try to hold back. He proceeded to pull her in tightly again, wrapping the brunette into a hug as he redirected them to the wall. Emily stood for a second, willing her heart to slow down a little bit before she continued. 

“She got mad and, when I tried to talk to her, she went off on me. I had sensed that maybe something had been off with her since the Nevada case, but I never could get her to say anything. She screamed at me, saying that our relationship was something that I didn’t even want. She said that I don’t even pay attention to her, and that all I talk about is JJ and you guys. Morgan, I love her and pay so much attention to her, but I work with you guys, so what am I supposed to do? I know that I talk to JJ a lot, but she’s my best friend! Like, we are so close because of the shit that we’ve been through! What she was saying hurt so much, and it honestly brought back too many memories of what I saw when I was unconscious. I’m stuck, Morgan. I put myself in this position, and now I don’t know what to do.”

“Princess, look at me. You are going to be fine, and you and Juliet are going to be fine. It’s okay to have boundaries. Hell, I have so many of them. I think you two are just working to recover from what happened in Nevada. Believe me, Juliet knows how much you love her, but I think she needed to blow off some steam. Granted that doesn’t make it okay, but you should talk to her when you’re ready because there is obviously something there. And what did you mean when you said it put you back to when you were unconscious?”

Emily hadn’t realized that she had let that slip, but she couldn’t tell Morgan about the wedding she saw. She silently cursed herself out for saying that, knowing that Morgan wouldn’t let it go. 

“Oh nothing, it’s fine, I don’t remember much from then.” Emily’s tone was failing to keep her cover and Morgan became more adamant because he knew that it was clearly getting to her.

“Emily, I know you’re lying, so please tell me what it is. Please, I just want to help you.” Morgan was nearly pleading at this point because he needed to get to the bottom of things and he couldn’t do that if Emily held things back from him. 

“Fine, fine, Morgan, but please don’t hate me. It was a lot, and I just can’t have you see me differently after this.” She had maneuvered out of his hug and sat back against the wall, sinking towards the floor. None of this was like Emily, but she was nearly at her breaking point and Morgan was right there to help her. 

“Princess, you know I could never hate you. So come on, spill it, what did you see?” Morgan veiled the curiosity in his voice well, but the possibilities were racing through his head.

“Okay, uh, the first thing I saw was the woods that are behind Rossi’s house. I was in a field, and I saw myself in a mirror that was conveniently placed next to me. I was in, like, a super fancy maroon suit with my hair done, like all made up. I started walking down the path and I eventually came to a wooden archway where Rossi was standing. He congratulated me, and we talked before he walked me down the aisle. I don’t think I fully registered what was happening until I saw you standing there as my best man. You gave a hell of a pep talk to me, and we were waiting, when I saw Matty. He was officiating the wedding, and he told me that he was always right there beside me and he saw everything. I got to tell him everything that I’d ever wanted to and that was when she walked in. Juliet was there at the end of the aisle, looking absolutely stunning in her silk, white wedding dress. I swear my jaw dropped and everyone was there. JJ, Pen, the team, my mother, and everyone was there. It was shocking, but I was so excited.”

Morgan sat and listened to Emily’s recount of her time unconscious and his eyes slowly widened further and further. It wasn’t what he’d expected, though he was glad that he was the ‘Best Man’. He was still confused as to why Emily was so scared of this. There wasn’t anything too drastic that she had said yet, but all it changed in the next few minutes. 

“She was up there with me and things were fine. Then, the time for vows came. I just started speaking, but I didn’t have anything planned because it all just formed as I was going. I felt so happy, but when I finished, it wasn’t with her name. Let me clarify, I said, “I love you, Jennifer”. It rolled off my tongue and, before I could register anything else, she kissed me. I opened my eyes to see JJ standing in front of me, wearing what Juliet had been. She was there with me on the altar and the worst part is I felt better. Everything felt so right, and I hate myself for it because I know that it was always her that I wanted up there. She told me her vows, and I just melted in her eyes, and I had a realization that hit me like a truck. I’m in love with JJ. No matter how much I truly love Juliet, it will never be the same. Of course I would fall in love with her; how could I not? Derek, I fucked up so badly, I don’t even know what to do now. I can’t just stop being in love with JJ. Believe me, I tried. The thought of spending my life with her makes me happier than I ever could have imagined. On the other hand, I love Juliet and I can’t stand the thought of breaking her heart. I mean, listening to the imaginary JJ tell me she loved me and wanted to marry threw me through all levels of euphoria. We spent the reception close together, having our first dance to ‘Blackbird’ by the Beatles. The words “I love you” coming from her meant so much more than I ever could have anticipated, and it made my knees go weak. The night was fabulous, but when we made it back to the hotel room, things changed. She was on the bed in the condition that Pipliano had put her in. I couldn’t, Morgan. I couldn’t see her like that, in so much pain. I felt fire in my veins, and that’s why I woke up kicking and screaming.” 

Emily had her eyes glued to the floor because she couldn’t bear to look in Morgan’s eyes. She didn’t really have much control over her thoughts anymore, and they were running rampantly in her head. She started speaking again, and it took her a couple seconds to realize that she was doing so. 

“Please, just hear me out, Derek. I fell in love with JJ moments after I met her. I saw her and knew that she was different but “us” is not possible. She is literally an angel on earth walking about and leaving happiness and healing in her wake. She would never go for me. I mean, I’m me. I’m broken, and I’ve done so many bad things in life, and I’m only dooming myself further the longer I’m in love with her. I have to say this even if it is horrible, but I can’t stand to keep it in any longer. When I first met Juliet, she threw me off my feet. I loved the time that I spent with her because of who she reminded me of. I pushed myself towards her to hopefully lock away any feelings that I had for JJ, because she was so similar, but with none of the pain. I grew to love her, but it never felt the same. Now, I can’t control this, and I’m trapped in, Morgan.”

Morgan’s jaw had dropped a few minutes ago, and it didn’t get better with every passing sentence. The words that he was hearing truly baffled him, regardless of the fact that it confirmed his suspicions for the blonde-brunette pair. The brunette’s experience truly was so much to take in, even while awake. Hearing how Emily saw JJ right before she woke up and the rest of her speech broke Derek’s heart. He was finally beginning to understand why Emily had run into Juliet’s arms and what had scared her so much. There was no immediate solve to this problem without the inevitable heartbreak. Morgan saw the depth of the problem, and all he could do at the moment was pull Emily in closer. He was glad that she had picked this staircase because it was typically forgotten about, shielding his partner from unnecessary confrontation that she was definitely not ready for. 

“Woah, Princess, that’s a lot. But, you are not alone or broken and you aren’t trapped. Like I said, I am right here to help you through this, but you have some decisions to make. Honestly, since I’ve known you the connection between you and the Pennsylvania Petite has been super apparent; you two are seriously magnetic. On the other hand, you’re right. Juliet does deserve an explanation. You have to tell her something. At the very least, tell her about your feelings for JJ before you two got together. Being in a relationship like this isn’t healthy, because you need to communicate otherwise you two will implode and it'll hurt so much more. I know it might sound harsh, but I’m saying it because I want to help you.”

Emily managed to keep her mind open enough to receive Morgan’s advice. She didn’t want to think about losing Juliet, but he was right. Emily had to tell Juliet something because the track that they were on wasn’t good. Her body had slowed and wasn’t shaking anymore. She was still leaning against Morgan’s side because it was the grounding that she desperately needed. Her thoughts had quieted down and things were finally beginning to settle. 

“Thank you, Morgan. You didn’t have to listen to my shit, but I am beyond thankful that you did. You’ve got me going all soft on you, damn it.”

“Of course, Princess. I mean, you know you love me, so it was only a matter of time.”

The brunette managed to smile for the first time in a couple hours. The two agents laughed quietly and Emily soothed her face over, fixing it to look presentable. After some time, the pair got up and headed to grab their things before making their way over to the jet. 

——————————————————————— 

The two arrived at the jet with little time left before takeoff. Time had passed faster than they had realized in the staircase, so they had to hustle to make it on time. Emily let out a deep breath before climbing the stairs to board the aircraft, realizing that everyone would want to know what happened with her in the past 2 hours. Her face shifted into a surface level smile that would work as a temporary shield while she was recovering. She was thankful that Morgan was right behind her and that they were going into this together. 

Emily stepped into the aircraft with Derek on her heels. The team looked up to her, and their faces morphed into confusion mixed with some pity among other emotions. The brunette didn’t want the attention, so she maintained her movement until she plopped down into a seat. Morgan settled down in the seat next to her, and she finally looked up again. In front of her, Hotch and JJ examined her as they tried to decipher what had set her off. She felt like an experiment that was being observed and took a deep breath to remain calm. Emily carefully brought her eyes up to JJ’s, feeling the chill down her spine in the few seconds that they connected. Ripping her eyes away from the blonde, Emily opened up her case file and began mulling over the possible qualities of the unsub. She had barely glanced over the file on the way to the jet, so that she could help brainstorm on the way there. 

“The excessive force and overkill on these victims mixed with the missing teeth are definite signs of a sadist. He probably gets off on watching the victims in pain while he’s cutting them. The victimology suggests that there is likely someone that was in his life that set him off, most likely a partner of some kind. But what about the eyeliner?” 

Emily spoke slowly as she glanced over the gruesome case file images. A few moments of silence blanketed the tense vibes in the air. Before the awkward silence could continue on too long, Morgan spoke up and visually signaled to everyone to simply drop it. He knew that they had some explaining to do, but he was going to hold back until later. The best thing for Emily right now was to focus on the case. So, Morgan was going to do exactly that. 

“Yeah, I agree this guy definitely gets off on the torture he puts on the victims. I think it’s probably an ex-girlfriend because of the younger age range of the victims. The eyeliner could be part of the ex’s look or something that the unsub uses to complete the fantasy.”

Reid finally jumped in to break the spell, offering his two cents. The tension in the air began to fizzle out as they settled into the brainstorming session. 

“Noticing the frequency and placement of the lacerations, I’d say that the unsub is someone that has suppressed their violent urges for a long time, or their trigger deemed a complete personality change. You know studies show that killers that take a more personal approach to their victims, including altering their appearance, are often ones with originally pleasant dispositions. Their trauma and stressors are typically pushed farther down to adhere to a certain image that you don’t see in more violent and reckless killers.”

JJ was the next to speak up, taking into account the crime scenes and trying to piece together how it could’ve gone down. 

“Okay, so we have an organized sadistic unsub that is trying to get revenge on an ex girlfriend. In terms of jobs, I think we’re dealing with a big functioning unsub, so likely someone that is in a profession that deals with lying like a high ranked officer. Is there a possibility that one of the ex’s lies set the unsub off? Going so far as to cut the word “LIAR” into their stomachs probably means that the unsub clashed with his ex, and the ex could be some sort of pathological liar, or the unsub believes them to be one.” Everyone was nodding as they mulled over the circumstances and Hotch finally cut in. 

“I think that’s plausible considering the likely unraveling mental state of the unsub. The cuts do look more erratic, frenzied, and impulsive on the last few victims. We probably don’t have much time, and I suspect that the unsub already has his next victim. Garcia, have you found any more links between the victims or potential leads?”

“No sir, I haven’t been able to find anything really yet because the IDs on a couple of victims have yet to come back. It also seems like there aren’t really any connections between these women in the places that I’ve looked so far. However, I will continue my search and will ping back in when I have new information about, my liege. Garcia out!”

With a quick click of a button, the screen went blank as the peppy analyst disappeared. Hotch knew that they still had quite a while on the flight. They would be arriving late, so he divided tomorrow’s assignments before turning the team to their own devices. 

“So, we are going to be rolling pretty late, which is why we are going to crash at the hotel tonight before heading in early at 6:30 tomorrow. After we check in, Reid and Rossi get started on the geographical profile, Morgan and Prentiss head to the medical examiner, and, JJ, you’ll be working with me to see if we can get somewhere with the victim’s relatives while we wait for Garcia's information. Also, there is a huge Oktoberfest celebration, so bookings were tight and only 3 rooms were available, so we’re doubling up.” He set his case file down as he finished speaking and relaxed back into his seat. 

Emily tensed at hearing their rooming situation. That meant that she had to be with JJ while she was trying to figure out her dilemma. It added enough pressure to make her shoulders hunch, fogging her mind. She turned to look at Morgan, who saw her expression and tried to nonverbally calm her down. It was best to not draw attention to the brunette, so he simply pulled out his phone and shot her a text. 

Morgan (8:23 PM): breathe princess, everyone can see the panic on your face. we talked about this before okay, she’s still your best friend and nothing will change that. shoot Jules a text tonight if you’re ready just to let her know that the case could take a bit. 

Prentiss (8:24 PM): I know I know I'm trying. she is but everything is still running through my head and i feel so awkward around her. plus if she even catches the inkling that i may like her, what if she bolts in the other direction. i mean i just don’t want to lose her or the friendship

Morgan (8:24 PM): if you really honestly think that, after everything you too have been through, she’ll bolt the other way. then you don’t know her, because that girl wouldn’t leave you for the world, just like the rest of us, and you know it. I'm a serious princess. take a breather, nap for a hot second, and just take it easy tonight because nothing needs to be set in stone immediately take your time.

Prentiss (8:25 PM): i’ll send Jules a text just so that she knows, cuz i know she’s gonna worry. thanks :) you’re really out here solving all my problems

Morgan (8:25 PM): duh dumbass that’s what i told you i’d do ;)

Emily set her phone down and laid back in her seat. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep, not noticing the pair of cerulean eyes that gazed at her. 

——————————————————————— 

Lyra’s veins burned as her senses returned, bringing her out of her previously unconscious state. Her brain felt like it was rewiring itself, jumbling up all of her thoughts. Fear coursed through her like a wildfire, amplified at her unidentifiable surroundings. Her body was tied down to a frigid and starkly silver chair. The room was otherwise pristine and empty, with high walls that loomed over her. Directly in front of her, however, sat a one-way glass window. She couldn’t make out what sat on the other side, but greeted back with her own ghastly appearance. Her clothes sagged on her body with her hair unkempt. The wall behind her held pictures of women she didn’t recognize, but all held semblance to her appearance. She counted about 10 of them. 

Riza reappeared from the door that was next to the window, a mischievous gleam coating her eyes. The look that she gave the small woman sent shivers up her spine. Her hands were clenched into tight fists, yet it didn’t seem like the woman would swing at Lyra. No, Riza had other plans for her victim. 

“Do you feel it yet? Has it made its way into your brain and begun fixing you?” The words shocked and confused Lyra as she watched the other woman pace in the front of the room. 

“What? I’m not broken. Riza, please let me out. I won’t tell anyone, if you just let me go. Please.” Lyra’s eyes stung with unshed tears as she pleaded to Riza. Her hope for leaving was diminishing quite quickly, but she tried to keep up hope. 

“Don’t worry. Soon enough, we can begin my process. First, answer this question for me: ``What color is my shirt?” Riza’s eyes locked onto Lyra’s as she watched the woman wince harder with every passing second. Something was getting to her, but Riza hoped that her “cure” had worked. 

“Ah, Riza, it hurts. Please let me go or help me. I didn’t do anything to you, please. Fine, your shirt is dark purple.” Her captor’s gaze had all bored holes into her as Lyra slumped with the pain. She had answered the question in hopes that it would warm Riza up into untying her at the very least. Her resolve melted away as she watched the malicious smile on the other woman grow. 

“Perfect, perfect, perfect, Lyra. The pain should subside in the next few minutes. Now, my next request is for you to lie to me about my shirt color. Tell me it is another other color than purple. Go ahead.” Riza’s posture straightened out as she awaited Lyra’s response.

A surge of courage and hatred surfaced on the blonde’s face as she steeled her expressions. True to Riza’s words the pain had reduced to a dull roar, but Lyra was fed up. She tilted her head up to spit at the woman’s feet. Lyra was met with a jarring strike across her cheek. She glared heavily at Riza and leaned back into the chair and closed her eyes and mouth. A vehement grunt filled her ears followed by a click that she knew very well. Her father had been a switch blade enthusiast, ingraining that click sound well into young Lyra’s mind. 

Her eyes shot open a few minutes later as she saw Riza toying with a sleek, iridescent switchblade that moved quickly through her nimble fingers. Lyra’s body tensed because of her fear, knowing that the smallest cut could cause irreparable damage with her hemophilia. Her tough act fell past the floor and sweat began to bead at the tip of her forehead. 

“Uh, uh, um y-your sh-sh-shirt is bl-“ The word froze in her mouth. Riza’s request had been simple enough, but she couldn’t force her mouth to say the color. It was as if someone had stolen the word from her mouth. She tried several times to say the word blue, but couldn’t. Riza’s smile reappeared on her face as she surveyed the woman. Her serum had worked and now she could get what she wanted.

“Very good, the serum worked. You have been fixed, so that now you aren’t a dirty liar. Now is your time to come clean. CONFESS YOUR LIES! SAVE THE PAIN FROM THOSE THAT YOU HURT!” Riza almost jumped forward into Lyra as her demeanor changed. Anxious excitement coursed through her veins because she was relishing every second of panic before the truth. 

Lyra’s eyes widened as she heard the exclaimed statement. Her mind flashed painfully back to her best friend from childhood and the tears began running rampantly down her face. His 10 year death anniversary had recently passed and the guilt still weighed heavily on her. She shook her head for several minutes, withstanding all of the verbal insults that Riza threw at her. Eventually, she snapped and out came the truth. 

“I killed him. It was an accident, but I killed him. It was my fault. Kenny, he was my best friend. He used to ask me to teach him to swim, but I never did. I always put it off and lightly mocked him for it. One day, we went out to the lake alone, and he got stuck on a plant at the bottom. I tried to help him, but he drowned because he couldn’t swim away. He’s dead because of me, and he was just a kid. It’s been 10 years, but I spend every day destroying myself because of what I did.” Sobs wracked her exhausted body as she stumbled and stuttered through her confession. The wind had been effectively knocked out of her body with the shock that came with everything that had happened. 

The grin on Riza’s disappeared as she heard the words coming out of Lyra’s mouth. It was neglection again. The same thing that had brought the demise of her son, the light of her life. Her pathological lying ex had been the one whose actions caused the tragedy. She was a drug addict and had not closely monitored or explained to their son that the “candy” on her counter was not for him. That neglect had allowed for the young boy to take one too many while her ex was passed out on a high. He overdosed on the floor and any medical attention that he was given hours later proved too late. 

Rage boiled under her skin and Riza lost all control. Poor Kenny had been lost as a child much like her own son. Their deaths were preventable. This wouldn’t stand any longer. 

“Disgusting! You clipped his life short with no care! You neglected him, and for that you deserve nothing but a slow and painful death!” The switchblade jumped forward in her hand as she impulsively gashed a long line across Lyra’s face. It jaggedly crossed her lips, starting just below her right eye and ending near the tip of her chin. A murderous scream erupted from Lyra’s lungs as she felt the pain take over her. The blood surged from her body, emptying faster than Riza’s typical victims. However, she was blinded by the cuts that she was ingraining into the blonde’s body. Her left hand glided with the blade across all parts of Lyra’s body, not stopping until the body had little spare areas left. She drew the stainless steel scalpel from her other pocket and went to work carving her signature word. 

Lyra had gone quiet by this time, the blood loss draining too much energy for her to process anything. However, the deep incisions for the word “LIAR” proved to be too much as she keeled slightly to the side, straining her binding and taking her last breath. Riza felt life leave her body, going limp under her steady and determinate tool. As she brought the scalpel down from her last curved letter, Riza dropped the metal and drew out her last two tools. She wrenched around 11 of the blonde’s teeth out, Lyra being her 11th liar, and carefully dropped them into her silk pouch. She took the eyeliner from her other hand and drew thick and chunky wings onto Lyra’s eyelids, just like her ex used to. 

When the job was complete, Riza fell back onto her knees. She sat and admired her work before throwing her head back and roaring with a maniacal laughter while calling out her son’s name, exclaiming that she had done it again. 

——————————————————————— 

The ride to the hotel was mostly silent on Emily’s part. She leaned heavily against the backseat car window, watching the terrain grow and subside. The dark night shaded areas that were typically elegant in the bright sunlight, putting the city under a blanket of mystery. The cool air around her prompted the tightening of her peacoat as she tried to shrink back into the fabric. The SUV was silent with Hotch manning the wheel as JJ sat beside him and Morgan huddled in the backseat beside the brunette. 

They arrived at the hotel when Emily was on the verge of sleep. Her eyes drooped as the van pulled into the parking lot, but she eventually managed to make her way with the group into the lobby. Emily gravitated closer to Morgan with her go-bag slung over her shoulder. It was partially subconscious, but she didn’t want to leave his side while her emotional shield was under repair. She could feel JJ’s confusion and slight hurt with the blonde solemnly walking behind them. That wasn’t something that she wanted to think about right now. The weight of her and Juliet’s fight still loomed heavily on her thoughts. Morgan had been consistently checking in with her nonverbally, and she was thankful because she knew that more attention would only make her recoil. 

Hotch brought the room cards over to their huddled group after checking in. Emily grabbed the card holder, retrieving a key for herself, before passing it off to JJ. She managed to make hesitant eye contact with the blonde as their fingers touched the passed cardholder. Emily saw the somewhat sunken look in JJ’s, but didn’t hold the look long enough to let the blonde analyze her own expression. JJ stood frozen for a few seconds after retrieving the holder, struck by the look in Emily’s eyes and how offguard it caught the blonde. 

They hastily made their way to the elevator and JJ managed to be right on the brunette’s heels. Emily’s quick stride forced JJ to put in more effort to stay close, but the touch in the lobby had been fuel enough. Seeing the distraughtly vulnerable look in her best friend’s eyes had snapped JJ into protective mode. She could easily determine that the brunette was trying to heal herself while keeping everyone at an arm’s length, all but the exception of Morgan. The blonde had deduced that whatever the two had inevitably talked about between the briefing and the jet was the source of Emily’s sorrow. She just needed to find a way to break the brunette’s walls yet again, and she would do exactly that in their hotel room. 

Emily and JJ’s floor was last, so they waited and watched as every pair of their team rode and exited the elevator. JJ looked to connect with Emily when they were finally alone on the elevator, but the woman was long gone in her thoughts with her fingernails on her lips. The sharp ding of their floor caused Emily to tense. She surged forward and took off towards the room before JJ even had time to react. This odd behavior was deepening JJ’s worry by the second, but she had decided that she would get to the bottom of this tonight. Emily had no options and “no” was not an acceptable answer. JJ understood the cold shoulder. Hell, she’d dished a fair share of her own. However, this level of shut out from Emily was unheard of to her and it seemed like the brunette’s world had flopped on its head. As soon as they were in the room JJ would act, but at the pace that she was walking, she had no way to catch up to the brunette. Emily had already made it to the other end of the hall, turning into their room. 

Emily had bolted out of the elevator; every second that she waited was peaking her anxiety. Her breathing was already shallow and her palms had begun to sweat, but she needed to get ahead of the dizziness that was likely to follow. From there, her only thought was the shower. She needed the steaming water to pelt down her body and ground her into the present. As she maneuvered her card hastily into the lock, her mind briefly flashed to the woman that she would be sharing the room with. Her heartbeat became even more erratic and she burst into the room. The brunette didn’t even have time to register the large queen bed that was situated in the middle of the room before she threw the bathroom door closed. 

JJ entered the room nearly a full minute later. She stopped dead in her tracks when she spotted their sleeping accommodations. Great, she had to share a bed with Emily while she was in that state. None of this was helping her own inner turmoil, and she silently cursed the technical analyst that was likely behind all of this. The blonde knew that Penelope meant well, but there didn’t seem to be an apparent option where the events of the night would turn out well. She finally moved to situate her things and even moved the quickly discarded pea coat that Emily had left in her wake. 

JJ sat back on the right side of the bed, knowing from previous situations that the brunette preferred the left. As she kicked back her feet and picked up her phone, the woman thought of what words she could possibly say to Emily. How could she even begin to get the agent to soften? The brunette had years of experience in unhealthy compartmentalization, but JJ adamantly decided that today none of that was allowed. She was going to get the truth one way or another. 

Nearly an hour had passed and not even the slightest hint of a sound had escaped from the bathroom. JJ had simply guessed that Emily had been showering and preparing for bed, but the silent streak was getting to her. She leaned forward to the edge of the bed and spoke loudly enough that Emily would hopefully hear her. 

“Em? Are you okay there? It’s been a while, so I’m getting a little worried. Em?” 

The lack of a quick response set JJ’s heart to a faster pace and her mind filled with unpleasant ideas of everything that could possibly go wrong. A few moments later, a slightly weaker voice rang out from behind the pale bathroom door. 

“I’m okay, Jayje, and I’ll be out in a minute. I’m just finishing getting ready.” The breathy words brought little comfort to JJ, but those were the first words that Emily had spoken directly to her all day. She took it in stride and settled back onto the bed. 

Emily had torn into the bathroom without bothering to remove her go bag. Her back pressed roughly against the door as it shut as she slid to the floor. She had already begun seeing some spots, but sitting down helped to give her a mediocre sense of calm. She had eventually managed the strength to make her way into the shower and simply sat under the falling water. The searing water felt good on her skin, almost as a punishment for all the decisions that she had made and ignored in the past 48 hours. Eventually, her thoughts drifted back to where they had spent a majority of the past 12 hours. 

The texted blurbs of Morgan encouraging her to reach out to Juliet raced through her head. She had thought and thought in vain about how to message her girlfriend. She was still harboring some of the rage and disappointment from the stinging words that Juliet had hurled at her. They had a case to work on tomorrow, though, so she couldn’t be dragging her personal baggage into that, especially not when the victims looked like JJ and Juliet. The tears had run freely down her face for an indeterminate amount of time. The sting had pulled a blush onto her face and puffed the soft skin above her cheeks. The red in her eyes was somewhat noticeable, but she could always blame that on getting soap in her eyes. Emily finally decided that she didn’t want to apologize to Juliet tonight and settled with a rough idea about what to text. She thought about even adding a “miss you” or “i love you”, but it didn’t fit with her current frame of mind. 

She had dodged JJ for long enough, and even fakely replied when she checked in. Now, it was time to go back out and face her teammate, or at least stop hiding in the bathroom. She gathered her go-bag and materials before moving to twist the sleek, curved handle of the doorknob. One deep exhale later, the door opened and she was stopped on the spot by JJ, who by the looks of it was about to knock. 

The two stood still as statues, inches from the other’s face. Both women stayed put, waiting for the other to move. Their eyes had locked into intense contact and both JJ and Emily felt the heat radiating off of each other’s skin. The agents were frozen for a longer time than either could comprehend. Finally, something in Emily snapped her to her senses and she shuffled to the side to get past JJ. Neither woman honestly expected the blonde’s hand to shoot out and grab her arm, stopping the brunette dead in tracks while being steps away from the bed. 

JJ was caught off guard by her own brazenness, but decided to roll with it, considering that she didn’t know if she’d get Emily’s attention like this again soon. She removed the masked happiness on her face to reveal the true concern that she felt for Emily. 

“Em, what is going on? I just want to know because you’re scaring me with the way that you’re acting. You ran out of the briefing and you’ve barely talked to anyone besides Morgan. Please don’t shut me out; I see that look in your eyes where you’re hurting, but you’re too scared to let anyone help. I can tell that you’ve been crying, and you seemed like you were on the verge of a panic attack in the elevator. Em, your eyes are red and if you keep biting at your fingernails they’ll bleed, so please talk to me.” By that point JJ had managed to move the two over to sit on the edge of the bed. Her grip on Emily’s arm had loosened, but she had grabbed the other arm as well to make sure that Emily was listening to her. 

Emily was truly and utterly exhausted. She didn’t want to have to think anymore. JJ’s mere presence was so comforting that she felt like she could float. For that, she decided to spill what was toying with her. That excluded the part about JJ because that was not what she was in the space to deal with yet. 

“I’m sorry, Jayje; I really am. I’m not trying to scare you, but Juliet and I had a huge fight. It rattled me and that’s when we were called in. I needed a break which is why I ran out of the briefing. I needed space to breathe, think, and feel, but the world felt like it was collapsing in on me. Juliet was upset because she thought that I’m not in the relationship fully and that I don’t want it, because I “don’t put in as much as she does”. I love and miss her, but I don’t even understand how she could think that I don’t want the relationship just because I don’t want to move in yet. I just want us to be okay again, and, besides, this case is looking to be a rough one and the victimology matches you and her. It’s a lot, but I’ll be okay.”

Emily felt a slight weight off of her shoulders knowing that she wasn’t keeping that secret anymore. Sure, she had several more, including one that she was ready to take to the grave, but at least this one was gone. JJ’s posture had stiffened as she listened to Emily go on about her fight with Juliet. She couldn’t help but feel partially relieved that Emily was having problems, but her heart also sank at seeing her best friend so distraught. 

“Aw, Em, it’ll be okay, I promise. We all have your back, especially me, and I know that Juliet knows that you love her. It probably was just pent up aggression, but things will subside. You two are great together, and everything will work out in the end.” JJ was being the genuinely sweetest she could and she felt most of the tension dissipate from Emily’s body. 

Eventually, she got up to go take a shower and promised to be out quickly. Emily took the next few seconds to analyze the room and noticed the lack of a second bed. Her eyes widened and she immediately stood up. She had shared beds with JJ before, but the aftermath of the fight had her second guessing herself. After a good bit of calming herself down, Emily hastily fixed about her things for the next day and curled up in bed. 

She grabbed her phone and shot off one final text before drifting soundly to sleep.

Em (10:17 PM): arrived in WI, case looks long but will text you later with more updates, crashing for the night

Jules (10:18 PM): okay thanks baby. listen i wanted to say i'm sorry so please call me when you can so we can talk. i love you em

JJ had reentered the room not long after that. She saw the taller woman laying gently to rest under the soft, pale covers of the hotel bed and her heart warmed. Emily looked like an angel to her and the thought of any harm coming to her turned JJ’s stomach. She climbed into the bed a few minutes later, but kept her distance, laying strictly close to the edge on her side of the bed. The last thing that she would want is to make Emily more uncomfortable or accidentally touch her in her sleep. Thoughts of the brunette’s ocean scent and soft skin put JJ to sleep.

——————————————————————— 

_Emily stepped slowly down the shaded, long hallway. Eerie moonlight touched a few parts of her path but she continued forward. The atmosphere sent chills up her spine, reminding her of the last time she had been in a warehouse. The air smelled fresh yet stale as if it had been recycled. Her left hand slowly traced the wall as she walked, feeling the rough texture jump beneath her fingers. She took each step with apprehension while moving with an unknown end goal._

_She finally happened up in a room at the end of the long hallway. Emily turned into the room ,but stopped dead in her tracks. The color drained from her face as she analyzed the walls in front of her. Pictures of her and JJ like the one that Garcia had texted her lined the walls. Her breath fell short as her chest tightened. Emily took another step into the room to take a closer look at the photos. Guilt, fear, and confusion overtook her. Why was she here? What had she done? Why couldn’t she move?_

_Her rampant thoughts went to a standstill as a familiar voice rang through the air._

_“Why would you do this to me? All I ever did was love you and you gave me this in return. I know that you are in love with her, but what about me? How could you just forget and discard what we have?” Juliet emerged from one of the shadowed corners in front of Emily._

_The despair was evident on her girlfriend’s face, but Emily had been stunned silent. The young blonde was wearing the clothes that she had first met Emily in, but the woman in front of her was not Juliet. Emily tried to tell herself that none of this was real. But how could she when the cutting wind, the real photos, and Juliet was right there with her?_

_Another figure that she knew all too well stepped out beside Juliet. This blonde she had seen through much more sorrow and pain. She had memorized the emotions and expressions on JJ’s face in all situations like this. The woman was wearing the attire that she had worn on the plane to Paris, an outfit and era that was painfully carved into Emily’s memory. JJ spoke before Emily could open her mouth._

_“How can you throw away what already you have for something that you don’t even know would happen? I am nothing, but a chance and a probability with higher risks than you choose to handle. I am the path not taken.”_

_Tears filled in Emily’s eyes as they watched over the two women side by side. The reality of her choice and decisions came crashing down once again, making her the Atlas to carry this world of problems. She still couldn’t move or speak and helplessly watched two of the people she cared so deeply for become these twisted yet real caricatures of humans. They were JJ and Juliet, but it wasn't JJ or Juliet that she knew and loved. Before she knew it, a final pair of people stepped out from the shadows._

_Doyle._

_Two identical Doyles appeared behind the blondes and grabbed them by the neck. Sharp and dangerous blades arose to line their necks. Emily cried and pleaded for it to stop, but it was as if no one could hear her. The Doyles toyed with their knives, teasing the necks of both women before a jarring chant broke the silence once more._

_“Pick one. Me or her?” The words thundered from JJ and Juliet, filling the echoing room. The women spoke in synch repeatedly and Emily stood paralyzed. She had no way to choose and no way to take their place. It was a stalemate._

_Emily screamed that she couldn’t pick again and again, but no one heard her. The words got to her, tearing her mental resolve. This was all too much, and the toll of the past few days was taxing its price. Emily’s lungs burned from the lack of oxygen as her futile screams had no effect._

——————————————————————— 

Emily shot up screaming as her head pounded and her vision was fuzzy. JJ immediately moved to her side and planted her hands firmly on the brunette’s shoulders. Emily jumped at the contact, but was quickly redirected under JJ’s grip to look at the blonde. She stared into the cerulean eyes of her best friend and realized that to be what was missing in her nightmare. She had never looked into either woman’s eyes, so this had to be reality. 

Somewhat more confident that she was awake, Emily’s breathing slowed. JJ guided her through the 5 senses countdown to get Emily refocused on JJ only. The blonde worried that if Emily doubted for even a second that things were not okay, everything would go to hell. Tears had once again found their way down the brunette’s face, but she was quick to wipe them with her shirt sleeve. 

JJ smiled at her so radiantly that Emily nearly forgot everything else. She eventually settled back down to sleep after JJ had insisted and begun to run her fingers through silky, raven hair. Her pale fingers brushed over beaded sweat, wiping it away along with other remnants of the nightmare from Emily’s exhausted state. Emily drifts off once more, however this time, it is in a state of euphoria aided by lavender scent and the feel of light fingers through her hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter begins the shift in the story especially for Emily bc im gonna focus more on her, seeing as ive put JJ through a lot anyway. Lemme know what you think! I genuinely appreciate every comment and kudos y'all leave bc it helps me improve lets me know what you guys see when you ready the story. i would also like to thank @SloanGreyMercyDeath for reading this to make sure i was on the right track in the beginning AND YOU SHOULD FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR @vhsrights :)


	13. The Chase Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the team is finally going after Riza, what will they find? Also you see where Juliet's head is at after her and Em's fight, and how JJ and Em are dealing with the events of the previous night

The warming sunlight gently kissed the pair’s face and illuminated the room that had seemed to harbor all kinds of darkness through the night. Sunlight flowed through, yet it was still filled with chilly air. That was more than enough to prompt the two women deeper under the covers through the night. Emily was the first to wake up. Her eyes slowly floated up to the body that kept close to her through the night and provided her with much needed heat. Her thoughts were still hazy, but she remembered pieces of her nightmare and the calm that JJ’s gentle rhythms had allowed. She watched the soft rise and fall of the blonde’s chest as she studied every angle of her smooth, unworried face. Emily relished the little bubble that they had created and felt a rare calmness that rarely graced her mind. Nothing could move for hours, and she would be entirely content where she was. The sweet scent of lavender felt like home, making her giddy with happiness inside. 

Her bubble was burst as she remembered the schedule of early arrival at the station. The brunette carefully and swiftly moved out of JJ’s grip to check the time on her phone. The time glared back at her still sensitive eyes, _6:00_ , denoting that they had 30 minutes to be at the station. Emily promptly got up and began making her way around the room. The drive to the station was about 15 minutes, so the pair had to hurry. Pulling herself out of the blonde’s warm cocoon threw a rather harsh reality check onto Emily. Her closeness to JJ was wrong. After all, she had a girlfriend that was waiting at home. Speaking of girlfriend, the woman opened her phone to see a new message. 

Jules (10:18 PM): okay thanks baby. listen i wanted to say i’m sorry so please call me when you can so we can talk. i love you em

Emily was conflicted at seeing the sweet message. Part of her wanted to call Jules up to apologize for everything and say anything to make things right again. Part of her wanted to reply coldly again with the anger that remained at the bottom of her heart. Part of her wanted to ignore the message until JJ’s fresh scent and warmth weren’t hazing her brain. She promptly turned off her read receipts and let the last part win out. With the phone safely tucked away in her back pocket, the brunette hurried to throw on the clothes that she laid out the night before. After that, and a couple minutes of refreshing her face, Emily walked over to wake up JJ. She knew from experience that the blonde was quick to get up in the mornings, but a heavy sleeper. 

Emily moved over to the bed and lightly shook and called out to JJ, hoping that it would jumpstart her. JJ simply groaned and readjusted her neck, sweeping her arms around as she searched for something. JJ’s eyes shot open when her hands came up empty. It took her a few seconds to become reoriented before she noticed Emily leaning against the side of the bed, presumably to wake her up. Her cheeks blushed out of light embarrassment as the brunette moved away to continue getting ready.

“Hey, Jayje, it’s like 6:05 and we have to leave in 10 minutes, so you should get up now.” Emily didn’t look back from the mirror as she brushed her hair. JJ watched for a short minute before she pushed herself up to get ready. 

“Oh, shoot, Okay. Thanks. I’m glad I set everything out last night. Speaking of which, are you feeling better?” JJ sauntered over to the couch that held her dark jeans, black pinstripe shirt, and pea coat. 

“Yeah, I’m doing a lot better. Thanks, Jayje. We should probably head out soon, though.” Emily turned to flash a smile at the blonde, hoping that she saw the genuine thanks in her eyes. She was fully ready at that point and simply had to get her bag together. 

“That’s good, Em. I’m glad I could help. I’ll be out really quickly; let me just throw these on and fix up my hair and face.” JJ returned the smile with equal dazzle before dipping her head to hide the blush on her face. She closed the bathroom door and hurried to get ready. 

Emily was bubbling with nervous energy at this point with her mind still in a slight jumble. She paced the length around the bed for a couple seconds until she couldn’t stand being in the room anymore. The brunette grabbed her bag and headed down to the lobby. It was a quick elevator ride, yet she felt bad for leaving the room, so she grabbed a pair of coffees from the breakfast line that was newly open. 

JJ moved somewhat swiftly in the bathroom. The smile on her face was only growing as she thought about the events of the previous night. Her heart had been racing when she noticed that Emily was struggling and, the second that she had begun to move closer, the woman shot up. They had gone through this kind of routine before enough times that it was unspoken to the women at this point, gliding past each other like a well oiled-machine. JJ had gone into autopilot and talked Emily through her rapidly disorienting mental state. She realized that this nightmare was especially bad when she noticed the tremble in Emily’s hands and made her lay down as JJ ran her fingers through her hair. She knew that worked because it had so many times in the past and they were just friends so it was okay. Emily didn’t need to know about the giddiness and electricity that the subtle connection had brought to her. 

She finally exited the bathroom only to notice that the brunette was nowhere to be found. The smile dropped off of her face until she looked at her watch to notice the time: 6:11. She assumed that the brunette had simply made her way to the lobby to be on time. JJ grabbed her and made her way down, chuckling softly to herself at Emily’s attempt to be on time. She made a note to herself to not think about the night anymore because the case was going to be a heavy one and she couldn’t be distracted. 

JJ jogged into the lobby and spotted Emily standing with a pair of coffees. She smiled brightly as she approached the woman, taking the coffee in stride. Emily looked energetic as she ushered them to the van to head over to the station. Emily had entered and started the SUV before JJ had even opened her door. The woman was near jittery and glad that she was driving so that she could release the energy. JJ relaxed into the passenger seat as they began the drive. 

The two arrived at the station with one minute to spare. Emily was walking in slightly behind JJ and Morgan was the first one to spot them. He saw the smile on JJ’s face that was a sharp contrast to the previous day that she spent sulking, likely as a result of Emily’s mood. He saw Emily behind her with a smile that was wired with nervous energy and made a note to bring it up later. They quickly joined the group and began a quick check-in to get new information.

There were still only 2 IDs for the 10 victims, but Garcia was working on obtaining more with the available partial records. The dental records were proving to be a harder match than originally thought. The newest piece of information, however, was intriguing. Every single woman had a puncture wound located high on her left arm. Hotch told Emily and Derek to investigate more on that with the ME on that. Spencer was to start on the geographical profile and JJ had already begun pulling together files to understand the victim’s families.

As they broke, Emily could see a new fervor lined with happiness in JJ and the way that she was working. She wondered what had changed the woman’s mood so drastically in the past day. It wasn’t on her mind for long, though. Morgan made sure to interrupt as soon as they had reached the car. 

“Princess, do you know what happened to JJ? Or on a different note, what’s got you all tied up in a nervous mess?” He glanced over from the wheel, watching as Emily tried to not pick her fingers. 

“No, I really don’t know what happened to her,but something yesterday did really throw me off. I managed to tell JJ vaguely about my fight with Jules, obviously leaving out the part about her, but things got really bad at night. I had a bad nightmare where I was back in a warehouse like Doyle’s.” She continued on, but noticed the shiver that had run down Morgan. “I walked for a little bit before I entered a room that was full of pictures of me and JJ like the one that Garcia sent me from our Girl’s Night. Juliet and I fought right after she had seen the text. When I walked in, Juliet and JJ were standing there. Jules told me that I was betraying her for what I felt and what I did when all she ever did was love me. JJ told me that I was in love with something that was only mere chance. Then, 2 Doyles stepped out of the shadows and held them at knifepoint. There was nothing that I could do or say and that was when I woke up. I was shaking really hard and was pretty disoriented, that was when Jayje jumped in. She managed to talk me down pretty quickly, but I still couldn’t sleep. After a little bit, she started to run her fingers through my hair which we’ve both done many times to calm the other down. I was pretty much cold turkey after that. I woke up and saw Jules’ reply to my text. She was so nice and apologetic, but I couldn’t say anything back so I didn’t respond, and if I’m honest, I still feel mixed.”

This was the second time in 24 hours that Morgan had been on the receiving end of one of these talks. It was absolutely baffling how Emily’s brain worked and how quickly she was turning in on herself, but he knew what he needed to do to step in. On top of that, her obliviousness to JJ and their interaction was confusing. She was going deeper and deeper without even realizing that she was digging. 

“Emily, you need to listen to me. It seems like your consciousness is manifesting to try and make you face the problem. It will likely get worse as time goes on unless you do something. I suggest that as soon as we are off this case, or tonight itself, you start to talk to Jules. I know it’s gonna be hard, but you have to. On the other hand at least I know why JJ looked liked like a damn Christmas tree, with her face all lit up compared to all her sulking from yesterday.”

“What? What do you mean, Morgan?” Emily was honestly confused at the statement that had brought her partner such a chuckle. For a woman that was so intellectually gifted, Emily was quite dim on matters of the heart. 

“Nothing, Princess. You wouldn’t get it,” Morgan laughed as they exited the parked car and made their way up to the ME’s office. Prentiss managed to get a playful slap to his shoulder as they entered the building. 

——————————————————————— 

“The lacerations that you see on the victim’s arms seem to vary from person to person. I would say that they were caused by a switchblade, or knife of some sort. It seems like the killer enjoys this kind of cutting because all of them have been the C.O.D. and they are spread all over the body. Here you can see that it is all over the upper body, but not the lower body. Mixed with the restraints that are shown from the markings here and here, I’d say the victims were tied down to a chair while the killer went about his process.” The stout, red-haired examiner showed the pair the detailed shallow and deep cuts that littered the body. 

“So, we’re probably looking at a sadistic serial killer that gets off on his victim’s pains as he cuts them. But that still doesn’t explain the word that he carved into all of their lower stomachs. Does he feel the need to sort of brand them to maybe identify them of their “wrongs or lies”?” Morgan was the first to analyze their potential unsub’s prospects.

“Well, I would agree on the sadist part, but I don’t know. Shouldn’t the victims show slightly more of the unsub’s arrogance and potential pride? Actually, the eyeliner mixed with the sharp cuts and pulled teeth speak enough to that. Can we take a closer look at the word carving because it looks very different from the rest of everything?” Emily shifted her eyes across the victim in an effort to characterize and stomach the tragedies that they all suffered. 

“Sure, the cuts seem to be made at a much slower pace with no hesitation. I can also estimate that these have been done much slower and quite a while after the spread out gashing. The tool was probably a scalpel, exacto knife, or some other highly meticulous and sharp blade. I would say that these cuts are approximately one and a half times deeper than the other ones. The unsub definitely had a meticulous plan to approach each of his victims’ tortures, but he let himself free when he slashed with the switchblade. The cuts have actually become cleaner with each victim which shows that the unsub always had the passion, but grew the skill with each victim.”

“Okay. So, he has them tied down and goes to town, but waits before he marks them as official liars. Could it be the sexual component of the cutting with the eyeliner that he uses? Or actually, could it be the stuff that he injects into the victims’ arms? Do you have the toxin screen to tell what he put into their systems?” Emily inquired carefully, hoping that the chemicals could give them more of a clue as to where or who this guy could be. 

“Unfortunately, we don’t have a full toxin screen back yet, but what we do have is interesting enough. The chemicals in their systems seem to be an experimental mix that have an effect that are similar to a few neuropathy drugs that are used to treat mental illness. It’s still hard to tell what exactly was being done to them, but the unsub definitely knows their way around this kind of stuff. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that they have professional medical training, so much as an affinity and a rather intense inclination.” Morgan and Emily nodded at the newly given information, processing it and adding it to the list of consideration. The ME began talking again before either could get in a question. 

“Oh, that reminds me that I noticed a pattern among the victims which helped tell me which order the victims were killed in. Each of them had an increasing amount of teeth pulled out. For example, the 4th victim had 4 teeth pulled, etc. Going with the overwhelming theme that lying is involved, I would predict that this is to counteract the idiom ‘lying through the teeth’.” The examiner finished her speech and let the agents mull over the information. 

Morgan was canvassing the body when Emily jumped in with a rather odd thought.

“Morgan, would it be too far-fetched to suggest that the unsub could’ve tried to make truth serum? I mean, that stuff was banned years ago for residential use, but I’d say that our guy definitely has the capacity to do that. I think that his success increased as time went by because the time scale is rapidly decreasing.” 

“Yeah, that sounds right. I mean, this guy is mad at an ex, so he would want to make sure that it wouldn’t happen to someone else. That would align with the medical affinity and go along with some of our earlier assumptions. The efficiency would speed track his process, and he wouldn’t need to spend as much time slashing up the bodies because the thrill is also in knowing their secrets. Great, I’ll text Hotch to fill him in and then we can head back to see what progress they made.” Morgan pulled out his phone as they began the walk back to their car. This case had an off feeling to it, one that Emily hadn’t felt since Nevada. She prayed that this case wouldn’t be like that. 

——————————————————————— 

Juliet grabbed the glass of wine from the table and sat back into the couch. She had made it through almost an entire bottle while watching some of the romance movies that Emily had hidden throughout her shelves. She wondered who else knew of the brunette’s secret passion for cinematic love that was universal across many languages. Only two names came to mind, one being the name that always tagged along when she thought of Emily. Juliet threw back a large gulp of her wine so as to try and erase the bitterness in her mind. JJ. The woman was always right there by Emily. Granted, Juliet loved that Emily was able to find such a loving family in her team, but that was different. 

She thought back to the words that she had said the night before and cringed. Juliet hadn’t had a lot of time to think and her reactive brain had kicked in. She felt horrible about what she said in their fight but it felt relieving. That pressure had been building since the Nevada incident. Seeing Emily hurt in the hospital bed made her want to wrap them in a bubble alone so that she could help her heal. It had snapped the caring bones in her body, sending her into an overdrive to do everything in her power to help. She had done that to the extent possible after Emily had been released. Juliet took those months off of work (she had a lot of leave built up) and stepped up to help take care of her. They had little contact with everyone else and Juliet was always by her side. 

However, no matter what her efforts, there seemed to be parts that Emily refused to let heal. She was stubborn and closed off whenever Juliet tried to delve into the mental side of what had happened. Seeing the scars add on to what already covered her body baffled the blonde. She had no idea where any of them came from, aside from Emily’s vague response of “They come with the job”. It hurt that her own girlfriend refused to open up to her and Juliet wondered what made her not trust like that. She had limited knowledge of the brunette’s childhood, but knew enough that it was likely the ambassador’s raising methods that played a hand. 

But that was it. She had so little intimate knowledge of her own girlfriend’s past that it was alarming to her. Juliet understood that Emily had had a harder life than anyone should’ve had to endure, but she couldn’t pinpoint nearly anything. It was infuriating yet saddening to understand that Emily hadn’t gotten to that point of ease with her. Maybe they would never get there and she just had to accept that. But the ease was something that she was working toward with Emily, so why was everything not clicking?

“Maybe it’s not meant to be,” Juliet uttered the words out into the empty room right as the two main characters on the tv kissed. 

The blonde hated that her mind went there. She tried to focus her attention on the movie for a little bit, but that didn’t help. The characters were talking about how they had never seen what blatant love sat right in front of them all those years. Juliet shrank back into the pleather couch. That didn’t stop the words that she had accidentally heard in the hospital to come rushing back. Juliet had a trained ear after spending many years in the police force and around her military brother. She understood and connected that the tone JJ had used that day to talk about Emily was reflected in the way the brunette always talked about JJ. At the very least, Emily had feelings for JJ in the past and Juliet wanted to know about it. She needed the piece of mind and Emily not replying to her texts was not helping. 

She had sent that text quickly in response to Emily’s off-handed message. She had hoped that she could coax a reply out and ease the burning tension a little. No reply had left her to a sullen slumber, snuggling Emily’s pillow with tears pooling in her eyes. 

Tears once again began to run her face. Juliet really loved Emily and all she wanted was for the woman to be happy. She saw the light in the brunette’s eyes when she was talking to or about JJ and it never compared to anything else. Juliet understood that Emily loved her, and it was evident. However, it didn’t hold a candle to what she and JJ had, and it never could. The blonde was a fighter but there wasn’t a way to keep going in this without only breaking everyone’s heart further.

She was going to have to talk to Emily when she got back. This could be their end. 

——————————————————————— 

Emily entered the team’s room with all the information swimming in her head. She managed to shove everything that wasn’t case related into a compartment, willing it for a later time. Reid and Rossi were standing over the map, piecing together their part of the geographical profile. JJ’s back was to the door as she conversed with Hotch. The two were talking about the families that they were able to contact. Hotch saw Emily first and spoke to regroup everyone for deliberation before they formed a preliminary profile. 

“Prentiss, Morgan, let’s get started. What did you find out at the M.E.?” At the mention of the brunette, JJ’s head whipped around quickly enough to make anyone’s neck hurt. 

Emily maintained staunch eye contact with her notes, not daring to glance at her teammate. She sorted through everything that they had learned. The victims had gone through so much torture and identifying every piece of it was key to finding the unsub. After her second of regrouping, the woman began to recount the information while also inserting her observations and theories. 

“Well, the cuts that we see all over the victims’ bodies were done in a mix of antemortem and postmortem. Based on location and angle of laceration, the ME suggested that the victims were tied down to a chair that they were sitting in. This makes sense with the rope burns that were evident on the vics’ hands and feet. The ME also denoted that the weapon for the cuts was likely a knife or switchblade of some kind due to the shallow, clean cuts.” Emily looked up and Morgan nodded to add his bit in. 

“On top of that, none of the women had defensive wounds, so I’d say that this guy was able to get them to lower their guard before he took them out somehow. He probably is very adept in social settings with a more built physique, considering he’s able to get these women tied up like that. With the signature word, the ME said that it was carved with a different tool. They alluded to a more sharp and specific tool like a scalpel or Exacto knife. The cuts there were almost 2 times deeper and caused a large part of the victims’ blood loss. They were the most likely C.O.D. and it makes sense that the word would provide a sexual release for our guy.” He paused, allowing Reid to jump in. 

“Sounds like this guy is a focused, sexual sadist. The switch of weapon for the engraved word shows the rift in the unsub’s psychology. The slashes versus the word seem to serve two different purposes for his gratification.” JJ was next to piggyback into the conversation. 

“The smaller lacerations seem to be at will to allow him to release his anger. That kind of randomized end result that varies through the different vics shows that it’s probably a frenzy where the unsub has little control. The deep cuts were likely done to maximize the torture and allow the unsub to feel their ‘retribution’.”

Emily watched as her teammates pieced together conclusions. She had been mulling over the injected chemicals that had yet to come back from the tox screen. Mixing that with the injection site and clumsily applied makeup, the unsub’s mental state was highly organized yet fractured and devolving at the same time.

“I agree with JJ and the split motive gives more reasoning to the splintered goals. I would say that the high intelligence level in our unsub combined with his ability to organize his kills is what is slowing his unraveling. But, I did want to point out two more things. All of the victims had a needle injected into their upper right arms, along with badly drawn eyeliner. Now, I know the eyeliner is probably just an emulation of a quality that the unsub hated or associated with his ex. However, the compound that he injected hasn’t been discovered yet because we don’t have the tox screen. I do have my suspicions, though.” Emily made ample gestures at their pictures and victims’ descriptions to show where she was going with this. 

“Truth Serum.” 

JJ had looked up with an energized smile at the brunette’s agreement with her statement. She felt like it was a sort of break in the thick tension that she had felt earlier. Yet the words that Emily had said from the ME visit just clicked in her head. Often the two had similar thoughts and were able to finish each other’s, causing a further blush on the blonde. She stumbled her way through her explanation, but picked up where Emily left off. 

“It makes sense that the unsub would try to make some kind of Truth Serum. We know that he is intelligent and likely worked in an area that would give him that kind of access. He could derive more pleasure from knowing his victims can’t lie like his ex could.”

“That definitely works and plays to what we’ve profiled about this unsub already. Do you think he turns their torture into their confessionals? He could use the tactic where their secrets could save their life.” Hotch mulled over their conversation further. 

“I think he would do the confessional, but I don’t think that the victims have any actual shot of making it. It matters too much to his fantasy that they get his twisted version of justice. That speaks to the eyeliner that he puts on the bodies. His need to change the bodies’ face shows just how deep the delusion is.”

“Okay, good. Reid, what did you and Rossi find in the geographical profile?”

“Well, all of the victims lived in a 25 mile radius from the city. They are scattered pretty far out, but they all live close to some kind of main road. The neighborhoods vary in terms of socioeconomic status and makeup, ranging from partially affluent to largely poor. Based on the travel times for those roads when you factor in relative travel speeds and traffic, the unsub probably lives within this 10 mile radius that’s closer to the high end neighborhoods. He’d be able to blend in for all areas, but that area seems to provide the most variance. He would have access to all kinds of stores and public places, but also the benefit of seclusion.” He pointed to his markings on the maps to indicate where he was talking about. 

“Yeah, what the kid said. This unsub has the range for any place that he goes. I still haven’t ruled out a ruse, though. As for the dumping sites, they’re scattered all over the place in different bodies of water. I’d say they’re significant to him because of a childhood trauma or a safe place that he has in them.“

“Okay, so far everything is lining up well. JJ and I were able to contact and talk to the families of two of the women and, so far, they don’t have anything in common. Maybe something will come up as we get more IDs. I think it’s time that we deliver the profile.”

——————————————————————— 

“All right, we believe that this unsub is a white male in his late 20s to 30s. He would be very socially proficient. This man can blend in with most any circumstances and get into these women’s homes.” Hotch started off the profile to the precinct, alerting them of who to look for. 

“This man is also highly intelligent which allows him to navigate these situations with ease. He is a sexual sadist that exploits his victim’s with a chemical compound to make them speak before killing them. He may use a ruse to enter the victim’s houses but he is easy to talk to either way.” Emily was next to speak up. 

“He probably acts more submissive in public which is contrasted by his intense need for dominance in private. This could translate partially over to his job. He would most likely be working in some kind of assistant or secondary position in a law or psychological field.” Morgan continued from there. 

“This unsub isn’t young, but used the short time that he was killing to rapidly learn and evolve his MO. He likely has some kind of failed background in science or medical fields. Pairing that with his full time job, this guy has a lot of harbored anger.” JJ then joined in. 

“Along with that, this unsub likely lives in a 10 mile radius from the city center that lets him move through all parts of the city. There are many main roads that he can use that would streamline his process. But this unsub is beginning to unravel, so he will likely amp up in the next few days. This makes him really dangerous, so please approach him with caution. ” Reid finished it off, completing the list for everyone on their preliminary profile. 

“So, if we see him should we hold back? He’s getting enough attention from the media, and they’re calling him the Truth Carver. Wouldn’t that attention do something for him?” an officer spoke up with an inquisitive look, worried about what the unsub could do. 

“You should approach him with caution and don’t have to, but we suggest you wait for back up. The media will be handled soon, and we are aware of what they are doing. However, this unsub’s motivation is not attention; its revenge and retribution for his ex’s wrongdoings against him.” Emily stepped in to answer the question. 

——————————————————————— 

The stress of the day had been slowly creeping on JJ. The jovial boost she got in the morning had withered away quickly when she realized exactly what they were dealing with. She hadn’t been fully paying attention to the case until they were standing above the table, surrounded by files. 

Seeing the mutilated bodies in front of her usually didn’t have this effect. She was supposed to be the strong one, the unspoken “mom” friend. She wasn’t supposed to be affected because she had been around this for so long and knew what she was doing. JJ had put so much into making herself a wall, much like Emily’s compartmentalization. It was her job to surround herself with these horrendous situations and solve the crime without being phased. Right? The switch from media liaison to profiler was something that the blonde had taken in stride, considering her ability to stonewall her emotions. It was more of a title shift considering JJ already did a majority of the things that the rest of the team did.

Only, her resolve had its breaking points. As much as she wanted to, JJ’s wall of strength wasn’t infallible. Watching the list of victims pile high, especially when she looked like them, was terrifying. Often the victims of the case were similar to her in one way or the other so had built up a mental resistance, yet that seemed useless here. With little information and a dangerous unsub all but glaring in her face, JJ was not feeling good. It felt like everywhere she turned, something was crumbling. She was taking too many hits at once from all directions. 

The hours had ticked by slowly, and now they were getting closer to a wrap for the day. The blonde hadn’t noticed how long she was zoned out for. It was her time to try and rebuild what was happening in her head. Her grip on the file in her hands tightened as she thought about the brunette coworker that she just happened to be sharing a room with. Things were beginning to become too strong for her, with her feelings overwhelming every thought she had. It felt like if things went on in this pattern her heart would burst out of her chest. She had spent so long curbing herself and willing all her feelings away and it was only hurting her more. Any attempt that she made to move on seemed to bite her in the ass. The blonde was stuck in between a rock and hard place. 

She thought back to how vexed she had been when Emily first joined the team. It had taken nearly 4 days of calming herself before she could breathe normally around their newest member. From the moment that she had laid eyes on her in Hotch’s office to the hours they spent on briefing protocol, JJ had felt like she was in a dream. As a child, she had always loved the idea of a Prince Charming, but didn’t like the fact that it always showed the women as helpless. So when she got to know Emily, it was like the woman had been crafted to be her own special, non-conforming Princess Charming. Learning the deeper and hidden parts of the brunette’s personality only doomed her more. 

Everywhere that she turned, JJ saw Emily and things that had been revealed in enclosed, hushed whispers through the night. It was what had gotten her through so many years of hardship. JJ could never pinpoint when that infatuation turned into full blown love. Yet it felt like Emily was one that she had been waiting centuries for. Fleeting sights of Emily’s warm eyes and engaging expressions were often what the blonde fell asleep to. Yet this, like many other things, was a double edged sword. The “punishment” of this longing was that JJ could get infinitely closer to her best friend and never attain what she wanted most. 

It wasn’t in the books for her to be the one to get Emily’s soft kisses. It wasn’t in the books for her to be the center of Emily’s universe. It wasn’t in the books for her to hold Emily close as they took the next steps together. It wasn’t in the books for her to watch Emily’s eyes light up when she took her on a date. It wasn’t in the books for her to feel Emily’s body close to hers when they really needed it. It wasn’t in the books for her to watch Emily walk down the aisle. It wasn’t in the books for her to laugh with Emily as their kids ran and played in the yard. It wasn’t in the books for her to say that she was Emily’s forever. It wasn’t in the books for her to say that Emily was hers. 

That was reserved for Juliet. She was the lucky woman that was Emily’s girlfriend. JJ thought back to the nightmare and how Emily had opened up about their fight. Guilt-ridden happiness flowed through her mind. On one hand, she was happy that the hindrance could open a doorway for her to potentially confess. On the other hand, tearing up a relationship that brought Emily so much happiness for her own gain made her stomach turn. 

The uneasiness finally hit her like a truck. JJ dropped her file abruptly and bounced out of her seat. She took no time in bolting out of the room in a half aware frenzy to the bathroom. The blonde vaguely remembered where it was and let out a sigh of relief when she saw no one inside. 

At this point, her breathing had become much more rapid. Her chest tightened and made it harder to take in the deep breaths that she so obviously needed. Clawing for air as she sank against the wall, JJ’s thoughts had worked themselves into a frenzy. Her eyes had unfocused and nothing made sense. A slight tremor worked its way through her body, consistent in her hands. It felt like her mind was caving in on itself. She wanted to reach to anyone, anyone that could help her breath again. Only one woman came to mind, but that was the name that had partially caused this spiral. Her eyes and cheeks burned from unshed tears. Increasingly rapid rocking helped to slow her heartbeat down, but not much else seemed to show improvement. 

It was a total mental overload and JJ was shutting down. She was so wrapped up that she didn’t notice the door open. The blonde didn’t recognize that anything had changed until the comfortably familiar scent of the ocean hit her. Her body involuntarily let up, easing some of her tension. Her peripheral vision caught Emily sliding down next to her after she locked the door. JJ was grateful that the brunette had done that to prevent awkward encounters, but being so close to Emily made her hurt more. 

Emily had returned from grabbing a coffee when she spotted the blonde with hunched shoulders. She recognized that state from their close nights spent on Emily’s dark couch where they talked and all walls crumbled. It made her tense, knowing that something rough was going on in JJ’s mind. She wanted to hug all of JJ’s tension away, knowing that the case probably weighed heavily on her. The brunette knew how hard JJ was on herself to stay strong, but the mind can only take so much. Hence when JJ dashed out of the room, Emily followed suit soon after. She wasn’t going to let JJ go through this alone. 

Opening the door, her eyes searched for the blonde in the light-green tiled restroom. Spotting her against the far wall, huddled into herself and shaking with unfocused eyes, Emily took large strides to get to the other side of the room. She sank down and gently wrapped an arm around JJ, hoping that the familiar touch would help ground her. The agent felt the woman’s body loosen up slightly and took a deep breath with the positive progress. 

JJ registered Emily’s arm around her and melted. As much as she wanted to resist, it was exactly what she wanted and needed. Her hands stopped shaking and the rocking slowed down. She looked up to see the concern and compassion in Emily’s eyes. She didn’t want to take up Emily’s time like this, but she was falling apart.

“Em?” Her voice was small and barely managed to make the woman’s name audible. 

“Jayje, I saw you in the room, and I recognized that face. I know that something is going on up there. Please talk to me about it. I really just want to help. Is it about the case?” Emily’s voice seemed to get through to JJ and break the haze. 

JJ simply blinked back up at her blankly. There were so many things that she wanted and needed to say. She wanted to scream at the brunette for dating a knock-off version of her. She wanted to yell that she missed her opportunity to be with the woman that she was in love with. She wanted to shout that she was tired of having to curb everything and be strong all the time. She wanted to wail that all of their unsub’s victims looked like her which was terrifying. She wanted to holler that they weren’t any closer to catching the bastard and she felt useless. She wanted to shriek that everywhere she looked, JJ was last and not getting what she wanted. Yeah. Something was definitely going on in her head and the rage that came with it suddenly boiled to the surface. The remnants of her panic vanished as her demeanor flipped. 

“Yeah, there’s a lot going on up here! This damn case is showing no leads and we’re coming up empty wherever we look! The victims all look like me, and I can’t even be scared! I worked so hard to get here and be strong, but it seems like it’s all useless in the end! On top of that, I feel like I’m missing everything that I wanted and anywhere that I turn, it’s never time for me! I have spent so long being the quaint, quiet, pretty girl and putting my needs aside! I don’t say things that I should and then things go to shit! Is that what you wanted to hear, Emily? Huh? That I’m crumbling because I can’t function? I’m suffocating here!” JJ’s voice had risen to a shout as worked her way through the sentences. She couldn’t reveal anything about her feelings, but still spat the last sentences at Emily with more vehemence than she intended. 

The blonde watched as Emily’s face fell. She immediately fell back on what she had said. JJ had never had the intention to hurt Emily, especially when all she wanted was to help. Everything had just come out at once, and she couldn’t help herself. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of her chest, but what she saw on the brunette made her chest tighten slightly. 

“Oh, sorry, JJ. I didn’t mean to intrude. I just wanted to check in on you because I didn’t want you to bottle things up and stay upset. For what it’s worth, you are one of the strongest people that I know. We will catch this unsub, even if it’s the last thing I do. I know you’re terrified, but please remember that I’m always right there next to you. I’m sorry; I’ll leave.” Emily was surprised at the suddenly brash outburst from the blonde. 

She hadn’t expected such heat, especially directed at herself. It made the older agent take a step back and immediately switch into introspective mode. Thoughts of things that she could have done to possibly hurt the blonde came pouring in. It was selfish, but she couldn’t stand the fact that she was a part of something that would agonize JJ. She came up empty and turned to slowly walk out. The agent likely just needed space, and Emily was more than willing to give her that, if it helped. She just wanted their relationship to go back to normal, or as normal as possible considering the situation that she was in. 

Before Emily could reach the door to unlock it, she felt a firm grasp latch onto her arm. JJ pulled her around and into a tight hug. It was physical contact that both wanted, but couldn’t iterate. She wanted to convey everything through that hug like how sorry she was for snapping, and how thankful she was that Emily showed up. They stayed like that for longer than either cared to check, probably several minutes. 

“I’m sorry, Em. I really didn’t mean it. I think it all just became too much, and you were there, so I lashed out. I am so incredibly grateful that you are here and you came to check up on me.” JJ made sure to squeeze a little tighter so that Emily understood exactly how thankful. 

“It’s okay, JJ. I get it. Things can get really stressful, so just know that I am always by your side. I am always here if you want to talk.” Emily pulled back and tried to convey all of the love and adoration that she felt for JJ through her smile. 

JJ eased and decided that it would be okay to at least tell Emily about what was bothering her about the case. 

“It feels like over half of the case files I open have victims that look just like me. What if one day it is me? What if I’m not strong enough to win? How can I protect these women and catch the unsub if I can’t hold myself together? I want to nail this son of a bitch so badly, and I hate that we aren’t making much progress while women are dropping like flies.” JJ’s voice had begun to waiver again as she thought about the case. 

Emily’s heart hurt as she watched the blonde go back under a cover of self doubt. She saw JJ as close to perfection as possible and didn’t understand how the woman thought so lowly of herself. JJ had done more than enough to prove her stellar status as an agent and profiler. Emily knew that the blonde simply needed reassurance and the reminder that she had a whole team who had her back, with Emily right at her side. 

“JJ, first, I want you to slow down and breathe. It’s okay to be scared; it’s a normal human emotion. You don’t have to be a wall all the time. You do so much to help the victims and their families, I’m always in awe. You have the biggest heart of anyone that I know and it only makes you better at this job. Believe me when I say that we will get this guy. I will say it as many times as you need to hear it, Jennifer Jareau. I am always here for you and so is the rest of the team. We have your back and will always do everything in our power to make sure that things work out.” 

JJ’s heart swelled at the words and the couples tears that had managed to run down her face were forgotten. Emily had always had the ability to calm her. In that moment, the closeness that she felt with the brunette was enough. She was enough. What they had was enough. It was enough to make JJ remember and understand. It was enough to satiate her rapidly beating heart and remind her that they would catch this unsaid, just like any other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I LOVE YOU HAPPY NEW YEAR. i wanted to kick off the new year with a new chapter and this is where things really begin to kick into high gear. please comment and lemme know what y'all think. i appreciate all kudos and feedback. enjoy :)
> 
> ALSO YOU CAN FIND ME ON TUMBLR @vhsrights to talk about this story, cm in general, or jemily things!


	14. Is This Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Em and JJ unknowingly meeting the unsub, long tragic backstories, and explosions. A lot of things go down.  
> TW: The backstory has mentions of drugs and ODs (so if that triggers you please skip from "the T-boning" to "A mother's worst nightmare") enjoy :)

Eventually, enough time had passed, and the two needed to rejoin their team. JJ didn’t want to leave the safety and warmth of Emily’s arms, but they had work to do. Her eyes began to refocus and the tremor in her hands died down. Deep breaths allowed JJ to remember where she was, who she was, and what had happened. It felt like she had reconnected with the land of the living, all from the comfort of Emily’s embrace. Her grip tightened on the brunette before she released her. The pure adoration among other things that she saw in Emily’s eyes made her heart flutter. She made sure that every ounce of love and thankfulness she felt in the moment displayed back to Emily in her eyes and smile. 

“Thank you, Em. I really needed that. You’re always right there next to me, and I feel like I don’t tell you enough. We have to head back now, though. They probably have something new for the case.” JJ’s words came slowly, integrated with her slower breathing, allowing Emily to see how calm the blonde truly was. 

“Jayje, it's no problem. I’m right here for you always. You have that as a promise. Hold on one-second, then we can go.” The end of her sentence was punctuated by her hand raising to tuck JJ’s hair behind her ear and wipe away a stray tear. 

JJ didn’t even understand how to register what was happening. The soft brush of Emily’s fingers across her face drew a blush up her neck and made her heart race. The blonde was glad that she had pulled out of the hug because Emily was other sure to have felt the change. The words in her mind stuttered, and nothing managed to escape her lips. Her face was still shiny from the tears, but she honestly didn’t care how she looked as long as she could feel Emily’s gentle touch. A reaffirming sound from the brunette broke JJ’s haze. Emily pulled away and headed to unlock the bathroom door, peeking out to see if anyone was surrounding it. JJ took the time to fix her appearance before confidently striding out behind the older agent. The only thing on her mind now was catching the unsub and making him pay. 

The team was working on their respective files when the pair re-entered the room. As the door shut, Hotch’s eyes drifted up to meet Emily’s. He knew that the brunette was the only one that could help JJ so much and so quickly, but he still wanted confirmation. JJ definitely had a lot on her plate right now, and Hotch saw that she definitely needed that time to regroup. Emily’s soft smile and nod let him know that things were going to be okay. JJ had already dove right back into her files, but her body language screamed that she was refocused and content with whatever Emily had done to calm her down.

JJ’s mind was used to the overwhelming piles of work in front of her, yet her refreshment gave her the boost she needed. Seemingly reaching a dead end with relatives and important personnel, the blonde thought to expand their pool. If they could reach out to well-known people in the community, someone would have to know the unsub. It only made sense, but who would possibly make a good candidate? She didn’t want to end up on the unsub’s doorstep unknowingly, remembering how that turned out in Nevada, but there had to be someone she could reach out to. After mulling over it for some time, the blonde decided to ask the team. 

“Guys, I am really hitting a dead end with these families. There has to be someone that we can talk to that’s well connected in the community. Maybe one of them will have a network that connects us to the unsub. Talking to the people of the area seems like it should be where we kind of shift focus because there are so few vics with IDs. Maybe we can look at people in conflicting, high foot traffic areas?”

“That sounds like a good idea. Statistically speaking, people are 16.42% more likely to reveal things about themselves to strangers on the off chance that they will never see the person again. Combine that with the possibility of the unsub picking his victims through earshot confessions, I’d say we have a good shot at finding this unsub, if we ask in the right places.” 

“That sounds good. We can ask around the precinct for well known figures of the city. There will probably be many, so I’ll send out pairs to the people’s houses.” Hotch turned to call the detective that was working through files on a nearby desk. 

“Excuse me, Detective. Can you join us for a moment?” The detective looked up and nodded, bringing their files as they walked over to where the team gathered. 

“Sure, agents. What can I do for you?” They looked at the papers that scattered the surfaces in front of them, eyes widened at the plethora of information that the team had acquired on their own. 

“Are there any people in the city that live close to the target area that we showed you, are well reputable, and could tell us about the community more intimately? We are looking for richer people that live in major areas that could help us build on our profile?” Reid jumped in before anyone could open their mouths. 

The detective mulled over possible members of the community before presenting the one name that came to their mind. “The people of this town are very far spread in terms of socioeconomic status and any area that goes is wildly different from its counterparts. There are very few things that actually connect every part of this city, but one name does come to mind. Riza Rena is a woman that everyone knows because she heard cases from everywhere when she was a municipal judge. The other half of town knows her from her years as a therapist or psychologist at her own practice. If you guys want to talk to anyone who knows the town well, she’s the one to go to.” Detective spoke surely and slowly, making sure to properly suggest Riza and hoping that it would give them a breakthrough on the case. 

The brick wall that seemed to be stumping the case was weighing heavily on the detective. It had been their call to bring in the BAU, but worry was starting to build in their mind. These women were dying with the media having a field day, and everything was so far into the air. The detective breathed a deep sigh and calmed themself with the thought that they would catch the unsub, one way or another.

Hotch dialed up Garcia and obtained Riza’s address. He was apprehensive about sending JJ out, but knew that keeping her inside the precinct would only down her further. Knowing that the blonde still needed support and the fact that Emily would likely refuse to leave her side, he decided on sending the pair out. He trusted Emily to protect JJ and vice versa, trusting their superior skills to get as much information as possible. 

“JJ, you and Emily can head up to Riza’s house. We are pretty much tied up here, so gather everything you can from her.” Hotch gave the directive while making stark eye contact with Emily so as to silently assure that the brunette would protect her friend. 

An understanding nod from Emily, and a short quip from JJ, sent the pair on their way.

——————————————————————— 

Driving up to Riza’s house was comfortable for JJ while Emily was tense. JJ sat in the passenger seat with her head cocked as she watched the land rise and fall from her window. She was glad that they had found another avenue in the case. Her legs were stretched out in front of her as she leaned back in the seat. Having Emily by her side also drew away any concern or negative thought that she had. She had found a serenity in their silent ride, using it as a mental reprieve from the earlier stress. Her mind briefly floated to the case, but her body didn’t tense up as it did before. 

Emily sat beside her with one hand on the wheel, eyes locked on the road. Nerves ran rampant through her body. Her jaw was tightly clenched, and her shoulders could not have been more rigid with anxiety. Having JJ next to her only resurfaced thoughts of the victims and how painfully uncanny JJ’s looks matched the victimology. All she wanted was to put the blonde in a protective bubble until the unsub was caught. Emily couldn’t bear the thought of any harm coming to JJ, especially under her watch. Her thoughts were so erratic that the brunette’s driving had been normal. It was a stark contrast to the enthusiastic fiasco that she usually pulled behind the wheel, being a cause for concern to anyone that dared ride with her. Piling on to her worries for the case, Juliet’s unanswered text felt like it was burning a hole through her phone and pant pocket. There were so many things that she wanted to say, but had no words for. 

On top of all this, JJ was wearing the outfit that always made it impossible for Emily to look away. The navy blue blouse hugged her body, highlighting her built shoulders and falling slightly open to show peeks of the blonde’s collarbones. It tucked into sleek black trousers that were held with a tan belt that practically teased Emily. The outfit managed to show every part of JJ perfectly which was dangerous for her brunette colleague. She forced her eyes from roaming in that direction, breathing a sigh of relief as the GPS notified them of their arrival. JJ readjusted to sit up in the seat, glancing over at Emily.

She saw the tension that had worked its way into the agent’s posture and understood. The case was hard, and this was a potential dead end which was likely weighing on her. JJ decided to take control of the situation for once and undid her seatbelt. She grabbed Emily’s hand that had been resting on the divider between them. The warmth from her hands immediately surrounded the cold of Emily’s, prompting the brunette to quickly turn her head. Emily had not expected this and stared blankly at the envelopment, having been more focused on trying to keep her own composure before they had to talk to Rena. Her heart skipped, and she slowly raised her eyes to meet JJ’s. 

“Em, I know this case is tough. I am right here if you want to talk about it, okay? I can see the stress in your body language, and I don’t want you to bottle things up.” JJ simply looked back at her with the smile that she reserved for the brunette, speaking softly. 

“Thanks, Jayje. I’m just worried about you because of the victimology. I am so ready to catch this bastard, and I want our lead to work out. Every second that he’s out there, women are in danger, and I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.” Saying the words aloud knocked Emily’s breath away, shocking herself with the sheer honesty. 

JJ knew how much Emily cared for her, but words like this were typically saved for their nights on the couch. She hadn’t thought about how the victimology would make everyone else on edge as well. She was glad that she had grabbed the agent’s hand in that moment, squeezing it to remind her that things would be okay. She threw one more reassuring smile at Emily before dropping her hand to get out of the car. Emily sat in her seat for slightly longer to let her heartbeat settle before following after JJ. 

The blonde assessed the late model Victorian house that towered before them. A crimson red door stood out in the middle of the antiquated look, drawing attention from the flowers and rustic brick archway that lined the path. It was different from the other houses as it presented a liveliness that contrasted the otherwise drab neighborhood. Emily was right on her heels and took in their surroundings as well. She smelt the fresh scent of lavender that accompanied the fragrances of the plants, smiling at the “home-like” feeling it registered. She reached the door first and knocked firmly to alert their presence. Both women switched on their work smiles as they heard the light patter of footsteps on the other side. 

The door opened slowly, showing them an interior that matched the outside of the house. Mesquite floors with complimenting oak and mahogany furniture against the walls created a professional atmosphere. The walls were pale and bare from photos and most decorations. A sturdily built woman appeared from behind the door in casual clothes. Her deep, sepia skin glowed under the lighting, making her silver eyes pop. Defined muscles peeked past the dull, auburn baseball tee. Sleek, dark, denim jeans covered her long legs and tied the outfit together. A beige pea coat sat draped over her arm as if she had just arrived home or intended to go out. 

JJ spoke first, drawing the woman’s hospitable smile towards herself. She indicated to her and Emily’s badges, identifying them as federal agents who wanted to ask some questions about the community. Emily kept a tight eye on the woman and noted the woman’s expressions. She watched as the woman identified herself as Riza Rena and invited them in. The woman’s shoes by the door and posture indicated that she must’ve just returned from somewhere. The buzz of Emily’s nerves radiated through her, keeping her on high alert despite the calm demeanor that she displayed. They were directed to a love seat, and Riza sat herself directly in front of them. 

“Okay, agents. What can I do for you today? I just got in for the day, so I apologize.” Her voice was deep yet firm and easily filled the room. 

“That’s fine. We wanted to ask what you knew about the recent murders in the area. We have been informed that you are a former judge and psychologist and well known in the community. The man we’re looking for is likely well connected in terms of social life. Anything you could tell us would be of great help.” Emily spoke for the first time, hope flooding her tone. 

Riza had not expected the agents to turn up at her door so soon. She had just returned from dumping Lyra’s body and spending the day out, humming with adrenaline rush. Her years as a judge helped her keep her composure as the blonde agent introduced herself and her partner and explained why they were here. Knowing that there was no way to logically escape this, she invited the agents inside. Seeing the blonde agent, Jennifer Jareau as she called herself, reawakened the fire that she felt. Images of her ex girlfriend and son ran through her mind. Memories, both happy and sad, ran a chill down Riza’s spine.

The agents moved swiftly and decisively, keeping an eye on their surroundings. All the while, Riza could not get her eyes off of JJ. A mix of lust and anger flooded her veins while her ears echoed with the sound of Kailash’s laugh. She cricked her neck and hoped that the frivolous energy would subside. These movements could be seen as suspicious with her paranoia kicking in, especially with federal agents in her vicinity. Replacing the suave look on her face, the woman lowered into her seat and invited the agents’ questions.

“Ah well, I served as a judge for only 5 years before I switched my focus to psychology. It allowed me to truly see what led people to their specific points in life. I learned how to coax them out of their deep secrets that often weighed them down in life. I know that the media has labeled this _guy_ the “Truth Carver”, but I don’t know if that’s really what he is. But secrets keep long only breed lies and lies will be the downfall of our world. Surely agents like yourself have secrets?” Riza’s eyes focused on JJ once more before she noticed how Emily’s eyes had darted over to the blonde. 

Riza recognized the shiftiness in the brunette’s eyes, having seen it in patients before. The walls piled high to hide the bond that she shared with the woman next to her. Hurt and love beyond the simple friendship shined in her mahogany orbs. By the time Emily had sprung back with an answer, Riza had already planned her course of action. JJ had watched Riza shift as the gears in her head likely turned. She definitely knew something, whether she would tell them or not. A silent mirth became apparent on the doctor as Emily chose to speak again, breaking the short yet tenuous silence. 

“Well, everyone has their secrets, Dr. Rena, just as I am sure you do. Are there any men around the ages of 20 and 30 that are highly sociable, maybe with a background in medical fields or the sciences that come to mind?” Riza stiffened at the mention of her own secrets, not going unnoticed by JJ and Emily. She had to think of someone quickly for them to hopefully get them off of her tail. 

“There are several intelligent and high profile men in the area. However, ones that are like the way you describe are hard to come by. I suppose the man that you are looking for is likely in the Underbrush neighborhood. There are a lot of guys there that are well connected and in some part of the STEM field. That’s what gets them the big bucks and allows them to live their secretive, dishonest lives.” Both agents rolled with the second subtle jab against dishonesty, noting it for later and look at their own dishonesty. 

Riza’s keen eyes didn’t miss the tightening of the agents’ jaws, watching Emily’s eyes shift yet again over to momentarily take in the blonde. Despite her fiery interest in JJ, Riza wanted to know what was going on in Emily’s head. She knew that the yearning for her coworker was likely a hidden fact, shoved behind steel walls and purposely forgotten through the day. She had done the same thing with Nomeo, her ex and Kailash’s other mother. She had seen it in countless patients’ faces, remembering advice that she had so freely given them and taken herself. That was before her leap of faith had destroyed her life from the inside out. An itch to dash to her fridge and grab her serum grew in the back of her mind but there was no way that she could do that. Maybe she would be able to plan a way to lure Emily back alone, but right now all she could do was sit quietly and answer their questions. 

“Are you sure that no names come to mind? Surely someone of your prestige would be able to help us find someone like this.” The flattery dripped from JJ’s tone and Riza almost laughed at her. 

She basked in the fact that the agents were sitting in front of the person they were trying to catch without the slightest clue. A name came to mind, and she finally decided to throw them a bone. It would help detour the agents and allow Riza to continue her work. Her eyes turned enticingly upward, grabbing JJ’s attention. Raising her hand to delicately brush against her chin, she opened her mouth to speak. The blonde’s eyes followed as the words began to flow. 

“Actually, agents, there is a name that comes to mind. He was a man that I used to know, but fell out of contact with. His name is Garrick Eddison and, last I heard, he lived in the Underbrush neighborhood. I met him a few years ago at one an event, and I’m pretty sure he dropped out of med school because of the stress and came here to do banking. Here, let me write down his address for you.” Riza rose from her seat and reached over to grab a legal pad that sat at the edge of the glass table. 

She quickly scribbled down the address that she remembered from when she met the man several years ago. Riza wasn’t lying; she was simply exaggerating a truth that she learned several years ago. It wasn’t her fault if the information was incorrect; she was just trying to help. Help getting the agents off of her tail was her real motive, however. Setting the pen down, she stood up from the couch as JJ and Emily did, too. 

“Thank you, doctor. We really appreciate the help. Getting this man to justice for the crimes that he’s committed against the women of the town is our job right now. We will be in contact if we have further questions, and you can always reach us at the FBI Hotline.” Riza extended her arm to hand JJ the paper, letting her fingers linger against the blonde’s. 

Emily stood frozen in her spot, watching the doctor’s advances. Jealousy flared inside her, yet there was nothing that she could do. Her body went rigid as she caught sight of Riza’s eyes raking over her best friend. She tried to remove or soften the stern glare that she threw in the pair’s direction, yet could not find the energy to do so. Her haze was broken when the doctor spoke once more, observing the potentially sultry uptick in her tone. The brunette had to purposely stop her jaw from dropping when Riza’s arm landed softly against JJ’s upper arm.

“Of course, I am always right here if you need me as an agent. Don’t you hesitate to call. I will be of as much help as I can.” Riza did place her hand on the blonde’s upper arm, but not for the reason that the brunette had so heatedly entertained. 

Riza’s hand traced the area where she had injected the shot on her victims. Rage and compulsions hit her once again, making it hard to let go of the agent. Her son’s laugh echoed through her thoughts, resurfacing the memories of their last time playing by his favorite pond and how he died. Infuriating images of her Ex ran rampant in her brain making her heart beat slightly faster. Nomeo was the one that had to pay for this, and all the other liars who looked like her as well. JJ’s resemblance to Nomeo was uncanny and indignant feelings replaced every other feeling in Riza’s mind. She would get these agents to reveal their secrets one way or another. Masking her thoughts once more, the doctor released JJ’s arms and looked up to meet JJ’s smile and the traces of Emily’s glare. Registering the actions of the brunette, Riza almost laughed at her attachment to JJ. She thought about telling the brunette that JJ was more dangerous than she knew, ultimately deciding against it. 

JJ’s phone rang before either woman could speak their final thanks to the doctor. Emily’s eyes clipped over to her partner, wondering what the call was for. The blonde turned to the exit of the house, leaving Emily steps from Riza. The brunette aimed a conserved, pained smile at her and received a look she didn’t expect back. Pity and traces of other emotions shined in the silver eyes, nearly baffling Emily. Neither had time to process this because JJ turned around, her voice laced with concern. 

“They found another body, a 23 year old that they believe to be Lyra Fullerton, dumped recently. I’m sorry, doctor, but we have to take off now. Thank you once more for the information.” JJ’s urgency was well understood because the agents were out of the house and into the car within the next minute. 

Neither one noticed the excitement and alarm that twinkled in Riza’s eyes for a few fleeting moments. 

——————————————————————— 

“So what do we have?” JJ and Emily stepped carefully across the finicky embankment while putting on their gloves. 

The mud sank underneath their boots, giving way to the body that was splayed out against the ground. Slashes and cuts were evident, but the token word drew everyone’s attention. The clear lines that etched the word “LIAR” made JJ’s stomach turn as she avoided looking at Lyra’s face. The blonde could almost hear Lyra’s screams as she examined the body in its damaged state. She turned away to try and settle her stomach while calming her nerves, yet Emily caught every second of it. She knew that this would be difficult and decided that she would do anything to make it up to JJ later. 

“Victim is Lyra Fullerton, 23 years old, and consistent with this guy’s victimology. She was dumped recently, but a movement in the water uncovered her body. COD was exsanguination and, guessing by the body’s state, I would say that she was a hemophiliac. That, combined with the cuts, she likely died around 16 hours ago. Bled out more than the other vics, causing the pale skin and more irritation around her ligature marks. Bindings are consistent with previous vics.” The ME cautiously treated the cadaver, identifying all of its marks.

“Our unsub didn’t hold this body for long, so he was probably pre-prepared, speaking to his sophistication and high intelligence. There are roughly 51,500 cases of hemophilia yearly, with a rate of 12 per 100,000 in women and 3.7 per 100,000 in men. The odds statistically show how low the chance was of our guy finding a hemophiliac. However most cases of hemophilia are found in the Midwest and Northern United States. Do you think that’ll accelerate him to the next victim, considering the shortened time of torture before she died of blood loss?” Reid piped up from behind the ME, peeking up from the body and his file. 

“He could. Especially if his pleasure is from the bleeding. That would be consistent with what we profiled. Unless…” Emily’s mind wandered back to her point about the truth serum. 

“Does Lyra have the injection wound at the top of her left arm like the rest of the victims?” She turned to the ME who was writing in his notes. 

“Yes, she does, and there are no defensive wounds. Once I get back to the lab, I’ll be able to run a full tox screen and MRI. Actually, there’s also no signs of sexual assault either.” The ME thumbed through the pages of his preliminary report, examining his write up. 

“Guys, what if the confession itself is what the unsub wants. Based on what he gets, he can decide how much rage he has towards the victim, and that’s when he goes in with the blades. The other things are simply compulsions for afterward that he uses to reshape the body for his delusion.” Emily apprehensively suggested her idea, still not fully sure. 

“Sure, he could record them and listen whenever he wants to. The vics are just there to take the brunt of his anger and give him the confessions. They feed further into his delusion and allow him to justify his killing with the hate that he feels,” JJ continued the idea, piecing together what they knew. Yet her brain was still working and finally something clicked. 

“Wait, something isn’t right. None of the victims show signs of sexual assault. They are all smaller, yet they have been excessively restrained. These women kept trusting despite the media and how many people were killed. They didn’t have defensive wounds as if they didn’t see this coming or were somehow willingly roped in. The eyeliner is done well, more than most men could do, even with a trained hand. The otherwise pristine state of the victims is typically not the humiliation that male unsubs go for. Guys, I think our unsub is a woman.” JJ’s eyes lit up as she connected the dots. 

Everyone’s heads slowly began to nod in understanding. That connected the dots that seemed to previously be miles apart. The profile still mostly applied, and yet there were some pieces that needed tweaking. 

“Okay, so assuming that our unsub is a woman, wouldn’t the trigger be different? It would also explain the unsub’s ability to stay on the DL for so long,” Reid questioned where they were going wrong on the profile. 

“No, it could still very well be anger against a partner or lying ex girlfriend,” Emily answered the question slightly too fast. 

“Oh, okay. JJ and Emily, come here. Look at the way that these lines are slanted slightly to the right. I think that our unsub is left handed. You know, surprisingly enough, only 10% of the US’s population is left handed, with it being more common in males than females. Around 15% of the male population is left handed, while around only 8% of percent of women are left handed.” Reid traced over the lines with his glove in the air, focusing on the slight differences in pattern. 

That was the final piece to click in JJ’s head. They had already met the unsub. 

“Doctor Riza Rena. It’s her.” The blonde blurted the words out, causing everyone’s head to snap in her direction. 

“Hear me out. I saw her writing down her phone number for us to call her, and I remember now that she was a lefty. When she was sending us off, before I got the call about Lyra, she had put her hand right where the victims had the shot. She kept her hand there, but I didn’t really say anything to be nice. I also noticed that when we were asking her questions, she made more than one very pointed jab at people that lied. She stiffened when we mentioned her own secrets, and I could see something going on in the background of her thoughts. I-It makes sense. She is so well known across town that no one would suspect a thing. Women would probably let her in for any reason that she gave them. They would be none the wiser, and Riza would get a whole scribe’s list of victims. I’ll call Garcia and hopefully she can get us more information on the doctor.” JJ felt wired as she finished her sentence, quickly turning to pull out her phone and get the analyst on the line. 

In that time, everything that Emily had observed made sense. The doctor wasn’t trying to make her advances, rather select JJ to be her next victim. The thought of JJ ending up like those women ran a jolting shiver down her spine. 

“Spence called Hotch and told him to get Rossi. We’re going after Riza now. I’ll get Morgan.” With that, the pair were off, setting in motion their plan to apprehend Riza. 

——————————————————————— 

_Life was not a breeze for Riza as most, who were outsiders looking in, expected. Sure, it seemed like she had the world at her fingertips, yet it was actually her at the Earth’s lip. The power that she so easily displayed in the present was the very thing that destroyed her childhood. She was her Indian family’s eldest daughter, tasked with holding the world on her shoulders and all with a smile. Saddled with potential that seemed locked away and thrown into tasks that she could not complete, Riza nearly tore in two._

_In her house, it was never about feelings. It was never about being okay. It was never about the constant battle that she fought in her head. It was always about maintaining her status. It was always about respecting her elders and listening quietly to their endless quips. It was always about doing unwaveringly well at anything she tried. It was always about making sure that everyone else was secure. It was about tolerating the lies and messed up things she was told that “programmed” her to be “successful” in life. It was about simply calming the tempest in her head to get through another day. It was about watching and helping her sister live on happily, without the slightest clue of Riza protecting her from. It was about never revealing that she liked girls, simply for the happiness of everyone around her. Every day was suffocating._

_Walking on eggshells for nearly 19 years straight changes the way that anyone would see things. They were spent listening to the footfalls that echoed from the other side of her door, analyzing and hoping that it wasn’t a family member mad at her. It went beyond the caged bird analogy that she saw whenever she opened her fantasy books or psychology textbooks. It felt like she had been molded into play dough to be the person that her parents never got to be. Pulled and prodded by the comments and subtle lies that forced her into becoming a waking nightmare. It was no surprise then, when she eventually figured out that she had depression and likely a healthy side of anxiety to accompany it. Riza finally had words to put to the crushing blows that her own mind threw at her throughout the hours of the day. She could say she had a concrete reasoning for why her heart raced, leg bounced, fingers twitched, and body shook. They were outlets for what she had developed over the years._

_That didn’t permanently fix anything, though. The only thing that could undo these years of erosion was tapping into herself. Yet that wasn’t an option. Behind her laid years of relationships that she tried to force with men. Week after dragging week, she prayed to wake up and be madly in love with the man that she was currently with. If it would appease those in her house, maybe she could just put up with it for the rest of her life. After all, the thing that her heart truly desired was firmly forbidden. yet it baffled her how two people’s love could breed so much hate in others’ hearts. She learned to lock things deep into her heart. She learned that information was not to be trusted with people because eventually people tainted everything with their lies._

_Fake things can only have so long a shelf life. After years of being obedient, a newly graduated and working Riza came out. It wasn’t met with the angry, emotional fireworks that she had predicted, but the end result left much to be desired. Hushed grunts and avoided eye contact further sunk the pit in Riza’s stomach. She had lived her life to the letter in her family’s image and yet, when she brought a piece of the real her to them, they turned their back. Riza had spent her life until then feeling guilty for every wrong move she made. Every step she took that wasn’t dictated by them felt against them, and she couldn't defy the very people that gave her such a privileged childhood. It had been effective enough to silence her for that long._

_Coming out of that, Nomeo was like a breath of fresh air. She allowed Riza to breathe. Hiding had no longer felt like her only option. They had met at a night out in a gay bar, colliding as one entered, but stayed together and danced enough to end the night by exchanging phone numbers. Talking to Nomeo removed the slightest ounce of anxiety or heaviness that she felt. As she uttered the words into the phone, it felt like her negative energy went melting away with it. The porcelain mask that she had built for years as a cover finally began to slip. Nomeo was her safe haven._

_Riza couldn’t stand the thought of other people having to deal with the same things she did. It pushed her into the field of law where she took charge. The new found confidence that came with accepting who she really was paid off. A gust of courageous wind blew in beneath her as she lifted off her career. Continuous hours were spent pouring over knowledge that she would use one day in the courtroom, defending those who had their own voices stripped. She stood tall and strong, always getting the words of justice in. The reward simply added on to the gold mine that she had uncovered in life._

_Soon, her days as a judge came to an end when her sights set on her own psychology firm instead. All Riza needed was a few certification courses to add to the many classes that she had taken throughout her life. With Nomeo behind her, it felt like an anthill that she could easily overcome. Having the blonde by her side made anything possible. It felt like her girlfriend had helped her to find the key to the potential that she had buried so deeply inside._

_Riza learned the news from her newlywed wife nearly a year after she got her firm. She was going to be a mother. A human being was going to enter the world with Riza as one of his protectors and guides. The thought alone made her giddy and plastered an animated smile on her face. The woman immediately stepped into her momma bear roll, not allowing the slightest activity out of Nomeo for her and the baby’s sake. Any doubts that she possibly could’ve had about being a bad parent washed away when she first saw Kailash in Nomeo’s arms. Her wife had whispered reassuring sweet nothings into her ear as Riza paced around the hospital room waiting for their son. She reminded her of how far she had come and the miles of difference that she had from her parents. Riza’s heart finally calmed with the words as the nurse reentered with Kailash._

_Riza finally understood the phrase “light of my life” when she held Kailash. She would stop at nothing to protect him from the world for as long as she could. They became inseparable. Though both moms denied the boy’s preference, his smile always seemed to glow a little more in Riza’s arms. His intelligence shined through as he grew older, commanding his motor skills and cognitive abilities better than most kids his age. Kailash was the mountain that housed Hinduism’s most prestigious divine energies and Riza’s son embodied that very thing in her eyes. They even had their special, secret ritual for every Sunday. The two would find a new body of water to drive Kailash’s toy boat in and make mud pies covered in leaves that sink to the bottom, never to be seen again. The giggles and gratifying shrieks of her son from those days never left the Doctor’s ears._

_Things went south after the T-boning in the Kalberer intersection. Nomeo had been driving to pick up Riza and Kailash from the store when two teenagers had railed into her car. The accident had severely shattered her hip bone, left arm, and left side of her rib cage. The injuries took months to heal and more than one year to fully subside. Seeing his mother like that shook Kailash. After that, he always hugged his moms a little tighter whenever he left them. However, the opposite was true for the moms themselves. The Oxycodone and Acetaminophen that had been prescribed to Nomeo kept mysteriously reappearing around the house after her prescription was supposed to end. Slurred words and misspoken truths from her wife shocked the Doctor. The effect of the drugs was crippling Nomeo and there was nothing that she could do. She watched from the sidelines as one of her first safe havens fell apart. It tore her apart on the inside, but there was no other option._

_The doctor had tried to reason with Nomeo, but all efforts proved futile. Rehab was one of her many attempts at saving her wife. It was consistently met with a wall of resistance. Nomeo was adamant in trying to recuperate on her own. It was exhausting for Riza to keep up such one sided behavior. On multiple occasions, she spotted Nomeo with her substances after the woman had told her that she was getting clean. Riza seethed at the blonde’s feeble attempts to cover up her actions. The lies were consistent, making it harder and harder for Riza to keep trying. It was as if Nomeo had developed a psychological urge to lie. The doctor was baffled at how Nomeo could simply turn her back on herself, and more importantly, Kailash. The woman had left her family hanging in the balance over her substances._

_3 years after the accident, Nomeo was still on the drugs and Riza had no choice, but to leave her. The lies and the drugs were too much for her to handle and she couldn’t go down the rabbit hole that she had grown up in. Her efforts had been marred at every turn and Nomeo wasn't receiving any of the help that Riza had been offering._

_She had shut the door on her wife with whispered hopes of a return, but logically understood that it might never happen. It broke all three of them to see the family part like this, but it was the only way to keep everyone safe with the time for healing. Kailash’s young naïveté kept him from understanding what separated his moms, but Riza made sure never to speak ill of Nomeo. She had no idea that the very safe haven she had watched get torn down would destroy the one thing she valued most as well._

_June 14 was a date that would live in infamy with Riza for the rest of her life. It was the day that her life lost all of its light. She had dropped her son off at Nomeo’s house as per their prearranged custody agreement and gone on with her day. That day was a bad one for Nomeo, as she had gone hard the night before and hardly understood what to do with her 6 year old son. She let him loose with the TV and the promise of candy if he let her nap. The boy spent more than a few hours watching until he remembered the mumbled promise of sweetness. He wandered into the kitchen and noticed the colorful, oddly-shaped candy. It was new to him, but he remembered that in the past Nomeo had once told him that if the candy was smaller than half of his pinky, he could have 4 (as long as no one told Riza). Down the four oxys went, with no one around to stop the fatal mistake. Nomeo awoke an hour later and slowly wandered the halls for her son. She bolted at the sight of him shaking on the ground. Getting up again, the woman spotted the pills and her heart sank. She dialed 911 from her cell phone and attempted to resuscitate him. Nothing worked. The hospital pronounced him dead of an overdose soon after arrival._

_A mother’s worst nightmare is the loss of her child. Riza rushed through the halls of the hospital with her head swimming. She couldn’t lose Kailash. He was her one light, her one tether to the world. Hearing the story from Nomeo’s mouth after she had become slightly more manageable destroyed her. The rage that she felt against Nomeo was unparalleled yet there was nothing that she could do. The woman that once called her wife was going to jail for neglect that caused the death of their son. That snapped Riza. Lies broke homes. Lies destroyed families. Lies decimated people. Lies annihilated all sense of hope and justice. Lies took her Kailash. Now, she would make the liars pay._

_One month later, the Truth Carver took her first victim._

——————————————————————— 

The door slammed as Emily threw the SUV in park. They hadn’t turned their sirens on for the hope that they would be able to surprise Riza in her home. Her gun was drawn as she navigated the brick walkway, JJ right on her heels. Reid and Morgan were staying out front with the police officers while Hotch and Rossi moved to the corners. 

“Riza, this is Agents Prentiss and Jareau. FBI, open the door!” Her voice was sharp and short, as they waited for any kind of response. 

No response came from inside the house. There was not the slightest movement or shuffle. Riza had grabbed the remote that she had tucked into a secret wall compartment when she heard the urgent rustle of FBI vehicles. She knew this day would eventually come, though she didn’t expect it to be this soon. The doctor sighed in defeat, acknowledging that no matter what she would be done with this. Maybe she would even rejoin Kailash. The thought of her baby boy stroked the flames of her anger as she dug into the couch seat, tightening her grip on the remote. 

Emily gave JJ one last understanding look before counting down from 3. Upon reaching one, her foot burst into the door and slammed it open. JJ went in first and inspected the rooms, splitting from Emily as they yelled clear. Finally, the two met back into the sitting room that was only hours before. They saw Riza’s resigned face and the remote in her hand, trying to calculate her next move. 

“Riza, we know what happened with your son and your ex wife, Nomeo. Put the remote down and come with us. We know that you’re our unsub.” The rage that boiled in Riza’s face burst forward in the form of her hearty laugh. 

“You think that you know that lying cheat? She was the first person that I let in once I let my guard down. I let her become my everything, and relied on her. She made me believe that nothing could go wrong when we were together! Well, tough shit, she never said that we’d end up like this. That bitch took my son from me! Agents, you don’t have children, so you could never possibly fathom the pain that it is to lose a child! Kailash was a piece of me by extension,and I loved him more than I could anything else in this world! He tethered me when I had my bad days and reminded me that people are good! But now, with him gone, I have nothing left! Sure, I’m just another sob story that you deal with. This remote is linked to where I made those liars confess their sins. They all looked and acted like that wretch that took the last sliver of happiness that I had! The bombs will destroy any smithereens of evidence you can imagine, me, and maybe even you. Goodbye, Agents. Not even bombs can stop the truth from coming out.” Before either woman had a chance to shoot or react, Riza pressed the button. 

She had wired bombs all across her workspace. All of her pictures, lab, serum, and everything else would vanish. All except for the little surprise that she had tucked inside her shirt. The doctor had strategically placed her seat to hopefully survive the blast and if the agents did too, she would have a gift for the brunette. 

Emily’s head jolted towards JJ as the blonde’s did the same. JJ’s safety was the only thing on Emily’s mind, and Emily on JJ’s as their eyes widened. 

“Em!”

“JJ!”

Both voices sounded at the same time. Out of gut instinct, Emily leapt towards JJ to hopefully push the blonde down and shield her body. Her own safety was not a priority because she could not stand JJ getting hurt like she did in Nevada. Emily would never forgive herself. She couldn’t live without JJ and if she had a choice, she would do anything she could to save her. 

The first explosion sounded in the distance and rocked the house at its foundations. The few decorations that did adorn RIza’s house came crashing down, adding to the cacophony of sound. More bombs set off and walls crumbled around the pair. JJ’s arm had gotten trapped under a fallen piece of wood. Emily laid on top of her and the impact mixed with the blowing bits of stucco and shaking foundations had knocked her unconscious. JJ passed out seconds later, surrounded by the rubble of what used to be Riza’s house. 

The doctor herself had managed to survive the explosions and was overwhelmed with a small sense of victory. She had won. Spotting the agents in the nearby rubble, Riza hazily made her way over. Unearthing her syringe of serum, the woman managed to stab it into the back of Emily’s thigh. Injecting her concoction, the still groggy doctor threw the needle aside once she was done. Disappearing off into the direction that she saw fit, Riza Rena vanished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a HUGE thanks to Alyssa for beta-ing this chapter and reading my half-awake wordage. OH KABOOM :) The ladies figured it out, and they're gonna catch Riza too. Lemme know what you think of the chapter and thank you for all of the interactions! enjoy :)


	15. Affected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Em's under the influence of truth serum and the team must finally catch RR. What crazy combo of events could possibly go down? Will Emily be able to keep one of her biggest secrets? enjoy :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter that y'all have been wait for so long for is FINALLY HERE. well one of them is, and I'd like to thank Alyssa again for beta-ing this. i promise big things happen, and i'm so hype for y'all to read it. 
> 
> *ALSO "meri jaan" translates to "my life" but its like what people call their family (child)

Riza worked her way around the rubble and pushed herself into the open. Behind her, the remains of her house burned along with her final memories of Nomeo. Her feet moved gracefully as she made her escape. Adrenaline pumped through her veins as the high sun glistened against her skin. With much haste, the doctor darted towards the forest that began in her backyard. 

_Well, thank the gods that I chose a house on the outskirts of the neighborhood. The forest should provide enough cover to get far enough before the sunsets._

The first blast from the house shook the ground around it for at least a mile. Morgan, Hotch, and the rest of the team fell back to take cover as the blasts went on. Morgan was the first to break through his shock. He scrambled to his feet and darted towards the house. There was no way that he would let anything happen to Emily or JJ. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself. The unit chief was right on his heels, pushing past the rubble in front of them to find their potentially fallen teammates. Hotch’s heart raced as the seconds passed without sight of the blonde or brunette agents. 

Emily and JJ’s names echoed from their mouths with no audible response. Morgan began sprinting around to try and find the women. After nearly two full minutes that felt like hours, the profiler spotted Emily’s dark hair and pale hand sticking out from behind a piece of fallen furniture. Wasting no time, Morgan called out to Hotch while bolting to where his friend was. He felt some of the tension in his chest subside as he scanned her to find no major injuries. Yet he still tensed at the fact that they hadn’t found JJ. 

By that time, Hotch had reached where he stood and the men heaved against the structures that pinned the brunette down. They grunted and pushed until it finally loosened to free up Emily’s unconscious body. Morgan immediately knelt to check for a pulse, tears welling up in his eyes. He berated himself repeatedly, fuming at the fact that they were in this position. Feeling the slow heartbeat on Emily, slowed his breathing and allowed him to think more clearly. Morgan began to pull out Emily’s body when he spotted a frailer frame beneath her. 

Blonde locks spilled out from underneath where Emily laid. As Morgan and Hotch moved her farther, more of JJ came into view. The blonde had barely any scratches besides her one hand that had become pinned underneath a piece of fallen stucco. Morgan managed to hold a small smile, understanding now that Emily had jumped to save her best friend. He wanted to yell at and punch her for being so stupid, but knew exactly why she did it. 

Once the girls were free, the detective and some of their deputies carried them to medical. That left Morgan, Hotch, Rossi, and Reid to go after Riza. Flames of anguish and determination spread quickly through Morgan. He took off before Hotch could even check in with him for a plan. Knowing what Derek would likely do, the man drew his gun and went after, ushering Reid and Rossi on his trail. The men sped into the forest ready to split up, with Morgan far ahead and likely many square miles to cover. This was almost a wild goose chase, but JJ and Emily were worth it. All of the victims’ lives were worth it. 

The dewy smells of nature only agitated Morgan more. He was surrounded by all of this life, yet the person who tried to kill his friends was loose here. His footfalls were muffled by the surrounding shrubbery and his head was on the constant swivel. His trained ears strained to hear any sign of the unsub, but Morgan refused to give up. He may have followed Dr. Rena brashly, but his goal was to stop her and make her answer to her crimes. 

Hotch, Reid, and Rossi fanned out across the forest. Each took a slightly separate path in hopes to gain some ground on the unsub. Their search was quiet as they combed their surroundings, only stopping momentarily for a snapped twig below Rossi’s foot. Everything in front of them was teeming with life that was ready to move on, the fall chill settling in. The three men had no sign of their partner or their unsub. 

Morgan stopped when he heard a new sound in the near distance. His steps were filled with caution and his grip on his Sauer M17 tightened. The uneven mulch and ground beneath his feet began to level off, the shrubbery turning into long-bladed grass. That was when he recognized the sound. Running water. Foregoing his measured pace, the agent once again broke out into a sprint. The adrenaline rushed through his veins as the area beyond the forest began to become clearer. 

With his gun raised, Morgan raced to the water to spot two things. The short grass bank in front of him gave way to a river that was coursing along its path. In front of it, their unsub stood frozen. Her head was leaned back while the rest of her body stood limply. Morgan took a few more cautious steps before looking back to see the other men at the cusp of the trees. He nodded to Hotch before closing in on the woman. 

“Dr. Rena? Put your hands above your head and turn around slowly.” 

The doctor raised her arms gingerly, fluttering her eyes open to once again watch the serenity of the flowing water. “Agents? I apologize for the house, I simply wanted to leave no ties to what I did, for my actions speak loud enough. I am truly sorry about your colleagues, but last I checked they were going to be okay. Before you cuff me, I want you to hear why I did it. I assume that’s the question that brought you to me, so I may as well answer it. My whole life, lies have sequentially taken everything from me. Lies shaped my mental character for decades before I learned how to unwind that damage was done to me by my parents. Surely, you’ve had people lie to you, agent. Then, after I had my own son, Kailash, I vowed to never let lies hurt him as they hurt me. You know, people are correct. You will never know a love like the love you have for your children. I protected him with my life, but alas life is a fickle thing. It can turn its back on you at any moment. For me, it was the woman who was my safe haven and home. She fell victim to drugs and I had to separate from her. Her negligence and lies cost me Kailash, the one true tether to the world I had. He overdosed on her drugs and she tried to lie to me. She ripped my son away from me and from that moment on, all I wanted was to repay him. I needed to find a way to apologize to my son, to repent for how I had failed him. The only way I saw fit was to take the liars of the world out like the lies took Kailash. I know that I have no reason to hold a grudge against you, so I would like to thank you. I do have one last request, though. Please tell Agent Prentiss that her secret was only hurting her and that revealing her hidden thoughts will only make life easier.”

“Doctor, put your hands on your head and turn around slowly! We knew about all of it. We knew about Kailash, your ex-wife Nomeo, and what you had to go through as a kid. No one should ever have to go through what you did, but this isn’t okay! Along with that, you have no right to say anything about Agent Prentiss! You nearly killed her and Agent Jareau!” Morgan hollered to the woman who had begun to slowly turn around with her arms raised. Her face showed an unusual serenity, with her eyes looking up at the sky.

“Truthfully, agent, after all I’ve seen, and considering that you do not have kids of your own, you can never know what I feel. I did this all for you, Kailash, because Mommy will always love you. We will be together in the next life, meri jaan.”

With those final words, the woman threw her body backward, falling into the running river. Morgan chased forward to her, but by the time he reached the edge of the embankment, the doctor had fallen and been swept away by the river. Her story was now over.

Morgan trudged back to their SUVs far behind Hotch, Reid, and Rossi. He hated the fact that he couldn’t get the woman before she sacrificed herself. He knew how much lies could hurt, but the doctor’s comment about Emily confused him much more. What had Riza gotten out of his friend? Was it a joke, or did something happen?

All of those thoughts washed away when he spotted the two women huddled in blankets, sitting on the edge of the ambulance. Picking up the pace, he jogged over to them with a growing smile on his face. 

“Hey, you two are okay! You two had me really worried, and Emily. What were you thinking, jumping around like an idiot? Nah, I’m just pulling your leg. I’m glad that you tried to save our Pennsylvania Pettite even if it was a dumb idea on your part. How are you feeling?”

Emily was still woozy, not knowing that the serum was in her system. Her leg was unbelievably sore and the rest of her body simply had a dull ache.

“Morgan, you know I would jump to save any of you. Besides, JJ is still here looking as gorgeous as always, so you take it up with her. As for the pain, my thigh burns like a bitch, and the rest of my body isn’t doing so hot either. I really just want cuddles, water, and nap on the jet back home.” Blushing because of her unexpected compliment, Emily was confused as to why she had said that about the pain and cuddles. She had meant to say it was nothing, and that she would just sleep it off, but the seemingly forced vulnerability left her feeling bare.

JJ jumped in, slightly red from Emily’s comment as well, hoping to divert the attention off the obviously uncomfortable brunette. A slight chuckle escaped her lips at the thought of a cuddly Emily on the jet, but she quickly erased the image before she gushed too hard. 

“Yeah, Em did do a dumb thing, but thanks to her, I don’t even have a scratch. Well, that’s beside the minuscule damage to my hand, but that’ll probably be gone in the next hour. Em, we’ll fix back up all nice and have you ready before you step off of that plane.”

Morgan simply watched the two women interact, holding back the fact that they hadn’t caught Rena. Studying the googly eyes that the women were exchanging brought a giggle to his lips. Those two were goners for each other, and even in a moment of weakness, all they needed was each other. He would be teasing the brunette for this later.  
——————————————————————— 

JJ sauntered down the plane aisle, holding two water bottles for herself and Emily. The brunette was huddled in close to the window with her head leaning back against the seat. JJ sat down in her spot next to Emily with Morgan and Reid in front of them. Usually, Hotch and Rossi would sit farther away, but the explosion had rattled them all so the older men sat in the adjacent seats. 

The blonde noticed Emily’s steady breathing as she set the bottles down, not being able to see her shut eyes. She glanced over at Morgan pretending to sleep, imitating the brunette’s state. The smile on her face grew and she looked back at Emily, glad that she was getting peaceful rest after the events of the past 24 hours. They had spent 4 hours wrapping things up with reports and hotel check-out. The flight back was also 4 hours, and the entire team was feeling the exhaustion. 

Beyond that, a tense quiet hung in the air. They hadn’t really talked about the explosion or the unsub. Derek had told them in passing that Dr. Rena had jumped into the river, but that hadn’t fully registered until she sat back in her seat on the jet. Across from her, the darker agent was also going over Dr. Rena. Yet his mind was playing her last words on repeat. 

Please tell Agent Prentiss that her secret was only hurting her and that revealing her hidden thoughts will only make life easier.

The doctor couldn’t have figured out Emily’s love for her blonde counterpart. Then again, she had been a former psychologist and judge. The thought crossed his mind, but the message still baffled him. His thoughts were interrupted by a small gurgle from in front of him. Emily sleepily snorted before shifting in her seat to lean all her weight on JJ. Her arms stopped short of wrapping around the blonde, but that was the clear next step. Morgan worked hard to shield the shock from his face, immediately checking to see JJ’s reaction. 

JJ held her breath and suppressed the internal squeal she felt when Emily shifted onto her. It was clear that the brunette was not aware in the slightest and waking her would only cause more embarrassment. Using her media-liaison skills, the blonde masked her face from Derek as she knew his eyes would be on her. She turned her body slightly to the side to make it comfortable on the brunette’s neck. They were just best friends, and nothing more. Emily also had a girlfriend waiting for her at home. JJ repeated those sentences to herself like a mantra, praying that the brunette wouldn’t make this any more difficult than it already was. 

3 hours later found JJ and Derek playing cards. Reid was watching from the sidelines sulkily as he had just been eliminated. They had managed to gain the luck of the draw to oust the good doctor in the first round for their game of “garbage”. Emily was still tucked lightly into JJ, but had moved slightly back to give the woman slightly more range of motion. From time to time, JJ would glance over at the brunette to check-in. Derek often caught her in these glances, flashing over his devious smile only to be met with rolled eyes. 

JJ had only 2 cards left to open, ready to take her tie-breaking win, when Emily stirred. Her head lulled against JJ’s shoulder before her breathing became deeper and her eyes began to open. She cracked her neck to the side before realizing where she was. Identifying the warm shoulder behind her head as JJ’s, Emily quickly sat up and readjusted. Her eyes were still sensitive to the light and the hair on the back of her head was slightly frazzled. Emily’s eyes slowly refocused to find Derek and JJ smiling at her, one with a knowing smirk and the other pure kindness (the smile that JJ reserved solely for Emily). Shaking her head and running a hand over her face, Emily spoke when she was fully reoriented.

“How long was I out?” Emily’s voice was sleep laden and JJ nearly melted at the sound. 

Reid answered before the other two could even open their mouths. “3 hours, 21 minutes, and 39 seconds, but you were laying on JJ for only about 3 hours, 7 minutes, and 14 seconds.”A small smirk sat on Reid’s face; earning him and Derek an annoyed groan and rolled eyes from Emily.

“I didn’t bother you too much, did I? I totally meant to do that.” The brunette cut her sentence short, but inwardly marveled and panicked. She had meant to say that she didn’t mean to do that, even if she completely did. 

“Well, you did say that you were gonna be cuddly. It’s totally cool. You didn’t bother me and obviously needed it. I’m glad you’re feeling better now,” JJ answered coolly with a smile before Emily had a chance to backtrack.

However, the blonde was lying through her teeth. She was definitely affected by the gorgeous woman who had fallen asleep against her shoulder. Her skin had turned hot, and it was so hard to not pay attention only to Emily and stroke her fingers through silky, brunette hair. She was thankful that Emily was also not awake to hear the intense thumping of her heart, which would’ve surely startled the brunette. She was truthful about being glad that Emily was truthful though, noticing the peace that had overcome the agent. 

“I guess I did. I’m not feeling the best because my thigh still hurts slightly and my head is ringing a little from the explosion. I honestly don’t even know when I’ll be completely fine again. Seriously, this plane is gonna pop my ears for weeks.” The words rolled off of Emily’s tongue, but the brunette was more worried about the words that hadn’t. 

She had tested her theory and the results were exactly what she had feared. Emily Prentiss couldn’t lie. The brunette had tried to say that she was okay and cured from the nap. Yet the exact description of her body’s state and thoughts came out instead. Her mind stuttered when she tried to form lies, shutting down if she even tried to say them. Emily Prentiss was screwed and, right now, her biggest secret was in danger. Jennifer Jareau, the woman she was madly in love with, was sitting next to her without the slightest clue that Emily was in love with her. All of that sat in jeopardy because of the late Dr. Riza Rena and her stupid truth serum. She held her composure as they switched to small talk, offering a few vague words when called upon. 

Emily waited for JJ to get up to make coffee before whipping out her phone. Frantically, the brunette typed out a message. 

Em (9:57 PM): Morgan, keep JJ away from me. I’m serious, do not let her near me.

Morgan (9:57 PM): Princess, what the hell are you on? What happened?

Em (9:58 PM): long story short, I think RR injected me with truth serum. Tried to lie to you guys a couple of times earlier, but every time I tried, my brain shut down. That’s probably why my thigh burns like hell. 

Morgan (9:59 PM): Princess are you crazy? Wait, that makes sense with what she told me before she jumped. Okay, I got you Princess but that’s gonna be hard especially right now. I’ll try and keep the conversation away from you. 

Em (10:00 PM): She said something about me? Anyway, we’ll talk later. I’m exhausted right now and I just wanna cuddle with JJ to sleep. fuck it’s affecting my texting too. Didn’t the ME say that the homemade serum lasted 12 hours… I'm fucked.

Morgan (10:01 PM): I’ll help you in any way that I can, Princess. You really are in a pickle rn. 

He scrolled up to the top to reread the crazy message that Emily had first sent him. Morgan didn’t register the soft padding of JJ’s steps behind him and everyone else was either sleeping or had their eyes closed. JJ just barely glanced down but what she saw broke her heart.

Em (9:57 PM): Morgan, keep JJ away from me. I’m serious, do not let her near me.

Emily wanted JJ away? Why didn’t she just say that? When did JJ come on too strong? Had Emily figured out that she was in love with and disgusted at the idea? Was she mad about what had happened at Dr. Rena’s house? On a slightly optimistic note, was she just sick?

JJ’s head spun as she processed the text, not having seen past that because of how quickly she glanced and the fact that Morgan’s finger obstructed her view. She sat down, her body taut with tension. She couldn’t cry because no one could know that she saw the text, but what more could she do? JJ had no idea why Emily wanted to avoid her like the plague. Morgan was sure to know, and Garcia likely knew too. She just needed some reassurance, advice, and a hug. 

Derek read JJ’s expression as the plane was landing. Something about her posture had gone rigid and the saddened confusion was clear across her face. Realizing that JJ may have seen the text, Morgan sat up in his chair. He didn’t know how much she had seen, but anything she saw could’ve been incriminating.

The jet landed and Emily was off before any of them could properly acclimate to being home. Seeing the brunette dash out the door had only made things worse for JJ, with Derek bearing witness to the whole thing. JJ hurried out of the plane eventually, not wanting to confront Emily at the moment because she was terrified of the answer that she could get. Instead, she headed for the next best thing. 

Barreling towards Penelope with distraught across her face, JJ told the analyst that she needed to talk. She had pulled away Garcia before Morgan got to have a word with her and let her in on what was happening. Seeing the frazzled look on his baby girl’s face, Morgan shot Garcia a text to explain.

Chocolate Thunder (10:21 PM): Baby Girl, be careful with JJ right now. I’m pretty sure she saw a text from Em that told me to keep JJ away from her. Em got injected with truth serum, and can’t lie, so she doesn’t want to expose herself. Princess ran away as soon as the jet landed, and I’m pretty sure Blondie is hurt so tread lightly, my sweet.  
——————————————————————— 

JJ’s grip on the technical analyst was unrelenting. The pace at which she was going almost had Garcia shuffling to keep up as they made their way to her office. The blonde was in such a hurry that she missed Penelope flip over her phone to see a text from Morgan. The lively woman’s jaw dropped with each sentence that she read. She even reread it two times to make sure that she wasn’t seeing things. Garcia had been told about the explosion and what had gone down at the house, yet this was new. She reckoned that it was something that Emily didn’t want anyone (JJ or Hotch) to know, so the brunette must’ve trusted Derek about it. It wasn’t surprising, considering how deep their “broship” was.

The slam of her lair’s door startled Penelope back into the present. JJ had released her hand, but was pacing frantically across the floor. Her hands were fidgeting roughly and her head was hung low. Penelope simply watched as her friend nearly ran herself into the ground. After nearly a minute, Garcia decided that the only way to get through to JJ right now was tough love. That was one of the deepest things in her arsenal, yet when she pulled it out things happened. First, she had to discern how much the younger agent knew.

“JJ, stop. What is going on? What has you all in knots? Was it the case?” 

The analyst feigned ignorance to be fully convincing. She grabbed hold of JJ’s shoulders to still her, snapping the woman out of her detrimental trance. JJ stared at her blankly for a few seconds before her breathing became more erratic, sputtering out partially coherent sentences. Eventually, Penelope was able to coax the full message out of her. 

“Em- Em- Emily texted D-Derek to keep m- m- me away from her. I s-s- saw the text, Peeg. She r- r- really meant it.” Hard sobs racked JJ’s body and her knees began to feel weak. 

Penelope’s heart ached to see the agent like this, but she had already made up her mind. 

“Honey, I’m sure things are okay. She was probably joking. Besides, E is like the queen of mean, so you’d know if she hated you. Now, I want to take several deep breaths and listen to me, okay? Look me in my eyes, in my blue peepers, and hear what I’m about to say to you.” Penelope waited for JJ to stabilize before continuing on her spiel. 

“You and our chica just went through something scary and traumatic. The both of you almost died. She jumped in front of you to protect you. She loves you, okay? You’re her best friend. There’s no way in hell that she’d pull that on you. I need you to get it through your thick skull that Emily is never leaving you, no matter what. I’ve seen that girl’s loyalty and, boy, you really are stuck with her. Give her some time and things will go back to normal, okay?” Garcia spoke matter of factly to the younger agent, hoping that JJ understood it to be the truth. The only part that she had left out was Emily’s alone to tell. 

JJ stood and processed the information from her best friend. She didn’t want to believe it because the sheer thought of life without Emily made everything seem pointless. Emily was her everything, whether she was Emily’s or not. She stayed in the comfort and grace of Garcia for another whole hour before leaving for her apartment. The analyst made her drink some tea and gave several tight hugs, making sure that JJ remembered how loved she was. So many things had happened and JJ needed to decompress. 

After JJ’s departure, Garcia hastily tried to contact Emily. She knew that Juliet was at home with her now, but she had some precious words for her brunette friend. Every call and text went unanswered, leaving the tech genius in the dark. Emily had some explaining to do. 

——————————————————————— 

The door handle silently shifted under Emily's gentle grasp. Her feet had shuffled to her apartment door from the elevator. She had been in such a hurry after leaving the jet, but all of the energy had drained out of her as she made her way home. The past few days had rocked her harder than she would've liked. Now, knowing that she was under the influence of truth serum, she was exhaustingly terrified. The brunette had managed to dodge one blonde, but the other was waiting for her on the other side of the door. The hefty door finally gave way as she sauntered into the apartment.

It was immaculately clean just as she had left it. Not that she thought Juliet was messy; her brain just couldn't handle one more thing at the moment. A heavy sigh escaped her lips, and she set her keys in the bowl. Walking further into the apartment, Emily noticed two glasses of wine on the kitchen counter. The brunette had not told Juliet about their arrival, but the sight relieved her. 

Her girlfriend finally emerged from behind a cabinet, freezing at the sight of Emily. Juliet had been raptly listening to her moody playlist. The blonde had missed the muffled sighs and footfalls and froze in surprise. The bag of chips in her hand promptly returned to its place in the cabinet before she moved to lean against the counter in front of Emily. Juliet softened at the worn and apprehensive look in her girlfriend's eyes. The corners of her mouth turned slightly down and her lips barely parted. Searching Emily's eyes for anything more, Juliet spoke softly.

“Em, what happened? Are you okay? What do you need?” The blonde's eyebrows furrowed at the momentary silence that sat heavily between them. 

Emily simply watched, rather studied, her girlfriend. Juliet was safe. Juliet was comfortable. Juliet could help her forget everything racing in her mind right now. Taking the two necessary steps to come inches within Juliet's rosy lips, Emily finally spoke.

“You. Jules. I need you.” The emotion magnified her nearly whispered words as they rang in Juliet's ears. 

Her face moved forward to catch Juliet's lips, locking her waist under a firm grasp. Juliet gasped at everything that Emily was giving her. Her eyes had shown a vulnerability and softness that seemed beyond what the blonde had ever registered. She let herself move against Emily, getting lost in her girlfriend's soft skin and overwhelming energy. Both women shut their brains off, basking in the reprieve of each other's warmth. 

Emily awoke first, her breathing short with Juliet tucked neatly against her chest. They had spent a couple of hours getting lost in each other, quelling some of the brunette's tension. Suddenly, Juliet's skin started to burn against her own. Every second that she spent under her girlfriend's embrace felt tainted. Her heart was racing and Emily needed to get out. Maneuvering out of the bed, Emily padded over to her sink. Cold water splashed across her face and the relief was instant. 

The water had awakened Emily, further than the simple physical jolt she had needed. Her body had calmed, and her thoughts began to flow freely. Within seconds, the brunette was thinking about JJ and what happened in the past 24 hours. Shielding the blonde's body had been second nature. They were lucky that no part of the house had fallen on them. Then again, Emily would gladly go through any amount of pain for JJ's safety. That was past her usual level of care and recklessness that she used to protect those she loved. Emily knew that she would easily tear herself apart, solely for JJ's sake. She just wondered if JJ knew the extent that Emily was gone for her.

The brunette thought back to their girl's night which was the last happy memory of JJ that she had before this case. They had partied, drank, and let go. Emily had watched the beauty dance across her best friend's face. She had seen JJ fall into the flow of the dance floor, remembering the electricity that had been between their bodies once more. Her mind hazed at the deep connection that she could only dream to have with the blonde. It was only a dream, and it could never amount to more than that.

That had been clear with the picture that Garcia had texted her. Juliet's fiery reaction and the hurting confessions that had been uncovered rang in her ears. She had promised Derek that she would talk to Juliet about JJ. But what words were the right ones? What words wouldn't break the Earth apart from under her feet? What words could salvage the position that she had forced herself into?

Memories of late nights on her pleather couch huddled close to JJ resurfaced. They would always order Chinese takeout, grab two tubs of sea salt and caramel ice cream, wrap themselves tightly with fuzzy blankets, and sit dangerously close together. She remembered the whispered secrets and the pleasant burn of JJ’s skin against her own. The brunette never dared to move past the point where their legs had become entangled, yet over time JJ always managed to either move her head into Emily’s lap or vice versa. They would take turns running their fingers through soft, silky hair, and Emily’s mind always wandered to being able to do that forever. It had become their thing and the second JJ’s nimble fingers brushed her scalp, everything was okay. In those moments, the world was just her and JJ, together. Emily had managed to get the blonde to open up to her there, learning things that only made her fall harder for her best friend. The depth with which JJ felt and thought baffled Emily and allowed her to let the blonde in, past her insurmountable walls as well. For once, it felt like someone had blanketed her heart with all the warmth she could’ve imagined. That only made it hurt more as she realized that JJ would never date her. She had slipped down the slope of friendship and landed treacherously in love with JJ. 

Those nights became hazy as her mind unclearly shifted focus. This time, Emily thought of a different blonde on the couch beside her. Juliet’s hands wrapped gently around her waist grounded her, as Emily’s fingers lazily traced circles on her girlfriend’s hip. It was comfortable, not the same kind of comfort that she felt with JJ, but her heart rate was slow and she felt at peace. The pair didn’t need to speak and simply basked in the silent comfort of the woman next to them. It was nice to know that she could have this intimacy with another woman in between the demanding calls of her job. Those delicate nights sometimes turned into a heated bubble in which wandering hands and lips erased everything from Emily’s mind. Maybe that was what she was doing: using avoidance like a drug that would never run out as long as she kept moving.

The brunette pushed off from the sink and began a mindless shuffle to her kitchen. She didn’t want to wake Juliet, but she wanted something to eat. The cold vinyl flooring bit at her feet, but Emily didn’t feel the need to put on socks. Her mind fell once again into the what-ifs and if-onlys. She never would’ve met Juliet if she had decided to stick with her initial decision to stay inside that night for the reading. She pondered over what she and JJ could have been if she had told the blonde how she felt. The woman quickly ushered the thought out of her mind, knowing that it would only make her head spin and eyes water. 

Juliet had awoken to the absence in Emily’s silken sheets. Her body felt rested yet sore as she twisted to stretch out. Realizing that her girlfriend wasn’t in bed, the blonde pulled Emily’s shirt fully over her head before peeking past the room door. She spotted her beau, in her dark sports bra and matching boxers, striding across the floor absentmindedly. Shivering at the breezy draft that flowed past her, Juliet wondered how Emily wasn’t feeling cold. Deciding that she would go greet the brunette, Juliet sneakily stepped up behind Emily. 

Emily’s deep thought distracted her from the presence that had appeared behind her. The memories were beginning to move faster and faster, leaving her behind. She couldn’t keep up with her own head, hearing words of promise to Morgan mixed with the deliberate taunts that she’d told herself over the years. Her teeth silently shuffled against each other above her clenched jaw, transferring the tension from her hands to the rest of her body. 

That was when she felt it. The creeping, tingly sensation of someone’s fingers across her back sent Emily into a panic. Her body involuntarily locked as she spun around in her spot. The brunette’s arms shot up to grab the hands that brought the panic on, ending up eye to eye with Juliet. Her chest rose and fell tightly under the almost painful breaths that she forced herself to take. 

Juliet studied her girlfriend with concern and fear painted across her face. She recognized the face that Emily was donning. It was the face that she had when she shut people out. That was the face that Juliet would see on Emily in the middle of the night, likely after a nightmare, before the brunette promptly hung up their video calls. She didn’t want to break the silence as Emily released her grip, so she pleaded with her eyes for Emily to talk to her. Juliet wanted to be there anytime that something weighed heavily on Emily’s mind. She wanted to be the one to hold the brunette through the state her mind was in. She wanted to be Emily’s anchor. All she needed was for Emily to let her be that. 

“I’m sorry. I was thinking about something, and I guess I didn’t realize how lost in thought I was. Did I hurt you? Are you okay?” The words were barely audible in Emily’s raspy voice. 

Juliet’s eyebrows furrowed at Emily’s questions. She suppressed a smile that brought a look of confusion to Emily’s face. The brunette’s head tilted as it often did when she was in thought, wondering was going through Juliet’s head. 

“Is that really the question you wanted to ask? You were the one that nearly jumped 6 feet when I came up behind you.” Sensing the tension in Emily, Juliet switched from the attempt to make the situation lighthearted. She faintly spotted hurt that laid deep in Emily’s eyes. 

“Baby? Em, look at me. Look into my eyes, and take deep breaths.” The blonde gently lifted her cool fingers to realign Emily’s eyes with her own.

After standing there for nearly one full minute, Juliet brought her hand to caress and cup Emily’s cheek. She felt the heat that radiated off of the brunette’s face. 

“Em, what was going on in your head? What were you thinking about?” Juliet spoke slowly, allowing her girlfriend to get her bearings before answering. 

“I was thinking about JJ and our relationship.” The words left Emily’s mouth before she could register that she said something. 

Juliet froze in her spot. She didn’t expect to hear the other blonde’s name, especially when it was causing Emily so much agitation. Her mouth fell open, and her hands rapidly dropped from Emily. Juliet pulled her body away, wrapping her arms tightly around her stomach to comfort herself. Several harsh words grew at the tip of her tongue, but she bit them back. There had to be a reason for this. Juliet wasn’t the kind of girlfriend to live on the defense, yet she tensed at memories of their last fight that came flooding back. She would let Emily explain, or at least try. 

Emily stood like a deer caught in headlights. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out. She hadn’t lied and couldn’t lie. Yet, she wasn’t ready for this conversation. She couldn’t foresee a way out of this conversation. Cornered, Emily began to explain their case to Juliet. It would at least provide a basis for might spill out later. 

“Jules, what I meant was that this last case was really tough for us. The unsub wasn’t who we thought she was, and I put JJ and myself into a dangerous spot. I’m so angry that I didn’t see it earlier. Our unsub was a woman who was taking revenge on women that she deemed liars. They all looked like JJ, and what was I supposed to do? I was supposed to work the case like normal and just pray that JJ didn’t get hurt. I interviewed her, for god’s sake, and didn’t realize it was her. The house exploded and all I could do was jump to cover JJ. JJ could have died! I would never be able to live with myself if that happened. Not after Nevada, and not after the hell we’ve been through! Before you say that I should’ve been worried for myself let me tell you one more thing. I would tear myself apart before I let even the tiniest scratch get on her. I don’t care what happens to me as long as she is okay! I need her alive, Jules, I need her-” The air had left Emily’s lungs, punctuating her message. 

Juliet had listened to what Emily said and nothing had improved. In fact, the blonde had so many more questions now. The dry texts that she had received from Emily made sense, but she never would've guessed what the brunette had just gone through. Beyond all of that one huge question sat on Juliet’s lips. 

“Emily, breathe. It’s okay. I’m right here with you. JJ is at home and okay. It’ll all be okay.” Juliet cautiously moved towards Emily, sliding her hands up to grasp the brunette’s shoulders in a grounding manner. She led the pair over to the couch where she sat Emily down opposite to herself. 

“Oh, Jules, there’s one more thing that I have to tell you. Please don’t freak out. Just listen to me. When the house exploded and I covered JJ, we both passed out. Our unsub managed to survive the blast and injected me with something. I’m pretty sure that it’s the truth serum that she used on the victims, but I’ll be fine. I just needed to tell you that.” 

Emily sighed deeply, terrified at all of Juliet’s possible reactions. Yet lower beneath that, a fire burned inside of her. A fire to finally release the secret that had been eating at her for over a year. How could she hold Juliet so close, knowing what she truly felt? The brunette felt her secrets bubble close to the surface, begging to be revealed. Her turmoil was interrupted by one jolting question from Juliet.

“Why did you save JJ?” 

Emily’s jaw dropped as she gazed at Juliet. Dumbstruck, the brunette didn’t even want to understand why Juliet would ask such a question. Time inched by as the pair sat in silence, with Emily’s head tilted questioningly to the side. 

“Why is it always you, that saves her? In Nevada, your other cases, and now this one, what makes her so special?” 

Rage began to dangerously grow inside of Emily. 

_How dare she say that? JJ is my teammate and best friend. What the hell was I supposed to do, let her die? I will do whatever the hell I need to. I already told her that I need JJ alive. What more could she possibly want? Even beyond that, special, what makes JJ special? I could name a thousand things off the top of my head that no one would ever have even noticed. JJ is an angel among humans and the sheer audacity that she has to even question it is remarkable._

“What the hell do you mean, Juliet? She’s my teammate and best friend. Of course, I’m going to save her.” The words came out clipped and Emily’s tone was harsh.

“I don’t know. It always feels like there’s something more there. I can see the way that you look at her. Emily, I’m not an idiot.” Juliet’s voice began to rise as she slowly started to unleash her questions. At least, Emily would answer honestly, whether Juliet wanted to hear the answer or not. 

“Jules, I look at her like that probably because she is my best friend. I would never and have never cheated on you. You aren’t an idiot, so stop insinuating that.” 

“Oh really, Em? I’m sure you’ve never cheated, but that doesn’t make what’s between you and JJ right! Just because you didn’t sleep with her, doesn’t mean you didn’t emotionally cheat! She knows every little thing about you, while you lock me out!It’s like you’re always picking her over me! She’s always the first one on your mind, like JJ this and JJ that! I can tell that she knows things that you always shut me out from! I have tried for so many months to get you to open up to me, but all I get is you shutting me out! Especially when you were in the hospital. The first words that you said were always for her! You don’t even tell me anything about your scars, so how am I supposed to know that you’re emotionally invested? I can’t be your second option forever! I would bet that you two were even probably a thing once!” Juliet had stood up, inching away from the couch.

Juliet needed space and air with the words she was spitting at her girlfriend. The blonde was aware that she had likely crossed a line, but she couldn’t stop herself. All she wanted was the truth. She was tired of walking on eggshells around JJ and Emily, wondering if Emily felt their relationship like she did. 

“I’M IN LOVE WITH HER. THAT’S WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR, WASN’T IT? WELL, IT’S TRUE, AND I CAN’T HELP IT.” The words burst out of Emily, booming against the walls. 

Both women held their breath. The truth had come out, and its ugly head was flipping Juliet’s stomach. These were the exact words that she didn’t want to hear. Her whole world began to cave in. Hot tears began to stream down her face, blinding and blurring the vision of Emily in front of her. Without a second thought, the blonde turned on heel and bolted to Emily’s bedroom. The resounding slam from the door settling in its frame finally got through to Emily. 

She had begun to shake as she yelled her last sentence. This wasn’t how things were supposed to happen. She never meant to destroy Juliet like that. Things were now crumbling around her, and she had no way to fix it. Her hands frantically ran up and down her leg to self-soothe as tears pooled in her eyes. That was when she heard the door. Reflexively, the brunette shot up and made her way over to the door. Its light wood made little effort to mask the sobs that echoed from the other side. 

Emily’s heart clenched at the pain that she could hear in Juliet’s cries. Her throat ran dry with words to say yet nothing came out. She was heaving for air, turning to sit with her back pressed against the door. Time passed and neither moved, trapped in their bubble of hurt while reeling from the yelling. 

“Jules, are you there?” The words were met with a crushing silence aside from the sobs.

“I know that you might not want to hear this, and you have every right to but please let me explain. I want you to know that what we had was so real to me. Never once did I doubt us. I truly do love you. The months that we had together are and forever will be priceless for me. I know I should’ve told you but I genuinely saw us together forever. With you, life was easy and I felt more comfortable than I have in a long time. I promise you, Juliet, I do love you, but it’s not the same.” Emily paused and regained her composure. She listened adamantly for any sign of a reaction from Juliet. 

Silence was the only thing that she heard. Emily wondered if Juliet simply wasn’t listening, or if the silence was her way of paying attention. With her heartbeat back down to normal, the brunette continued. 

“I don’t even know if I should be telling you this, but I know that you deserve the closure more than anything. If I’m honest, I don’t even understand how you fell for me. You’re an amazing person with wickedly sharp intelligence, a loving personality, apt impulsive nature, and you’re absolutely gorgeous. The day that I first saw you and after we talked in the cafe, I was stunned. We had so much together, and all I want is for you to be happy. Which is why it was so shitty of me to do this. I thought that I could get over it for you, me, and us. I tried, but I can’t. In the beginning, you also reminded me of her without all of the pain and longing that went with it. It was selfish, but every second that I spent with you was happy and fulfilling. But, no matter how hard I try, I can’t let go of JJ.”

Her face was burning with the tears she had spilled. Emily didn’t want to let go because she wouldn’t know what to do next. She raised the uneven fingernails on her left hand and began biting them away, noticing the maroonish marks that were created by the digging of her nails. Her breathing was uneven but some of the tightness in her chest had loosened. Nearly 5 anxiety-riddled minutes later, Emily continued. She genuinely hoped that Juliet was listening because Emily trusted Juliet and wanted her to know the whole truth. 

“When I first met JJ, I don’t think I was thinking straight for a whole week. Every time I was around her, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her and anything she said got me to smile like a dope. I had to actively stop myself from having my hands shake. She was the first person besides PG that I deemed worthy of opening up to. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully understand what we have, but now I’ve fallen in love and messed everything up. I’m not telling you these things to mock or patronize you. I just can’t stand not telling you everything, knowing that it’s over for us now. God, I sound like an idiot.” Emily had moved into a lighter headspace, trying to use humor to calm the aftershocks of the night’s events. 

The brunette fluttered her eyes close for a second. She needed to stop herself and actually what was happening. She was telling her girlfriend, or likely ex-girlfriend, about the woman who she was in love with. Her head lulled back against the wooden door, sounding a soft thud. After that, Emily faintly heard some shuffling from inside her room. Muffled sounds of movement lead to the unlocking of her door. Emily sat up as quickly as she could, maneuvering to the side so that she could see Juliet. 

All sound stopped again briefly, making Emily’s heart rate go through the roof. Juliet had yet to say a single word since Emily’s confession. She braced herself for the jaded and angry response to be yelled at her. The brunette waited, and it never came. 

The door creaked open at a painfully slow pace. Juliet stood behind it, working her way up to leaving the room. Her deep breaths and regrouping almost went out the window when she spotted Emily. The blonde adamantly worked against it, carefully holding her position. Juliet’s face held a lack of expression that ran a chill down Emily’s spine. The blonde broke eye contact and wandered over to Emily’s couch. The brunette truly watched Juliet in concern, frozen where she stood in the hallway. 

Juliet had shifted her position so Emily couldn’t see her face. A few seconds of silence passed before Juliet blankly tapped the couch in front of her to call Emily over. The resounding silence was getting to Emily. She would’ve rather had the yelling and screaming at this point solely for the certainty of feelings that came with it. The waiting was making her anxiety itch, but she refused to speak first. Emily had said enough. Now, it was Juliet’s turn. 

The blonde’s fingers traced the couch next to her leg, letting her rid some of her anxiety. Her time in the room had yielded so many possible things to say to Emily. Yet, with the brunette in front of her, Juliet’s mouth had run dry. The blonde opened and closed her mouth several times in hopes to start the conversation to no avail. Her eyes darted across the couch, the walls, and anything that wasn’t Emily’s eyes. She couldn’t bear to try and make eye contact for the fear that tears would once again stream from her eyes. Emily watched Juliet with a softening look, hoping that blonde would be able to open up to her. She held her breath until a sentence finally croaked out of Juliet.

“I could never hate you.” The small sentence was at least a start for everything that Juliet wanted to say. 

Emily shuddered in a deep breath, silently willing the blonde to go on. The hurt in her voice was obvious, but she had more to say. Emily wanted to hug her, thank her, and usher every bit of her pain away. Knowing that Juliet needed time, Emily sat in a taciturn manner with her body wrapped in itself tightly. 

“I could never hate you because I love you. All I want is for you to be happy. It hurts so much knowing that it won’t be with me, but JJ makes you so happy. I know I probably won’t be okay for a long time, but I’m thankful that you’re at least telling me the truth. You deserve the world, and you should go after JJ because she can give you that. Our relationship is something that I will forever cherish because you taught me so much. You made me feel loved and wanted. Our time together wasn’t always perfect, but everything that we had is ingrained in my memory. I suppose though, if you’re being fully honest, then I should be too. I suspected something in Nevada, but I honestly didn’t want it to be true. I could see the light in your eyes whenever you looked at her. Just her presence or voice alone was enough for you, and I couldn’t compete with it. I knew that you would never cheat on me, but I could see that she held a piece of you that I would never have. I’m sure I still feel some anger deep down for all of the months that we had while you loved her, but there’s nothing I can do about that. You made your effort, but I am not your person.” The end of the sentence tapered as her voice began to shake. 

Juliet finally brought her eyes up to Emily’s, catching a glimpse of the raw emotion. The brunette’s face was puffy and red. Her lips were slightly parted and Juliet could make out a hint of a quiver in them. Her eyes held tears up to the brim, broadcasting the sadness and love that Emily felt. Juliet pursed her lips into a small smile as she shifted her hands to grab Emily’s. The tears began to fall down both women’s faces as they sat close, holding each other through the moment. Emily was the one to break the silence.

“I know I’ve already said it so many times, but I do love you, Jules. You will always have that special place in my heart. You helped me open up and deal with so many things, even if I didn’t show it enough.” Emily paused to read Juliet’s expression before continuing. She wanted to laugh and make the mood lighthearted, but her next words needed to be said. 

“Do you remember when I was unconscious, in the hospital in Nevada?” Juliet’s eyes widened and her body tightened at the terse question. Emily gauged her response and spoke again, slower. 

“I wasn’t totally unconscious. I was in a sort of dream or delusion state; I don’t know what to call it. I saw something. Um, I saw our wedding. Before you say anything, please hear me out because there’s a reason I’m telling you this.” Emily felt Juliet’s grasp on her hands tighten and the blonde’s pupils dilated. 

“The wedding was outdoors behind Rossi’s house at the edge of the woods. I didn’t even fully realize what was happening until I saw Rossi standing under a wooden arch, ready to walk me down the aisle. I saw everyone there from my team and family to yours. We were all waiting there and happy, and my teenage best friend was officiating the ceremony. He died some years ago, and I never really got to say goodbye, so I told him everything. He told me that he was always watching and how proud of me he was. After that was when I saw you. You stood at the edge of the aisle. You looked absolutely breathtaking in your lace, white dress. I cried as you walked to me. Holding your hand on the altar felt comforting. I said my vows with my eyes closed because that for some reason felt right. But before I opened my eyes you, or who I thought was you, kissed me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what I’m about to say, but I can’t not. You have every right to hate me. You have every right to stomp out of this apartment.” 

Emily dropped her head as the tears began flowing faster down her face. She wished she could lie and say that it was nothing. She wished that she could just ignore that wedding, but she couldn’t. The words were just bubbling out of her and the most that she could do was slow them down. She finally looked up again when Juliet’s hands cupped her face and lifted it. The look in her eyes showed that she wasn’t going anywhere. The blonde wiped Emily’s tears away with her thumb before wiping her own and ushering the brunette to continue. 

“I am not going anywhere, Em. It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. Just keep talking. I’m right here. Nothing you say is going to make me hate you. You just need a little push into your feelings.” Juliet had an inkling of where this could go, remembering her dreadful time in the hospital. 

Juliet took deep breaths while prompting Emily to do the same. The blonde wondered if she should reveal what she had overheard from JJ. Realizing that the brunette was still very sensitive and it was JJ’s confession to make, Juliet stayed silent. Once she had settled again, Emily began talking. 

“When I opened my eyes, it wasn’t you. It was her; it was JJ. She told me her vows and it felt right. It felt like that was exactly what I had been wanting for so long. When she said the words ‘I love you’ and kissed me, it finally clicked in my brain. I was in love with her, and not like the love I felt for you. To me, love is for a long time, but being in love is forever. The rest of the wedding was perfect, and that’s when I finally realized everything. I woke up screaming JJ’s name the first time because before I woke up, all I saw was her and how beat up she was. I couldn’t stop seeing him and what he did to JJ which nearly broke me. I can’t live without her Jules. I can’t do it. She’s my blackbird.” 

Juliet nodded slowly and pulled Emily into a hug. The woman melted into her arms, losing control in the familiar and warm embrace. Emily felt so drained and so done. The weight off of her chest had lifted, but her thoughts were all still in a jumble. Sniffling, she asked Juliet one more thing. 

“Will you please stay with me for a little bit, Jules? I know I have no right to ask, but just for the weekend? I’ll fly you back out on Monday. If not, that’s fine, and I can get something for tomorrow morning.” Emily held hope, but prepared for Juliet to go off on her. The blonde’s hands had not stopped the gentle stroking rhythm that they had across Emily’s back. After a prolonged moment of thought, the silence was broken. 

“Yeah, I think that’s okay. Emily, I still love you, okay? I promise that things are going to be okay. Tomorrow, I’ll pack and we can just hang out for a little bit. For now, let’s go to bed,” Juliet uttered the words quietly as if to not break the fragile bubble that they’d built. Things had just been flipped upside down. 

The women were in two different headspaces as they laid down to rest. Emily felt lighter and exhausted with her secret out in the open while she pushed off the panic for later. She fell asleep much faster than the woman that laid beside her. The blonde pondered the possibilities, getting lost in what could happen next. Juliet was deep in thought for a long time before her breathing slowed and she drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment and lemme know what you think :) as always i appreciate all of your interaction and follow me on tumblr @vhsrights for updates and sometimes sneak peaks at coming chapters! (i put a blurb at the top so there were no spoilers) but yeah tell me what you thought about Em finally becoming single!


	16. Hey You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ and the entire team watch Emily pull away in the aftermath of her break-up. JJ is still reeling from the text she saw. How long can Emily stay away from JJ? [A lot of help from our favorite wingman and wingwoman comes in, with alcohol cuz duh]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's here :) i am legitimately so excited and nervous for yall to read this chapter. no words just enjoy :)

Tuesday rolled around and Emily slugged around her room. Juliet’s send-off had been tough on both of them. Plenty more tears had been shed, mixed in with sweet words and hopeful goodbyes. It was time for her to move on now. The only question left was how? Her ex was now back to her life in California with the promise to check in on Emily from time to time while the brunette had to face JJ. The seemingly insurmountable panic had nearly set in that morning, but Emily refused to return to work rattled. She hadn’t told anyone about the break-up but knew that Penelope would have questions. 

The agent had avoided Garcia's texts and calls. Replying occasionally and dryly, the brunette knew that the best thing she could do was keep Penelope at an arm’s length. Emily knew that it wasn’t right, but she needed time to heal. Stepping out of her apartment took longer than normal, and Emily eventually managed to trudge down to her car. She was already supplementing her day with several deep breaths and repetitive hand motions that Juliet had taught her. It was all in hopes to keep her from biting her nails and make her discomfort more glaringly obvious. Emily was pretty sure that, out of the whole team, she had the worst weekend off. 

Emily detoured to a local coffee shop to pick up an iced coffee. It was only delaying her inevitable arrival at the glass doors of the BAU, but at least the drink could calm her nerves. Pulling in 10 minutes later than her usual arrival time, Emily paused to regain her composure in her car. This was exactly what she had been dreading. Seeing her teammate’s faces after what had happened over the weekend was nauseating. The brunette was saved by the comfortable mask that she had used over the years, slipping it over her emotions. 

The elevator ride was empty and quiet which provided her the time to put up her last wall of defense. No one would be reading her like a book today, not even JJ. Her eyes pinpointed her desk amongst the growing bustle of the bullpen when the elevator doors opened. It allowed her to beeline to her destination. The sharp clack of her boots against the floor alerted Reid to her presence, who studied her as she set her bag down.

“What’s wrong?” Reid watched Emily’s slight jump, taking in the way her head shifted and shoulders tightened. 

“Jeez, Reid, give a girl a little warning. What do you mean what’s wrong? It’s good to see you, too, I guess.” The sarcasm that laced her voice came across harsher than she intended. The brunette tentatively looked up to try and understand why Reid was scrutinizing her. 

“You arrived 11 minutes, 4 seconds later than you normally do and the way that you jumped at my question means that something happened.” The inquisitive tone peeked through the genius’s words and left Emily feeling exposed. 

“I’m just sleepy, that’s all. I was working on fixing some things in my apartment and got a little carried away. 4 hours of sleep really isn't a lot of gas to run on.” Emily tried to turn the conversation into a joke, hoping to turn the attention away from herself.

“What isn’t a lot of gas to run on?” Derek’s voice boomed behind the pair and announced his bubbly arrival. 

“4 hours of sleep. Especially, when we have to listen to you,” Emily jabbed back at the profiler, hoping to distract Spencer from telling Morgan his observations. 

“Emily is jumpy today, and she won’t tell me what’s wrong.” Reid looked up to the other agent, hoping that he’d be able to crack Emily. 

“Come on, Princess. Sleep deprivation doesn’t make you jumpy. We all know that.” Derek mischievously smirked at the possibilities that could’ve allowed Emily such a late night. “So, cough it up, what’s going on?” 

Emily looked over to Morgan with sarcasm that blanketed the vexation she felt at the moment. Her lips pursed into a tight line as she thought of an excuse. She would rather be in her apartment with two fingers of scotch and a Kurt Vonnegut audiobook playing.  _ Kurt Vonnegut, her and Juliet’s favorite author.  _ The thought of her ex drew a groan from her lips.  __

“Ugh, Morgan, leave me alone. I’m sort of hungover. I watched Italian movies with whiskey last night after I cleaned my apartment.” The sour words got the profiler to understand that he shouldn’t pursue her. He decided to text the woman privately, later. 

“Woah, alright, Mama. Come on, kid, let’s leave Grumpy Cat alone.” Morgan steered the genius away from Emily’s text, throwing an understanding nod back at the brunette.

Emily slumped over onto her desk. She had absolutely no idea how she was going to get through the day. Her phone buzzed, but before she could check it, two familiar voices rang out from behind her. The clack of thick heels against the building floor ran a chill down Emily’s spine. 

The agent twisted her body, so that she could barely make out neon clothes and two sets of blonde hair in the corner of her eye. Her fists clenched around the pen in her hand. Emily’s head was swimming. She couldn’t be around JJ, or Penelope for that matter, so she did what she does best. Emily ran. The brunette jumped out of her seat and hurriedly made her way out of the bullpen. She didn’t know exactly where she would be going, but her goal was anywhere that wasn’t near the two blondes. 

The prompt sound of Emily’s chair pushing back drew in JJ’s eyes. She hadn’t been paying attention, but noticed the discomfort in the brunette’s posture. Garcia quickly reached over a comforting hand to her shoulder. The blonde was about to call out to Emily, but she caught the tail end of the brunette’s glance. Emily dashed away and JJ froze in her spot. Her face twisted with confusion at Emily’s cold behavior. 

Hurt from when Emily had run away from the jet resurfaced. JJ felt alone and shunned by the one person she always wanted close. She cleared her throat and focused on her breathing to prevent a visible reaction. Deep down, all JJ felt was rage. She hated that Emily got to save her life and then run away as if she wanted nothing to do with her. She was angry that Emily wouldn’t just talk to her. Most importantly, JJ was angry at herself for driving Emily away. At least, that’s what she thought. 

Garcia witnessed everything from beside the younger agent. Her jaw tensed when she looked to see Emily’s hurried escape. She felt JJ tense under her comforting grasp. Garcia was fed up. She had worked so hard to try and get both women to see the monumental love in front of them. Instead, both women were aimlessly wandering like blind mice. The technical analyst knew that JJ couldn’t be alone right now, so she wrapped her other arm around JJ’s shoulder and led her to her office. The younger agent was dazed to say the least, not fully in touch with her surroundings. 

The women trudged up the ramp to JJ’s office slowly. The energy had drained out of the younger woman with Emily’s exit. She had spent the weekend busying herself with home projects to not think about the brunette’s text. JJ had even baked several batches of cupcakes, some less chocolatey than others. Seeing that same avoidance again broke her heart. She couldn’t fathom how she could’ve messed up so badly as to make Emily run away from her. 

Her thoughts came to a halt when she heard the click of her office door behind her. JJ mindlessly walked over to her desk and took her seat. Garcia gazed at the woman with concern lacing her look. She hurt for the blonde and pondered about the brunette. Frustrated with both sides of the situation, Garcia came up with the one solution that always worked. JJ needed alcohol, and that’s what she would get. 

“Jayje, honey?” The blonde looked up from her blank stupor. “I’m taking you out to a bar on Friday night and you’re getting some much-needed alcohol. Upbupbup, no arguing with me. You’re not going to win and, by the looks on your face, it’ll help you clear your mind. Well, clear your mind, or forget the last two weeks. Either works.”

The high spirited comment drew a chuckle out of JJ. Alcohol sounded like a viable solution for the mess that she was in. Besides, Friday was in three days. 72 hours wasn’t too long. 

“Alright, PG, but only if you let me take shots.” A resigned smile perched itself on JJ’s face at the sight of Penelope’s mock horror. “That’s the only thing that sounds appealing right about now. You, me, and some Patron.”

“Okay, I guess, but only because I love you.” Garcia playfully frowned before exiting the room with a few more motivational quips.

“I need to give Em a piece of my mind. She’s got Jayje all in a twist. Maybe I can find her now,” the analyst whispered under her breath.

She set off looking for Emily and came up empty. The woman was nowhere to be found. Garcia huffed and was about to call Derek when her tablet beeped. Jumping at the electronic chirp, Garcia immediately redirected herself to her lair. The operating and camera systems were undergoing an intense reboot, courtesy of one Penelope Garcia. She had gotten a message that one of the major data packets was finally ready to install. The analyst tabled her speech for Emily but continued compiling talking points in her head. 

The brunette had taken solace in a hidden corner of the storage room. Fleeting eye contact with JJ had set off all of her internal alarms. An overload of memories from the past weekend and Juliet’s painful departure came back. Emily felt overwhelmed. She was just one person. How was she going to handle all of this? Normally, compartmentalization was her best friend, but she learned the bitter lesson that it didn’t work on JJ. No matter how hard she tried, thoughts of the blonde always weaseled back into her mind. 

Emily let out a defeated sigh. Frustration and helplessness clashed in her head. The buzz of her phone brought Emily back to the present. It was a text from Derek. Emily groaned at the thought of having to talk about everything so soon. The message was not what she was expecting, and Emily stood relieved. 

Morgan (9:25 AM): I’m guessing this is probably about the truth serum. Don’t worry. I didn’t tell Pretty Boy, but he will be watching you. Had to make up some BS to get him off your tail so I told him that you dropped something heavy on your leg. Come to my place on Friday at 7:30 ish. I’m getting you super drunk so that you can relax and we can talk. Also, chill down around JJ. I know things are tense, but it’s really obvious and we can see how much it’s getting to her.

The long text brought a smile to Emily’s face. She had forgotten that she’d told Morgan everything, well almost everything. Understanding that she had him on her side lifted some of the weight off of Emily’s chest. She regathered herself as she used to before entering a gala under her mother’s imperial gaze. She would hold it together until Friday. 

Em (9:27 AM): thanks, Derek. Sounds good because I’m fully ready to forget the last week. It is, but I will tell you everything when I come over. It’s a lot. 

The brunette scoffed at the quick reply from her friend.

Morgan (9:27 AM): When is it not with you, Princess? ;)

————————————————————

Getting to Friday felt like climbing mountains to both women. Emily steadily avoided JJ, but tried to repress the theatrics and the way her mind screamed to run away. JJ felt the shivering cold of Emily’s withdrawal. She couldn’t help, but take every awkward look and dry conversation personally. Both were exhausted by the constant effort to keep to themselves, Emily out of fear and JJ out of self-preservation. 

Garcia had been a godsend, opening her office door for JJ to retreat to when thinking became too much. She would sit with a file in the analyst’s office, but wile away the time, lost in thoughts about Emily. The gentle whirr of computers and repetitive clacking of Garcia’s keyboard kept her sane. She had barely spoken 4 times to Emily; twice concerning a case consult that Hotch had put them on, one apology after Emily emptied the coffee pot, and once when JJ was exiting the bathroom and almost ran Emily over. She had barely gotten full sentences out of the brunette before she strode off. The anger that JJ had been pushing down was ready to come out. 

Friday night rolled around, and JJ finished putting on her dress. It was a satin, rose wrap dress that gently hugged her every curve. She stood in the mirror and admired its form, noting how its short length and deep cut allowed her to stand out.  _ Emily would’ve loved this dress on me. She told me once that rose was my second best color, besides any blue. I wish she could see me in this dress. Maybe she’d finally talk to me for real. No. I can’t think about her. All Emily did was run away from me. Tonight is about me and forgetting this past week.  _

JJ pushed Emily out of her head and sauntered over to her dresser to do a final check on her makeup. She added one more spritz of setting spray before shrouding herself in perfume. Its scent was soft and delicious, one that Emily had complimented and borrowed many a time. The blond glanced at the clock and noted that Garcia would be here within the next 15 minutes. She gracefully strolled down the stairs and pulled on long, black, velvet boots. They sat slightly below her knees and shaped her legs well. 

The blonde delved into her phone once she was satisfied with her look. It pinged 10 minutes later to notify her of Penelope’s arrival. JJ inhaled deeply and felt her heart calm down. She then promptly threw open the door and raced into the cold night. Mischievous giggles from her best friend echoed in the rideshare as they took off to the bar.

JJ wanted shots. That was the only thing on her mind when she stepped out of the car. The blonde enthusiastically grabbed Penelope’s hand and tugged her into the establishment. Cool, jazzy music played while people filtered in. They had another 15 minutes before everything switched to nightclub mode. That was enough for JJ. Pungent scents of the various alcoholic drinks and encapsulating music brought back memories of their last Girls’ Night. That was the time when JJ had gotten too drunk and too close to Emily. Tonight would be different. Emily wasn’t here. 

Garcia was quick on JJ’s heels and kept a watchful eye as the blonde ordered two shots. She wasn’t exactly a shot connoisseur, but took them when she wanted to let go, or her friends needed it. The bartender winked at JJ while he placed the shots. He only got rolled eyes in return. Garcia unenthusiastically reached for her shot when she was beaten by another hand. She looked up in shock to see JJ gripping both glasses. The blonde downed both in quick succession while Garcia gaped at her. 

_ Oh, so it’s going to be that kind of night. Well, I’ll just get a cocktail, so that I don’t have to be completely sober while I look after her. Poor baby is really going through it. Emily is getting a piece of my mind as soon as I’m coherent tomorrow.  _

“JJ, can you order me a cosmo? I’ll just have that tonight, so that I can watch over you.” The analyst spoke gingerly to her friend. It was apparent that JJ was already feeling a light buzz, and she had no intention of slowing down anytime soon.

The first two shots brought warmth flooding through JJ’s body. She felt everything else drop away and her skin buzzed with excitement. The music grew louder in her ears, enveloping the blonde in her world. The slow, melodious beats picked up pace as the music shifted to a more electronic bass. JJ’s arms began to sway beside her body. She let her muscles go loose and danced in place. 

Garcia giggled at her friend. JJ was good at holding her alcohol, but tequila shots on an empty stomach were a whole other realm. She wondered when she’d have to cut JJ off because the blonde had shown little sign of hesitance with her first two shots. 5 more minutes passed before JJ made her way back to Garcia. She brandished a stoked smile while her eyes told a more flirty story. She placed a hand gently on Garcia’s shoulder before leaning over her to order two more shots. 

JJ went at the shots again with her initial fervor. Garcia sipped her cosmo and watched the blonde shake as the sharp liquid went down her throat. Her brows lifted in amusement, and she made a note to slow JJ down before she consumed any more alcohol. The blonde leaned back against the bar and let everything sink in. Her heart was thrumming in her ears and it felt like someone had turned the world’s saturation up. The vibrant colors danced in front of her and reminded her of one thing. Emily. 

Emily was usually the one who stood by her side on these nights. Garcia was typically close, but Emily always managed to be closer. The brunette would watch JJ’s alcohol intake, clink their glasses, and yet pull JJ onto the dance floor to let their energy out. The blonde wondered if everything had been in her head. Maybe she had imagined Emily’s linger, confusing friendly and protective gestures for ones of love. She couldn’t have. Emily had told her, more than once, that JJ was the only person that the brunette would never get tired of. 

_ Then, why did she have to run away? Why had she turned the other cheek and left JJ alone? What could the blonde have possibly done to make Emily hate her so much? _

The questions ran in JJ’s head on a loop. They incited the anger that she had pushed down for the last 72 hours. They made JJ’s head spin more than the Patrón. She stayed frozen for nearly 10 whole minutes, paralyzed by the answers that she feared. The sound of a glass being set down, and Garcia’s cold hand on her shoulder jolted JJ up. Feeling reset, the blonde unleashed it all. Tequila had lowered the walls of her inhibitions, letting her thoughts flow out freely.

“Jayje, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” The worry was thick in Penelope’s questions. “Do you need me to get you something?”

“Fuck her.” JJ didn’t bother to answer the analyst. 

“Wha-” Sharp, clipped words alerted Garcia. She didn’t even get to question what happened before JJ resumed. 

“Fuck her. Who does she think she is? Being the Ambassador’s daughter doesn’t give her the right to just do whatever she wants.” The cause of JJ’s drunken anguish dawned on Garcia and she slipped a comforting arm around the woman’s shoulder.

“I mean. I didn’t even do anything to her. I stayed quiet when she started dating that knock-off version of me. I let her drift away from me into Juliet’s arms. Sure she saved my life, but that doesn’t mean that she just getstorunoff.” The alcohol had set in and started to slur her words.

“I wish she would just yell at me or tell me something. At least then, I could have some closure. PG, it’s not f-f-fair.” Her voice quivered and the blonde hid her face against Garcia’s body. Restraining tears, the agent tried to stop her breakdown. She was able to stop the crying, but her voice remained hoarse and dry.

“I miss her so badly. I miss her so much. I just want her here with me. Why can’t she just see how much I’m in love with her?” JJ shuddered and let her thoughts wander back to soothing memories of the brunette. Emily always calmed her. 

“I know, babe. It’s gonna be okay, I promise. Emily probably just needs a little time. Don’t worry because I will talk to her. She’s not getting off the hook for this. I’m also one hundred percent sure she misses you too.”

The last sentence caught JJ’s attention, making the blonde tilt her head up.

“Really? You think so?” JJ wished that it was true. 

“I know so, my blue-eyed beauty. I may not be a profiler, but sometimes I have sharper eyes than you guys. Trust me, I can see it the way she looks at you.” Penelope smiled down at JJ and prayed that the blonde took her words to heart. 

“Okay, if you say so, Peeg. I’m just so mad that she left me hanging. She didn’t even tell me anything, just texted Derek to do the dirty work for her. Emily told me she’d never do that to me.” She spoke as if resigned to her anger. JJ couldn’t make Emily do anything, so she was just stuck waiting. 

“The worst part is that if she showed up right now with no explanation, I’d still let her back in. I would let her come back because I need her so badly. She’s my home and right now I just feel so lost.” JJ’s voice cracked from the tequila and her anger. She honestly couldn’t tell whether it was true anger, or just disappointment at the fact that Emily left her too. 

Penelope smiled at the blonde’s statement, knowing that both women had found a true home in each other. It showed in the way that they thought of each other. It showed in the way that they addressed each other. It showed in the way that they cared for each other. Emily had stolen JJ’s heart, and JJ, Emily’s. She silently rubbed JJ’s arm, providing more comfort than she could in words at the moment. 

“I feel like an idiot. We came here tonight to relieve stress, and I’m getting upset at Emily all over again. Screw it and her. I need two more shots.” The blonde had called for a double before Garcia could protest. 

The analyst made sure to give her a strict warning about her cutoff limit before JJ took the shot. Garcia was nursing her second cosmo and watched JJ yell with excitement. New and feverous energy ran through the blonde. She needed to let it out and the dance floor was the best option. She blew two loving kisses to Garcia before making her way over. 

Every thought in her brain was muddled. JJ didn’t care. She was going to forget. Pumping music cocooned her ears, and she lost herself in the beat. Her body moved expertly to the music, as expertly as someone who’s had 6 shots of Patrón could. She felt her worries evaporate and her muscles loosen again. Nothing and nobody besides JJ mattered at this moment. 

Garcia finished off the last sips of her cosmo and paid the tab. She shimmied over to JJ’s spot on the floor. The women danced for a while, long enough for them to sweat out at least one drink. JJ had resorted to yelling for communication with Garcia because their surroundings were so loud. 

They stayed in their bubble until JJ felt a presence behind her. The dirty, musky scent of overused cologne flooded her senses. It felt suffocating, to say the least. JJ tried to move away, but the scent lingered. Finally, she felt a rough graze more than once across her ass. This wasn’t an accident. 

She spun in her heels to see a tall man grinning mischievously. His scruffy beard covered a majority of his lower face. Cropped hair drooped in his eyes and on his ears. He awkwardly swayed his gangly body in futile attempts to keep the rhythm. JJ saw red. 

“What the fuck, man! Get your nasty hands away from me!” JJ’s voice cut through the atmosphere, but didn’t deter the man.

“Name’s Phil. Are you sure you didn’t like that because where I’m from, pretty ladies like you swoon for that kinda thing?” His voice and drawled words set the blonde off more.  _ Phil wasn’t getting off easy tonight. _

JJ lept at him and yanked his collar. She cocked her fist, but stopped short to speak first. 

“Listen here, buddy. I don’t usually deal with boys like you, who have tiny dicks and think whatever bullshit they pull will get them a woman. You better fuck off if you know what’s best for you because I am a trained FBI agent, and I will not hesitate to beat your ass.” JJ spat the words out at the man, antagonizing him with every word. She loved putting misogynistic idiots like him in their place.

Garcia pulled her back before she could do anything and tried to get her to cool down. JJ’s face had gone red, and her breathing was shallow. The adrenaline had shut off her remaining logic when she jumped at the man. Garcia made attempts to get them to walk away. JJ refused to move from the space that she had been dancing in first. Then, she barely made out one more thing from Phil.

“Sure, you think you’re tough, but you’re just a little girl. You could never hurt a real, big man like me.” 

JJ pivoted on her heel before Phil could even finish his second sentence. She took two long strides and swung.A resounding crack sounded from Phil’s nose where JJ’s fist had made contact. He stumbled backward in pain and screamed bloody murder. Garcia pulled JJ hastily out of the bar, getting them away before JJ could get in trouble. The blonde repeatedly stumbled and tripped as the cold outside hit her like a wall. 

“Jayje, I admire your bravery, and that was one hell of a punch, but for god’s sake, would you stop hurting yourself? I have to take you home in one piece, or Hotch would kill me.” Garcia berated JJ, who barely caught the tail end of the scold with her consciousness on the brink. 

They used a rideshare to drop JJ off at home. Garcia graciously left multiple Aspirin and water out for her, knowing they would be a savior in the morning. The blonde’s soft snores echoed before Garcia could even leave the house. Thankful that she had barely had any alcohol, the analyst laid to rest with plans to call Emily in the morning. 

————————————————————

Emily had held her breath for three days. 72 hours were spent with the brunette treading on eggshells and constantly compartmentalizing. She was exhausted. Every step brought her closer to sinking. She could feel her thoughts turning on themselves, waging an internal war for which she was the vessel. Emily had closed herself off, like a procedure she’d followed since childhood, but not having JJ beside her was crippling. 

She berated herself for running away, or sending that text in the first place. Everything was going wrong around her. Every so often, Derek would come in and discretely check on her. She thanked whatever lucky stars she had for him. Without him, Emily wasn’t even sure if she would’ve made it through the week. Reid’s tentative glances and Penelope’s occasional glare were not helping. The boy had tried to talk to her earlier about the made-up injury, but quickly retreated under her scornful attitude. 

Penelope had remained on the sidelines, throwing vexed glares in her direction whenever they happened to cross paths. Emily could see the anger in her eyes and made sure to always keep her distance. It was obvious that Penelope wanted to protect their best friend and Emily understood. She was also fighting herself over her actions. Her gut churned with all of the distress and hurt that she had caused. Emily had truly fucked up. 

Things got unbelievably worse at the end of the day, wrapping up the terrible week with one big bow. Time had ticked unbearably slowly, leaving JJ and Emily itching to take off. The hustle in the office wound down, and it was finally time to leave at 6:00. Both women were in a trance mode and put their things together robotically, hoping to leave as soon as possible. That was why Emily didn’t notice JJ alone in the elevator until she had reached the metal doors. 

Glancing up from her phone, the brunette made direct eye contact with the very crystal blues that she had been running from. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Her brows furrowed and, in that moment, Emily wanted to sink through the floor. Deciding that she couldn’t do it, the older woman turned to get to the stairs. JJ stood disappointed and relieved because she didn’t have the energy to deal with the situation, but hated how Emily ran away. 

Emily’s breathing didn’t calm down until she stepped into her apartment. Her drive home had been a blur and she was just glad that she didn’t crash. Derek had told her to come over at 7:30, leaving an hour until she had to show up. The brunette collapsed onto her sofa and let her body relax. The tightness in her shoulder subsided for the first time in days and Emily let out a sigh. 

She found herself knocking on Derek’s door an hour later. Emily had switched into more casual clothes and brought a bottle of malt whiskey and their Chinese takeout order. She knew that Derek wasn’t huge on whiskeys, but figured that she would be able to convince him for the night. The man opened his door with a gleaming smile and let Emily in, grabbing the takeout and groaning at the whiskey. 

“Yes! You got the kung-pao chicken. I’ve been craving this for a while. Anyways, what do you want to do first?” Derek examined the containers before setting them down and walking over to Emily. 

The brunette hadn’t fully looked over Derek’s apartment until then. She scanned the space to see various drinking games set up with the right, yet copious, amounts of alcohol surrounding them. Emily smiled at her friend’s effort to fully occupy her attention for the night. 

“Damn, you really went all out,” Emily smirked with the amusement apparent in her tone. “How about we start with some flip cup and then switch to beer pong? I am so ready to kick your ass, lightweight.” 

“Oh, you’re asking for it. But why get ahead of yourself, when you can have a front-row seat to your defeat?” Morgan teased Emily and turned on his game face, and Emily mocked his seriousness. 

The game progressed well. Morgan pulled ahead in the beginning, but barely lost on the last leg. Emily jumped up out of excitement and began to do her victory dance. She laughed and moved to music in her head, leaving Morgan to roll his eyes and fold his arms. Emily gloated for one solid minute, mocking Morgan’s game face and losing flip. She finally stopped when she was out of breath, and Morgan had turned to walk off. 

“Princess, you are insufferable. I forgot that you had some talent, but I know that talent doesn’t apply to beer pong. Come on, let’s go.” He beckoned Emily over to the other table. 

Derek watched Emily as she rearranged her cups. They were neck in neck, both eager to win. The man noticed the freeness in Emily’s movements and smiled. He could see that she was letting go for the first time since she first explained her whole mess to him. Derek was glad that she had found comfort in hanging out with him, considering how guarded Emily Prentiss was. He knew it was simply to protect her heart, shattered and scarred from years of wounds no one should endure, and felt honored that she could ease up with him. Derek quickly averted his gaze when Emily addressed him again, shifting his focus back. 

The game lasted for a long time with several redemption shots. Emily finally managed to pull off the win with a blow against Derek’s swirling shot. If Derek was questioned about throwing the game, he would forever deny it. The brunette launched into another well-spirited celebration, having also become drunk by that point on the several flip-cup shots and two beers that Derek pushed her to have.

Derek eventually decided that they had spent enough time on games, and the pair moved to their takeout. Emily chowed down, but Derek waited. He wanted to ease the brunette into the conversation because everything had been very obviously weighing on her in the past week. 

“So, Emily, um what happened on the weekend?” Derek spoke softly to not startle the brunette.

Emily froze at the question, remembering everything that she let fall away for the past 2 hours. Memories of shouted words and tears came flooding back. She set her food down with slightly quivering hands, trying to ground herself in the moment. 

“I broke up with Juliet.” The words rang heavily in the tense silence. Derek sat back slack-jawed. 

“You, what?” Derek needed to make sure that he heard correctly.

“I broke up with her. I told her the truth. Well, screamed it at her, I guess?” The words were more sure this time. “I woke up in the middle of the night, and she found me thinking in the kitchen. Damn truth serum.”

Derek opted out of saying anything. He would let Emily continue at her own pace, telling him as much or as little as she wanted. The brunette sat, staring at her food for a few minutes, debating how to go about telling her friend. Then, she abruptly stood up and poured two glasses of whiskey. She needed to feel the familiar burn of that alcohol before she told her story. 

“She asked me what I was thinking about, and I said that I was thinking about JJ.” Emily absentmindedly handed Derek the glass before sitting back down. She took a sip before continuing. “I told her about how the explosion scared me, and how much I need JJ. She went off on me, and that’s when I yelled at her. I wasn’t even thinking, but I told her I was in love with JJ.” Emily swirled the glass and relaxed her breathing once more. 

“She locked herself inside my room for a long time. I don’t even know how long I sat against my door. I broke her heart, Derek. I told her about the wedding and everything I saw. I couldn’t stop myself from telling her everything I loved about JJ. The worst part is that she told me she wasn’t angry and didn’t even hate me. I broke her, Derek, and she comforted me. What does that make me? Just another monster? What do I even do now? Am I supposed to run to JJ and confess my love?” The brunette’s tone turned bitter with each sentence. She had done what she had to, but the consequences felt too great. 

Derek was proud of Emily for being truthful. He knew that there was still more that she had to do, but he was glad that she was finally admitting it. Maybe, he could convince her that JJ felt the same. He understood that Emily hated what happened to Juliet, but Emily also deserved JJ after all the tiptoeing they had done. 

“I know you’re hurting, Emily. You did the right thing. It wasn’t fair to you, Juliet, or JJ to not tell her the truth. You aren’t a monster, but you are a human being. Humans make mistakes, and you are no exception, no matter how hard you try.” The comment got a mini smirk out of Emily. “Juliet will understand because she’s a lot smarter, emotionally intelligent, and perceptive than you give her credit for. You might not want to hear this, but I’m pretty sure she had you figured out a long time ago.” Derek sat back and took a sip of the alcohol, repressing his cough at the sharp burn. 

Emily laughed and picked up her food again. She thought about it, and Derek’s words made sense. She was just terrified, like she had been when she first realized that she was in love with JJ. She hoped that there was a happy ending for her, maybe even with JJ because, after Juliet, spending life alone sounded a lot darker and less desirable. 

“Why do you always have to make so much sense, Derek?” The brunette stunted the silence with her joking question. Derek didn’t hesitate to retaliate with a quip of his own.

“Why wouldn’t it be me when you’re the one who does that awful victory dance?” The pair chuckled and sat in silence. The rest of the night followed that pattern, and Emily took a rideshare home. 

The brunette woke up with her head pounding and limbs stretched. The deafening buzz of her phone sent the woman falling off of her bed, thudding against the wood floor. Rubbing her head with one hand, Emily made a haphazard attempt to grab her phone. She managed to grab the phone on her third pass and hit the accept button. She was definitely not expecting Garcia’s irritated and hoarse voice to scold her as soon as the call went through. 

“Emily  _ Elizabeth _ Prentiss. WHAT THE FUCK? You know, I do love you, but you can be a pain in the ass sometimes. Excuse my colorful language, but right now you deserve it." Garcia’s voice boomed through the phone, confusing an already disoriented Emily. 

“Garcia? What happened?” Emily’s voice croaked while she got up to take some Aspirin with her water. 

“Are you seriously asking me what happened? You broke JJ’s heart! That’s what happened! Poor baby has been hurting so bad all week, just because YOU decided to run off after you guys got back from Wisconsin. She has been running herself thin trying to figure out what she did wrong! Why don’t you just tell her why you had avoided her? Huh?” Garcia’s voice became more impatient, and her words picked up speed as well. She was so mad at Emily, and the dam had finally burst.

“Garcia, I swear I didn’t mean to. I love JJ, but I couldn’t risk telling her. I’m not even going to pretend like you don’t know. I was terrified that, if she knew, she would run away and never look back at me. I can’t lose her, PG. I love her too much,” Emily pleaded with the analyst on the other side of the line. 

“You are an idiot if you think she would leave you like that. Besides, you put yourself in this mess with Juliet, so YOU don’t get to say anything! She loves you too much to just run out like you did. Maybe, if you took the chance to actually tell her, you’d know that!” The blonde’s sentence was punctuated by the cut tone of the call. 

Emily removed the phone from her ear and blinked at the screen in confusion.  _ I never meant to hurt her. I just had to protect myself.  _ The closed walls of her apartment became suffocating. Her brain hurt and all of her thoughts were foggy. Emily needed fresh air. She glanced at the clock and gasped when she saw the time.  _ 12:03 PM.  _ Before she could mull on the thought for too long, her phone buzzed again. 

Morgan (12:03 PM): You forgot your keys here, so I drove your car over to the apartment complex. The keys are in your mailbox. 

Emily silently thanked Morgan. She threw on a pair of sunglasses and a coat and hurried out of her apartment. The brunette needed to clear her head, and JJ deserved answers. She spent the day wandering through parks and other areas of nature. It felt calm and subdued in the cold weather. It reminded her of JJ. The blonde kept resurfacing in her thoughts, having some connection to most of her happy memories. Emily felt horrible, but perhaps, she could explain herself. 

————————————————————

The rain poured against the pavement, drenching Emily, who opted out of the umbrella that sat in her back seat. It felt fitting for her as if whoever was watching could read her mind. The rain matched the melancholy that was clouding her thoughts, distracting her from the smallest hopeful voice in the back of her mind. JJ had no reason to listen to her. She wasn’t obligated to take Emily in after the week of tense avoidance and hurt the brunette had caused. 

Emily stopped in her tracks several times on the way to JJ’s door. She hadn’t even decided how she would greet JJ. There weren’t exactly several things to say to your best friend after you avoided her for a week. Maybe she could just start saying things eventually something would spark a conversation. The brunette nixed the idea as soon as she thought of it, knowing the blonde would want to cut the bullshit. 

  
  


Garcia and Morgan’s words rang through her head. ‘JJ was hurt, but also missed her.’ There was nothing left for her to do except apologize. Emily was glad that she hadn’t told Garcia about the break-up. She needed to make amends because she missed JJ and her secret had weighed her down for too long. She shivered deeply, both from the chilling rain and the thought of being in love with JJ. The woman had always been an over-analyzer, tearing situations and possibilities apart solely for the sake of what-ifs. Truth serum or no, Emily had too many possibilities swarming in her head. 

The blonde’s apartment door finally came into view. Emily hadn’t had the guts to park right in front, needing the distance as an escape mechanism. Her strides grew in length as her breathing became choppier. Emily tightly clutched her pea coat with her clothes wetly flush against her body. If nothing else, Emily would likely get a fever out of tonight. The brunette let out one last self-deprecating chuckle before knocking on the door. 

Emily had a key to JJ’s apartment. JJ had a key to hers. Yet now, she felt like a stranger on the steps of an apartment that typically felt more like home than her own. The mental chastising started as soon as the sound of her knuckles against the thin wood echoed aloud. It was the respectful thing to do. The last thing she wanted was to ever invade JJ or her space. She let her eyes droop to a close momentarily before the voice that she had waited so long for rang out from the other side of the door. 

“... Pen, is that you?” JJ spoke in an exhausted whine. “I’m still hungover, but I told you I’d handle it. Go back to your place. I can manage-”

A gentle click gave way to the deep, shadowy, green door. JJ appeared from behind it, and the words died in her mouth when she laid eyes on the woman before her. Her breath caught in her throat, lips falling slightly apart. JJ’s eyebrows furrowed as she processed, bringing her rage back again with a force. She couldn’t believe the audacity Emily had for simply showing up at her door. Emily was the one who had broken off contact, given her the cold shoulder, and caused her all of this pain. She didn’t want the brunette anywhere near her. The ire manifested into her expression and elicited the one reaction that felt right. 

The blonde stepped back and pushed the door back into its place with unnecessary force. Out of sight and out of mind was where Emily needed to be. The anger cooled off of JJ as she heard the thunderous slam, jolting her forward to look through the peephole. The brunette stood stunned in the rain with blankness written all over her face. JJ recognized that blankness. Her walls had rebuilt themselves high enough to let Emily hide and protect herself. The blonde’s heart clenched at the sight of Emily looking so ragged. She tried to distance herself, but JJ could not find the strength to pry herself from the peephole. 

Defeat rang through Emily for her missed chance and broken heart, turning to leave JJ’s doorstep. Showing up at JJ’s door after a week of nothing wasn’t enough. She would have to accept the fact that JJ wanted nothing to do with her. She steadily spun to return to her car. Emily was ready to sprint to her apartment and drown in herself in exorbitant whiskey. A frenzied call froze her in her spot.

“Em, wait! Get inside!” JJ stood in her doorway, beckoning the brunette over.

Emily turned around in disbelief. She didn’t understand why JJ would want to be around her, let alone change her mind. The rain was still crashing down and matting the brunette locks against Emily’s face. Against her better judgments, Emily walked back over to JJ’s door. Her walls were still piled high, but she didn’t want to think. She wanted to finally come clean and be close to JJ again.

Emily stayed silently in the doorway as JJ moved aside to allow her in. Each step felt like a thousand pounds that could drag Emily to the center of the Earth. The brunette didn’t even realize that JJ had left until she had returned with a warm towel and a pile of clothes that she recognized to be her favorites. JJ was holding an oversized hoodie that Emily had often stolen from the blonde, emblazoned with her high school logo. Underneath that was sweatpants Emily could’ve sworn were hers, likely left over from a hangout or Girl’s Night.

The older woman made no effort in reaching for the items. She simply stared at JJ and waited for the blonde to change her mind, or throw Emily out. A full minute passed before Emily made any movement at all. She awkwardly shrugged off her coat and received the warm clothes. The brunette didn’t want to break the precious silence. Even one incorrect word could shatter her attempt at rebuilding what she had broken in the past week. 

JJ couldn’t make herself look into Emily’s eyes. She couldn’t bear to see the hurt and insurmountable walls that Emily usually showed everyone else. So, she walked away. She made it to her room to grab things to warm Emily from the pouring rain, not knowing how to make sense of anything. JJ decided that Emily would have to speak first. The blonde didn’t want to offer herself up anymore to a woman that confused JJ with her every move. She returned with the clothes and writhed under the uncomfortable silence. JJ let out a strained breath when Emily finally took the clothes and left the room to change. She wrapped her arms around her waist and rocked herself, waiting for something to happen. 

“Hey, you.” The soft words startled JJ. She turned to see Emily leaning against the doorpost with hope in her eyes. 

_ Hey. you. That’s all she has to say? After a week of absolutely nothing, all I get is a weak greeting? I let her in after all this time; after she said that she wanted me to stay away, and this is what she does? What the hell? This isn’t fair! No, Emily does not get to do this again. She does not get to run away and then just easily slip back into my life! I fucking waited for her to come around but all I got was two half-assed words. That’s it! _

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” JJ swiveled around with the rage apparent on her face. “Seriously, Emily, after all this time. ‘HEY, YOU?’ Is that all that you have to say to me?”

JJ briefly contemplated stopping there. Another look into Emily’s charming eyes set her off again. She needed to get this off of her chest, or she never would. The rage flared inside of her, setting her off at an alarming pace. The blonde hastily stepped around the room because she had too much energy to sit down while she spoke. She cut off Emily as the brunette opened her mouth to reply, flying off of the handle. 

“I don’t understand you! You save my life in an explosion, practically ghost me, and then randomly show up at my apartment! You waltz back in as if nothing happened! You can’t just pretend like nothing happened! I mean, you are my best friend, but it’s like I don’t even recognize who you’ve been for the past week! You’ve been moping and sulking while pushing me out! You’ve turned into a hollow shell!” JJ was pacing back and forth vigorously on her rug. Her head was bent low to watch her fidgeting fingers. 

Emily wanted to speak up. She wanted to yell and scream that she had a reason. She wanted to holler to the world that she was single. She wanted to say that she was done living her lie. Now wasn’t her time. Now was for JJ to let go of everything that she had felt about Emily for the past week. It stung Emily, but she understood. There was no kind of action that didn’t produce a reaction. She had to deal with JJ’s reaction. The blonde continued in her fervor, oblivious to Emily, not being able to get the words out fast enough. 

“When we landed after the Truth Carver case, you couldn’t get off the plane fast enough! You were sleeping on me practically the entire way home, so what was wrong with an extra couple of minutes?! I watched you go cold to me, running off to get home. Since when have you been the type to dash back to your home-sweet-home, huh?! What happened to all those things you used to tell me about an empty home? I honestly miss those nights because I got to be close to you! I didn’t have to hold my breath around you, and you would show me the real you! Not the fake mask that you throw on. I used to get the real Emily Prentiss! God, Emily, ever since Juliet you never want to be around me!” Emily scoffed at the sentence. The anger had begun to set for her again, knowing that JJ was just going off without knowing Emily’s reasons. 

“Maybe if you’d stop to listen for once tonight, you’d know that I came because I’m single and I want to explain,” she spat under her breath. “Oh wait, you’d have to get your head out of your ass for that.” The blonde didn’t hear any of Emily’s words in her haze. 

“I just thought that it was you finally getting close to someone, and I was fine with just being happy for you! But, I guess that wasn’t enough ,huh? You had to tell your buddy Derek to keep me away from you!” 

JJ’s breath caught in her throat and left her words sounding raspy. She had missed Emily’s genuine shock at the last sentence. She was heaving deeply and trying to maintain her composure. The last thing that she wanted was to start crying in front of Emily. Weakness like that would only discredit her rant further. Emily saw emotion cloud the blonde and felt the energy grow to be too much inside her. Enough was enough. She pushed off the wall and took strong, decisive steps to reach JJ quickly. Emily caught JJ off guard when her hands wrapped around the blonde’s shoulders.

“I broke up with Juliet!” The words sucked the air out of the space between them. “Stop and listen to me, and maybe you’ll actually find out why I did what I did, Jennifer.” Emily uttered the blonde’s name with more acidity than she meant to, but it brought her point across to the stricken woman. 

Emily released JJ and backed away. Her own head was on the verge of spinning, so she could understand JJ’s confusion. The blonde stood paralyzed with her ears ringing. She felt overwhelmed, but beyond that, Emily’s words had yet to register.  _ I broke up with Juliet!  _ JJ broke through her dazed thoughts when the words sunk in. Her hands dropped to her side and she slowly lifted her eyes to meet Emily’s. Questions flew around in her head ranging from  _ When?  _ to  _ Why did you shut me out then? _ .

She faced the hurt and determination that laid in Emily’s eyes. All potential for cognitive thought went out the window. She wished that she had stayed quiet and not yelled. JJ just wanted to pull Emily into her arms and never let go. First, she had to listen. 

“Wha-” JJ cleared her throat in an attempt to get her question across. Her throat burned with dryness, but she fought through it to ask. “What happened, Em?”

Emily took in a deep breath and momentarily cleared her head. She only had one shot at this and had reached the point of no return. The woman shifted her eyes to take in all of JJ and decided that she was going to put everything on the table. No more secrets, and no more lies. Her lips stayed pursed while she walked over to JJ and gently pushed her to sit. A cool brush of her fingers allowed the blonde to fall back against the sofa. Her eyes were still searching Emily’s face for any hint of what was to come. Defeated, the younger woman dropped her eyes to the fidgeting hands in her lap and waited for the brunette to speak. 

“You asked why I wanted you to stay away from me. I’m guessing you saw my text, but I promise that wasn’t all of it.” Emily’s voice quivered as she began, strengthening with each word. “I would never do something like that to hurt you. I did it to protect you and protect myself, but last week was harsher on us than I realized.”

JJ let Emily’s voice wash over her. She took in every word and waited anxiously for the brunette’s explanation. The tremor in her fingers grew with the tension. Emily moved over to sit next to JJ and covered the blonde’s shaking hands with her own. That got JJ’s attention, and she finally made full eye contact, prompting Emily on. 

“After the explosion knocked us out, Rena survived. She must’ve hidden an extra vial of her truth serum on her person because she stabbed me with it. I didn’t fully realize it until we were on the jet.” JJ’s eyes widened with each word and wanted to reject that explanation. It didn’t make sense that Emily would just push her away because of the truth serum. “I know you don’t believe me because I can see it in your eyes, Jen.”

Emily’s fingers slowly ran over JJ’s. It was a soothing maneuver that each had done many times to the other on late nights when they let down their walls. It was Emily’s way of telling the blonde that she wasn’t joking. She just wanted every piece of the blonde to herself. 

“JJ, look at me.” She lightly pulled the woman’s face to stop JJ’s eyes from darting across the room. The brunette continued when she was sure that she had every bit of JJ’s attention. “I broke up with Juliet because I couldn’t keep lying. It’s the same reason that I texted Derek to keep you away from me.”

“I physically couldn’t lie, and that’s when everything went out the window. I realized that what I was doing wasn't fair to any of us. I couldn’t risk things with you, but it interfered with me and Jules; that’s when I decided I’d had enough of the lies.” Emily grounded herself in the feeling and sight of JJ before she resumed. 

“Jules was safe. She was comfortable. She was a steady link to the world outside of our crazy, demanding job.” Emily bit her tongue for an instant. “She was amazing, but she wasn’t you, Jennifer.”

The last sentence was whispered, but its emotion added more than enough volume. 

“No girl could ever match up to you, Jen. I knew that the second I saw you in Hotch’s office. You glimmered with beauty and your grace alone was mesmerizing. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you for nearly a week, and any look you threw in my direction had me breathless. Then, we got close and I got to know you. I didn’t even realize it was possible to love someone so much.” Emily didn’t stop. Everything was snowballing in her head and she needed to get it all out.

“Loving you went against every survival instinct in my head. I spent so long trying to forget and get over you, but it was impossible. Those nights that we spent on my couch, late at night, are the best memories I have. You slipped past my walls and broke down my insecurities. More than that, Jennifer, you became my home.” Tears pooled in Emily and JJ’s eyes. 

“I can’t stand to see anything happen to you. That’s why I jumped in front of you in the explosion. It’s why I got up and fought the unsub in Nevada.” Emily gripped JJ’s hands a little tighter. She pushed out the memories of seeing JJ hurt. “I would lay down my life a thousand times if it meant that you got to live. Nevada was a big lesson, though.” 

JJ finally uttered a couple of words. She heard Emily, but she wasn’t listening. The blonde was in shock over the whispered confession and the slew of information that came with it. 

“A- a lesson? Emily, you almost died in my arms!” JJ croaked out her question. Her thoughts were heavily clouded with emotion, yet she couldn’t help but remember Emily’s laying in her arms. 

“I know, but I saw things while I was unconscious. It helped me realize what I’d kept pushed down all this time.” Emily paused once more to think about the wedding she had dreamed of. She had told Derek and Juliet but this was JJ. What if JJ hated her for it? “I- I saw our wedding.”

JJ had to stop herself from audibly gasping. Everything around her came to a crashing halt. Breathing that was already ragged came to a near standstill.  _ Our wedding? Emily saw our wedding. I want to believe her, but that would mean she loves me. How could she ever love me? I don’t get it. What could she possibly see in me? I’m just a profiler who grew up with close to nothing and she’s the ambassador’s daughter. She’s seen and traveled the world. She has a heart of gold. So many people, like me, are in awe of her- _

Emily cut off JJ’s thoughts. Her tone was more embarrassed and sullen now. Tears that had once flowed down her cheeks burned against her skin. 

“Jennifer, I’m sorry. I saw us in Rossi’s backyard in a floral, outdoor wedding. Everyone was there, even Matty. You know how much I miss him, and he was officiating. He told me he saw everything, and that he wanted me to follow my heart. Jen, you have my heart. It’s what I told Jules when I broke up with her. I held you close at the altar and listened to your vows. When I felt you kiss me, nothing else mattered. I was home in your arms. Seeing you in your gorgeous, silken-white wedding gown was breathtaking. You told me that you loved me, and that’s when it clicked. No matter how much I love or try to love anyone else, I am in love with you.” 

Blood rushed in Emily’s ears. The adrenaline high from the beginning of her speech had waned off. Reality came crashing down on her, and her breathing hastened. The brunette realized that she had just professed her love for JJ. JJ. The woman sat in front of her with a plethora of emotions etched onto her face. Guilt wracked its way through Emily and she finally found the courage to move. 

“I’m sorry, Jen. I should leave; I shouldn’t have come here. You don’t need this-” 

Emily started to slowly lift herself off the couch. She was interrupted by JJ’s rough grasp pulling her down and close to the blonde’s body. Both women’s heartbeats pulsed rapidly while JJ looked deeper into Emily. 

“Don’t tell me what I need or don’t need.” The sentence was aggressive, but JJ hurriedly softened her tone. “You got to tell your side of the story, so stay for mine.” 

The reverence in her voice entranced Emily. The brunette sat close on the couch, subtly squirming under JJ’s striking gaze. The silence was suffocating, and the air hung thick around them. 

“You weren’t the only one riveted in Hotch’s office. I nearly fell when we locked eyes because my knees went weak,” JJ started softly, still looking to grow her confidence.

“In our protocol briefing, I was so flustered, I was surprised you didn’t comment on my blushing. Everything you do, the air with which you hold yourself, and the true Emily is what I fell in love with. I never understood how someone who had grown up with such luxuries could mingle with someone like me. You made it easy. You were always there by my side. You always had a hand on my shoulder, arm, or back to let me know that you wouldn’t leave. When I was little, I used to dream of my own Prince Charming. As I grew up, I realized I was gay, and tried to throw out that dream. When you marched into my life, it felt like I finally found the person I’d been looking for my entire life. I had found my Princess Charming.” 

It was now Emily’s turn to stare in disbelief. Hearing her silent feelings reciprocated made her heart soar. Her mind was right behind it, dragging along her insecurities.

_ I’m broken. How could she see anything like that in me? Is this real? I can’t stand the thought of her joking like this. JJ is like an angel, so why would she ever fall in love with a demon like me? I’ve dreamed of this for years. Why can’t I believe her now? _

“Em, seeing you unconscious in the hospital and dying in my arms shook me. I can’t live without you. I lost you once because of Doyle, but life is too short to hide what we want. I don’t want to lose you again. Hearing that you imagined our wedding melts my heart. I’ve had those dreams for a while, and I never thought, in a million years, that you would too. Every second I spend around you grounds me. It allows me to be me in the way that I want. I don’t have to water myself down for insecure men. I don’t have to always have fake energy. Emily, you’re my home too. Those nights with us huddled together, and whenever you held me, are forever a part of my memory. They are what get me through hard times and when we’re apart. Emily, please listen to me. I am in love with you.”

JJ drew out the words of her last sentence, hoping to get through to the brunette. A minute passed in the excruciating silence. Emily let the words ring in her head.  _ JJ loves me. JJ LOVES ME.  _ Bells of excitement went off in her head. Emily started laughing, and JJ pulled back in confusion. 

“You love me. You love me!” The brunette said the words to confirm them to herself. Love and adoration flooded her eyes. 

JJ watched the scene, and a smile turned up on her face as well. Relief spread through her chest and the blonde was able to breathe again. The world began to spin around them and the women got lost in each other’s eyes. 

Emily still didn’t understand what JJ saw in her. She was baffled that JJ could feel as strongly for herself as she did. However, the brunette was done waiting in the shadows. JJ had given her a chance and Emily would wholeheartedly take it. 

“Jennifer, I love you. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why you gave me a chance. Now that you have, I’ll never give up on you.” The smile on Emily’s face widened and then she felt it. 

A surge of energy built in her limbs and she leaped forward. Catching JJ’s lips on her own, Emily surprised JJ. The blonde melted into Emily’s arms, allowing the kiss to take over her. JJ’s fingers glided to hold Emily’s face. She ran her thumb over the brunette’s cheek. The woman’s skin was soft like her lips. The closeness between them felt right. Emily filled JJ’s senses and vice versa. Both women felt the catharsis around them, letting the years of tension and miscommunication melt away at their feet. It was as magical as the fairytales boasted. 

Pulling back for air, each woman examined the other’s face. Their lips were swollen and it felt right. Emily’s hands had snaked around JJ’s waist and she pulled her close once more, seconds later. The pair fell back onto the couch with Emily hovering over JJ. Their lips were locked and hearts were racing. 

JJ and Emily were home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS IT HAPPENED, THEY KISSED. lemme know what you guys thought or come over to Tumblr @vhsrights and talk to me directly in my asks/dms :) i promise its gonna be fluffy and cute shit from here on out :) again i am so thankful for every single kudos, comment, and interaction because seeing yall enjoy my work is amazing!
> 
> [I would like to thank alyssa and jame SO MUCH for beta-ing my chapters so that it can be the best for yall :)]


	17. Right There With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love you, Em, and I want things to be perfect for us. This last week, I couldn’t breathe, sleep, or eat. I was barely functioning because I couldn’t handle the thought of not having you in my life. Believe me, I want this so bad, but I don’t want to haze past things. I want every moment with you to be the way it should. So, Emily Prentiss, what do you say? Will you go on a date with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations: [these are from a translator so i apologize for any inconsistencies]  
> Topolina - little mouse  
> molto poco - very little  
> tua Madre - your Mother  
> I rigazzini - the little boys  
> Ballerai con lei Oggi? - Will you be dancing with her tonight?  
> Lolo- a loving name for an elder  
> molto bene- very good  
> muy bellisima - very beautiful

Emily’s lips against her own felt like heaven. JJ didn’t know if she would ever be able to fully describe the feeling. It was more than she had dreamed of and made her feel complete beyond her wildest dreams. It felt like the salvation that her pastor mentioned in church to those standing on the steps of heaven. Her entire body burned with pleasure underneath the brunette, hoping this would never end. 

Emily felt the fire as well, much different from the fire with which she had arrived on the blonde’s doorstep. Her arms were snaked around JJ’s waist, tight enough to show that she would never let go. She let her fingers trail up the small of JJ’s back, taking in every curve and bump from above the thin, polyester shirt. Needing more, Emily pulled back and shifted her focus to the blonde’s neck. 

The air between them had built up fervor in her mind. It was intoxicating, and Emily simply couldn’t get enough of JJ. She moved in and let her mind switch off, working purely on instinct. The brunette truly could have confused JJ’s first moan with the song of an angel. She nearly froze at the sound itself, increasing the pressure incrementally to mark the first hickey. 

JJ couldn’t help but let out that moan. She needed Emily to hear what she was doing to her, relishing every second. When Emily finally began to soothe the hickey on her neck, a realization snapped in JJ. She loved Emily, but she didn’t want things like this. They had waited so long, and Emily deserved for things to be perfect. JJ couldn’t let this go any further, no matter how much her body ached for the brunette. 

“Em, wait. We should stop.” She pulled her eyes from hooded to open and gently pushed Emily back. 

The brunette was off her in an instant, fear beginning to radiate in her mind. JJ read the shock and fear in Emily’s eyes and immediately moved to reassure her. She pulled Emily’s arms back around her waist and reoriented her face to make direct eye contact. She made sure that every ounce of love and admiration that she felt for the brunette shined in her eyes. JJ ran her fingers slowly over Emily’s face, soothing her enough so that she could continue speaking. 

“I love you, Em, and I want things to be perfect for us. This last week, I couldn’t breathe, sleep, or eat. I was barely functioning because I couldn’t handle the thought of not having you in my life. Believe me, I want this so bad, but I don’t want to haze past things. I want every moment with you to be the way it should. So, Emily Prentiss, what do you say? Will you go on a date with me?”

Emily felt her arms go weak and had to push herself back onto her knees. She blinked with confusion as the words set in. The brunette hadn’t fully realized how hard JJ had taken it, tears coming to her eyes. Her heart clenched at the thought of JJ so ragged, but she pushed it out to face the question she had been posed. Her mind stuttered at JJ’s candid proposition, and her heart began to flutter. Emily realized that she had just been staring wildly at JJ for the last minute and hurried to answer. 

“Yeah, uh, yeah, absolutely. JJ, I’d love to go out on a date with you. You’re already perfect for me, but I do want to do things right.” The brunette sighed with relief, letting her insecurities subside with sights of JJ filling her eyes. “So, what kind of date are you thinking?” 

A smirk crept back on to Emily’s face as she lowered to place sporadic kisses along JJ’s face. The blonde giggled and wrapped her hands around Emily. She pulled the woman down into a tight hug, running her fingers up and down the brunette’s sides. JJ waited for Emily to settle against her before answering. Deciding to play to her intrigue, she kept the brunette in the dark. Not telling Emily the plans that brewed in her head would definitely pique the brunette’s interest. 

Emily’s weight on top of JJ sank them further into the couch, effectively putting the women in their own bubble. The warm light in JJ’s living room blanketed the area and completed the homey atmosphere. The scene was domestic at its core and both women silently appreciated what they had created. 

“That’s for me to know and you to find out, m’lady.” JJ maneuvered the women to sit upright as she spoke with a smirk. 

Emily cringed at the term of endearment but smiled at JJ’s attempt to take the upper hand. She rustled the blonde into another hug. Em didn’t want to speak, but she wanted JJ to feel how happy she was. It felt like she was flying as her heart raced, the warmth making her tingle all over. Emily almost asked JJ to pinch her because of how unreal things felt. Things felt like they were falling into place. She pulled the blonde in a little tighter before releasing her. 

“That’s okay with me. I know it’ll be perfect.” The words were beaming with emotion and the tone took JJ by surprise. 

The blonde watched Emily soften and finally revert back to the persona that she got to see at their late-night couch cuddles. An idea suddenly popped into her head, reinstating a playful smirk to her face. She knew that there was at least one other person that deserved to know about their confession and that woman would probably scream at the news alone. 

“Em, I have a perfect idea. I’ll call Garcia and tell her to not drop by because I’m doing amazing. She’s going to be confused because of the hangover I had today and what happened at the bar last night. That’s when you chime in and tell her about us. She’s been dying to get us together for so long, we at least owe her that. I mean, she did try very hard.” JJ laid out her plan, hoping that Emily would agree. 

“Oh, yes we have to.” Emily thought back to Garcia’s phone call that had helped get her to JJ’s doorstep. “She has helped us more than I think any of us realize. PG’s going to freak, though. It’ll be worth it, so okay, I’m ready. Let’s do it!” Emily repositioned herself to sit beside JJ and the blonde dialed up their best friend. 

“Hello? Jayje?” Garcia’s worried voice rang out from the other side of the line. “Are you okay? Did your hand start hurting again?” Emily’s eyebrows raised at the last comment, but JJ quickly shook her off. 

“Yeah, PG, I’m doing fine. Actually, I feel amazing, perfect even. Don’t worry about stopping by, or my hand. Things are looking up right now.” JJ and Emily withheld their laughter while she delivered the statement with full enthusiasm. 

“Really? Are you sure you’re okay?” The analyst was confused. She couldn’t piece together how JJ was feeling so good, entertaining the idea that the blonde was partially delirious.

“Yeah, she’s been doing great ever since I told her that I was in love with her.” Emily kept her bit short and sweet. The weight of her words eventually registered and left Penelope shell shocked. 

“I’m sorry, what?!” Penelope double took her phone to make sure that her ears weren’t playing tricks on her. 

“Yup, Pen, she told me that she loved me, so of course, I told her I did, too.” The two women giggled as they waited for their best friend’s response. 

“YOU WHAT?! Emily Prentiss, what about Juliet? I’ll be damned if I let you cheat, even if it’s with JJ!” Juliet’s name made Emily’s heart drop a little, but JJ’s arm on her own and encouraging glance helped her to answer.

“No, Garcia, I’m not cheating and never would. I broke up with Jules the day we got back from Wisconsin. She knows everything, and we have agreed to check up on each other from time to time. That’s why I was so shaken this week. It’s all a lot to process, but a bro night with Derek and your phone call helped me make it over here.” Emily fidgeted relentlessly with her fingers.

She still felt slightly guilty about what had happened with Juliet. The blonde, however, had assured her that their split was for the best. Time and work would help heal their residuary wounds and move towards the future. JJ grabbed her fingers with her free hand, bringing it up to press a soft kiss into them. JJ understood that Emily needed physical confirmation, and for the moment, this would suffice. 

“Oh, so that’s why you were running away from Jayje at every turn. Well, I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO! You two are really intelligent, but when it comes to love, you’re dumb as rocks. I went to such great lengths to matchmake you, and it still took you so long! Anyways, don’t worry about me, get back to whatever you were doing.” Garcia abruptly hung up with the smugness apparent in her voice. 

The two women looked at each other in the aftermath of the call, partially surprised by Garcia’s hastiness. JJ laughed first, and Emily soon joined in. The pair sat closely together, enjoying the connection that they had worked so hard to build over the years. Neither one could fully fathom how they ended up in this spot. However, both would agree many years later that it was the work of pure destiny that had tugged the strings to pull them together. 

At one point, Emily got up and left JJ playfully pouting on the couch. She returned a few seconds later with a fleece blanket that she had bought JJ after a drunk Girl’s night and a portable speaker. JJ looked over to her out of amusement, waiting to see where things could go. Emily hooked her phone up to the speaker and pressed play before setting it on the coffee table. Smooth sounds of foreign, romantic music began to fill the air. JJ didn’t know it, but Emily had turned on a playlist that she had created for them across the dark, lovesick hours of several nights. She swayed her hips with the alluring rhythm as she made her way to the couch. JJ giggled in awe at Emily, shifting over when Emily spread the blanket over them and wrapped her arms around her.

The world had reduced to only them again. Neither one needed anything besides the other woman, the feeling of salvation and love overwhelming their brains. JJ rested her head against Emily’s heart as she listened to its calm beat. Soon after, Emily’s melodious voice rang out in harmony with the songs in the speaker. The brunette sang softly while she hugged JJ a little tighter, mirth present on the blonde’s face. 

The end of the 7th song was marked by JJ’s light touch bringing Emily’s face in for a kiss. She let her lips glide over Emily’s, teasing before giving into her. Emily’s hand came up to hold JJ’s face, helping her deepen the kiss. The dim, warm fluorescent glow from a high chandelier blanketed the room and completed their moment. If Emily’s hands would have been free, they would have been shaking out of excitement. 

The pair were lost in each other and didn’t notice the jangle of keys that entered the front door. It was thrown open a few seconds later, revealing Garcia with an umbrella and bulging tote bag. JJ and Emily tore apart in alarm, looking over to the door for the “threat”. Their best friend stood in the doorway, beaming while the rain poured behind her. 

“Oh, my god! You guys are so cute!” Penelope squealed upon entering the apartment, setting her bag and umbrella down close to the couch.  
“PG?” Emily voiced their confusion, looking over to JJ for a possible answer. “What’s in the bag? Wait, why are you here?” JJ was just as clueless as Emily.

“What, you really think I’m not going to celebrate you guys getting together? For god’s sake, I’ve been team Jemily from day one! I brought wine, jello shots, and rainbow cupcakes! It’s time to celebrate love, guys! But no Patron, cuz we know what that does to JJ.” 

The analyst’s enthusiasm was overwhelming, but the pair was glad to see her so happy for them. Emily’s eyebrows raised and Garcia’s comment about the Patron. JJ’s glare at the analyst only solidified the fact that there was probably a story she’d want to hear there. JJ, in the meantime, watched Garcia pull out each item from her tote. The extent of alcohol and sugar alone made her stomach flip, but she understood the sentiment.

“Garcia, you know we love you, but that’s gonna be one hell of a stomach ache tomorrow.” JJ expressed her concern.

“Oh, forget that! Today is a momentous occasion. It’s not every day that you get together with the love of your life! Now scooch, because I want details.

“Ah, fine. Come here, Jen.” Emily smirked and pulled JJ into her body, freeing up a spot for Garcia on the couch. “Where do you want me to start?”

JJ readjusted in Emily’s arms and ended up leaning heavily into the brunette’s frame. They were sitting on the far side of the dark couch, huddled under the large and fluffy blanket that Emily had placed over them. JJ’s hands wrapped around Emily’s waist while she nestled deeper into Emily’s soothing grasp. Penelope walked over to sit beside them, excitedly rubbed her hands together. She wanted the entire story, after all, she knew what happened on JJ’s side of it. 

“Everything, Em. Start with what happened after the plane back from Wisconsin. I want to know all of it.” JJ craned her neck up to see Emily’s face at Penelope’s statement, noticing the slight tension that blanketed her expression.

“Um… well I figured out on the plane that the unsub had injected me with truth serum. I fell asleep and ended up leaning on JJ the way back. I already knew that it was pointless to try and hide whatever I was doing so I knew that I had to minimize my time with her. Every second I spent around JJ jeopardized my secret. That’s why I texted Derek to try and keep JJ away from me. The ME had told us that the serum lasted 12 hours and I still had roughly 5 hours to go. JJ saw the top text somehow, and that’s what set her off.”

“Yeah, I remember seeing her storm through those doors. It was no joke. I thought she might pull my arm out of the socket with how hard she was dragging me to my lair.” JJ stuck her tongue out at the woman. “Luckily, my sweet texted me to let me know what was happening before JJ lost it.” 

Emily nodded her head, glad that Derek had the oversight to let Garcia know what storm she was about to enter. She had avoided as much eye contact as possible with JJ when exiting the plane but knew that the hurt had been clear in the blonde’s eyes. Shaking the uneasy thought from her head, she prepared herself to tell the women what had happened that night. She wasn’t the proudest of the way that she had done things. Emily tried not to think about that because time couldn’t be turned back and things had ended on decent terms. 

“I went home and my head was still pretty foggy. I don’t know. It was just spinning from all that had happened in the past day and I was just so shaken.” Emily’s eyes dropped to her lap, not wanting to or being able to maintain eye contact. “Juliet was still in my apartment because she had arranged for a week and a half trip. She was awake when I got home and we… went to bed.”

JJ felt Emily become stiffer under her hold. The brunette clenched her jaw and blinked aggressively for a few seconds. The memories were still kind of painful. Her focus snapped back to the present when she felt JJ’s fingers trace over her bicep. She let out a deep breath and looked to JJ, who had glazed eyes and an encouraging smile aimed at her. Emily glanced over at Penelope and slowly spoke again. 

“I woke up like 2 hours later. I just didn’t feel good, and not in a sick way. It felt like my head was actively messing with me to get me to say the truth. Juliet found me, actually startled me, a bit later. I nearly panicked but eventually told her that I had been thinking about us, and JJ. I was on the brink of a meltdown and just told her about the entire case. She listened. But then, she asked me why I was always the one to save JJ. When I answered, she- she, uh, flipped. Jules went off, rightfully so I guess, and I just couldn’t take it. I yelled at her that I was in love with JJ, and she locked herself in my bedroom. I told her everything, and when she came out, we talked. She left at the end of the long weekend.”

Emily gave herself no time in between, knowing that if she stopped the tears would flow. 

“I couldn’t bear to be around you guys because it hurt. It hurt knowing that what I was doing could make me lose Jen, and I thought that you, PG, would hate me for it. I did what I do best and I ran. I ran away from both of you to protect myself, and I guess some twisted version of you guys too. Thankfully, Derek already knew everything, so he was able to help me through the week. We had a bro night yesterday, got drunk, and talked. That and PG’s call ended with me here. I had come to apologize, but somewhere along the way, I decided that now was the time to confess. That’s where we are now.”

“Aww. That’s so cute! So stupid, but cute!” Penelope squealed. “I still think it’s dumb how you thought that we would just leave you like that. Especially, your firecracker of a girlfriend here wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, about that. What happened to your hand, Jen? Why was Garcia so worried?” Emily turned to look down at the blonde, who made an effort to hide her face. 

“Oh, this one here got drunk yesterday over a certain woman. 6 shots of Patron, I mean, you really have a hold on her. Late in the night, some douchebag tries to get handsy and Blondie here clocks him right in the nose. I’m sure his nose was broken because he was screaming bloody murder. Luckily, I got her out before she got in any more trouble.” Penelope enthusiastically told the story and Emily looked proudly over at JJ. 

“Well, I’m glad that my girlfriend knows how to throw a punch. Nice one, Jen, I’m sure the asshole deserved it. Just remind me to stay off of your bad side.” The smirk of amusement was clear on Emily’s face and JJ smiled proudly back. 

“You guys are too cute! But, I did bring celebration alcohol for a reason, so it’s shots time!” The room was filled with grunts and groans from the couple while Garcia arranged the alcohol.

She would be damned if they didn’t celebrate this momentous occasion properly. Celebrating properly was exactly what they did. The women had a few rounds, making sure to supplement the alcohol with the copious amounts of sugar that the analyst had brought along. Emily even shot a cryptic text off to Derek, too drunk to make sense, but being mysterious about having confessed to JJ.

Em (9:01 PM): HEy, you don’T haVe to. worry about me anymore. I’m all goood.

Morgan (9:04 PM): Princess what? Are you drunk? What do you mean all good?

Em (9:06 PM): nO im not drink. I’m just happy :)

Morgan (9:07 PM): Em wtf.

Em (9:08 PM): :)

The women were not coherent for the rest of the night. Jello shots were thrown back minutes after another group of cupcakes was eaten. All three hadn’t eaten properly throughout the day, making their dinner sugar, frosting, and alcohol. JJ was right, and the stomachaches were just as intense as their night of fun. Emily made a silent promise to herself to lay off the alcohol for a little bit, or at least not let Garcia serve them drinks.

The following week passed painfully slowly for Emily and JJ. They had decided that the date would be on Friday at 8 pm. Well, JJ had told her that after merciless prying and not said anything else. Emily had no clue what was in store for her. She was excited, but the uncertainty made her stomach flip. She just hoped that JJ was doing a bit better.

————————————————————

Emily tugged the dress over her shoulders and let the fabric fall against her body. She was already feeling jittery for the date, but something else had been bugging her. The brunette glanced over to her full-length mirror. A silky, maroon cocktail dress adorned her body. She could see it hug her every curve, accentuating all of her “assets”. Emily recognized that she looked beautiful, anyone would say that, but what if she didn’t want to be “beautiful”?

She pulled at the dress to readjust it, hoping that these feelings would go away. There wasn’t any time to think about her own comfort, not when JJ would be arriving soon. Emily would just have to settle with her outfit. Maybe the date with JJ would help her forget about her dress and those feelings, and let her push it down for later. Her eyes noted every part of her reflection that she didn’t like. Emily was confident in her own body, but this was a whole other level. 

The brunette wondered if this dress would be good enough for where they were going. The blonde had simply told her that the date would be fancy, but that resurfaced unwanted memories of her childhood. Hours spent being dolled up and presented as her mother’s extended list of accomplishments to snobby diplomates played back in her head. That time always churned her stomach. She only relaxed, in those days, when she ditched the dresses for her pants and shirts. Her mother’s continuous remarks against her style only made it easier to slip into.

Emily had always wanted to be appeased by the dresses her mother adored. She’d wanted to fit into that part of her mother’s expectation, whether she defied the rest with a passion or not. Her style was the one thing that she claimed as her personality, but her mother would have none of it. It was always the snide comments and disapproving looks from Ambassador Prentiss. Her mother was a classy lady, and her harsh remarks worded as such. A simple “You look homeless” or a “You’d look prettier as a girl” with a sneer was often all Emily got from the Ambassador. It was as if the woman never cared to see her daughter through any lens but her own. The woman went on about protecting their image, but Emily knew that their image held no room for her. 

That was when she shut down. The girl shut out the part of her that screamed to slip on the masculine clothing. She ushered away thoughts that “the Emily Prentiss” was anything but girly. Emily pushed out every idea of self-autonomy she had and folded under her mother’s wishes. It was crippling, but the expectant gaze of her mother softened when she picked the A-line dress instead of the dark dress pants and shirt. Her words were not crafted to cut as deep when Emily appeared in the flowy top instead of the flannel and ripped shirt. Even after leaving her mother, Emily never regained her ability to feel comfortable in clothes. To her, that was just another curse of living under the eye of Elizabeth Prentiss. 

She pushed the thoughts from her mind and focused on JJ. This was their first official time out and Emily was teeming with energy. It had taken a lot of pacing to force her to get ready, but now she stood unsure. Doubt and insecurity found their way back into her thoughts and the brunette was stumped. She didn’t understand how JJ could look at her the way she did. The thought made her head spin and she still couldn’t come up with an answer. 

The doorbell rang and saved her from spiraling. Emily made her way to the door with butterflies in her stomach. It took her a little longer to reach the door from her room, but the brunette was grateful for the few extra steps that allowed her to clear her head. Taking one last calming exhale, Emily opened the door. The sight in front of her left Emily breathless, her pulse raced, and she lost all cognitive ability for thought. 

JJ was in a navy blue cocktail dress. The straps wrapped around her arms, exposing the blonde’s taut collarbones and muscular frame. Cerulean blue irises popped against the darker shade of fabric, making the woman look ethereal. The cut of the dress was shorter in the front, showing JJ’s long legs, and making her strappy, white heels shine. Her hair was delicately curled against her shoulders and framed the natural makeup against her face. Emily simply stood in shock for an unknown amount of time, not knowing how to process the woman in front of her. 

“Em, you look absolutely stunning. May I come in?” The words broke Emily’s trance and she moved aside to give JJ space to enter. “I have something planned before our date that will be arriving in about 20 minutes, and it’s chilly out here.” 

JJ chuckled as she finished her sentence and walked over to set her coat down. Her presence drew Emily’s eyes as they always did, but this time things felt off. JJ exuded grace and confidence with each step she took. Emily could see how she felt in the outfit, marveling at its beauty herself, and her earlier distress came back. The brunette couldn’t help but feel the wind knocked out of her with tears rising to her eyes. She wanted that for herself. _Emily wanted to be happy like JJ was, but what if she disappointed JJ? What if she couldn’t do it? What if-_

“Em. What’s wrong?” JJ’s cool touch brought Emily back to the present. She realized that she had been frozen with tears pooling in her eyes. 

“Nothing, nothing I’m fine.” Emily rasped out the words, trying to catch her breath and steady her emotions. “What were you saying?”

JJ was taken aback at Emily’s actions. The brunette had fully shut down and tried to act like nothing was wrong. Her mind raced to try and figure out what was bothering Emily. She didn’t want the brunette to be in misery on their first date. She wanted this night to be perfect, like a bedtime story that they could tell their kids many years down the road. JJ grabbed Emily’s hands in her own and ran her thumbs across them.

“Emily, I need you to look at me. Please don’t shut me out. What’s wrong?” JJ spoke softly in hopes to break through to Emily. She looked up into her eyes and tried to find the answer.

Tears pricked against her eyes once more, and this time, Emily didn’t stop them. There was only one person in the world that she felt safe enough to tell her current thoughts to. That woman was now asking her to reveal her plight. Emily didn’t know if she was strong enough. She didn’t want JJ to do the same things that her mother had, because if JJ turned her away, Emily would lose all hope.

“You- You’d hate me for it.” The brunette’s chest tightened with each breath, making it more painful to speak.

“Emily, I could never hate you. I promise that I am here, by your side. Please tell me what’s wrong.” JJ dropped one of Emily’s hands to instead wipe the tears that had begun to fall down her face.

“I don’t want to be in a dress.” The words were whispered and made Emily feel small. “It doesn’t feel like me, but I also don’t want to ruin things for you.” She tried to retract into herself, but JJ’s firm grip kept her grounded. 

“Emily, you’re not ruining anything for me. This is _our_ first date. I’m going on a date with _you_ , and as I said before, I want things to be perfect for _us_. Hey, look at me. Emily, I need you to look me in my eyes.” JJ lifted Emily’s chin, directing her deep, brown eyes into her own.

“What do you want to wear?”

The question was something that Emily had wanted to be asked for years. Those six words were what Emily had begged her mother for, all those years ago. It was overwhelming and Emily couldn’t verbalize an answer. She opened her mouth more than once, trying to figure what to say, and kept coming up with nothing. JJ just stood and watched her, keeping the woman close and letting her mind work on its own. Eventually, Emily blurted rather than spoke her mind.

“A suit.” The words startled both women, but Emily recovered first. “I w-want to wear a suit.”

“Okay, baby, then let’s do it.” Emily wasn’t expecting that response from JJ, tilting her head in confusion.

“You’re gonna look so good in a suit; I can already see it. I’ll help you pick something out. We have about 20 minutes until the limo arrives, but they can always wait a few more minutes for us.”

JJ pulled her upstairs, Emily still shocked at her straightforwardness. Each step twisted knots into her stomach, but the excitement was undeniable. She would have laughed if she wasn’t so nervous. JJ’s compliments ran on a loop in her head, helping to build her confidence in what she wanted. This was Emily’s time to finally take control of her style. It was what her mother had taken from her all those years ago when she destroyed Emily’s hopes of ever becoming herself. JJ pushed Emily to sit on the bed before moving to open the brunette’s closet. 

“Most of the stuff in here is work clothes. I see you in those all the time, but I’m sure I can find something for you, my love.” JJ smiled at the term of endearment, remembering when she could only yearn to call Emily that. 

Emily wracked her brain to remember anything that she had that could be good enough for this date. Coming up blank, she groaned out of frustration. She wanted to tell JJ that it would be okay and that she would be fine for the night. Emily knew that it wasn’t true in the slightest, but she couldn’t stand the thought of making JJ do more work just to make her comfortable. Emily sat back on the bed and looked over to JJ. The woman was enthusiastically rummaging through her closet, a smile on her lips with her brows furrowed in concentration.

_My love._

The words had sounded so sweet in JJ’s voice and made Emily’s heart flutter. The blonde wasn’t the first to call her that, but the words fit with her. Thinking back to their confession on JJ’s couch, Emily remembered all of the things that JJ had told her. She used the blonde’s words from then to ground herself and remind herself that JJ wanted to do this. JJ wouldn’t be helping her if she didn’t want to. Awe and a loving blush spread across her face. JJ loved her. The thought was still hard to wrap her head around, but moments like this only solidified its truth. Emily relaxed much of the tension from her frame knowing that JJ would take good care of her. Her marvel of JJ was interrupted when the woman zealously squealed.

“Aha, I got it! Damn, this is a total gem!” Emily leaped up to see what had grabbed JJ’s attention.

The blonde was half sticking out of her closet, reaching towards a hanger near the back. Emily debated helping her with it for a split second before JJ resurfaced. The brunette didn’t recognize the outfit she held in her hands, but it lit her eyes up. Emily looked to JJ out of astonishment, not believing what she was holding, and was met with the same incredulous look. 

“Well? What are you waiting for? Go on, try it!” JJ shooed the older woman towards her bathroom, giving Emily no chance at a second thought. 

“Okay, okay Jayje.” Emily halted just before entering the bathroom, turning to face JJ. “Wait, I just wanted to thank you for this. I’ll spare the sappiness, but I am beyond grateful for what you’re doing. I love you.”

“Of course, Em. I want you to be happy, and you’re already perfect in my eyes. You’re going to look so good. Now go, so I can see what my date is going to look like.” There was a glimmer of excitement in the blonde’s eyes that sent Emily into an overdrive of happiness.

The brunette shut the door with one last smile before turning to the outfit. A sleek, satin maroon blazer draped itself on the hanger. Its shoulders were broad, and the lapel was evenly folded to give the squared look. Below that hung a dark, classic turtleneck. Its thin material and design would stylishly hide the parts of Emily’s body that she didn’t want to see. A pair of black dress pants completed the outfit. Emily felt her breath go short because the moment was finally here. It was time for her to start taking her control back. She was Emily Prentiss, as masculine as she wanted to be, and no one could tell her otherwise. Emily told herself that her mother’s words couldn’t touch her anymore, not with JJ by her side. The older woman peeled off her dress and carefully put on each piece of the suit. 

Five minutes had passed when Emily began to examine her reflection. Waves of intense emotion washed over from triumph to astonishment. Emily saw her outfit and felt her heart settle. She didn’t have to pretend or be a poser; Emily could relax and simply be the way she wanted. The woman twisted her body around, admiring the fit and cut of the look in the mirror. The jacket amplified the square-ish look to Emily’s frame, burying the feminine curves that many had complimented her for. Her ensemble was neat and perfect. Her marvel was interrupted by JJ’s inquisitive voice and a light knock.

“Em? Honey, are you okay? Do you need me to come in there?” Emily smiled at the comforting voice and turned to open the door.

“I’m okay, Jayje. I just- I’m so happy. It feels like I can let go of the breath that I’ve been holding for years. JJ, it feels so right.” Emily’s hands shook out of excitement by her side as she braced herself to exit the bathroom.

Emily slowly lifted her hand to turn the doorknob. She shuddered in a few final deep breaths before throwing the door open. JJ sat on the bed facing her and the smile immediately dropped off of her face. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. Emily was perfect. 

_Emily looked hot._

Emily watched JJ’s expression change. The heavy silence made her squirm and she immediately began to back-peddle in her head. She thought that this was the end, and JJ hated it. She could see the Ambassador’s fire in JJ’s eyes. Her breath went stagnant, and she tightened her fists to neutralize her reaction.

“Holy shit,” were the first words that JJ uttered. “You look so handsome, babe.”

Emily’s eyebrows raised as if to say ‘really?’ while she hid her hands in her pockets. Her fingers fidgeted and shook to ease her nerves. You look so handsome, babe. Handsome. The word was one that had never been associated with Emily, but it made her feel confident. Handsome felt more valid than beautiful, pretty, or elegant had ever been able to. The brunette shifted her posture to reflect her newfound confidence before speaking. 

“Really, Jayje? You think so? I love it so much.” 

JJ grinned and walked over to Emily, grabbing her arms. “Emily, I know so. Believe me, if I didn’t have a full date planned for us, we would be doing _other fun activities_.” Emily smirked at the innuendo that coated JJ’s words. “You clean up so nice; I might just let you have your way with me.”

Both women laughed at the dated joke. The air felt lighter, and Emily pulled JJ in for a kiss. Energy that had been riling her up for hours finally began to settle. They stayed like that for ample time, hands wrapped around each others’ waists and lips locked. Emily felt safe with JJ so close, and nothing else seemed to matter in the moment. Her heart felt like it was glowing and Emily’s only place in the world was between JJ’s arms. The ding of JJ’s phone pulled the pair apart, alerting them that the limo was arriving in the next few minutes. 

“We better head down, Em. After all, you shouldn’t keep a lady waiting.” JJ exuberantly turned to head downstairs when Emily caught her hand. 

“Oh, I would never, just let me know when she gets here,” Emily remembered their banter from the Nevada hotel room. That was before everything that pushed them together had happened. JJ rolled her eyes and moved once more, while her blushing face told another story.

“Jayje, wait. This is going to sound dumb.” Emily scoffed at the idea in her head, deciding that she would go through with it. “Is it okay if we take pictures together? I know it might sound funny, but I want to document this-”

“Em, it’s not silly. I was going to ask you anyway. Besides, there was no way that I was going to let you go out looking like that, without taking pictures. Come on.”

With those words, JJ dragged the woman over to the corner of her bed. She pushed Emily to sit in front of the full-length mirror before seating herself in the brunette’s lap. Emily simply went with whatever JJ did and eagerly pulled her closer. JJ pulled out her phone and took several pictures. The last few ended up blurry because Emily decided to pull her in for a kiss instead. 

“Wow, we look hot. Look at us. I’m sending these to Garcia and then we can head down to the limo.” Emily readily nodded and gathered their things to leave.

Jayje :) (7:42 PM): (7) _Images Attached_  
Jayje :) (7:42 PM): Ready to leave for our date!!

PG (7:43 PM): OH. MY. GOD. YOU TWO LOOK AMAZING. ABSOLUTE GODDESSES. WOW! TELL EM THAT I LOVE HER SUIT. SHE LOOKS SO PRETTY. YOU’RE A BOMBSHELL AS ALWAYS.

JJ chuckled at her friend’s enthusiastic response and showed the text to Emily. Emily smiled at the pictures, agreeing with Penelope’s sentiment. The only part that stuck out to her was Penelope’s compliment. She winced at the word ‘pretty’ subconsciously, registering that it made her slightly uncomfortable. JJ wasn’t facing her, so she missed the minuscule shiver that passed through Emily. Emily was also thankful, however, that Garcia had not given her outfit choice a second thought. The analyst’s indifference eased Emily’s anxieties as JJ directed her out to the limo.

The car was sleek and reminded Emily of what other diplomats often arrived in for her mother’s galas. She stopped JJ just shy of the door, making sure to step forward and open the door for her. JJ smiled and planted a quick kiss on Emily’s cheek before entering the vehicle. The events of the night had already had Emily on a high, and the evening was going to get so much better. She scooched close to JJ and closed the door behind her, sneaking her arm around the blonde’s shoulder. 

JJ leaned into Emily’s shoulder, taking in the musky scent of Calvin Klein cologne that shrouded the brunette. She placed her hand on Emily’s thigh and relaxed against her. Emily knew not to question JJ about their location. She understood that JJ would not let a single detail slip. The blonde was good at evading questions and keeping information secret. Those were perks of being a former communications liaison. The pair rode in silence, hyping themselves up for the coming date, knowing that this night would forever change their lives. 

————————————————————

The limo pulled up to their venue roughly 25 minutes later. Emily had been lost in the thought near the end of the car ride, absent-mindedly running her fingers up and down JJ’s thigh. JJ had been hyping herself up for their plans, hoping that Emily loved her choice. Some of her nerves calmed as the tavern came into view, prompting her to smile with relief. The sun was going to set in the next hour, and she hoped that it gave them enough time to finish dinner. 

“Babe, we’re here.” JJ turned to grab Emily’s attention and watched her readapt to her surroundings. 

The woman had been somewhere far away and JJ couldn’t blame her. This date was giving her enough anxiety as it was; she could only imagine how Emily felt. Her hand tightened around Emily’s as she brought it up to her lips for a quick kiss. Emily finally turned to her and smiled brightly, moving to peck JJ’s lips. 

She didn’t notice where they had arrived until she had helped JJ out of the limo. The building in front of them was one that she had many memories of, some not so fond as others. The place, ‘Il Piacere’, was one that she had come to with her mother as a kid. Knowing that JJ picked this tavern only made Emily’s heart fill with more love. The blonde knew her so well that she managed to unknowingly pick one of the most meaningful places in the city to her for their first date. 

Her eyes twinkled and she pulled JJ in close. JJ stayed tucked close to her side as the pair walked up to the restaurant’s front door. Emily made sure to open both sets of doors for JJ and jokingly bowed to the blonde when they made their way to get a table. JJ had made sure to mention that they wanted a booth that gave them a full view of the restaurant when she booked the reservation. She knew that things would be perfect, praying that Emily thought so, too.

The server escorted them to their table that sat in the corner of the restaurant. The round, black leather booth allowed them plentiful space to sit and eat. Their table had been set with pristine silverware and glasses, adding to the fancy ambiance. Skinny, cylindrical light fixtures adorned the walls and flooded the area with warm, fluorescent lighting. Behind them was the in-house bar, teeming with every selection of wine that one could want. The nearby tables were full, but not close enough to feel suffocating. Soft music played in the background, creating a lulling yet romantic atmosphere.

Emily sat down across from JJ and waited for her to get settled before speaking. 

“Il Piacere, Italian for ‘the Pleasure’. How’d you find this place?” She inquisitively raised her eyebrows at the blonde. 

“Garcia helped me, actually, Derek gave a little input, too. I tried to find something that you loved and revamp it.” JJ looked at her expectantly, hoping for a reaction. 

“Jen, I do love this place. I used to come here with my mother as a kid. Back then it used to be mostly dancing though, ballroom of all things.” JJ’s jaw dropped at Emily’s admitted history with the place.

“Wait, so you know this tavern? Huh, I hope it’s still okay then? Especially if I got us ballroom dancing time later?” Her expression shifted to one of hesitation and the idea that Emily would hate it began to flow through her mind. 

“Jayje, it’s okay. I love it. I promise. This place is amazing and I had some fun times here. Besides, when we go ballroom dancing, I can show you some of my skills.” JJ let out a sigh of relief, and Emily chuckled as she took a sip of water. 

“Skills, you say? Well, then I guess I’ll just have to see. Anything on the menu you recommend?”

“Um, they’ve added a lot of Mediterranean stuff since they went fusion. I would suggest that you stay away from the seafood, though. They have a sauce for those dishes that aren’t the best. Maybe something chicken?”

JJ browsed through the few laminated pages and eventually picked a dish that she was familiar with. “Ah, here it is. I think I’ll go for a chicken shawarma. What about you, Em?”

Emily had been looking around the establishment and taking in its changes. She hadn’t been in this building for many years. Elizabeth Prentiss had been hell-bent on making her daughter ambassador material, and being able to ballroom dance was just one of her boxes to check. The walls had been redone since then, but the ambiance had remained the same. Hours of being stuffed into large, uncomfortable dresses for her mother’s appeasement were logged in this tavern. She remembered being uncomfortably close to boys with unsavory breath as they awkwardly stepped across the floor. She remembered hearing her mother’s unappreciative comments, telling her to ‘let the boy lead’ and to ‘add more feminine grace’ that ‘all Prentiss women had’.

“Em? You’ve been kinda spacey on me,” JJ joked and waited for Emily to return the banter. 

She received silence and looked up from her menu. Emily’s eyes were locked onto a point in the distance while her fingers aggressively fidgeted with each other over her menu. Her leg bounced underneath the table, making the table quiver. Her hands then moved to fidget with the collar of her shirt, as if it was bothering her more in her head than in reality. JJ became concerned and stretched her hand out to land gently on Emily’s arm. 

“Em? You there?” Emily’s head jerked to look at JJ while her eyes blinked rapidly. 

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine. What were you saying?” Emily tried to play off her detachment with a nervous laugh. She knew that it was pointless and that JJ would immediately see right through her. 

“Em, you’re obviously not fine. I watched you fidget uncomfortably and your head wasn’t here. What’s going on?”

Before Emily could answer, an older server walked over to their table and announced his arrival. 

“Hello, my name is Albert, and tonight I will be your server. Is there any- Twinkle Toes? Is that you?” JJ suppressed the laugh that nearly bubbled out of her when the server’s head focused squarely on Emily.

“I’m sorry, you must have the wrong person. Wait, Albert? You?” Astonishment was clear on Emily’s face as she examined the man in front of her. 

“Yes _topolina_ , it’s me. It has been many years, no? You were _molto poco_ the last time I saw you, with _tua Madre_ and dancing with _i ragazzini. Ballerai con lei Oggi?_ ” His eyes darted in between the two women with his enthusiastic questions.

“It has been a while, and I’m glad to see you still moving about _Lolo_. Those days are far behind me, but I will be dancing tonight.” Emily smiled over at her girlfriend and thought back to the sly tricks that Albert had taught her when her mother wasn’t looking. “Jennifer has set some time for us tonight, so I’m considering showing her some of the tricks you taught me.”

“ _Ah, molto bene, molto bene_. She is _muy bellisima, cara_. Now, what shall I get you to drink?”

“Thank you, Albert. We’ll have a bottle of your finest Sauvignon Blanc for the table, preferably something from Sancerre, if you have it.” Emily looked over to see JJ trying to hold back her laugh and winked, knowing that the blonde had a taste for drier and finer wines.

“Perfecto. I shall be back with that soon.” Albert strode off and JJ let loose.

She giggled harder than she had all night. Emily sat in front of her groaning. She knew that when Penelope heard of this, it was only a matter of time before it was her constant moniker. Not to mention, Derek would go ham with it. 

“Okay, okay. Yeah, I had the nickname “Twinkle Toes”. Albert was one of the main teachers when I learned ballroom dancing here. Albert started calling me that because of the shoes that Mother made me wear for lessons, along with how I danced. He was so nice to me. He was the one who listened to me when I said that I wanted to learn how to lead my dances. Mother always got mad at me for it, but he used to teach me happily when she wasn’t around.”

JJ took several seconds to let her laugh calm down before she responded. Residual snickers sounded in between her response.

“I can imagine you stomping around with light-up shoes. That image is priceless, and I will definitely be remembering it forever. Em, the ballroom dancer. What a cute little thing. What did he ask you before he left?” she asked Emily intently, wanting to know what she had missed in Italian.

“He was telling me that he remembered when I used to dance with the boys in our lessons. Mother insisted that I had proper partners to practice with. Trust me, not my best moments. Actually, he was asking me if we would dance tonight. I told him that you had set some time for us to do that tonight.” Emily smiled fondly at the memories of Albert teaching her steps. 

The women chatted for some more time about various topics, before Albert returned with the wine. He held the large bottle in an ice-chilled tin, with the opener in his other hand. He gave one large, knowing smile to Emily before leaving the table again, this time with their orders. 

Emily poured their wine, giving herself a slightly heavier pour that didn’t go unnoticed by the blonde. It was slightly disheartening but she was quickly reassured by Emily that it was just nerves. They sat in silence for a little bit, taking in the tavern and each other. It was a true moment of ecstasy as both women understood the obstacles they had crossed to make to this night. JJ soon turned her attention to the brunette sitting in front of her. Emily’s focus had wandered beyond the walls of the restaurant, crinkling her forehead. 

The younger woman watched Emily’s thumbs twiddle and move about. Her head moved barely back and forth, as if rocking her in her memories. Eventually, her leg began to shake again, occasionally colliding with the table. JJ decided that she needed a better way to intervene with whatever was getting at Emily. That was when she remembered a game that she had played as a kid with Roslyn whenever her family went to restaurants.

“Hey, Em?” Emily broke out of her daze and turned her attention to JJ. “Do you want to play a little game until our food gets here? I know it sounds a little childish, but why not?”

“Uh, yeah sure. Let’s do it. What do you have in mind?” Emily pushed her worries out of her head.

“That couple over there, red shirt and green dress, what do you think their story is? Why are they here? What do you see in them?”

“Are you asking me to profile them?”

“I’m asking you to be imaginative.” JJ leaned forward on the table, posing the challenge to her. “Tell me their story, or even make them one. I want to know what goes on in that brain of yours.” 

“Okay, I’ll try it. They look like they’ve been driving for a while. She looks super in love with him. They just had a really fun day, probably splurging for her. He let her take him to all of her favorite stores, getting whatever she wanted. They definitely had loud music on that he would never admit to listening to; I’d guess maybe Taylor Swift? He looks like he would love ‘Champagne Problems’”. JJ’s head tilted with amusement as she watched the tension melt off of Emily.

“Wow, Em. That was amazing. I agree with everything you said. Ros would be proud, and I’m sure the two of you would dominate at this game. She always came up with the best and most elaborate stories.”

Emily could sense the emotion in her statement and reached out to grab JJ’s hand. She had gotten better about talking about Roslyn with her, and each mention reminded Emily how much JJ truly trusted her. They went around the restaurant, creating wilder and wilder stories as time went on for the series of characters in the tavern. 

Their food arrived and the pair eagerly dug in. The giggles that their game had drawn out dissipated into the air, replaced by sounds of their forks against the plates. Neither woman talked as they ate, too engrossed by the meals in front of them. An occasional nod to the quality and taste of the food was their only communication.

Emily’s eye caught a glance at Albert speaking to someone in the corner. His eyes were trained on her, but she couldn’t make out his words. The other person looked vaguely familiar, but that made Emily feel unsettled. She focused back on her food, but kept the thought in the back of her mind. 

They eventually finished dinner, and Emily moved to pay the bill. She already knew how much went into planning such a date and wanted to do something for JJ as well. Emily pulled out the big, black Amex card that she had saved for her special and personal expenses. She quickly stopped any opposition from JJ as she sent the bill back. 

Emily and JJ agreed to not go immediately to the ballroom, needing some time to adjust after their dinner. 

At 9:00, JJ pulled Emily up and led her to the private room that she had rented. It was not small, but the stage was perfectly fit to their size. JJ prefaced with the fact that she wasn’t good at dancing, but Emily suavely calmed her tensions. 

“Just follow my lead, _mi amora_. You will do amazing, that I’m sure of.” They got set and JJ nodded to the DJ that had their music cued up. A few seconds of silence were soon cut by the opening notes of Swan Lake. Emily felt a jolt and realized what Albert had been saying to the other person. She smirked at the routine that he had taught for this; it was one that she had vowed not to forget and save for the right person. 

Pulling JJ close, she guided the blonde through her routine. Their steps fell in line with no mistakes, dancing as if they had been partners forever. That was one of the perks of dancing with your soulmate. They can see and follow your thoughts as if they are their own. JJ was flush against Emily, twirling and shifting across the floor. Both women had magnanimous grins plastered on their faces, loving every second of the date. Emily finished the song with a signature twirl and lift on JJ, surprising her with the ease that Emily picked her up. 

JJ looked in awe as the notes faded out and Emily stepped back to bow. She quickly followed with a curtsey as she’d seen in The Princess Diaries. They followed this routine for another few songs, letting the time flow without a hold on them. 

However, the sound of their 7th song caught Emily off guard. It was a classic Italian waltz that she knew all too well. Her mother had played it on repeat for hours on end, yelling at Emily to correct her step or add the feminine air that the child hated. She remembered the threats and cutting remarks her mother had used on her, bending her to submission. Emily’s breath felt short. She needed to get out of there, and JJ felt it. JJ felt the rapid increase in Emily’s heartbeat. Something was wrong. 

“JJ, can we please leave? I'm so sorry to cut this short, but I can’t be here right now. Please?”

JJ answered without hesitation, seeing the effect this room and song were having on Emily.

“Of course, Emily. Let’s go. Everything’s already set so we can go wherever you want.”

“Thank you, Jen. Seriously. Let’s go.”

With that, Emily pulled JJ through the restaurant again, gasping at the relief that the fresh, outside air brought her. Her pace didn’t slow, but it didn’t matter to JJ. She would follow Emily to the ends of the Earth on a whim.

————————————————————

“This park reminds me a lot of where I used to run to get away from my mother’s galas. I was good at finding parks and creeks where I could hide. ” Emily was traipsing down the sidewalk with JJ’s hand in hers as her nerves got stronger. 

“Really? They had places like this in Europe?” JJ watched the moonlight bounce off of Emily’s pale skin and dark suit, noticing every glimmer of light that reflected on her. 

“Yeah, you’d be surprised at how easy it was to find creeks there. I would sit on the water’s edge and watch it flow while I smoked a nasty, hand-rolled cigarette that I made.” Emily let out a strained laugh, thinking back to the rack of memories from her childhood travels. 

She gained speed as she walked down the sidewalk, her thoughts moving faster than she could process, leaving her mind in a cloud of confusion. JJ had been keeping pace with her, but her heels made that no easy task. Emily looked everywhere around her but at JJ. Eye contact scared her more than anything because she could always tell JJ’s emotions instantaneously with one look. She didn’t want to look for the fear of disappointment, or worse, the cutting gaze that mother had used on her all those years ago.

The brunette knew that she needed to start somewhere, but every possible beginning eluded her at the moment. She was thankful for JJ’s silence, needing the time to sort out what she would say. This thing that she couldn’t name or quantify was extremely fragile, and shattering it would break her heart as well. Emily tightened her grasp on JJ’s hand and used the tactility to steady herself. She was leading them through the park that she had come to a week prior, the day that she had confessed her love to JJ and heard the same in return. It had been a week of euphoria and Emily’s mind held it in the balance with her coming words. After opening her mouth several times with no avail, she stuttered out a sentence. 

“I came here, on Saturday. S- Saturday? Yeah, Saturday. It was the day that I came to your house. I needed to clear my head, and this was the place that let me do that. I was hurting, and I knew you were hurting, and I just wanted it all to stop. I hated that I put you through that, and the scenery here slowed me down. It allowed me to breathe and focus on the only thing that mattered. You.” Emily’s heart thrummed in her throat but she continued. 

“You were always right there with me, from day one. I remember how safe I felt around you in the policy briefing, and I couldn’t explain it. That day told me that you would be everything in my life, whether you knew it or not. JJ, it’s because of you that I think that I might be able to do this. Years I spent, trapped by the mental vice my mother had put on me as a kid. You helped me get out.”

Emily’s steps slowed. Her free hand had begun to fidget, repeatedly pressing her thumb into her fist for comfort. She let JJ fully catch up and took a breath to calm her mind. It would do no one any good if she was frantic, and maybe when she finished explaining, JJ would stay. Her eyes still wouldn’t meet JJ’s, but she compromised and looked over to the blonde. She took in the glow of JJ’s honey skin in the cool night. Emily could have confused JJ’s beauty for an ethereal dream if she wasn’t holding her hand. The pair continued on the path and Emily spoke again. 

“I- It was never just the clothes. I know that that’s what I told you earlier. Jen, it’s so much more than that. I never got to show myself as me. Year after year, I was molded into my mother’s updated vision of me that fit with the Prentiss Image. She never even gave me a chance.”

JJ stayed quiet, yet made sure that Emily knew she was listening through attentive nods and soothing brushes against the hand she held. This was Emily’s story to tell. JJ would be damned if she let any detail or needs slip past her. She took solace in the fact that Emily trusted her and felt safe enough to explain everything to her. 

“I spent so many years trying to like what she wanted me to or at least not hate how it made me feel. Every moment where I had to choose the mask of femininity made me want to shrink away. Those times that femininity and grace were forced onto me, I felt detached. I watched from afar as my mother molded me into a miniature, robotic version of her. Maybe if I’d had the strength to tell her no, to not need her validation so much, I wouldn’t have shut down. She’s my mother, but sometimes it feels like she lived my childhood more than I did. Now, here I am, putting all of this onto you. I’m sorry and I know how stupid this all is, but I really just needed to talk about it. Look at me, raining on the parade of our first date.”

Emily scoffed at her own vulnerability. Making jokes about herself had always lessened the pain that came with opening up. She could safely distance herself emotionally and compartmentalize for later. Her self-deprecating humor was stopped short when JJ finally spoke up. 

“Emily, wait. Nothing about this is stupid, and I need you to know that. I know that you talk like that to protect and distance yourself. You are talking about the real you; one that I have always wanted to know. So please, understand that you are not ruining anything and that I want to help you with this. You deserve the world, and this is part of it.” Emily felt the tears pricking in her eyes. Her cheeks burned under the brisk air and weight of her emotions. 

“I love you, more than you can imagine, Jen.” Emily’s hand was still fidgeting, but she had switched to run it up and down her pant leg. The texture of the fabric helped to calm the storm in her thoughts. 

JJ simply smiled and began to pull Emily in another direction. She looked at the blonde with her eyebrows raised, not understanding her need for the change in direction. Emily gave in and fell in step behind JJ. The brunette followed her blindly and let her eyes wander across the scenery that surrounded them. The trees towered high above them, providing a canopy to partially splinter the light that flooded the park floor. Birds chirped around in the distance and softly interrupted the otherwise quiet night. Unique flowers extended over much of the unpaved ground. She refocused when the sound of running water hit her ears. 

Emily snapped to attention and noticed what JJ had been leading her to. The grass bank was sharply cut off, a wide creek flowing through the path. The grass was soft under her shoes and the pair walked closer to the water. Emily looked over to JJ with apprehension in her eyes, confused as to why they were approaching the water in their fancy clothes. Emily wasn’t able to get a word in before JJ promptly sat on the dewey bank. 

“Jen, your dress!” Emily’s eyes widened with her baffling words. “It’s going to get dirty on the grass! What are you doing?”

JJ’s words once again shocked her into silence, tears of adoration gathering in her eyes. 

“You are more important. I can always get a new dress, but these moments with you are irreplaceable.” The woman beamed up at Emily and patted the grass beside her. “Come on, Em, tell me. I’m listening, forever and always.”

Emily gave in and hastily set herself alongside the blonde. She reached over and grabbed JJ’s hand, massaging it with her thumbs, before looking up to cerulean eyes and speaking. She was finally about to open up about thoughts that had been plaguing her for years. Her heart’s protective barriers screamed to stop her, but Emily paid them no heed. After all, she was telling things to JJ. She trusted JJ with her life, more importantly, she loved her and this was only an extension of her trust. 

“My mother is a classy lady. Her insults and comments were no different,” Emily started slowly in hopes to allow both women to process the weight of the moment. “She always managed to get her words to cut deep, and it hurt so much to hear from her.”

“She used to say things like ‘You’d look prettier as a girl’ and ‘Why don’t you go change so you look like a human being?’. I never knew what to say back. My clothes were one of the few things that I got to choose from time to time. Seeing her absolutely reject what I wanted to be made me shut everything out. I wasn’t the girl that she wanted me to be.” Emily paused a second before adding on to her last thought.

“I’m honestly not sure if I’m fully a girl at all.”

Emily ripped her eyes away from JJ’s. Her hands tensed, and she waited for a response. Dark, mahogany eyes traced over the steady flow of the creek in front of her. She began to trace her fingers over the blonde’s hand again, this time with a renewed fervor. Her haze was broken when JJ used her free hand to turn Emily to face her. 

“Em, that is okay. Hey, I love you no matter what. I promise that I am right here. Go on.”

Emily ground herself in JJ’s eyes and voice. The blonde was a godsend. The older woman let her chest fall, undoing some of the tension.

“Making a teenager completely shut down is pretty hard but, I’d say, my mother is a professional hardass. I spent gala after gala, shoving myself into girly clothing, dresses, and whatever other “womanly traits'' my mother required. I had to put on an act just to survive. It was all that would appease her, so as she got to parade me around; I lost more and more of myself.”

“Matty was the only one that broke through to me. I never told him everything, but I think he understood enough to know what was going on. He would smoke with me on the riverbanks after he found me the first time. I think that my mother had sent someone to look for me, but he came instead. I loved him so much. He was truly like my brother, and I wish I could’ve told him all of this. I wish I hadn’t screwed up his life. In my coma dream of our wedding, he told me that he had seen everything and simply wanted me to be happy. I want to think that he was talking about this too.”

“I had to leave him behind, just like everybody else. My mother tore me from the few people I had managed to find a family in. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for that. The best part about leaving her was never having to look back. But the world had more than enough in store for me. No matter how hard I tried, all I could do was force myself into the same feminine stereotypes my mother had posed on me. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching for the flowy tops and skirts that made me grimace upon sight. Everywhere I turned, I was reminded that the world saw nothing more in me than that. To others, I was just a woman, constricted by my own forced femininity, only holding value on the surface.”

“Being on my own and still not having control of my mind was just another side effect of living with Ambassador Prentiss. She shattered me, but with your help, I think I’m ready to finally pick up the pieces. God, there were nights where I could barely breathe, terrified of every thought that was caving in on me. I hated every moment that I succumbed to the girliness that had been chiseled into me. On the other hand, being masculine and finally letting go of everything I’d learned was like jumping off of the deep edge of an abyss. I had no idea what was to come. I didn’t even know who the real Emily was.”

Emily’s last sentence prompted JJ to speak up again. She had understood what had built the crushing pressure that forced Emily to hide for so many years. JJ was right there next to Emily in terms of scorn for the Ambassador. Hate for the woman that had forced the brunette through so much bubbled inside her. The blonde ignored that and focused on the woman in front of her. Emily was everything to her, and she would make sure that she never left the woman’s side for this journey. 

“Em, I’m here now. I will help you in any way that I can. I’m not leaving your side, not as long as there are stars in the sky.” The statement got Emily to smile wearily, looking fondly at the blonde. 

“After all, I want to get to know the real you. It’s okay to not know everything right this second, but as you figure it out, I’ll be here cheering you on. Don’t worry, babe, I’ll also beat up any asshat that tries to get in your way.” 

“You already know the real me, Jen. I’m just making some small changes. Believe me, you know the realest version of me, sometimes even better than I do. These are just some tweaks to help me feel like the real me throughout. I’m still the same insanely hot, talented, and intelligent agent that you’ve always known.” JJ rolled her eyes with a grin.

She brought her thumb up to brush a stray tear off of Emily’s cheek. Her eyes eventually rose again to reconnect with dark irises. JJ decided that now would be a good time to show her affection rather than talk more. The blonde twisted her hand to cup Emily’s cheek and pull her close for a kiss. JJ kissed her with every bit of passion she could muster, knowing that Emily was reciprocating, content with their closeness. 

“I love you, Jennifer. Damn, that feels so good to finally say.” Emily pulled back after what felt like hours. 

“I actually… I had a few things to ask; if it’s okay with you. I want to switch my wardrobe to more masculine clothes. I like clothes like this suit. They make me feel capable and comfortable. I do want to do that slowly though because I’m not really ready to tell everyone else yet.” Emily watched JJ eagerly nod and twiddled her thumbs for a minute before continuing. 

“Can we also have more masculine, or less feminine, I guess, pet names for me? It’s just… names like pretty and beautiful make me uncomfortable. They’ve been used my entire life for something that I’m not, and I just want something else. Maybe, Bubba or bub would work? I always thought it was a cute name. Dude and bro are both fine too, but I guess that’s more for Derek than you.” 

The pair had dissolved to soft giggles, filling the otherwise hushed park air. 

“Sir, maybe, if you’re into that kind of thing.” Emily snickered at JJ as the woman’s eyes widened and she gasped in horror. 

“Em! Ewww.” 

“Hey, I was just asking! Anyways, handsome definitely works because I love the way you say it. Thank you, Jen. Seriously, you are beyond amazing.”

“Of course, bubba.” Emily smiled at the term of endearment, feeling JJ lean against her chest and wrap her arms around her waist. 

The two women sat entwined in a beautiful silence as the water flowed before them. Time passed around them, but neither was privy to its effect. Comfort and catharsis was the only thing on their minds. Nearly an hour and a half passed before either woman moved to get up. They made their way to the street slowly, meandering along the paved path. JJ called for a rideshare, and the women arrived at JJ’s house 30 minutes later.

Emily escorted JJ up to the doorway. Upon which, JJ had thanked her for her “gentlemanly services”, leaving her a blushing mess. JJ stopped short of turning her key in the fob, pulling Emily up close behind her. She had thoroughly enjoyed the night, but it had simply ignited the fire in JJ more. She needed Emily, especially with the dashing outfit that the brunette was donning. 

“Hey handsome, why don’t you come inside?” JJ’s whispered tone was sultry with teasing undertones. 

“Really? Are you sure?” Emily wanted to agree instantaneously, but caution and reason held her back. 

“Yes. Inside.” 

The click of the opened door made Emily’s decision for her. JJ walked in and the brunette followed without a second thought. 

————————————————————

“Ah, thank you baby. Come here,” Garcia handed Derek the wine glasses and moved to sit next to him on the couch. 

They were huddled up on a light, Divan couch. Derek pulled her close and took his glass, taking a sip of dry, red Cabernet. The lights were dim around them and the TV played an old movie in front of them. Neither one of them was paying attention to it. Derek had pulled Penelope into a kiss, ignoring the wine they had set down. He was beyond happy in their warm bubble, feeling the excitement radiating off of his girlfriend. Garcia pulled back for air and smiled. 

“You, my chocolate thunder, are too good at that. I don’t know how I’m supposed to work with you.”

“That’s just another one of my talents, Mama. I’m here all the time, just for you. Speaking of time, what do you think JJ and Emily are doing right now?” 

“Oh, they’re either dancing or _dancing_ , babe. I’ll tell you once I get all the details from JJ, or both of them, tomorrow.” Garcia giggled at her innuendo as Derek rolled his eyes. 

“Oh god no, I don’t want to think about that right now. Right now, it’s just us and our wine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they went on their first date :) em is gnc :) fluffy and softness :) lmk what you think! you can also come and talk to me directly on Tumblr (@vhsrights) [i know this chapter is long but i put so much into it. i hope you love it as much as i do]


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